Blindsided

by Karis Walsh

  Lenae stopped struggling to get at Cara’s shirt buttons and sat on the edge of her bed. “I never wanted to stand in your way. Or worse, to have you stay here because you felt obligated to take care of Pickwick. Or me.”

  Cara had to laugh at that. She sat next to Lenae and brushed her hair off her forehead. “Me? Take care of you? I think it’s the other way around, love. You’re the organized one, and I’m a mess. You’ll be tripping over me, Pickwick, and all my books so much that you’ll buy me a plane ticket to New York just to get me out of your hair.”

  “Never,” Lenae said. She took hold of Cara’s hand and kissed the tips of her fingers, her palm, her wrist. She let go of Cara’s hand and started undoing her buttons, one by one. “Baxter will lead me around the piles of books and papers. I plan to trip over you for the rest of my life.”

  Cara put her hands behind her and leaned back, arching upward when Lenae’s mouth closed over her nipple. “I understand why you were trying to let me go,” she said. “But what made you change your mind?”

  Lenae lifted her mouth briefly. “Your project,” she said, sliding her fingers under the waistband of Cara’s jeans. “The last part of it.”

  “I was hoping you’d…get what I was trying to tell you, even if you couldn’t see the pictures.” Cara’s sentence was punctuated by a sharp intake of breath when Lenae unbuttoned her jeans for better access. Lenae’s hand pressed against her firmly, and Cara lifted her hips to get closer.

  “Des was describing everything in your film, but I told him to stop at the end because I didn’t want to hear about pictures of you moving forward with your new life. I was hurt because I thought you were leaving, but I realized I wanted to be part of your future, no matter where it took us.”

  Cara bit her lip and moaned as Lenae’s fingers slid under her panties and easily through her wetness. “The pictures weren’t of a new job. They were of me and Pickwick. My students, the people I’ve interviewed on my show. Us. You’re my future, and I wanted you to know that.”

  “You had a picture of me in there?” Lenae asked, her fingers growing still. “Maybe it wouldn’t have taken me so long to tell you I loved you if I’d known that. But I hadn’t realized how much I did love you until I knew what I was ready to give up to be with you.”

  “Please don’t stop,” Cara said, reaching for Lenae’s hand and moving it against her. “You’re not an obligation, and you’re not a pawn to be moved around at my whim. We’re in this together, and decisions about moving and jobs will be made for and by both of us.”

  “I love you,” Lenae said, nibbling on Cara’s neck as her fingers moved rapidly over her clit.

  Cara sang while she still had breath.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Cara sat in a folding chair on the center’s green lawn. Pickwick was quietly lying underneath, his nose and paws tucked in as much as his big Labrador body would allow. Des sat next to her, and an assortment of other people filled the three rows of chairs.

  Cara tilted her face toward the fading October sun and listened to Lenae talk about dogs and training, but the words slipped right through her. Even when she was sad, even after more than a year of loving Lenae every night and day, she still got as wet and excited as an eager adolescent at the sound of Lenae’s throaty voice. Only Pickwick’s cold nose against her ankle kept her grounded in this moment and not moving ahead in a fantasy she’d make come true as soon as she and Lenae were alone.

  She opened her eyes again. The desire to escape the emotions of today was strong, but she wanted to be present. To feel everything as deeply as she could. She had worked toward this day with all her heart, just as Lenae and the six students on chairs behind her had. They ranged in ages from twenty-two to fifty-one, but all had the same eager smiles. They sat by themselves, white canes gripped in their hands. Alone for the last time.

  The man sitting next to Cara—one of the husband-and-wife pair that had puppy walked Pickwick’s sister—reached over and took her hand. She looked down the aisle and saw they were all linked together, from the 4-H kids to her, all bonded by this experience. She had learned a lot about them while they had been in classes together. After the news cameras had shut down and the formal class had ended, they’d talk about their homes and lives and how these puppies and this experience had changed them. Always knowing this day was coming.

  They went up to the podium one by one, until only Cara and Pickwick were left. She watched Lenae’s face transform when she called Cara’s name, with the telltale sideways smile and faint blush Cara recognized as meant for her alone. The signs were brief and quickly smoothed into a neutral expression, but Cara saw them and they gave her the strength she needed to get up and walk to the makeshift stage. Pickwick walked calmly at her side, only pulling forward when he saw his new handler waiting for him.

  Cara put Pickwick’s leash into Elizabeth’s hand and gave her a hug before stooping to hug Pickwick’s furry neck. She somehow made it back to her seat and through the rest of the ceremony, but she escaped as soon as Lenae made her closing remarks and the families swarmed to congratulate the graduating class of students. Lenae had insisted that this symbolic handing over of the puppies-now-dogs was an important way to say good-bye, but Cara wasn’t sure. She’d have to trust Lenae’s judgment—as she had learned to do without question—and wait to find out if she really did get a sense of closure from the day. Because right now, she just felt very sad.

  Pickwick still exploded into a flurry of puppy joy whenever she approached him, and Lenae reassured her that Baxter always did the same thing when he was reunited with his puppy walker, but a shift had taken place partway through the past months of training. After working with Elizabeth for a few weeks, Pickwick had suddenly, inexplicably but undoubtedly, become hers. Cara remembered the exact day when he had bounded over to greet her but had returned to touch Elizabeth’s hand with his nose every few seconds. Cara had gone back to the house and cried—hating the deep, deep part of her that admitted to wanting Pickwick to fail out of training so he could stay with her. Lenae had been practical and soothing as ever. Of course you feel that way. Everyone does, and it’s perfectly natural and not mean at all. Wanting to hold on while letting him go is a sign of bravery and love. Cara still had the occasional fantasy of puppy-napping Pickwick and fleeing the country with him, but at least she felt a little less guilty about those thoughts.

  “Find Cara.” Lenae barely got the words out before Baxter set off and led her away from the crowd and to the quiet of the porch. She felt for the bench and sat next to Cara, pulling her close and feeling the wetness of tears through the fabric of her shirt. For a few moments, they rested in silence, broken only by Cara’s occasional sniff, surrounded by the scent of herbs from Cara’s growing number of planters.

  “You said I’d feel better after today,” Cara mumbled against her shoulder.

  “No, I said you’d feel some closure. Eventually you’ll feel better. And we’ll have new crops of puppies coming through the center all the time. Maybe one will connect with you and you’ll want to puppy walk again.”

  “Never.” Cara paused and Lenae wondered what was going through her mind. The chewed-up shoes and books? Pickwick’s boundless energy and refusal to obey a command until he had heard it a thousand times? Or the fun of having a constant companion, a warm body who never left her side?

  “Well, maybe. Someday,” Cara said.

  Lenae smiled and turned her face to kiss Cara’s hair, her ear, along the side of her neck. “Until then, you have me and Baxter. We’ll always be here with you.”

  “Promise?” Cara asked. She kissed Lenae on the lips, sucking on her lower lip as she did.

  “I promise,” Lenae whispered, giving herself completely to Cara’s increasingly insistent teeth and tongue. She felt surrounded by love. Baxter guided her steps, and Cara had come into her life to guide her heart out of the darkness. She’d spend the rest of her life returning the favor.

  About the Author
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  Karis Walsh is the author of several Bold Strokes Books romances, including Rainbow Award winning Harmony and Sea Glass Inn. She has also written a romantic intrigue, Mounting Danger, and several short stories. A Pacific Northwest native and horseback riding instructor, she is now reveling in the heat of Texas with her partner and their numerous animal-kids.

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