When I'm Gone

by Abbi Glines

  “Is there someone else?” she asked. “Is that why you’re stopping with me?”

  I wasn’t sure how to answer this. Reese wasn’t her business, but she was the reason this was ending. “I’ve got feelings for someone else, yes.” There, I’d said it.

  She covered her mouth on a sob. “You got into a relationship with someone else while you were fucking me?”

  Shaking my head, I let out a frustrated groan. I just wanted some coffee. Not this. “I’m not in a relationship . . . yet,” I told her. “But it doesn’t matter. I want to be. I’m waiting for her.”

  Cordelia let out a hard laugh and wiped at the tears streaming down her face. “So the woman willing to give you everything isn’t good enough. You want the one holding back, is that it? God, I hate men! You’re all assholes!” Cordelia yelled the last bit. She pointed at me. “You will regret this. When you need me, you will regret this. All that hot sex we had was fantastic, and you know it. You will want my pussy and my ass again, and I won’t give them to you. This is it, Mase. You’ve had your last chance.”

  I didn’t have a response for that. I watched her turn and stalk back to her truck and climb inside. I closed the door and hoped she kept her word and that this was indeed it. I couldn’t do this anymore and be nice about it. I hated hurting her, but she was pushing it.

  My phone started ringing, and I looked longingly at the coffee in the pot. I really wanted that coffee. Frustrated, I reached for my phone. Why didn’t everyone leave me alone? Dammit, I wanted a quiet morning.

  Harlow’s name lit up the screen.

  “You OK?” I asked, anxious that something was wrong. She never called this early.

  “I figured you’d be up already. Grant just told me something before he left for work that he heard yesterday that I thought was interesting news. I wanted to share it with you.”

  I was almost afraid to listen. She was up to something. I could hear it in her voice. Whatever information she had, she was enjoying it a little too much. “It’s seven in the morning, Harlow. I’ve just gotten up, and I need coffee,” I grumbled as I went to pour myself a cup.

  “Drink your coffee, grumpy. I can tell you all the information I have while you drink it.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, only half listening to her. I was more focused on the hot liquid in the mug in front of me.

  “Thad—you know, Woods Kerrington’s friend—has been giving Reese a ride to and from work all week.”

  This was her news? Rolling my eyes, I walked outside to enjoy my coffee. “Already know that,” I informed her.

  “Oh. Well, do you know that he asked her out yesterday for this weekend, and she said yes?”

  My hand paused in midair, the mug poised before my lips. What the fuck? “Reese is going on a date with Thad?” I asked, as I lowered my mug, still not sure that was what I had just heard. Reese was nervous with men. Thad was a player. I’d seen the dude in action. He was exactly the kind of guy I knew Reese didn’t like to be around. How the hell? “Who told Grant this?” I asked, waiting for the punch line. This had to be a fucking joke.

  “Thad. He asked her when he took her to work yesterday morning, and she said yes. Grant said he looked like a little boy who’d been given a shiny new toy. He wanted me to talk to Reese about Thad. He’s kind of a man-whore, you know, and Grant doesn’t want him to hurt Reese. But I figured I’d call you. Since you’re friends with her, maybe you could call her and give her a heads-up.”

  She was so full of it. She knew this would piss me off. Harlow knew me too well. Like hell was Reese going out with Thad. If she wanted to date, then by God, she was gonna date me. “Thanks. I need to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “OK, well, you will talk to her, right?”

  I almost laughed at her fake concern. She knew good and well that I wasn’t about to let that date happen. “I’ll talk to her,” I said, before hanging up the phone.

  I slung back the coffee and let it burn my throat. I had to make a call to get a flight and then call Major to get him to take over everything I was abandoning to make sure Thad kept his playboy hands off what was mine.

  Reese

  Why had I said yes to Thad? Sure, he made me laugh, and he was nice, but I didn’t want to go out with him. I wasn’t sure how to say no, either. I didn’t want to be rude. He had been so helpful all week, and after the first awkward day, we seemed to fall into an easy pattern.

  Luckily, I didn’t need to work today, so I didn’t have to face him. But I would have to tomorrow night when he showed up for our date. It had been on the tip of my tongue to tell Mase last night, but something had held me back. Just because I had a crush on Mase, that didn’t mean the feelings were mutual. Even if he liked to know when I was in my pajamas, that didn’t mean he wanted to see me in them.

  The idea made my cheeks hot.

  Stop it, I scolded myself. I had to think about what I’d agreed to with Thad. A date. A real date. With a rich, attractive guy. Oh, no. What had I done? I couldn’t do this.

  Jimmy had been planning on me going on a double date with him tonight until the shooting. Then he’d left, and now he wasn’t coming back until Sunday. I had talked to him two nights ago. When I realized he wouldn’t be back for the double date, I had been relieved to get out of it. Then this had happened.

  Mase would call me tonight. Should I mention it? Probably not. He didn’t tell me when he had dates. Did he date? What if he’d been on dates lately? If he was dating, he got home early, because we talked at least by ten every night.

  I looked down at my tank top and cutoff sweats and sighed. They really were worn out, but they were soft and comfortable. Women in Mase’s world wore expensive silk and lace. I didn’t own anything remotely sexy to sleep in. Until Mase, I hadn’t desired anything like that. He had changed a lot of things. Maybe he was even the reason I’d said yes to Thad.

  A loud, sharp knock on my door startled me, and I put my phone down on the sofa and stood up to see who was outside. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I really hoped that Thad wasn’t coming for a visit. Not when I planned on talking to Mase on the phone tonight.

  I peered through the peephole and gasped.

  As if I had dreamed him up, there he stood outside my door. His face looked determined, and his hair was pulled back so that I could see the hard set of his jaw. He was here. Shock was replaced by concern as I unlatched and unbolted the door and swung it open.

  “Mase, is everything OK?” I asked.

  He stared at me. He began moving toward me, but then he stopped. “No. Can I come in?” he asked tightly.

  I nodded and stepped back to let him inside. “What’s wrong?” I asked, afraid to hear the answer. I was nervous.

  Mase walked inside, and his gaze slowly trailed down my body, then back up again. Ever so slowly. When he made it back up to my face, there was a gleam there that made me shiver.

  “That looks even better than I imagined. And trust me, baby, I’ve imagined you in that outfit a lot.”

  His voice sounded like he was caressing the words instead of saying them. The dark tone in his voice made me shiver again. I couldn’t speak. Not now. He had taken all my words with those looks.

  “I don’t want you going out with Thad,” he said firmly, snapping me out of my strange haze. His jaw was clenched tightly again, and that strange gleam in his eyes had returned.

  “How did you know?” I asked him. And why do you care? I thought silently.

  “He told Grant,” he replied. That was answer enough. “I was giving you time. You seemed skittish. I didn’t want to push you. But if you’re going on a date with someone, it’s gonna be me, Reese. Not fucking playboy Thad.”

  He said the last part in a growl that caused me to jump.

  “He doesn’t know the first thing about you. He won’t know how to read your expressions to know when you like something or not. He won’t know when he’s making you uncomfortable or when you need help reading something. He won’t know that yo
u have two different laughs. One is real, and the other means you’re nervous. He won’t know shit. But I do.”

  Was Mase Manning really trying to persuade me to go out with him? Did he think he had to give me a sales pitch so I would buy in?

  “And he’ll make a mistake. He will do something to hurt you, and I’ll kill him. I’m not a violent guy, but fuck me, if he were to hurt you, I’d lose it, baby. Lose my mind. So the way I see it, you need to cancel that date with him and make new plans. With me.”

  Before he could start trying to convince me again, I smiled. “OK.”

  He opened his mouth, then closed it. His eyes flashed something that could only be labeled pleasure, and he took a step toward me. “OK?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Yes. OK,” I repeated.

  A grin tugged up one corner of his beautiful mouth. “OK as in you’re gonna cancel that date with Thad and make new plans with me? All weekend?”

  All weekend. He was here for the whole weekend? I nodded, unable to keep from smiling even more brightly. I was going to get to spend the whole weekend with Mase. He had come here to see me.

  Me!

  Mase closed the distance between us, and his hands reached up and cupped my face. My body tensed but then eased almost immediately. His smell met my nose, and I was comforted.

  “I’m going to kiss you now, Reese. Can’t hold back any longer,” he said, his breath a whisper over my lips before the soft plumpness of his mouth touched mine.

  He was so gentle as he pressed soft kisses at each corner of my mouth before the tip of his tongue slid along my bottom lip, as if asking me to open. I had seen people kiss. I knew you opened your mouth, but it seemed so intimate. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Or if I would be any good at it.

  “Please open for me,” he begged against my lips, and I realized I would probably do anything if he asked me to.

  I opened my mouth—and gasped when his tongue slid inside and brushed against my tongue, as if in a dare to play. He tasted like peppermint. A low moan came from his chest, and one of his hands went to my lower back and pressed me closer to him as he slid his other hand into my hair and cupped the back of my head. The way he held me was different. He was careful with me.

  His tongue continued to tease mine, so I ran my tongue over his and began exploring the minty taste of his mouth. When my tongue ran over his bottom lip, his hand against my lower back fisted. With a sharp intake of breath, his body trembled.

  So I did it again.

  This time, he made a pleased sound in his throat, then broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine. “I knew you’d be sweet. But damn, baby, you taste like my own little heaven.”

  My chest swelled, and I smiled. I hadn’t done anything wrong. He enjoyed it as much as I did. “Can we do it again?” I asked him, resting my hands on his biceps.

  A low chuckle vibrated in his chest. “Yeah. We can kiss all you want to.”

  His lips brushed mine again before pressing closer and opening back up. I savored the feel of touching him in such a personal way. His hands rested on my waist, and whenever I licked the roof of his mouth or tasted his lips, his hands tightened only briefly.

  My body was tingling all over, and I wanted to crawl into his lap and do this all night. I was enjoying myself, and I was amazed that I was enjoying myself so much. My breasts ached, and my body instinctively pressed closer to his to find relief.

  The second my chest pressed against him, he pushed me several inches away. Kissing over.

  Mase was watching me as if he wasn’t sure how to handle me. He was keeping me at arm’s length. Literally.

  “I need to know what I can and can’t touch,” he said, sounding out of breath. “I know something makes you cautious and nervous. I’ve watched you closely, and I read body language well. But you’re confusing me, Reese.”

  Without asking me to tell him about my past, he was letting me know that he knew something was there. Something haunted me. And he was being careful not to scare me. The little bit of my heart that I thought I still had possession of fled. Mase Manning now had it all.

  “I liked what we were doing,” I told him, hoping that all the love I felt for this man wasn’t shining on my face like the bright ray of sunlight that was warming up all the things inside me that had long felt cold.

  Mase smirked, then shook his head. “Yeah, I got that you liked the kissing. But getting close and pressing those sweet . . .” He trailed off as his gaze flicked to my chest, and he let out a small groan before looking back up at my face. “My hands are going to want to explore. I’ve been fantasizing about your body for a while now. I need to know where my hands can and can’t go.”

  He had been fantasizing about me? Oh, my.

  Where could he go? My heart wanted him everywhere, but I knew my head might not agree. The problem was, I wasn’t sure what would set me off. So far, what we were doing was nothing like the nightmare I’d lived through. It was wonderful. It helped hold back the ugly memories. I wanted more of this in hopes that it would drown out the past.

  “What part of me do you want to touch?” I asked.

  His eyes went back to my chest. “I’d like to start there,” he said in a hoarse whisper.

  My breasts began to tingle and ache at the nipples, like they knew they were getting attention from this beautiful man and liked it. They were as shameless as I was. I nodded, and his eyelids lowered as he kept his heated gaze locked on my now heaving chest. I was having a hard time breathing, because I was that excited to feel Mase’s hands on me.

  He took a step toward me, and his hooded gaze met mine again. I think I stopped breathing in that moment when his hand lifted, and I felt the warmth from his skin as he cupped his palm around my needy breast.

  I inhaled sharply, and he studied me carefully. He didn’t move until I began breathing again normally. Or as normally as can be expected when your breast is being fondled by the man you’re in love with. His thumb grazed over my nipple, and I grabbed his biceps to steady myself. His eyes were locked on my chest now. With the pad of his thumb, he circled and teased my nipple, causing me to make some sounds I had never made before.

  When his other hand moved toward me, I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath for fear of passing out. Just as he’d done with the other breast, he gently cupped it, then began paying close attention to the nipple. I suddenly hated the tank top I loved to sleep in. It was in the way. But the idea of Mase taking the tank top off me and actually looking at my bare breasts was as terrifying as it was exciting.

  “Is this OK?” he whispered almost reverently.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  “I want to kiss you again while I touch you,” he said, studying my lips. “Can we lie down on your bed?”

  My bed. That was more. A lot more.

  But I had Mase in my bed every night. Even if it was just on the phone.

  “Yes,” I told him, before I could freak out and change my mind.

  His left hand slid down my stomach and hip, and then he took my hand in his. He didn’t say anything else as he led me over to the bedroom door. The lamp beside the bed was the only light in the room.

  His hand left mine, and he sat down on the edge of the bed. I watched, fascinated, as he tugged off his boots and placed them on the floor, his gaze never leaving me.

  “Come here,” he said, with a crook of his long finger.

  At this point, the man could tell me to go jump off a bridge, and I was pretty sure I’d ask him which one.

  He took both my hands and pulled me into his lap.

  I had to straddle him with my knees on the bed. He tilted his mouth to fit across mine, and then all thought of nerves vanished as he kissed me again. The wonders he could accomplish with the slip of his tongue. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sank into him . . . until the hardness I remembered from my past was pressing against me. Then I froze.

  Without warning, the memories came back, taunting me. I shuddered and jumped
off him and backed away, afraid that he’d see the horror in my eyes. That he’d know exactly how dirty I was. I didn’t want to make him dirty. What had I been thinking? I couldn’t do this. Mase was so good and nice and kind. He didn’t know me. He thought he did. But he had no idea.

  “Come back to me, Reese. Don’t you go there,” he said, his hands taking both of mine and holding me. “Look at me, baby.”

  Mase

  The broken, terrified expression on her face made me physically ill. I never wanted to be the reason that darkness came over her. “Please, Reese, look at me. In my eyes. Focus on me. Nothing else,” I encouraged her, as I held her hands firmly in mine while letting her maintain some space between us. My initial reaction had been to pull her tightly into my arms and hold her. But those eyes had stopped me.

  She blinked her eyes several times, and her gaze cleared up as she did what I asked. She was back with me. The demons tormenting her were once again pushed away. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

  “No. Never be sorry. Nothing is your fault. With me, you never have to apologize,” I said.

  Her shoulders sank in defeat, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. I wasn’t letting her do that. Not now. Not after she’d given me so much, entrusted me with so much.

  “Can I just hold you? Nothing more. Just let me hold you.” It was supposed to be a question, but it had turned into pleading.

  She nodded and stepped toward me. I gathered her into my arms and wrapped them around her. Slowly, her arms slid around my waist, and she held on to me just as fiercely.

  We didn’t speak or move. We just stood there like that, holding each other for several minutes. I reassured myself that she was here and she was going to be OK. I would be there right beside her through all of this. Whatever it was.

  I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, then pressed my cheek against the silky locks. The cinnamon sweet cream smell that I loved engulfed me, and I closed my eyes, wishing I could wipe away every bad thing that had happened to her.