The Seven Secrets of Happiness

by Sharon Owens

  ‘More leftovers from the greenhouse,’ Tom said proudly, putting several strips of bacon under the grill. ‘Seemed a shame to waste them. Bacon doorsteps okay for you?’

  ‘Lovely. I’m starving again. All this country air is giving me a huge appetite.’

  ‘Yes, it can do that if you’re not used to it. Tomato sauce okay for you? White bread?’

  ‘Yes, that’s fine. I’ll butter the bread.’

  For a few minutes they worked wordlessly together. Tom fetched plates and cups and filled the teapot while Ruby assembled the sandwiches and cut them into neat triangles. Then they sat down beside the Rayburn range to have their late supper.

  ‘I suppose I’ll have to say this formally and get it over with,’ Tom began, blushing ever so slightly. ‘I like you, Ruby. I like you a lot.’

  ‘Thank you, Tom. And I like you.’

  ‘N-no, I mean I like you in a romantic way,’ he stammered.

  ‘Yes, I had a suspicion you did,’ she laughed.

  ‘Well, anyway, just so you know,’ he added, shrugging his shoulders hopelessly.

  ‘Tom, I think you’re a very attractive man. I do,’ she told him then.

  ‘But it’s too soon for anything to happen between us?’

  ‘Yes, oh yes. Far too soon, I suppose… But then again I don’t think I’ll ever be at the stage where I can say that I’m finally over Jonathan and ready to start dating again. A clean slate will never happen for me, Tom. True love never dies, does it? It only sits down in the corner of your mind and stops talking quite so loudly.’

  ‘Yes, I know what you mean. It’s like that for me too. It’s like I’ve become two different people. I miss Kate all the time. I’ve loved her since we were at school together. But I’m lonely for a friend now. More than a friend really. And the loneliness is becoming harder to deal with than my memories of Kate. So what will we do?’

  Ruby held Tom’s hand across the small pine table and smiled at him.

  ‘We’ll talk,’ she said. ‘Let’s just sit here and talk and see what happens. Like we did at the restaurant that evening.’

  ‘Okay.’

  Tom poured more tea and added a few wooden blocks to the range.

  ‘My grandparents had one of these ranges,’ Ruby said wistfully. ‘It was a cream colour too or maybe they were all cream?’

  ‘Possibly. Great job,’ Tom nodded. ‘Just as good as an Aga.’

  ‘Yes, I always loved the smell of the turf burning, first thing in the morning. And the way you can make toast on the top of the range in that wire tennis-racket thing. And boil a kettle on the top too. And have a chicken in the hot oven and an apple pie in the cool oven. And tea towels drying on the rail. All that heat and hot water as well.’

  ‘Oh yes, they’re terrific things.’

  ‘I used to stay with my grandparents quite a lot when I was a child. A nice change of scene for me during the school holidays, Mum said. They had a traditional Irish stone cottage near Dungannon. Thatched roof and all on it! And the window frames were painted dark green; it was gorgeous. Anyway one night a huge bomb went off about five miles down the road and the power lines were out of action for three whole days. But because we had the range we barely noticed. Granddad lit his old oil lamp and we said a prayer for anyone who’d been hurt in the bomb. Then one of the neighbours called in and told us the details.’

  ‘Was that the bomb that killed all those soldiers?’ Tom asked, mentally checking dates.

  ‘Yes, it was. I was tucked up in bed when I heard it going off. A kind of low roar, it sounded like. It seemed to go on for about five minutes. A soft crumpling sound. Not a loud bang at all. Not the way it is in films. I couldn’t breathe because I was listening so hard.’

  ‘God love them,’ Tom sighed.

  ‘Yes. Thank God we couldn’t see the television coverage afterwards. I nearly had a heart attack that night. I had palpitations until the sun came up. Not knowing what had happened or what else was going to happen. Terrible night… That was enough to put me off action movies for life, I’m afraid. I still can’t watch James Bond films without remembering the awful sound that bomb made.’

  ‘Yeah, explosions aren’t quite as much fun in real life.’

  ‘No.’ She shook her head sadly. ‘They still hang poppy wreaths on the fence at the side of the road where it happened.’

  ‘Were you ever political?’ Tom asked carefully. Better to get the awkward questions over with early on. Just in case Ruby turned out to have very strong views in either direction.

  ‘No, definitely not. I was more into Top of the Pops than politics when I was young,’ Ruby said firmly, looking straight into his dark brown eyes, understanding what he meant. It was vital they were honest with each other from the very beginning. There was too much at stake for either of them to start spinning out a false identity.

  ‘Ha, a good answer,’ he nodded, smiling.

  ‘A safe answer,’ Ruby said, smiling too. ‘No, I was never political. We lived in a kind of ivory tower, my parents and me. Just the three of us in our big house in the country and the long drive down to the main road… and all the copper beech trees around us. We didn’t get very involved in community life. Mind you, in Fermanagh it was always fairly easygoing, politically. Usually there was no pressure to take one side or the other.’

  ‘Sounds idyllic.’

  ‘It was in a way. We had plenty of money, I suppose. So that insulated us from a lot of things. My mother never sat down long enough to read the local papers or listen to the radio. And Dad was too busy walking by the loughs to get mixed up in any bother or even in silly bits of village gossip. I’m glad they never got sucked into making donations to the cause or anything. I’d have hated to have our lives blighted with all of that business. Police kicking the door down at three o’clock in the morning. It was all pointless in the end, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yeah. Pointless is the right word. I always stayed out of it, even from the harmless talk in the pub. You can’t beat the quiet life.’

  ‘No, indeed,’ Ruby said reflectively. ‘Though when I was a child I found the days very long. Especially the summer holidays. I wanted to grow up as quick as I could and go to London and see a bit of life. I thought it would be all trendy people and brilliant shops and TV presenters on every corner. I thought I’d see famous pop stars buying their groceries in M&S.’

  ‘And did you ever go to London?’

  ‘Yes, lots of times. I went shopping on Oxford Street and to pop concerts and stuff. With my best pal from school: her name was Mary Campbell. She met a guy there one summer and stayed in London and eventually she married him. But I didn’t like it as much as I’d hoped. I kept getting lost on the Tube. It was too big for me so I went to college in Belfast instead.’

  She collected up her plate and set it in the sink.

  ‘More tea?’ Tom asked, getting to his feet also.

  ‘In a while. I thought we could just enjoy the range for a while,’ she said quietly. ‘At my grandparents’ house we used to leave the door of the fire open a little bit. And we’d turn off the lights and just watch the sparks floating up towards the chimney. Does that sound mad?’

  ‘Not at all. I’ll just check on Noah,’ Tom said, opening the door to the range, protecting himself from the hot handle with an old towel. He flicked off the overhead lights as he left the room and Ruby pulled their chairs closer to the fire and just sat there reminiscing. She understood now why she’d been dropped off at the cottage near Dungannon so often during her childhood. Not only to keep her mother’s parents company, but to give her mother a rest from her childish enthusiasms and endless questions. Still, there were worse ways to spend a summer than playing with a Rayburn, and eating her gran’s tasty cakes and pies.

  ‘He’s fine,’ Tom said, coming back into the kitchen. ‘Fast asleep. Ha, I sound like a proud parent, God help me… Glass of wine?’

  ‘Oh yes, that’d be lovely,’ Ruby agreed.

  ‘Red or white?�
��

  ‘Red, please.’

  ‘I’ve a nice Merlot here,’ Tom said, plucking a bottle from the wine rack.

  ‘Great.’

  ‘And if I’m not mistaken I’ve also got some Kettle Chips. Here they are,’ he said, finding them at the back of a tall cupboard.

  ‘Aren’t you the secret sophisticate?’ Ruby teased. ‘Mature cheddar and red onion Kettle Chips? Oh now, how very posh.’

  ‘Not a bit of me. Mrs Kenny brought them the last day she was here. She said they weren’t a big seller at Camberwell. The flavour’s good, she said, but the bloody things are as hard as flint.’

  ‘Oh yes, I’ve noticed that too,’ Ruby agreed at once. ‘Though sometimes I can polish off a whole bag and then I feel terribly guilty. But I do the exact same thing a few days later,’ she laughed. ‘Is that mad?’

  ‘No. Of course not! That’s the second time you’ve asked me if I think you’re mad,’ he added. ‘Or is it the third time?’

  ‘Sorry.’ Ruby blushed.

  ‘Don’t be,’ he said tenderly. ‘I don’t think you’re mad, not at all. I think you’re gorgeous.’

  He poured the wine into two large glasses and handed one to Ruby.

  ‘Cheers,’ he said, smiling at her.

  ‘Cheers,’ she said, clinking glasses and smiling too.

  Tom sat down again and they resumed talking. They talked about hyacinths and Noah and Kettle Chips and wine and Rayburn ranges and cottages in the country and things long past. They talked until the sun was coming up and the basket of wooden blocks was empty and the room was so warm Tom had to raise the roman blind and open the window. They were still talking as the birds began to chirp in the bushes outside the house. The wine bottle was long empty and so was a second one. Tom and Ruby were both stifling huge yawns. Then Noah began to bark for his breakfast and Ruby agreed to go home in a taxi and come back later that day for her car.

  ‘I’ll pick you up,’ Tom said as they waited by the front door for the taxi to arrive. ‘No need to call another taxi later on. I’ll wait until the wine has worn off sometime this evening and then I’ll pick you up in the Rover. Okay?’

  ‘Okay,’ Ruby said gently.

  As she was leaving, Tom kissed her lightly on the cheek. And then very fleetingly on the lips…

  Ruby thought about the kiss all the way back to Ravenhill Road in the taxi. Had she felt anything? Yes, she had felt something: a poignant mix of guilt and desire and curiosity. Something definite had happened between them during the night: something very small and tentative, but also very real and definite. Not true love, not just yet. But there had certainly been something significant. And Tom’s kiss had been lovely too. It had been tender and sexy and light and yet full of longing. Ruby decided she was definitely going to have to kiss him back, one of these days. Kiss him back, and maybe even go to bed with him…

  26. The Morning After

  When Ruby opened her eyes later that day, she felt curiously excited, but for a moment she couldn’t think why. Then she remembered Tom’s face glowing with pleasure as they’d wandered idly around the box maze at Camberwell House. And Mrs Kenny, who was all smiles as they sat down afterwards to a delicious plate of fried bread, bacon and tomatoes in the café. Poor Mrs Kenny had the two of them married off already and halfway to Paris on their honeymoon, she was that happy for them. Tom explained that Mrs Kenny was like a surrogate mother to all the staff at Camberwell and that she simply couldn’t help clucking over everyone. And Ruby marvelled at this lovely woman who had so many maternal feelings she had some to spare for her co-workers.

  Tom was going to call for her later and give her a lift to Camberwell to fetch her car. The shop was closed so she had all day to relax and paint her nails and decide what to wear. She might even go out for lunch by herself, something she hadn’t done in years. She might catch the bus into town and have coffee in her favourite bookstore. It was heavenly to feel so normal again. Almost back to her old self!

  Ruby got up and wrapped herself in her warmest robe before hurrying to the kitchen for a refreshing cup of Earl Grey. She was feeling so light and breezy she wanted to switch on the radio, twirl round the kitchen and sing aloud to herself. She was a real woman again, meeting people again; not lying awake at night wondering if she was going mad. She put a slice of crusty bread in the toaster and filled the kettle.

  ‘Music,’ she said to herself. ‘I need music to keep me company.’

  But when she switched on the radio her heart seemed to fall off the edge of a cliff. The news programme was detailing another car accident that had taken place during the night and this time three people had been killed. Some relative was crying as they told the story of what’d happened… And Ruby was immediately plunged straight back into the acute grief she had felt the night she’d lost Jonathan. The shock and the disbelief of it all, and the anger and the rage, and the overwhelming sense that she was now only half the person she used to be. Unexpectedly, she burst into a fit of hysterical sobbing and dark despair. And her new-found happiness seemed to blow away like a straw hut in a hurricane.

  I’ve made a fool of myself, she thought as the slice of golden-brown bread popped up and turned cold in the toaster. I’ve made an absolute fool of myself running around in the gardens of a big posh house and getting all giddy over blue pebbles, and Mrs Kenny winking at me. What in God’s name would Jonathan think of me if he could see me now? Carrying on like a silly schoolgirl.

  Ruby felt her hands shaking suddenly and she experienced a hot flush all over her body. She sat down on a kitchen chair and continued to sob gently. It would always be like this, she told herself hopelessly. It would always be just like this. Just when she thought she had made a little progress, the rug would be pulled out from underneath her again. Just when she thought she was fitting back into the human race, some news bulletin would shut the door in her face, and remind her that she was a widow. That she was different from most other people now. That she ought to be ashamed of herself for daring to do nice things when she was not entitled to do them any more.

  The phone began to ring, making her jump with nerves. She looked at the caller display. It was Tom. He was phoning already? Before she’d even eaten breakfast? He was that keen on her?

  ‘I can’t answer it,’ Ruby gasped.

  Most likely he was phoning to arrange a time to collect her later that evening so she could pick up her car. Obviously that was all he wanted. He didn’t want to come over and see her right away. But Ruby’s breath still began to contract with indecision. She couldn’t possibly speak to Tom right now, not when her heart was banging with embarrassment and her eyes were full of tears. She decided to ignore the phone and pretend she’d not heard it. She could always say she was in the shower. The ringing seemed to go on forever.

  ‘Stop it,’ Ruby wept, covering her ears with her hands. ‘Stop it, stop it. Leave me alone.’

  Eventually the ringing stopped. Ruby didn’t have an answering machine in the flat yet. And she was grateful for that much at least. For now she could buy some precious time, deciding what to do.

  Tom replaced the receiver and sat down on the sofa beside a sulky Noah. His heart was also racing, but in his case it’d been racing with anticipation. For when he reunited Ruby with her car he’d been planning to ask her out again. Just for dinner or a drink or even a walk somewhere scenic. But now he was convinced she was avoiding him and he felt that old familiar pang of loneliness tugging at his heart. He’d said too much or moved too fast the day before. He’d ruined their fledgling friendship with his neediness, and by telling Ruby that he really liked her. And also by saying that he wanted to be more than just friends some day… Women hated a man being needy, didn’t they?

  ‘I’ve blown it, Noah,’ he said quietly. ‘I met a lovely woman and I really liked her, and she actually seemed to like me back, and yet I blew it.’

  Noah sat up and barked softly as if to say, ‘I told you so.’

  ‘Ah Christ,’ Tom si
ghed sadly. ‘I thought it was all going so well. I thought it was better to be honest than try to play the smooth guy or pretend I didn’t really care one way or the other. I thought it was better to be straightforward from the beginning. I don’t understand how I could’ve got it so wrong.’

  Noah looked bored and trotted off towards the hall to look for a toy to play with.

  Wait a minute, Tom chided himself then. What am I saying? Ruby could have been asleep. Or maybe she was in the shower. Or out at the shops. I’ll ring her again later. I’m just out of practice, that’s all it is. It’s just been so long since I was dating. God, I’m such an eejit! I’ll call Ruby later and do my best to sound easygoing, yeah?

  He took Noah out for a good run across the fields, then fed him and tried calling Ruby again. But there was no answer this time either, even though Tom let the phone ring for a full two minutes.

  I can’t call her flat for a third time, he fretted. Not in one day. It’ll seem as if I’m stalking the poor woman. Maybe I should wait until she rings me? But what if she’s lost my number? She could always look up Camberwell in the Yellow Pages though, couldn’t she? Maybe she’s changed her mind about me being, what did she say, attractive? I bet I’m not a patch on her husband. He was like Brad Pitt in that photograph I saw in the newspaper. Oh my God, that’s it! She’s come to her senses and realized she must have been mad to even consider going out with me. And I must have been mad too to think that she’d be mine some day.

  Tom flopped down in a chair beside the range and folded his arms. There was no sound in the kitchen except for the ticking of an old clock on the dresser.

  Back at her flat Ruby was in bed and hiding under the blankets. She heard the phone ringing for the second time and she just put an embroidered pillow over her ears and tried her best to ignore it.

  I can’t go out with him again, she thought. I just can’t do it. He’ll think we’re a proper couple if this keeps up. That we are officially together! He might try to kiss me properly or even sleep with me, God help us both. He might get all serious and intense and then I’d have to break his heart with my babbling and my silly chatter about it being too soon for me. What am I? A born-again virgin? For God’s sake… Or else I’d get all serious and clingy and then he’d go off me. I mean, Kate was a vet with her own practice and what do I do for a living? I sell handbags and bangles! Oh God, I need time to think. We need more time to think. Both of us! We definitely need more time…