Blindsided

by Karis Walsh

  “I really shouldn’t. I brought the center’s accounts with me and—”

  “And you’re going to put them back in your mangled briefcase and come out with me and Pickwick. Not because you want to, or because I want to, but because someday Pickwick’s handler might want to go to a karaoke bar and unwind. What a travesty it’ll be if Pickwick hasn’t been exposed to one during his puppy-walking years.”

  Lenae laughed. She usually kept her life as orderly as possible. Objects, furniture, classes. All prearranged and set in the proper place. After an exhausting day of flying—and all the stress and indignities involved with the process—she would usually want nothing more than to fix the schematic of her hotel room in her mind and order room service. Then Baxter could be off duty and she could walk freely, without feeling every step. The idea of going out to dinner or a movie or, God forbid, a karaoke bar never would cross her mind. Why was she even considering it now? Pushing aside her monthly budget sheets and reaching for Baxter’s harness? Because Cara needed to get out and get her mind off tomorrow’s show. And because Lenae wanted to be the one to distract her.

  They took the elevator downstairs, and she waited with the dogs while Cara checked with the hotel concierge and then led them onto the streets of New York.

  “Where are we going?” Lenae asked. She dropped Baxter’s harness and took Cara’s arm as they walked. The near constant touch of Cara’s arm or hand during the flight had stirred her senses. Every nerve ending seemed to tingle in Cara’s presence, and she wanted to continue their contact. It felt more electric and alive than the energy of the city around them.

  “A place called the Emerald Room. I asked for a bar that was low-key, but fun.” Cara put her hand over Lenae’s. “I can’t believe you wanted to stay in tonight. We’re in New York. How often can you say that?”

  “I lived here for seven years,” Lenae reminded her. She had loved the city for six of those years. Then, she’d wanted out as fast as possible and she’d found a new home where she didn’t have to encounter constant reminders of her folly.

  “Well, have you ever been to the Emerald Room?” Cara asked. She thought she heard a bitter note in Lenae’s voice. She wondered what had happened during those seven years to make Lenae give up this city and her job as a newswriter. How had she ended up on a broken-down property in Washington?

  “No. I must have missed that particular entertainment venue. I guess I spent too much of my time at the Met.”

  “You missed out. Or so I’ve heard from the concierge.” Cara imagined Lenae dressed in satin, soaking up the notes of an opera. Who had been sitting beside her? Someone as beautiful as Lenae, as dedicated and smart, wouldn’t have been alone for long.

  “I guess I did. Silly me, listening to some of the greatest voices on earth when I could have been hearing drunk versions of old Carpenters songs instead.”

  Cara pressed Lenae’s hand against her side and felt the heat of her touch. Whoever had been part of Lenae’s past, Cara was here now. Close beside her. “Exactly. Now if I’d been here with you, I’d have helped you broaden your horizons.”

  Lenae smiled in response, but her mind moved back in time. What if Cara had been here with her? An up-and-coming young reporter, spending time with one of the top writers? Would Cara have been any different from Traci, or would she, too, have used Lenae as a stepping stone on her career path? In a way, Cara had used her and her center as she moved from public broadcasting to the local news to a national morning show, but Lenae was having a difficult time attributing any mean-spirited intentions to Cara. Cara was fragmented, with her heart in one world and her inborn talent pushing her into another. She wanted to be behind the scenes, shifting the focus to the people working toward what she considered to be meaningful careers and charities. But at the same time, she loved the spotlight more than she wanted to. Traci had been single-mindedly moving upward. Cara kept pulling herself back.

  Lenae’s palm held Cara’s firm upper arm, and the back of her hand rested against Cara’s rib cage. “I believe my life in New York would have been more…interesting if you’d been here.” She felt connected to every breath Cara took. If she’d known how Traci was going to use her, she’d never have taken the relationship to the bedroom. If she knew the same thing about Cara? She’d probably not be able to resist her anyway.

  “Hmm. I’d like to know what word you were going to use in place of interesting,” Cara said. “But I’ll have to grill you about that later because we’re here. It’s time to sing.”

  “Time to listen to you sing,” Lenae said as she walked through the door Cara held open. “If I did, both dogs would be howling.”

  “We’ll do a quartet,” Cara said. She guided Lenae to a table against the wall and placed her hand on the back of a chair. “I’ll get us a couple of drinks and make sure the management is okay with our dogs being here. Will you be able to control both Pickwick and Baxter?”

  “Of course.” Lenae sat down and shifted her feet to make room for Baxter. She pointed under the table. “Under here, Pickwick. Lie down with Baxter. I’ll have a whiskey and Coke, please.”

  Cara watched in disbelief as her puppy curled in a ball next to the empty chair. He stared at Lenae with his tongue hanging out and a look of adoration on his face. “Incredible. I’ll buy you a double if you can teach me how to do that.”

  “Trade secret,” Lenae said. “Or I just happened to give him the command when he was tired and wanted to lie down.”

  “That I can believe.” Cara went to the bar and ordered a cosmo and Lenae’s drink. She looked back at the table while she waited and watched Lenae sway gently and sensually to the music. Cara licked her lips and turned her attention to her surroundings. There were fewer than twenty people in the room, most appearing settled in like regulars—Cara wondered if they were permanently attached to their barstools or if they eventually went home. The stage was empty, but she could see the words to a Michael Jackson song scrolling across the screen, apparently in case someone found the energy to get up and sing. The concierge had gotten low-key right, but the fun aspect was debatable.

  “Here you go.” The bartender handed her a tray with their drinks as well as a couple of plastic cups and two bottles of water. “And some water for your dogs. Here, take them some peanuts, too.”

  “Thanks,” Cara said, putting the cost of the drinks and a generous tip on the bar. She balanced the tray in her hands and slowly made her way back to the table.

  “Is the room really emerald colored?” Lenae asked after she took a sip of her drink.

  Cara looked around. The décor was anything but classy, and Lenae looked as out of place as a princess in a dive bar. “Yes, sort of. The walls are covered in a green-velvet embossed paper—I think it’s called flocking. The carpet is the color of pine trees, where it isn’t threadbare. The chairs and lampshades are a lighter color—more grass-like—and the lamps have fringe on them. It’s all very 1970s.”

  “Are we in a bar, or a brothel?”

  “Too early to tell.” Cara offered the dogs a cup of water before taking a drink of her cosmo. “No one seems to have enough energy to sing, let alone have sex.”

  “Why don’t you get them started?” Lenae bit her lip and smiled. “I meant singing, of course.”

  “You’re blushing,” Cara said. She rarely saw Lenae off balance in any way and knew Lenae would probably welcome a change in subject, but she decided to take advantage of the small slip in her composure and press her for information. “I’ll sing later. For now, tell me why you left Three-N. You have a natural gift and belong in the dog-training profession, but why’d you make such a drastic change?”

  Lenae reached down and rubbed Baxter’s ear. He turned his head and licked her hand before dropping his nose on his paws again. “I guess in some ways I lost my confidence, and in others I found the confidence I needed to pursue my calling. Not that training dogs was something I’d wanted to do all my life. I’d never considered a career helping ot
her visually impaired people, even after I got Baxter and fell in love with him and with the freedom he gave me. My mom raised me herself, and she insisted I be part of the sighted world. No excuses or allowances. We never had pets at home, and Baxter was my first.”

  Cara kept silent while Lenae talked, even though the story was being told in fragments. She’d piece it together later, but she didn’t want to interrupt now.

  “I loved writing and got into journalism when I was in high school. I wrote for the school paper and it seemed a natural career move for me. I liked the fast pace of newswriting, the constant change and challenge. I still think I’m better suited for the work I used to do. I dealt with facts and details and deadlines, and let the anchors and reporters do the work of conveying emotions and intent to the audience. Connecting with people hasn’t been a strong suit of mine—well, you saw what it was like today, with everyone trying to help me. It doesn’t take long before you start to avoid any sort of contact, or before you’re suspicious of any offer of help because it makes you look weak.”

  Cara watched Lenae’s finger trace the rim of her glass. She seemed to be circling around the reason she left her job, but like spokes on a wheel, every aspect was connected. Her doubts about Gene and Toby, her desire to be independent, all of it…all rotating around a focal point she hadn’t yet mentioned.

  “I didn’t date much after I got the job with Three-N. The stress was always high, but after a few years I adjusted to it. I got Baxter, and my life outside work suddenly was so much easier. I had freedom and time I hadn’t ever had before. So when Traci asked me out—she was a new correspondent and everyone agreed she was going to go far in the business—I said yes. I always believed I had some sort of secret ability to read people, as if my other senses were stronger because I wasn’t fooled by appearances or expressions. But I couldn’t read Traci. Or maybe I could at first, but when she saw an opportunity…”

  Pickwick sat up and rested his chin on Cara’s thigh. She fed him a couple of peanuts. “What’d she do to you?”

  Lenae swallowed a third of her drink in one gulp. “I did it to myself. There was a new feature show in the works, one that I knew would be perfect for her. She was being courted by other networks at the time, so I told her about the opportunity even though we hadn’t officially announced it yet. I wanted to keep her there with me. I trusted her to be discreet…well, I simply trusted her. I asked her to wait for the chance instead of leaving Three-N.”

  Lenae paused and Cara fed Pickwick some more peanuts. He was staying surprisingly quiet, and she didn’t want him to break Lenae’s train of thought before she finished her story.

  “I hear Pickwick chewing. What are you feeding him?”

  “Just peanuts. Go on. Did she tell someone higher in the network that you’d told her? Were you fired?”

  “No. She took the idea and pitched it to CNN. They bought it and hired her. We had to scrap the concept, of course, but I wasn’t fired. No one seemed surprised by what had happened, as if they assumed that type of subterfuge and betrayal was just an acceptable part of the business.”

  Cara thought of her own family. Would her mom steal a story concept from her network and pitch it to another if she thought a raise or a better part would be in her future? Would her dad do the same? Sadly, she didn’t have any trouble imagining either one taking advantage of what they’d see as a golden opportunity. They had been excited when she’d had the chance to use Lenae’s center and the puppy-walking program to promote herself. No wonder Lenae had been skeptical about giving her Pickwick—how much worse a betrayal if she were to use not only Lenae but also the animals for her own advantage.

  “So you left on principle.” Would she be strong enough to do the same thing?

  “Yes. I couldn’t believe she’d used me like that. Well, after the fact I could identify warning signs I’d missed along the way. I guess my real shock was due to my inability to really know who she was. I thought I saw the person underneath the surface, but I was as much a fool as anyone. Through all of it, Baxter was constant and loyal. No agenda beyond caring for me. I didn’t want to work in a business where Traci’s behavior wasn’t just tolerated but was accepted as the norm. And I wanted to give other people a chance to find the same connection and trust I’d found with Baxter. Unfortunately, the human equation is tripping me up again. I can train the dogs, but I can’t read the people well enough to reach them.”

  “You’ve taught me a lot already, and I never had a pet before getting Pickwick. You’re teaching me how to communicate with him, but I don’t have the natural sense of how to do it, like you do. Does that mean you’re a failure, or does it just mean I’m learning at my own pace and in my own way?”

  Lenae thought about Cara’s words. She believed Cara was learning faster and better than she gave herself credit for, even though she still didn’t have Lenae’s quiet confidence with Pickwick. She’d get there, but it was a process. Lenae didn’t have Cara’s natural talent for communicating with people, but maybe she’d get where she needed to be in her own time.

  “You know what you need?” Cara asked. Lenae heard her take a drink, and then the clunk of an empty-sounding glass landing on the table. “You need to belt out your frustration in a song.”

  “You seem determined to get me up there, but I’ve listened to your voice enough to assume you’re a great singer. I’ll sound like a donkey braying in comparison.”

  “Want to know a secret?” Cara asked, leaning close to Lenae’s ear. Lenae felt a shiver run down her spine at the feel of Cara’s breath against her skin.

  “What?” she asked, her own voice sounding breathless.

  “I’m tone deaf.”

  Lenae laughed, relieved to have some release from the tension caused by Cara’s nearness. “Right. I believe that.”

  “You will after the first song. I can’t carry a tune despite ten years of expensive music lessons. Remember, I was in training to be a stage actress from early on, so I had tap and jazz and singing classes almost daily. I was a glorious failure at all of them—enjoying every moment, but unable to master any of the skills.”

  Cara stood and grabbed Lenae’s hand, trying to pull her to her feet.

  Lenae resisted her still. “I hate to break it to you, but the concierge misled you when she recommended this as a fun karaoke bar. We’ve been here almost an hour and no one has sung anything.”

  “So, we’ll start. Come on Baxter, Pickwick.” Lenae felt both dogs jump to their feet, obviously ready to follow Cara onstage. “Hey, they’re paying attention to me. Good boy, Pickwick.”

  Baxter licked Lenae’s hand and she took hold of his harness and stood up. “I seem to be outnumbered. Okay, one song.”

  She listened as Cara paged through the song list. She wanted to leave, to protest that she wouldn’t be able to read the prompter on the karaoke machine, but Cara had apparently been sensitive to Lenae’s situation. She led Lenae onstage and handed her one of the microphones, giving her the dimensions of the stage in a quiet voice as the intro to “Everlasting Love” started.

  “Baxter, find the door,” Lenae said, but Cara heard the humor in her voice, a playful easiness that hadn’t been there while she’d talked about Traci and Three-N.

  “Ignore that command, Baxter,” Cara said. Baxter didn’t seem inclined to lead Lenae off the stage, anyway. Lenae heard him and Pickwick wrestling in the excitement of doing something new. The puppy seemed to be feeding off Cara’s almost frantic good mood, and Lenae felt herself responding to it as well. What a pair she and Cara made. She didn’t trust herself anymore to see beyond anyone’s surface image, and Cara wasn’t sure if she had anything below her own surface appearance even if someone took the time to look. But for tonight, they could be allies against a world that seemed to value appearances above all else.

  The lyrics must have begun flashing by on the screen because Cara started to sing, shaking Lenae from her philosophical musing. Lenae winced dramatically at Cara’s first
notes, but she joined in as soon as Cara reached the chorus, quietly at first, but gaining volume as the audience started to clap along with the music.

  Lenae moved to the music and tried to match Cara’s intensity with her singing. She at least could hear when she and Cara were off-key, but she wasn’t a good enough singer to do anything about it. Surprisingly, Cara had been exactly right about this being the cure for Lenae’s gloomy mood after her confession. She had spent her life trying to be perfect at independence, her jobs, at managing her life. How fun to do something with gusto, knowing full well she was going to suck at it, and reveling in the imperfect result. She looped one arm through Cara’s and felt Baxter’s happy panting against her other hand as she sang, feeling her world condense to this stage, this meaningful connection with Cara and Baxter, even as she shouted out the words to the corny song.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lenae was silent as they walked back to the hotel. Baxter moved quickly along the sidewalk, seemingly eager to get back to the hotel for some good sleep after a long and busy day. Pickwick was asleep in Cara’s arms. Lenae had spent plenty of evenings relaxing, but she couldn’t remember the last time she had gone out and had so much fun. Song after song, until her throat was sore from the exertion and her facial muscles felt stretched and tired from smiling so much.

  “I hadn’t realized how much Pickwick has grown,” Cara said when they got in the elevator. She leaned against Lenae’s shoulder on the ride up to the fourteenth floor. “He’s turning into a dog. Size-wise, at least. He’s still a puppy in the brains department.”

  “He had a lot of new experiences today,” Lenae said. She reached over and rubbed his head, letting the back of her hand brush against Cara’s chin as she pulled it back. “You’ve been a great puppy walker. He has a natural curiosity and a good attitude, but the way he accepts all the changes and different environments is a testament to you and how you’ve raised him.”