Falling Into Lust

by Selene Chardou

  Before I could answer Sasha, Kaz stepped to the microphone and breathed, “Gals and guys, we are ready to perform and the first song goes out to a very special lady in the crowd. You guys know it well so don’t be shy and please join in.”

  I knew the song immediately since it had enjoyed the status of being number one on the Billboard pop chart for four glorious weeks. As soon as the riff started on Jaden’s electric guitar and Grant joined in with heavy drums before Will began with his light bass play. It was an anthem and it was fittingly titled “Cock Tease”. The song was literally about a woman like me.

  “She’s a pretty little thing, you know what I mean, but everybody knows that she’s a—”

  “—cock tease!”

  “Can’t just sweat it, try to leave it and forget it but everybody knows that she’s a—”

  “—cock tease!”

  “This chick drives me wild and all my boys smile cuz they know that I’m fallin’ for a—”

  “—cock tease!”

  “I can listen and regret it or try to just get it but fuck I’m getting hard over a—”

  “—cock tease!”

  “The girl is fine and I wanna make her mine! So why is she doin’ this to me? I could see us together, forever and know a woman like that would never wanna leave but I can’t believe I’m dreamin’ and lustin’ over a cock tease!”

  I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood and walked out of the ballroom turned private concert and felt like Apollonia in Purple Rain when Prince sang “Darling Nikki”. There was absolutely no way I would ever feel as humiliated as I did at that moment.

  The fresh air definitely helped me get a grip on the situation though none of my acquaintances or friends came out to check on me. They probably thought I was just being melodramatic and couldn’t handle all the excessive amount of attention.

  Rihanna’s “Diamonds” began to play in the ballroom which signaled they’d ended their set early. This was certainly not acceptable to me because they were contracted to play for an hour and had barely lasted ten minutes.

  I soon discovered why as Kaz made his way over to me. His blue-green eyes were heated and he looked thoroughly pissed off.

  “Nice lead in on my birthday,” I greeted before I turned my back on him in a huff and continued to look out towards the ocean.

  “I wasn’t singing it about you, Sydney. Everyone knows the song was written about my ex-wife so if you can’t take a joke then fuck it.”

  “You guys have a set to finish up,” I replied with a quick change of the subject.

  “Hard to play for the guest of honor when she’s outside chillin’ on the deck of the ship…will you accompany me back inside so we can finish our set?”

  I knew how silly and nonsensical I was being but there was just something about Kasper Gillian I found absolutely irresistible and the problem was what happened if this went beyond the realm of lust?

  I wasn’t some naïve young woman who thought after a couple of days in the company of a world-famous, international selling rock star I was in love. It didn’t happen like that and true love could form rather quickly but right now, we both knew it was our hormones talking and how we felt had little to do with even our pheromones. It was just an instant type of attraction that happened between two people who enjoyed being feisty with one another and neither wanted to particularly give in but more often than not, Kaz acquiesced.

  I hardly doubted he acted this way in a real relationship. Kaz and company was being paid mega-bucks to be nice to me and not “rock the boat” so to speak. He’d managed to keep that legendary temper of his in check and all I could think about was whether or not he was worth the time and energy of giving up my virginity to especially knowing what I knew.

  Finally, I grabbed his hand and walked back inside with him. My behavior was childish and uncalled for and, both of us knew it.

  Syd, you think too much, an inner voice told me, and I wanted to knock that bitch out for interfering with a plan I had so carefully mastered. I knew what I wanted and ending up as another notch on Kaz’s belt wasn’t it. However, as soon as I took my seat next to my best friends who were bopping their heads to Demi Lovato’s “Heart Attack” I knew I was instantly in trouble.

  “What the hell happened to you?” Faith wondered in an irritated tone. “Jeez, they were just getting warmed up with ‘Cock Tease’ and you had to ruin it because of course they had to be singing the song about you.”

  “It wasn’t like that. I just needed some air…I think I had too much champagne,” I offered as an excuse although I lifted my fluted glass of Dom Perignon and sipped from the delicious bubbly.

  “You are such a bullshit artist,” Laurel responded before she shook her head with a mirthless yet mock-aggravation.

  “You’re one to talk,” I murmured under my breath.

  “What was that?” Faith turned toward me in her seat.

  “Nothing.” I looked toward the stage where the band was preparing to finish up their set.

  And it was a terrific concert when I calmed down. They performed their biggest hits including “Gold diggers Unite”, “Crazy about You”, “Lying is Easy” and “Perfection”.

  “Before we get off stage and enjoy the rest of the party, all of us in the band want to wish our beautiful host, Sydney, a happy birthday. We would perform the song but instead, we are going to perform a new track from our album due out in stores in less than a couple of months. It’s called ‘Falling into Lust’,” Kaz smiled at me before he looked at his other band members and Will began to strum on his bass guitar, his blond hair covering his features.

  He was a sexy looking guy that reminded me vaguely of a better looking Kurt Cobain with a face that would always look young though he was the youngest in the band at the ripe age of twenty-five.

  Grant started in with the drums before Jaden finally added his electric guitar and the song was slow and hauntingly beautiful.

  “You and me…we seemed to start off wrong but I want to bridge the differences between us. I feel it in my bones, feel it in my head, my heart wants to deny the emptiness inside me. Can’t get away, don’t wanna touch you, please refuse to kiss me and I can let you go…but baby…you belong to me and I know I should refuse you and I will if you let me. I can’t let go because all I want is your trust…but I can’t deny…I’m falling into lust.”

  There was a chord of aching guitar and bass mixed together with the sounds of drums but it blended perfectly and as Kaz swayed to the music, he stared directly at me.

  “I can’t deny…all the emptiness inside me. And I can’t pretend that I am perfect for you, baby. But if you give me the chance, to show how much you could mean to me…I just might allow you a piece of my heart. Fucking is easy and words are simple but inside neither of us can deny…we’re on this rollercoaster of pleasure and pain and all I want is to see you again. Cuz baby…you belong to me and I know I should refuse you and I will if you let me. I can’t let go because all I want is your trust…but I can’t deny…I’m falling into lust.”

  A long guitar solo followed and his eyes never left mine. My heart thudded in my chest so loud, I could hear it in my ears and I know everyone knew by my crimson face which was hot with desire and need, I really did feel this song was directed at me.

  “To need someone…is the perfect weakness. I’ve been burned before but none of that matters to me…cuz all I want is you and I and the chance and a hope to be something to you and that would complete me more than anything else. You are my drug, you’ve stolen a piece of my soul and all I want to know is if you feel the same way because if you do then…we could be perfect.” He paused and then sang in a mock-whisper, “Baby…you belong to me and I know I should refuse you and I will if you let me. I can’t let go because all I want is your trust…but I can’t deny…I’m falling into lust.”

  The song ended and the crowd jumped up and down with clapping and whistling, including Faith who seemed happy for the first time the whole night.


  Meanwhile, I felt as if my soul had been stripped bare to the world and deep down, I had already begun to fall apart.

  Chapter Seven

  Just a Taste

  After the concert ended, every guest in the room wanted a piece of Scarlet Fever but I walked to the mike and pleaded for everyone to give the band space after I thanked all my acquaintances, frenemies and best friends for showing up.

  They managed to get their seats back and all the sudden, Faith had done a one eighty and sat next to Jaden. “That was such a beautiful song and it’s gonna be a huge hit.”

  I listened to his answer though Kaz sat next to me and I didn’t want to seem rude.

  “Address the man who helped to write it with Talia who is employed as an in-house songwriter at Introspect Records. She is extremely talented and she has a set of pipes you wouldn’t believe it but she’s not ready to launch out on her own yet,” Jaden explained as he poured himself a Macallan and downed it quickly.

  “When can I get you alone?” Kaz whispered in my ear and my whole body shivered with anticipation and nervous energy.

  “Right now,” I said as I looked him directly in the eyes.

  Those beautiful aquamarine irises stared into mine and he smiled only slightly. “You know where we are? Come meet me in my suite in five minutes. Best not to start any rumor mills going.”

  “And what if I want to start a rumor?”

  “Hey, no rumors until we figure out what the hell this is between us.” Kaz glared at me. “You’re the one who told me you weren’t ready for a relationship and the last thing I want to do is push you into something you aren’t prepared to handle so let’s just take it one step at a time right now.”

  What the hell was wrong with this situation? He wasn’t acting like the pompous motherfucker I had taken him for and it was really beginning to mess with my head. I needed him to be a complete and total asshole because it would make the situation so much easier to extrapolate myself from later on and here he was teasing me and leading me on.

  I watched as he stood and strolled out of the ballroom before I poured myself another fluted glass full of Dom Perignon rosé.

  Faith leaned over and whispered, “Aren’t you going to follow him?”

  “I’m going,” I replied before I finished my champagne in several unladylike swigs for courage. “He told me to give him five minutes.”

  Laurel whispered in my ear, “Someone is going to get laid tonight!”

  I raised one of my perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Don’t be too sure.”

  After a little teasing from both friends, I stood and walked down to the band’s quarters. They were just as luxurious as where my guests were staying but they were located in a separate area of the boat where a combination code was needed to enter. This was to prevent the band from ending up with unsuspecting females showing up at their door with nothing on their bodies but a smile.

  I punched in the code and made sure the door closed behind me before I walked all the way down the hall to Kaz’s suite. The oak doors were closed and I knocked tentatively. My heart beat in my chest with fierce determination and I tried to calm myself with deep breaths.

  My nervousness had nothing to do with him being Kasper Gillian, rock god. I was scared because I had no control over the situation and I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. What if he wanted to go all the way because he assumed I was some sexy vixen who wanted this as the ultimate birthday present?

  I guarded the secret of my virginity with fierce determination and sheer will. No one knew except Faith and Laurel. My mother had assumed I’d lost it to my first boyfriend at sixteen and I never corrected her. I was on birth control so that wasn’t an issue but it was a low hormone one that kept me regulated. I didn’t need anything stronger since I wasn’t sexually active.

  Kaz opened the double doors and only wore pair of cargo shorts. He had changed and all his tats were on display. I only looked into those aquamarine eyes that looked pained and yet beautiful at the same time.

  He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me toward him. He smelled of his favorite cologne and had recently showered so I assumed he had an adequate supply of Love & Luck body wash. My arms slid around his neck without my control and when he pulled me in for a deep and overwhelming kiss, I surrendered in his arms.

  The man was sheer, rock hard maleness as he slipped my long legs around his waist before he kicked the doors closed with his foot. The moment his tongue entered my mouth, my own tongue sought his out and a kiss that had started so passionate became all-encompassing like an inferno that had begun to consume everything around it.

  Kaz’s hands cupped my ass as he walked us over to the bed and sat me down slowly as if I might break if he handled me too harshly.

  Again, not average rock star behavior. This wasn’t what I was expecting and I kept finding myself amazed. The gentle way he unzipped my dress and allowed it to fall and gather at my waist. My breasts were bared to him and before I could stop him, his hands were cupping my breasts before he slipped the left nipple into his mouth. The warmth of his lips and tongue sent shivers through my body. A part of me knew I should stop him before he went too far but the other side of me didn’t want him to, fortunately.

  His mouth switched breasts as he licked my right nipple before he bit it and I spasmed before a moan buried itself in my throat.

  Kaz’s hands were no longer at my breasts but at my La Perla thong and he pulled it off with ease. Then he spread my legs and I was open to him. He could see every part of me and although I knew some part of me should have been embarrassed, I wasn’t. I felt comfortable enough to lay down and keep my legs spread as I watched the way his hands and fingers caressed my body.

  He was so gentle as he slipped my shoes off my feet. His hands rubbed my calves before they inched higher and were at my thighs. I looked at the stark contrast of my ivory skin against his slight tan but all that was quickly forgotten as his fingers spread my sex like a delicate flower.

  I pleaded he wouldn’t try to insert a finger inside me because then he would know.

  As he stroked my swollen clit and I moaned out loud, he said. “You’ve never done this before, have you?”

  Every bit of passion and longing I felt slowly drained from my body as I sat up. “No, I haven’t.” I swallowed hard because the taste of champagne was still in my mouth and I was still pretty drunk. “How did you know?”

  Kaz’s eyes never left mine. “The way you’re acting. I have been with enough women to know when…they have never had sex and you’re a virgin. How sexually experienced are you exactly?”

  I bit my lower lip before I looked at him again. “I’ve had oral sex…performed on me and I’ve done it to a man but…I just never…and it was cute for a while but now I just feel like a freak. Will you fuck me?”

  He laughed before he shook his head. “Not tonight. I can’t do that to you. Not here, not on a goddamn boat. I’ll give you a little taste though but when we have sex, I want it to be in a bed on land…not on the goddamn ocean.”

  “Well that is mighty gentleman of you to want to wait until we’re on dry land,” I replied ruefully.

  “Baby, being a gentleman has nothing to do with it because don’t get me twisted—for the record, I ain’t no gentleman, I’m a rock star and the lead singer for one of the biggest bands in the world. Believe me, when I get ready to fuck you, I’ll decide where it happens.”

  Kaz laid down on the bed beside me and slowly took my dress completely off. It didn’t seem right I was nude while he still wore his cargo shorts. He rolled toward me before he took me into his arms and before I knew it, my naked body straddled his.

  “You feel how hard my cock is? I want to fuck you so bad you have no idea but I can’t do that to you. Not tonight, not on your birthday. It should be about pleasure and the pain can come later…if we last that long since you are adamant you don’t ‘do’ relationships.”

  I leaned closer to him until my
breasts touched his chest and our faces were only inches apart. I could see his smooth skin and gorgeous features but those blue-green eyes always drove me out of control. They were absolutely breath taking to look into and I wondered for the umpteenth time what his ex-wife had done to him to break his heart and how she could have left this beautiful man so broken?

  “I may not do relationships but I do like fuck buddy situations and would be willing to indulge in one with you. We could call it a love affair if it makes the situation seem less tawdry than what it is. What I won’t ever be is a one night stand or just some side bitch you call when you’re feeling horny. If we do this, whether it’s officially a relationship or not, we stay true to one another and that means no cheating, you got that?”

  “Yeah, babe, I do. Thing is, I don’t really like havin’ a lot of women in my life and prefer exclusivity. Yes, I am a rock star but that doesn’t make me a man whore who nails everything that comes in my direction. I will admit a lot of rock stars aren’t like me but I’m not them, I’m Kasper fucking Gillian and I get to make my own rules about how I conduct my life.”

  “Shut up and kiss me.”

  Kaz’s hand reached around and grabbed me by the neck possessively. Before I knew it, his lips were pressed against mine and his tongue sought and gained entry into my ever-ready mouth. I kissed him back just as passionately, using lots of tongue while his hands roamed my naked body before they settled on my ass and clutched tightly.

  He pulled away abruptly. “Fuck, your pussy is soaking wet. You’ve drenched my shorts.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I fucking hate that word. Can’t you think of another pejorative term?”

  “Would you prefer snatch or cunt—both which I fucking hate by the way. I’ll call what’s between your legs what ever I like and I happen to be fond of pussy…so get used to it.”