Fighting Desire (Bay State Series Book 2)

by Hachey, Tiffany

  I scan the bar looking for our waitress, not wanting her to overhear what I'm about to say. I notice some chick keeps looking in our direction, but I pay her no mind as I spot who I was searching for behind the bar, still pouring our drinks. “I'm warning you now, you guys are gonna think I've gone crazy.” I pause waiting for an interruption. When they keep quiet, waiting for me, I continue. “I've had a couple of wicked, fucked up dreams and I thought I understood why after the first one, but the one last night,” I had to stop again as images of Sarah laying lifeless with our wedding knife pertruding from her chest invade my vision. Shaking my head to clear the illusion, I take a deep steadying breath. “the one last night was bad, really fuckin' bad.” I take another large gulp of air and look up to my friends to assess their expressions at my admission.

  The waitress comes to our table with our beers. “You guys want something to eat?” She asks, taking out her pad and pencil.

  “I'll have a cheeseburger, extra pickles, hold the onion, and some fries.” I place my order and she turns to John.

  “Yeah, I'll have the steak bomb and a large onion ring, thanks.” He smiles politely at her and motions for Braydon, who's still looking at the menu, considering his options.

  He looks up, drops the folder down on the table, closes his eyes and blindly hovers his index finger over the pages. After a few seconds he presses his finger down and opens his eyes. “Looks like I'll be having the grilled chicken club, no mayo please and some fries. Oh, can I have american cheese instead of swiss? Thanks.” He always has to be the difficult one. No matter where we eat, he has to change something, and comically he can never choose and ends up randomly picking. I don't know why he even bothers looking. Normally we would laugh about it, but after my revelation the mood at the table is a somber one.

  “Sure, no problem. I'll be back in a bit.” She gets a few feet away when she turns back to us. “You want seperate checks?” She asks, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

  “Yes please.” I answer, and she heads towards the back to place our order. Leaving us to continue our fucked up conversation.

  I filled them in on the first dream and my conclusions as to why I had it and they looked on with genuine concern.

  “That's a pretty good deduction. I can understand the connection, with having met Luke and seeing how it affects her. But what I don't get is why your subconscious would even go there. Ya know?” John lends his input, while Braydon just silently shakes his head, waiting for his turn to speak.

  He opens his mouth to just close it again, he seems to be debating his words. “I think your scared to lose her again, that I'm sure of. I know what your break up did to the both of you. That being said, the possibilty of you losing her to death, well I completely agree with the both of you. Seeing sickness so close to her, it only projects it to her in your mind while worrying about loss. Alright having that decided, what's this one about last night that has you so freaked out? You didn't seek us out then, so what's different about this one?” Braydon finishes and it takes him a minute to catch his breath.

  Just then our food arrives, the bar's picked up, so this time our delivery is brought by who seems to be the cook, judging by his smudged apron. As we eat, I explain the terror of last nights dream. The similarities and the differences. They look on with horror. When I get to the part about finding Sarah's body, John gasps and Braydon starts to choke on his beer, having just took a sip. “What the fuck? Seriously?” He asks.

  John is next to ask, “Why is Trisha suddenly in this dream? Are we missing something here? Losing her I get. Evil ex, well that's got me confused.” He takes a bite of his grinder and looks at me expectantly, waiting for my explanation.

  “Oh, shit, yeah, I guess I left out that part, huh?” I go on to tell them about the text messages, Sarah's reaction and her decision to refrain from texting her. “She said she wasn't going to let Trisha win by letting her know how pissed off she is. She also said if she ever saw her in public, it wouldn't be pretty. I'd pay good money to see that shit. That's for sure.”

  By the time we finish eating, we all come to the collective decision that I should most definitely seek professional help.

  “I would have had a fucking heart attack, no way would I have survived seeing that shit, dream or not. What the fuck is wrong with Trisha. Your marriage was over before it even started. The way you described it, seems the bitch didn't even love you. You said it yourself, you were only trying to do the right thing because of the pregnancy. It just doesn't make sense.” Braydon says as we get up to leave the pub.

  I just shake my head and shrug my shoulders. “I have no idea what's going through that crazy head of hers but I made it very clear I'm not interested.” The cool night air hits me as we step outside and walk back towards our office building. Another plus about this pub is that it's conviently located four blocks away.

  As we're parting ways Braydon catches up to me while John continues to walk in the other direction. “I'm serious Brent, you need to see someone about this. It's not healthy. Whatever you need, don't hesitate to ask.”

  “I know and I will. Trust me, if I have to see her death one more time, I might not survive it. I'll talk to you tomorrow. After talking about all this shit, I need to see her.” I suddenly remember my lack of car, the walk to the bar a complete blur with too much shit rushing through my mind. “Would you mind giving me a lift to my place, then Sarah's. My car's still out of commission up in New Hampshire.”

  “Sure, no problem. When are you supposed to be getting your ride back?” He asks as we head in the direction of his truck.

  “Not sure. They said they'd call me when it's ready. They had to order the parts. Who knows how long that will take.”

  “Well if you need a ride I can bring you. I love Ilyanna with everything I have, but I need to get away from her pregnancy hormones. I swear the further along she gets, the worse her moods are.” He shakes his head as a slow smirk stretches across his face. “I gotta admit it's hot though when she gets all feisty.” We reach his truck and make the trip with music blaring. It's a good thing he likes it loud, I'm not really in the mood to talk anymore.

  The entire trip to my place, lost in my thoughts, the horrific images kept popping into my mind, tormenting me.

  If Trisha touches one hair on Sarah's precious head, I'll kill her myself.

  Letting go of desire

  Looking at all the different crafts to make Ilyanna's shower favors makes me want a baby. The thought disappears as quick as it came with Tanya's squeal. “These are so cute! Sarah, come look at these.” She's lightly bouncing on her heels, the hem of her short wrap dress slightly lifting with each bounce. Rachel looks back towards me and twirls a single finger in the air, circling her temple. I quietly chuckle at the gesture. Tanya's holding up little pink stuffed ducks, making them dance and I can't help share in her enthusiasm. They're perfect.

  “We'll have to tell her after she has the baby what our inspiration for her theme was, and I'm going to blame it all on Rachel.” I laugh as the accused scrunches her face at me with a dirty look. I stick my tongue out at her and she joins in on my laughter. She decided to have Tanya tag along because three heads are better than two and honestly, she's been a lot of fun to hang out with.

  “Ooooh, and look at these.” Tanya's on a roll, makes me think at just twenty two, that this isn't her first rodeo, this time holding up some frilly, lace swag meant for hanging.

  “Planned many baby showers?” I ask, laughing at her intense excitement. Seriously, we could have stayed in the car and let her do all the shopping. But what would have been the fun in that, right?

  “I know,” Rachel adds, “she's acting like a crack addict in here, enthralled with everything and needing more.” We bust out laughing when said maniac flips us off and makes her way to the next aisle. Only halfway through the store and the carriage is already almost completely full. I fill Rachel in on my observation, laughing she asks her, “Should we get anot
her buggy, boss?” Tanya turns to glare at us with mock anger on her face that quickly turns into a sly grin as she nods her head, turns and continues in the opposite direction.

  “Your not in the south anymore Buttercup, it's called a carriage Rachel, a carraige.” She calls back to her. Stopping at a row of bins full of little plastic cupcake pics, she runs her fingers through them as if lost in a daydream. “This is my first one actually. Why do you think I'm so excited? I didn't have many close friends in school. I knew that I'd come back home when school was over. I knew it was easier to keep people out than let them go later.” She shrugs after the admission as if it stung to reveal her deliberate seclusion. We immediately sober our expressions. I for one don't want her thinking that we think the last part's funny. She takes in the look on our faces and tries to reassure us. “No need to feel sorry for me, it was my own decision. Now's the time that matters. This is my home, a time to make real friends.” She beams at us. “I think you better go get that other carriage now, I plan on doing some serious damage.” And just like that our moods are back to mean planning machines.

  Paying for our loot, we make plans to go check out this little cake shop I found tomorrow after work. Sheri, the owner of Normandi's told me anytime until seven would be fine. She specializes in custom cakes and has been in the business since she was sixteen. Not knowing how old she is over the phone, I really can't conclude to how many years it's been since she was that age, but she seemed very knowledgeable.

  We part ways shortly after leaving the shop. Right now I just want to get home to my man. Being so busy with work today, we barely even had time to talk on the phone. I hate days like these.

  Walking the couple bocks to the T, I pass by a few rowdy patrons, smoking outside of a bar. As I pass by one of them shouts. “Hey don't you work at that strip club?” Is he talking to me? I try to ignore him, there's plenty of other people around me, he could be talking to one of them but somehow I highly doubt it. I focus, trying not to knock anyone over as I keep walking. “Hey!” He yells, “I'm talking to you.”

  I speed up, wanting to get away from him as quickly as possible. His friends are laughing at my obvious discomfort. Why didn't I accept Tanya's offer for a ride to my car? Sure it was out of her way. In hindsight, I'm regretting my decision. I'm trying so hard to forget that part of me, I never thought about anyone else reminding me of it.

  I feel a hand grab for my arm and I unsuccessfully try to jerk away from it. Halting me to a stop and spinning me to face him, his breath smells strongly of hard liqour and he pulls me to him. “I knew it was you. Where you running to baby? You wanna give me and my friends a little show? I'll make it worth your while.” He leers at me.

  One of his friends finally comes to my rescue. “Come on dude, she's either not who you think she is, or doesn't want to be bothered. Your drunk, stop being a dick and let her go.” He seems to be a bit more level headed than his friend, and his tone makes my attacker immediately let go of me and apologize.

  I mouth a silent thank you to my hero and spin on my heels, hightailing it as fast as I can to the station.

  I take in my surroundings. Everyone around me is looking straight ahead, paying no attention to what's going on around them. My mind races for the entire ride to my stop where my car's parked. What if his friend wasn't there? What would have happened to me? I could have been raped. I shiver at the thought. Back when I started stripping to help with Luke's medical bills I had never given a single thought to the backlash I might encounter from my rash decision. I just want to forget Desire ever existed and move on as Sarah.

  Just Sarah.

  Walking into my living room, I see a few boxes scattered around the space. Brent comes walking around the corner, long neck in his hand and tension weighing heavy in his expression and I can't help but wonder the cause. He nods his head in my direction and takes a swig of his beer. “Hey babe.” He says without emotion. He walks to one of the boxes in the far corner of the room and starts to remove items from it, silently sorting them on the floor.

  I walk to him on the plush carpeted floor. When my hands make contact with his shoulders, his little jerk of movement doesn't go unnoticed, as if I took him by surprise. This is so not like him. Makes me wonder what was talked about in the meeting with the guys and if everything's alright. “You okay?” I ask, not sure if I'll get an answer. He's being uncharacteristically quiet. I don't even have time to worry that it's about me as he quickly gets to his feet and engulfs me in his arms. He's shaking lightly. What the fuck? “Baby, what's wrong?” He doesn't answer, instead just holds me tighter to his chest as he shakes his head against my hair. His heart which is beating a million miles a minute rapidly pushes his chest against my cheek.

  He pulls my head from his chest, placing his hands on either sides of my face, tilting it up so I can see into his troubled baby blues. I love his eyes, they're so expressive. Right now worry stares back at me. Worry for what I don't know. I know better than to push, he'll enlighten me when he's good and ready and not a minute sooner. Closing the distance between us, he passionately starts to kiss my face, my temple, the line of my cheekbone, making his way over to the spot right below my ear, knowing it drives me crazy when he kisses me there and takes his time before moving lower. I feel his tongue snake out as he reaches my jaw and he licks his way to my chin and back up the other side, repeating his assault to my senses.

  Dropping his hands from my face, his mouth never leaves me. All I can do is stand stock still, panting, my panties soaked with desire for this sex god, who's looking delicious in his suit. His hands find their way to my breasts and I can tell he's trying to hold back. “Let me make love to you?” He breathes the request in my ear.

  Like I would say no.

  “Take me.” Is all I say and suddenly my feet leave the ground and I'm cradled to his hard, toned chest. I stretch my hand and start to caress him. His hand shoots out to grab mine and pulls it away.

  Bringing it to his mouth, he kisses my knuckles to dull the sting. “Wait until we're in bed, I want you to feel all of me.” I reach up and caress his face, the same way I was dying to do the first day I'd met him. Walking down the hall to the promise land I bring his face down to mine and blaze in an inferno as soon as his lips meet mine. There will be no more talking tonight. He carries me into the room and lays down on the bed, taking me with him. Never breaking contact. Even as we undress, we still have some part of us touching.

  His lovemaking is so powerful, all traces of the earlier tension from him vanish. He pours it all into me with his actions. It may be gone for now but not forgotten.

  Well, maybe for a little while.

  We stay connected as one well into the night. Whatever our personal demons are, we'll fight them together, the best way we know how.

  “I'm going out again with the girls after work to order Ilyanna's cake. It won't take us nearly as long as yesterday so we'll just have a late dinner when I get home.” I tell him as we get ready for work together. This sharing a bathroom isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

  He's standing next to me at the sink, brushing his teeth as I apply my make up. Damn, he even makes that look sexy. He sees me staring at him in the mirror, eyes the color of cornflowers reflect back into my jade ones and he gives me a captivating grin, showing off his perfect pearly whites, his honey hair still wet from our shower and I want to forget all about work and drag him back to bed. His mood seems much better this morning and I have to admit it's a huge relief.

  “That works for me, I need to stop by my old place to get some more stuff. I called the movers yesterday, they'll be there at noon on Saturday.” He's made his way into the bedroom, where he's now covering up the fine ass body that I have all to myself. How did I get so lucky? I stand and watch him, thanking my lucky stars that he happened to walk in to the bar that Tuesday night. I can't imagine living my life without him and I hope I never have to.

  I push myself away from the door frame, needing to get dressed t
oo, unless I can convince him to play hookie with me. I know no matter how much pleading I do, he'll never go for it. I resign myself from the idea and reluctently walk to my closet to find something to wear. “We can still ride in together, Tanya's going to pick me up and bring me home, so you can keep my car. She lives close so she won't be going out of her way. Would you mind if she stayed for dinner? I really want to start on the favors, if we do a few together, she can take some things home and work on them. One of us can fill Rachel in so she can help make some.” I'm rambling now, trying to keep my focus away from the fact that all I want to do right now is strip him out of his suit and have my wicked way with him.

  He comes up behind me, surprising me by wrapping his arms around me and running his nose up and down my neck, breathing me in, I hear his soft moan and I wonder if the thoughts going through his head are similar to mine. “We'll have lunch together today. In my office. If I don't get you all to myself again until later tonight, I'll need it.” So the tension I felt last night was him missing me? That's not so bad. It felt like something more, but maybe my emotions were a little rattled after my altercation with the drunk. “Just call me on your way home tonight and I'll finish up and grab something on the way home. I don't want any time wasted on cooking. I may jump in and help with favors to get us alone quicker.” I chuckle and swat at his hand as he palms my breast and starts to pinch my nipple. Shit, I was already horny as hell for him, this is so not helping.

  Looks like we're going to be late for work. Oops.

  *****

  At exactly five o'clock on the dot my phone buzzes from reception. “Hi, Sarah?” It's our new intern Cat, so far she's been doing great. Hopefully we'll have a permanent position for her once she finishes school.

  “Hi Cat. What's up?” I ask even though I already have a good idea as to why she's calling me.