When I'm Gone

by Abbi Glines

Inside was a single key nestled in velvet.

  “It’s the key to my house. When you’re ready, you can move in anytime you want.”

  She picked it up and held it in her hand for several moments and didn’t say anything. Finally, she lifted her eyes to meet mine. “One day, when you know all of me, you can give this back to me. But right now, you don’t know it all. I can’t take this.”

  She thought her dark past would change how I felt. Nothing she could tell me would change that. I loved her.

  But I wouldn’t use those words to convince her. She would have to decide this in her own time. I wasn’t forcing her. I wanted her in my bed, in my house. I wanted it to be our house. But not until she was ready for that. Not until she wanted me.

  Wanted a forever.

  Reese

  He was acting like me not taking the key wasn’t a big deal. But it felt like it. My chest hadn’t stopped hurting since I’d given it back to him. But Mase never mentioned it again or acted upset.

  He’d held my hand, and we’d walked down the beach. He had persuaded me to eat a few more bites of the cake, and then we had cuddled in the chaise longue and watched the moonlight on the water.

  The only thing that had been wrong was that he didn’t kiss me again. He didn’t look at me with those hooded eyes full of need. It was as if he was holding me at arm’s length while he was right there with me. Before, he had been flirty and playful.

  After the key, that all changed. He changed.

  Once we got back to the apartment, he told me to go ahead and use the bathroom first. He’d get ready for bed after me. He hadn’t been overcome with desire for me or pulled me into his arms once we were in the privacy of my apartment. He had been kind and polite, but that was it. Nothing more.

  I slipped on one of the new pajama sets he’d given me. This one was white with silver piping. I also thought it was the sexiest. Right now, I wanted to see the spark there and know that I hadn’t lost him when I didn’t take his key.

  Why hadn’t I? Taking it didn’t mean I was using it. He hadn’t given it to me thinking I was going to move in the minute I accepted it. He’d said as much. It had been his way of letting me know the offer was there to be accepted when I was ready.

  I needed to talk to him.

  I had handled this wrong.

  I opened the bathroom door and walked to the bedroom.

  “No, Cordelia. I’m not there. I’m out of town. I’ll be back Sunday, probably. Maybe sooner. Not sure.”

  I hovered outside the door. Who was Cordelia? My stomach twisted, and my heart sank at hearing him say he might be home sooner. I had really messed up.

  “Not my fault if you left them. And no, you can’t get into my house with me gone. I left it locked up . . . Cord, come on. Stop playing this game with me. Don’t be this way.”

  He was annoyed. And he called her Cord.

  “Like I said, I’ll be home Sunday,” he snapped, then stuck his phone into his pocket with a sigh.

  I stepped back from the door and took several calming breaths. That meant nothing. Cordelia could be someone he worked with or was related to. Or she could just be a friend.

  “Who was that?” I asked, as I pushed the door open wide. I hadn’t meant to ask, but I needed to know.

  Mase turned his attention from the floor to me. His gaze slowly ate me up as he took in my new pajamas. When he had finally made it all the way up to my face, his eyes were lit with the heat I’d missed earlier. “I really like French silk,” he said, walking over to me.

  I almost wept with relief.

  His hand settled on my hip and then slid around to cup my bottom. “You don’t like sleeping in panties, do you, baby?”

  “No.” I watched him as his eyes grew dark and hot.

  “Silk covering this ass is more than any man can handle. I want to kiss my freckle. And see it peeking out from under the lace.” He turned me around. “Put your hands on the back of the sofa and stick this sweet bottom out for me just a little. Please, Reese.” He whispered my name so close to my ear that his breath tickled my skin.

  I did exactly as I was told, and his pleased growl made it worth it.

  His hands slid down my hips and thighs as he dropped to his knees behind me. Soft lips and the rough stubble on his jaw brushed the backs of my thighs. He kissed a trail up each one until he found the one freckle that I’d never seen but he seemed to love.

  The pleased sound in his throat as he kissed that one spot made my knees weak. I held on to the sofa just as his tongue lapped at the spot below my bottom.

  “Oh, God.” I leaned over to brace myself better, or I was going to end up on the floor.

  “I can smell you. I want to spread these legs and kiss you there. Just me, Reese. This is me and you, baby.” His voice was strained, and I knew he was giving me the choice. It was why I trusted him so much. He always took special care not to step too far or make me do anything I wasn’t ready for.

  “OK” was the only word I could form at the moment.

  I was expecting him to spread my legs open where I stood, but Mase stood up and scooped me into his arms. My surprised gasp made him smile as he walked me into the bedroom. “My girl belongs on a bed,” he said softly, and he placed me gently down on my unmade bed. “Keep looking at me. The whole time, I want those eyes here,” he instructed me, as he pointed to his eyes.

  I nodded.

  He caressed the inside of my calves with extra care. I was having a hard time inhaling air, and he was playing with my legs. What was going to happen when he actually moved his head between my legs?

  I had gotten off listening to him on the phone telling me he wanted to do this. But the reality of it was terrifying. I grabbed fistfuls of the covers and watched as Mase’s hand moved past my knees, coaxing my legs open by giving my thighs extra-special attention.

  “Eyes on mine, Reese.” His tone was husky and deep. This was exciting him.

  I snapped my gaze back to his, and he winked at me. “That’s better. I want those pretty blue eyes on mine. When I kiss you, don’t close them. Keep them on me. OK?”

  “Yes,” I panted out.

  The corners of his lips lifted as he lowered his head, keeping his gaze locked on mine. “Open wider for me,” he whispered, as he pressed a kiss to my knee.

  Wider. Oh, God.

  I started to close my eyes, and a little nip of his teeth inside my thigh had my eyes flying back open.

  He was grinning at me. “Eyes on me,” he repeated. “You close them again, and I’m rolling you over and biting your ass. Something I really fucking want to do. So don’t tempt me.”

  So he was going to bite me if I closed my eyes? Oh, God.

  Mase trailed kisses down the insides of my thighs. His eyelids lowered until he had that sexy hooded look that made me shiver. I was making little noises I didn’t even recognize. But seeing Mase’s head moving downward was causing a riot of sensations in my body.

  He growled as his mouth reached its destination, and his eyes sparked with a hungry look just before I felt his tongue graze over where it throbbed the most.

  When he closed his lips around that small spot and sucked, I bucked my hips, unable to stop myself, and cried out his name.

  “Eyes, Reese. Give me your eyes now, baby.”

  “I can’t . . . don’t stop,” I begged.

  His tongue slid back over me and then circled my clit. “I don’t want to stop. I’ll do this for fucking ever if you want, but I need you to look at me. Watch me. See who’s making you feel good. Stay here with me.”

  I forced my eyes open, and his gaze immediately locked with mine. I loved his eyes.

  “There’s those pretty eyes I dream about,” he murmured, as he continued using his tongue to give me a form of pleasure I had never imagined existed.

  With each stroke of his tongue, I felt the pressure building inside. The explosion was coming. My legs were shaking, and my vision was starting to blur. Mase’s name was falling from my lips o
ver and over, but I couldn’t make myself stop.

  “That’s it,” he encouraged. His sexy whisper only made it worse, as the warmth of his breath tickled where his tongue had been. “Give it to me. Let me have it. Ride it out on my face.”

  With those final words, I came apart.

  Mase

  I was certain nothing would ever be that beautiful in my lifetime.

  Lifting my head, I pressed a kiss to the inside of her thigh. Before she could completely come back from her high, I moved to lie beside her so I could pull her into my arms and hold her. She’d never left me one time. Her eyes had been full of desire. Not once had I seen the fear there, and I had been watching closely. When I had asked her to let me go down on her, I knew I was asking for a lot. I was prepared to stop the moment she panicked.

  But she’d stayed with me. No darkness from her past came to take that away from us. When she’d cried out my name and shuddered underneath me, in that moment, I’d felt like the king of the world.

  Her eyes fluttered against her cheek as she opened them back up. I hadn’t insisted that she keep them open when the orgasm hit her. She’d been lost in her own pleasure then, and I’d wanted her there. I’d enjoyed the way it coursed through her body and took her away for a moment.

  Holding her tightly to me, I pressed a kiss to each of her eyelids. She made a soft little sound that reminded me of a kitten. It was almost a purr.

  “What have you done to me, Reese Ellis?”

  She tilted her head back and looked up at me. “I think that was you doing something to me,” she replied, with a shy but satisfied smile on her lips.

  Chuckling, I buried my face in her hair and inhaled. “God, baby, you have no idea. You’ve got me so fucking wrapped up. And I don’t even care.”

  Reese turned toward me and ran her hand over my head, slipping her fingers into the leather string I used to pull it back. With a tug, she freed my hair, then wrapped my locks around her fingers as she played with it, still smiling like she owned the secret to all happiness.

  “I love your hair,” she whispered.

  “Next time I kiss your sweet pussy, I want your hands in my hair,” I told her, closing my eyes as she began to massage my scalp.

  “I’m afraid I’d forget myself and pull it.”

  “It would be so fucking hot if you did.”

  A soft giggle from her made me smile.

  We cuddled in silence for several minutes. Her hands stayed in my hair, playing with it and rubbing my head. I had never been so content.

  “Thank you for tonight. I’ve only had a birthday cake and a party once in my life that I can remember. And it ended up being a day I’d rather forget. But you just gave me a fairy-tale birthday party. I feel special.”

  Her admission sent that painful slice through me. Shit. I hated hearing how this beautiful woman had been so fucking abused and neglected. She deserved a fairy-tale life, but she had lived through hell instead. I was going to spend the rest of our lives making sure she had birthday parties that were fit for a fucking queen. When we were old and gray, she’d have so many good memories that she wouldn’t remember the bad ones. I was going to spend my life erasing that shit.

  “My best present was you,” she said, and pressed a kiss to my jaw.

  All my anger at the injustice of her life faded away. She was safe and in my arms. She was mine.

  Reese

  The ringing of a phone woke me up. Sitting up, I looked around and squinted against the sunlight coming in through the window. The ringing stopped, and I heard the shower running in the bathroom. Mase had left the door wide open. Was that an invitation to peek? Because I really wanted to see him naked and wet.

  Grinning, I had thrown back the covers and started to get up when the phone dinged and vibrated on the bed. Looking around, I saw Mase’s slim silver phone lying just below his pillow. I grabbed it. I could use that as my excuse for coming into the bathroom while he was showering. Not that he’d expect an excuse.

  Knowing Mase, he was hoping I would.

  I covered my mouth to suppress a giggle, and his phone dinged and vibrated again. Someone was really trying to get in touch with him. I stopped grinning, and the idea that it could be an emergency hit me.

  I glanced down at the phone to see a text message from someone named Major. I didn’t mean to read it, but my eyes focused on the words her panties, and I couldn’t stop myself.

  Sliding my finger over the screen, I opened the text message.

  Major: Cord came by insistng she left her pantes under your bed from the other night. She was determined to get them. I let her in. But dude, she seemed pissed at you. You done fucking her?

  I reread that text over and over. It wasn’t my text to read. I was invading Mase’s privacy, but I couldn’t stop. Cord. Cordelia. He had been on the phone with her before. He was . . . he was fucking her?

  Her panties . . .

  The other night . . .

  Oh, God. I was going to be sick.

  The urge to throw his phone against the wall and scream until all the pain in my chest melted away was strong. How could he do this? My Mase was so good to me. He was sweet and thoughtful. He was patient with me, and he took care of me.

  And he was . . . a liar.

  I had trusted him.

  Everything in my body went numb. Except for my heart, which had ruptured in my chest.

  The shower shut off, and I finally moved from the spot I had been frozen in. I swiped my finger over the text message and paused only a brief second to think it through before pressing delete. Then I put his phone back where he had left it. Without looking toward the bathroom, I walked out of the bedroom and as far across the apartment as I could. I stood in the corner farthest from him and waited.

  He would come looking for me. I didn’t want him getting close.

  I couldn’t let myself think about all the places he had touched me. When he was gone, he was touching her. She was having sex with him.

  It all made sense now. How he was so patient with me. He didn’t need sex from me. He was getting it regularly back in Texas. I placed a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming in agony.

  This was too much. I hadn’t known it could feel like this. The sudden, brutal end of love.

  I had never loved before, but now that it was over, the pain was excruciating.

  I wouldn’t do this again. Love. The happiness it gave you was a fleeting thing. It wasn’t worth this.

  His body filled the doorway. A towel was wrapped around his hips, and his hair was still dripping water that trailed down his bare chest. “Reese?” his voice was concerned.

  He was concerned about me a lot. The broken girl who needed help. I couldn’t read, write, or have sex. He was going to fix me. Was that what I had been to him? A project?

  “What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, as he began to walk toward me. I couldn’t let him touch me. Not anymore.

  “No!” I screamed, holding my hands up to keep him back. “Don’t come near me,” I warned.

  He stopped, but the look in his eyes was one that I would have once thought was fear. I didn’t think that anymore. He didn’t know what fear was. Or pain.

  “Reese, what’s wrong?” he asked carefully, studying me.

  “Leave. I want you to leave. Don’t come back. I don’t want you here.” I held my hands up, but I turned my gaze to the door. I couldn’t look at him, because my heart was confused. It thought it saw pain in his eyes. It didn’t. I had thought I’d seen a lot of things when he looked at me that I didn’t truly see.

  “Baby, what happened? Don’t do this. Don’t push me away. Let me come to you.”

  He thought this was because of my past. I could hear it in his voice. He was talking to the broken girl. The one he felt sorry for. The one he pitied. “I want you gone. Get dressed and get out!” I yelled the last part. He wasn’t listening to me. I wanted him to leave. I couldn’t stand here like this much longer. The shattering inside my chest made me want
to curl up and hold myself together.

  “I’m not leaving you, Reese. You have to tell me what’s wrong. I can help you—”

  “No! I’m not your personal charity case. I was fine before you, and I’ll be fine after you. But you need to leave! I’m calling the cops if you aren’t out of here in five minutes.”

  Mase started coming toward me again, and I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Jesus, Reese! What’s wrong?” He was yelling now, too.

  I leveled my gaze on him. “You. You are wrong. You’re wrong for me. I don’t want you here. I want you to leave me alone. You’ve forced me to do things I didn’t want to do. You’ve touched me in places I don’t like to be touched. I don’t want to see you again. Ever. Just go!”

  Saying those words hurt. They were a lie. He would know they were a lie, but I was desperate. He wasn’t leaving. He wasn’t listening.

  When I saw him turn and walk back away, I almost collapsed. He was going to leave me.

  The realization that Mase was going to walk out that door and not come back destroyed whatever part of me was left.

  I should never have loved. I wasn’t meant to love or be loved. This was a lesson I should have learned by now.

  I wanted the numbness to spread, but it was fading. Loss engulfed me.

  If only I’d never known how it felt to believe I was special to someone else.

  Mase reappeared, and he was holding his duffel in his hand. He walked toward the door without looking at me but stopped just before he got there. His eyes closed tightly, and he let out an unsteady breath. “I’m sorry,” was all he said.

  Then he walked to the door and opened it. With one more long pause, he stood there. I waited for him to walk away and leave me here alone. Again.

  “When you realize what you’ve said and what you’ve done, call me. I’ll be waiting. I want to hold you more than anything right now and help you get through this, but you won’t let me near you. So I’m going to do what you want, because I can’t fix everything for you. This time, you have to do it yourself. But when it sinks in that you were wrong, call me, Reese. I’ll be waiting. I’ll wait forever if I have to.”