Darker Shade of Pale - HER FREEDOM

by Serra, Mandi Rei

  We were in his Mule, heading through the forest when he asked, "How squeamish are you?"

  "Why, about to get man-gross and I need to avert my eyes?"

  "No. I have to transfer some rabbits for processing."

  I quirked my brow. "Processing?"

  "One could say 'harvest' or 'slaughter' or 'butcher' if that makes a difference."

  "You want me to help kill rabbits." I stated it as fact although my voice held a note of disbelief.

  "No. I would like you there for company." Tyb stopped the Mule. "Sad fact of having an omnivore diet means critters are going to die. If I'm going to eat, I have to kill, distasteful as it is. Having company to distract from an otherwise sucky job would be nice. If you don't want to be there, I totally understand. I can drop you back off at the house when I head to the processing station."

  I had very mixed feelings about Tyb's request. On one hand, it's good to know where one's food comes from. My time on the homestead so far has taught me not to take simple luxuries like food for granted. Now, I have a damn good measure of what it takes to put dinner on the table and let me tell you, supermarket shopping is a great buffer for the reality of where that food came from.

  On the other hand, there's the whole killing a bunny thing.

  "Is there a lot of blood?" I asked. Blood could be a good excuse not to witness the slaughter of innocent rabbits.

  "No. I use cervical dislocation, so it's quick, clean and if done correctly, painless to the animal. They are giving their life to sustain mine. I owe them a good death, stupid as it sounds."

  "Doesn't sound stupid." Sounds like he didn't like making creatures suffer. That's decent.

  We arrived at the rabbit colony. A wire fence surrounded a chunk of land with a small hill in the center. Tyb climbed out of the Mule and grabbed a dog crate from the cargo area. He stepped over the fence, turned and beckoned for me to follow. I did so, not sure what I'd see on this adventure. Until today, the rabbits had been a chore Tyb didn't share. On the hill's far side, there sat a wire cage holding five rabbits. Other rabbits were grazing on what looked to be squares of overgrown sod in the main paddock area. Tyb was at the cage, unfastening the top. Once it was off, he reached in and lifted one of the grey rabbits out to put in the dog crate.

  "What breed are those?" I asked. Didn't look like the English Angora I had as a kid, that's for certain. Looked around and noticed PVC pipes leading into the hillside. There were at least eight tunnels.

  "These are a Giant Chinchilla and New Zealand mix."

  After all the rabbits were transferred from the cage to the crate, Tyb walked back to the Mule and I followed. Gently, he placed the crate in the cargo area and covered it with a canvas tarp. "To keep the wind off them. I don't like the rabbits getting worked up."

  We hopped in and drove at a very sedate pace (for Tyb, that is) down a hill, toward the far end of his grain meadow. There was an old lichen covered pine tree. Next to it, a tall stump with a smooth top. Next to the stump, what looked like a Cabela's camping special—an outdoor kitchen. Well, the sink and counter part of an outdoor kitchen. I could see running from the hillside behind the processing station a PVC pipe, angled to the meadow, with water flowing out the visible end.

  We stopped by the large tree and as I looked up, I saw a four foot long board, about eight inches wide screwed to one of the lower branches, which just happened to be right overhead. There was a V cut and smoothed on one end of the board. When I returned my gaze to Tyb, I saw him moving the crate from the Mule to next to the tree, then fill up two five gallon buckets I didn't notice hiding underneath the camp-sink. He placed the buckets next to the stump.

  Tyb started talking as he opened the crate and removed a rabbit. "I try to handle them every day so they get used to me. The first year I raised rabbits was very informative of what not to do. I didn't handle them, didn't want to get attached to them. They'd run from me and wouldn't eat their fodder until I left the paddock. And when I did get a hold of one, it'd scream. I fucking hate rabbit screams."

  "Sounds like the rabbits knew what was coming."

  "It's what I got for not giving them the respect they deserved. I still don't name the rabbits, but I try to have them accustomed to being handled." Tyb now had the rabbit in his arms, petting it from ears to tail. "This is the part you probably don't want to watch, Izzy."

  I didn't turn around as he slid the rabbit's head into the V of that board I eyeballed earlier. With the rabbit's head on one side and the body on the other, Tyb supported the creature. He closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. The rabbit wasn't upset or fighting. Just placidly accepting the awkward position it found itself. Tyb gave the hind legs a quick jerk, and the rabbit instantly went limp.

  "That was quicker than I thought it'd be…" I trailed off, not sure what to say exactly. Tyb's expression was far more expressive than anything I could vocalize. It wasn't disgust on his face, but it was apparent that he took no joy in the job at hand. "So, change of topic?" I asked with as upbeat a tone I could muster.

  "That would be a welcome diversion."

  It was my turn to take a deep breath. I'd been giving Mara's idea a lot of thought. While my two months up here bordered on bucolic, I knew I'd never be truly at peace until Christos got handled once and for all. If that meant I'd be skinned alive, fine. Two months away from him was worth it. It was worth knowing that sex can be fun for both parties and not be vanilla. It was worth knowing that not all kinky guys are abusive. It was worth knowing how sweet freedom could taste.

  "So, I've been thinking. I want to fuck with Christos. I like your idea, and the fact is even though he's not here, I'll always feel his presence until I know for certain he's gone—whatever that fate may be. The proviso for the porn thing is that we'd have to do it within the next couple weeks, because I'm going to run out of my pills soon."

  Tyb stopped what he was doing and turned to face me. "Are you sure? Once they are on the internet, there's no going back."

  "It'll be Selesta on the internet, not Izzy." I won't deny the cocky tone in my voice. "He wants to skin me? I will give him a good goddamn reason to get mad, and then I want to kick him in the jimmy for being a dick. Figuratively, of course." I smiled.

  His eyes searched mine for a long moment. "We need to make a plan when we get back to the house. It's almost October. If Aisha is stuck on the Isle of Twilight, then getting to her in winter seas will be difficult. I need to call Mara tonight, need to hammer out an outline. You don't have to do this, Izzy. We can go the suggestive route rather than hardcore."

  "I want hardcore. Not because it'll piss him off, but because I enjoy your version of hardcore." I didn't realize until I spoke how true that was.

  "Let's finish discussing this when we get back home. It's kind of awkward, harvesting rabbit and talking about sex and vengeance.

  "You said to distract you." Remember, Tyb?

  He turned back around and got back to work, skinning the rabbit. "Too much of a distraction, I'm afraid."

  "That's because you're sprung on me." I knew he was by how some days he'd avoid me—not rudely, but there was always something calling to be done. If his rocket mass heater is so damned efficient, why keep cutting all that wood when he already has three times the amount needed to heat through winter?

  "I try not to think about it, Izzy."

  "Why? I like to think about it. You're a sweet and decent guy. It's almost sad that you're stuck up here, alone more often than not."

  "I'm not always alone. You forget the other strays Mara has dragged here. And family."

  "So you admit you don't miss the company of women?" I half-scoffed at the notion.

  "I didn't say that. I just said I'm not always alone. You're proof of that."

  "I know that. But when this whole thing with Christos ends… I…I… I just want to thank you, Tyb, for everything."

  "Everything? You're working off the room and board by helping out here. Don't thank me for the hard work you do."
r />   I bit my lip in frustration. "You don't know how empowering the past two months have been for me."

  "Because I'm sprung on you?" Tyb teased.

  "That's a bonus." I grinned, even though his broad back faced me. "You're the best vacation I've ever had. That's saying something for someone who has traveled around the globe." Cue the perverted passport stamp joke.

  "Just admit it, Izzy. You think I'm hot and you lust for me every waking moment, and make your toes curl in anticipation."

  "There's that too. But I…" I wanted to tell him when this was all over, and if the world didn't get salted by exploding nuclear zompires… what? That I wanted to stay up here, working with him? That I am way more fond of him than I have any right to be? That I wanted to know if he could picture me in the future, his future?"

  "What are you trying to tell me?" His back still faced me. "I know you care a lot for me, Izzy. Just don't. Last thing I want to do is hurt you."

  "You won't intentionally hurt me. I know that." I couldn't shut up, despite my brain screeching for the vocal brakes. "You know what's sad? I was married two years to Christos and never had the level of trust with him that I do with you. That saddens me."

  "I have no words of consolation. It is what it is." I watched him shrug his shoulders. "Woulda coulda shoulda… it's a poison to a happy life. "

  I needed to know, needed a definitive answer. "How soon do you want me to leave once this thing with Christos is settled?" My affection for Tyb could spell bad things if I have nothing else to focus on. Chores took care of that during the day, but by night my mind wanders toward questions I have no answer.

  "You want to leave?" I never heard that tone from Tyb. Surprise, tinged with hurt.

  "No. I like it up here way too much, I think."

  "Too much as in you want to get back to normalcy? Or too much as in you want to stay up here longer?"

  I worried my lower lip with my teeth before answering. "Very much the staying up here part."

  Slowly, Tyb turned around to face me. "I truly wish that was an option, Izzy."

  I flinched at his reply, honest as it was. "Why?"

  "You don't want to know the answer to that."

  "Uh, yes I do. I just asked why."

  "Have it your way. You staying up here isn't an option for longer than necessary because you have family who would love nothing more than to hear from you again. When Haytham is out of the picture, I would hope you'd comfort your family who thinks you're dead. I don't know how long you'll be up here, but I can't keep you to myself. As much as I have enjoyed our time together, fact is your family has dibs on you."

  "My family would want me happy."

  "At their expense?"

  "Damn it, Tyb. It's not black and white. Family and you. That's a nice combination."

  His tone and eyes implored me to be reasonable. "Don't love me, Izzy."

  I gave him a wistful smile. "Too late, Tyb."

  Chapter Fifteen

  "First off, follow the protocol I laid out in that first package I sent you, Tyb. That'll give you access to a series of proxy servers. Those will block any attempt to root out your IP address and get a lock on your location. Best part, those proxies are run by either the CIA or FBI. They have a vested interest in keeping tabs on Haytham, more so now with that damned explosion. They have your back. It's up to you guys to find the sites to play on. After you make your, uh, message, upload to a site and then text Haytham the URL. He'll watch, get pissed, then order his cronies to hack. Then you'll post the next message at a different site, so on and so forth. Spread them out every other day. It'll be often enough to get his attention in a big way." Mara was on speakerphone, while Tyb and I sat at the kitchen table, making notes of her orders. "Uh, Izzy?"

  "Here."

  "You need to create an online persona."

  "Okay. Can do." I already put thought into what my "stage name" would be. One of the things I appreciated most about Tyb was that no matter what I suggested, he'd be game. I suspected he'd get a kick out of my suggestion. "Anything else?"

  "Just get cracking. I've got inside help to take down Haytham, but we have a very limited window before the East Siberian Sea will be impossible to traverse."

  I gasped. "Siberia?"

  "Yeah. Tiny island. Back in the day, the Soviets established a polar base there. A big portion of the island is a glacier. Ice packs are gnarly. "

  "That'd be the Isle of Twilight?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

  "Yep. That's what Haytham named it when he brokered a deal with the Russians for its exclusive use. Was called Henrietta Island before. So, you guys work on the distraction, I'll be working on the taking his ass down part. Instructions are in the box, Tyb. Just set it up as detailed and everything will be cool. Don't mess up the proxy information. Izzy, use the phone I gave you to send the messages. Haytham can't track it. Spy phones don't release GPS data, so that'll piss him off. Three weeks, tops. We need to be in there before the middle of October. Gotta go." Click.

  I turned to Tyb. "I need to order a wig. Needs to look like my old haircut. Lingerie, too. You… you'll need a mask or something to hide your face."

  "Halloween themed?"

  "No. I just don't want Christos to know it's you. I…I… I don't want him coming after you."

  "You're to be bait, Izzy, not a martyr. He'll come after both of us. He'll kill me first, then take his time with you if he manages to get a hold of us. I think that's unlikely, but, still. If that's what it gets down to, that's how it'll play out."

  "Are you positive about that?" I sure as hell don't want Tyb dying for me. My pussy can't be that magical.

  "Think about it. Take out the biggest threat first, that way you don't have to worry about being interrupted."

  "Don't die for me. Promise me you won't."

  Tyb's voice lowered into a very somber tone. "I will make no such promise."

  I needed to know if his prophetic visions played any part in this new adventure. "Did you have any dreams about this?"

  Tyb shook his head in the negative, while those warm amber eyes regarded me warily. "No."

  "Just no dying. Your goats would miss you." I tried eking out a smile, but couldn't quite get it.

  Tyb shrugged his broad shoulders. "At least I'd be remembered fondly."

  "True." I sat up straight and smiled super-wide as I switched topics. "So, I have a tentative battle plan."

  Tyb's brow quirked. "Do you now?"

  "Oh yeah. And I know it'll catch his attention because it'll incorporate kink. And the name alone will piss him off."

  "You've chosen already?"

  Couldn't resist laughing. "I've been thinking about it a while." How would I get back at the man who threatened me? Who deliberately hurt me? Yeah, I put perhaps too much time into comeuppance, but fucker deserves it. Starting with our wedding night, supposedly one of the most romantic days of my life. Ha. What a joke. Forced to one's knees, made to say demeaning words and embrace a master. To kiss torture implements and saythank you after every lash. Once, I thought about cutting Christos's throat as he slept. The only thing which kept me from traveling down that path was what would happen if I failed to kill him. He'd come back and torture me to death, I knew it. I needed my closure from my marriage. Deep in my gut, I knew that the closure came at a price—my death or Christos's.

  Tyb's voice broke through my thoughts. "Evidently. So lay it on me."

  I cleared my throat. "Mrs. Haytham's Fantasies… How does that sound? Every message will be you costumed differently." His eyebrows rose even more when I mentioned costumed. "I want to make cuckold porn. I want that dirt bag to see me getting freaky, I want him pissed, I want him dead. "

  Tyb started laughing hard. "Oh, you mean to piss in his eye and tell him it's raining. Me in different costumes… each one is a separate man you're cheating with. That's some major shit."

  I lit up. He was spot on. "Exactly. Got fatigues and camo makeup? I like that idea a lot. Just a lot of kinky r
ole play. I'll moan how much I love your cock and how glad I am that my husband is busy at the lab so I can play with all these strange men who all happen to have your build." I giggled. I liked that thought. I could go for a gang bang of Tybs, I think.

  "You have a penchant for vindictiveness, don't you?" He eyeballed me hard, a small smile on his lips.

  "No. Just a lower tolerance toward bullshit propagated by those who claimed to love me. I think I've come to realize how angry I am at him for all he did to me." Because that fucker did a lot to undermine my sense of self-worth, accomplishment, and safety.

  "I know he was no cake walk for you. I don't even want to imagine what he's putting Aisha through."

  "Yeah, that thought has crossed my mind, too. I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy." I sighed and changed the topic. "Never asked before, but are Mara and Aisha identical twins?"

  "No. Fraternal. Mara has blue eyes, black hair. Aisha has brown hair and green eyes. Mara and I take after our father, Aisha takes after our mother in appearance."

  Well, that's good that they don't look alike. It didn't occur to me when I found out Mara's sister was my husband –err—ex-husband's lover. Had they been identical twins… Oh I shudder to think how Christos would have reacted to Mara and me upon that revelation. "So this should be over by October… I don't know what I'm going to do after."

  Another shrug of his shoulders. "Start over. Chart a new life. Find an adventure and live it."

  I wanted to tell him I had already done that, here, with him. Couldn't though. Tyb was absolutely resolute that I stay with my family as soon as I can, they needed me more, to know I'm well, than he does. While he's right, that fucking stings.