The Life of Anna, Part 5: Emerged

by Marissa Honeycutt

  “I’m just glad that Devin won’t find out I’m here.”

  *****

  “So who was the hot guy you ran off with last night?”

  Anna looked up in surprise as Stefanie walked up to her. “Hot guy?”

  “Yeah, I told Aaron about it and he freaked out.”

  Anna swallowed. “That was my guardian.”

  Stefanie looked at her doubtfully. “You let your guardian feel you up?”

  Anna blinked. “What?”

  “I was sitting above you, Katrina. I saw his hand go up your skirt. Does Hugo know?”

  Anna looked down at the ground and then she stood and looked Stefanie in the eye. “Yes, Hugo is aware that my guardian has sexually abused me since I was twelve,” she said coldly.

  Stefanie’s dark brown eyes widened and her dark skin went ashen. “Oh. Oh, God, Katrina. I had no idea. Omigod! I’m so sorry.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “How did you...He took you...?”

  Anna set her jaw and nodded.

  “Aaron found you okay? Did your guardian...?”

  “Yes, but I’m okay.” She found herself softening under Stefanie’s remorse. Stefanie had treated Anna with contempt since she’d arrived. At least the other dancer was showing that she was human and Anna gave her a small smile. “He won't bother me anymore.”

  Stefanie let out a long breath and looked at her nervously. “I thought the worst of you, Katrina. I’m so sorry. Had I not...God, it might not have happened.”

  “I’m okay, Stefanie. Really.”

  Hugo walked up with a troubled expression on his face. He knew she and Stefanie didn’t get along. “Everything okay?”

  Anna nodded and gave Stefanie a kind smile. “Yeah.”

  Stefanie glanced up at Hugo and then walked away with her head hanging in contrition.

  “What happened?” Hugo asked.

  Anna told him what had happened.

  Hugo sighed. “I hope she didn’t go blathering her mouth about it.”

  *****

  Anna had butterflies in her stomach all morning and afternoon. The dress rehearsal went very well.

  Hugo beamed at her when they were done. “You’ll be the talk of the ballet world after tonight,” he murmured in her ear while Anna waited for Vincent to adjust some scenery.

  Anna blushed and looked down.

  He jumped back and laughed. “Your feathers tickle.”

  Anna giggled. Her elaborate red-feathered headdress was always getting in the way. Dave said he got a mouthful of feathers every time they danced together. Hugo wrinkled his nose and Anna laughed. “Sorry.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Poor Dave,” he laughed.

  Dave was standing a few feet away. “What?”

  “I just got a face full of feathers. I know why you make the face now.”

  Dave laughed and shrugged. “I’ll try not to tonight.”

  When Vincent was satisfied that they were ready for tonight, he dismissed them so he could rehearse the other ballets for tonight. Anna headed back to her apartment after carefully hanging her costume in her dressing room.

  After showering, she lay down in her bed and stared out the window across the room. She could see the tops of several buildings from her bed and was fascinated at the number of tall buildings in the city. Her eyes slowly closed and she fell asleep.

  *****

  “Anna.”

  Anna’s eyes opened at the sound of the long-dead voice. Alex stood next to the window and she sat up straight in her bed. “Alex!”

  She shook her head. No. He was gone. He had left her dreams. She looked at him watching her. Tall and handsome as ever. Her heart pounded in her chest. “You left. You were gone.”

  He nodded. “I had to. But I’m here again.”

  She shook her head. “I’ve given you up. I’ve moved on.”

  The sadness in his eyes made her want to cry. “Don’t give up on me, Anna. Please. We’ll be together soon.”

  “How can we be together? You’re dead.” She shook her head again. “No, Alex. It’s time to stop dreaming of you. I have a wonderful man in my life. He’s alive and he cares for me.”

  “Do you love him? Does he love you like I love you?” Anna could hear the angst in his voice.

  “I...I don’t know if I love him. I might. It’s all so...different now. I’m different.” She looked up at him. “I killed Jack,” she whispered.

  Alex walked over and knelt next to her. “Does he love you as I love you?”

  Tears filled her eyes. “He’s alive,” she whispered.

  “What if I were still alive, Anna? What if I walked back into your life tomorrow? Would you take me back?”

  “But you’re not,” she whimpered.

  “But if I was?”

  Her mind filled with memories of Alex. He truly knew her. He knew every single thing about her and had loved her regardless. Would Hugo still want to be with her if he knew what she really was? Hugo cared for Katrina. Could he care for someone like Anna?

  Hugo was the most honorable man she had ever met, next to Alex. Before they took the next step in their relationship, he deserved to know the truth.

  “Anna?”

  She closed her eyes at Alex’s deep, melodious voice. The voice she had wanted to hear again for so long. She opened her eyes again and looked into the eyes of the man she had loved for so long. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly.

  Alex searched her eyes. “I will always love you, Schatzi.” He reached out to touch her cheek, and disappeared.

  *****

  Anna stared at the ceiling. Why did she see Alex again? Was her mind telling her that she needed to be honest before she went any further with Hugo? Was she afraid to go deeper with Hugo? She adored him and the last thing in the world she wanted to do was hurt him. He meant so much to her.

  But last night was a reality check. Even though she was “Katrina” now, wasn’t she really just pretending? Hugo thought of her as someone who was abused, and while it was true, there was so much more than abuse. Once she was freed from Devin, would she cease to be an Elder-Mistress? Would she just become Wilhelm’s Mistress? Or would she be free to live her life as she wanted to? There was only one person that could answer those questions.

  She picked up her phone from the nightstand and dialed Wilhelm.

  “Hello, Anna,” Wilhelm said in an even tone. He didn’t seem surprised to hear from her.

  “Hello, Wilhelm.”

  “What can I help you with?”

  She hesitated. Did she really want to know the answer to the questions? She sighed. For Hugo’s sake, yes. “Once I’m free from Devin...will I be free?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean...like, will I be free to live my life as I want to, or...will I still be an Elder-Mistress?”

  “Ah.” There was a pause, and then a sigh. “You will still be an Elder-Mistress. Your father gave you to us, to protect you, ja, but that gift cannot be undone. You will still belong to me.”

  Anna swallowed several times. “So...I’ll never be free?” she whispered.

  “Nein, Anna. I am sorry.”

  “Oh.”

  “My son is not a cruel Master, Liebling,” he added softly. “I think you will be happy when all is said and done.”

  Anna tried to smile through her tears. “Yes...I know.” Kurt was a good man. He loved her. She loved him. “I’m sorry for how I spoke to you, Wilhelm.”

  “Thank you for saying that, Anna. I know I hurt you terribly by not being there for you. I am truly sorry for that.”

  “I wish you were going to be here tonight.”

  “I wish I could as well. I had been planning on coming and surprising you, but with what happened with Jack...it is too risky.”

  “I understand.” And she did. She knew that he would be here if he could. “Well, I need to get back to the theater. Thank you for answering my questions.”

  “Anytime, Liebling,” he said t
enderly. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  She ended the call and put the phone down on her bed. Now she just had to figure out how to tell Hugo.

  *****

  Anna ate dinner and then went back to the theater. She wasn’t sure where Aaron was, but he wasn’t dancing tonight, so he’d maybe gone out. Hugo wasn’t in his dressing room so she went to hers and began breaking in her pointe shoes. He came by later and they chatted for a while.

  “Are you nervous?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I mean, a little. I’m feeling nervous now, but I know once I’m on stage I’ll be fine.” She grinned. “It’s weird, but it works for me.”

  Hugo laughed. “I understand. It doesn’t happen to me all the time, but I’ve had that before.”

  “Do you get nervous?”

  “Yeah. Sometimes. I’m a little nervous about next Thursday.”

  “It’s a fantastic ballet, Hugo. I’m honored you’re having me dance with you.”

  “You help make it great, Kittycat. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

  Anna blushed. She had decided she would talk to him after the performance tonight and was thankful he was being sweet and kind as usual, but not as touchy-feely as she had expected, considering they were planning on having sex tonight. But she didn’t know if that would still happen. She looked up at him and gave him an adoring smile. She truly cared for him and wished things were different. The story of her life. But at least this time she didn’t have to worry about him getting killed.

  He left a bit later to get ready for the show. Firebird wasn’t until after intermission, so she had a while to wait, although she wanted to watch him dance from the wings. After her hair and complicated makeup were done, she stretched for a bit until she heard the music beginning. She wandered out to the wings and saw Hugo doing some last minutes stretches. He grinned when he saw her.

  “Hi, Kittycat,” he said walking over to her.

  “I wanted to see you dance since I missed it last night.” She chewed the inside of her lip. “Is that okay?”

  “Of course. I’m glad to have you in the wings for me.”

  She grinned and then he winked at her. “See you soon.”

  Anna watched, enthralled, at the dancing. She loved watching it as much as she loved doing it, and before she realized it, Hugo was taking his bows with the other dancers and Anna was clapping hard for him.

  “You were wonderful,” she beamed as he walked to her.

  “Thanks,” he grinned. He kissed her cheek lightly, to keep her makeup intact.

  The other ballets flew by as well, then came intermission and then it was time for Anna to step on stage for the first time as a City Ballet dancer. And oh, it was exhilarating! She felt herself transformed into the Firebird, flying across the stage, flitting around as the exotic bird, and saving the Prince.

  When she ‘flitted’ off stage for the last time, Hugo crushed her in an embrace. “You were amazing!” he whispered in her ear.

  She looked up at him. “Really?”

  “Yes, Kittycat,” he said, stroking her upper arm. He looked up as the applause began and smiled. “I bet that’s for you.”

  Anna shook her head, and held his hand until it was time for her to take her bow.

  Dave came and grinned at Hugo. “Can I take her?” he laughed.

  “Of course,” he laughed.

  Anna was nervous for the two seconds it took her to get from Hugo’s embrace to the side of the stage, but when she and Dave walked on stage the applause became louder, and even included some shouts. She blushed and made a low, humble curtsy. She glanced back at Hugo in the wings, who had been joined by Vincent and they both beamed at her. The audience stood and Anna grinned at Dave.

  Several minutes later, when the applause had finally died down, the curtain closed for the last time and Vincent rushed over to her. “Fantastic job, Katrina,” he said, hugging her.

  There were hugs and kisses and congratulations all around and then Anna was finally able to head back to her dressing room to change and wash her face.

  She tried not to think about what she had to say to Hugo. Now that the performance was over, her nerves were kicking in, though.

  Hugo knocked a few minutes later. “You ready?”

  Anna smiled. “Yeah.” She picked up her bag and took his outstretched hand.

  *****

  They were quiet as they walked the block to Hugo’s condo. She’d been here just a few times. Just a little one bedroom with a balcony and a beautiful view of Lincoln Center.

  “Do you want something to drink?” he asked as he locked the door behind them.

  Anna shook her head and looked around. She had so been looking forward to tonight. Even now her body reacted to the idea of being with Hugo. But her heart ached and for once, she would listen to her head and heart instead of her body.

  He walked by her and took her hand, leading her to the couch. Always the gentleman, Anna thought to herself. Of course he wouldn’t take her straight to the bedroom. He would make sure she was okay with everything before taking the next step. Especially after last night.

  “You’ve been quiet tonight,” he said, still holding her hand. “Is everything okay?”

  She looked at him as she tried to decide how to begin. Oh, how she wished things were different! “Before we...progress with...stuff, there’s some things I need to tell you,” she said softly.

  He squeezed her hand and gave her a gentle smile. “Okay. I’m listening.”

  She looked down at their hands, fingers intertwined. Dark, light, dark, light, dark, light. How could she have let it go this far? She should have stopped it from the beginning so that he wouldn’t get hurt.

  “Katrina?” he said softly.

  She glanced up at him and swallowed. “I...I’m not who you think I am. Or rather what you think I am.”

  His brow twitched, but his gentle expression remained unchanged.

  “I don’t know how to say it....” She paused, looking at their hands again and then looking up. “There is a man who decided he wanted me when I was born. I’m...different than most girls and I have something he wants. He was the one who arranged my parent’s death and for my guardian to raise me as he did. When I was twenty, he took me from my guardian and made me his....” She hesitated. “...his slave.” She paused and looked away. “His sex slave,” she added softly.

  Hugo’s mouth opened in surprise, but he didn’t say anything. He simply nodded and gave her an encouraging smile.

  “Alex...he...saved me from being totally taken by him and as a result, I became both of theirs. Alex did it to keep the other man from gaining complete control over me. He married me so that he would have an advantage over the other man. The upper hand, if you will.” She smiled softly. “Alex loved me and I loved him. So much.” She shrugged slightly. “Alex would have married me if he hadn’t loved me, but his....” She swallowed. “He knew everything about me, and still loved me. He could have had any woman in the world, and he chose me....” She trailed off.

  Hugo squeezed her hand gently, encouraging her to go on.

  “When we married...well, De...I mean, the first man had taken me by force...by unscrupulous means. When Alex married me, I was given to him as...it should be done. It’s rather complicated.” She gave Hugo an apologetic look.

  “It’s all right, Katrina. You don’t have to tell me more than you want to.”

  “Thanks,” she whispered. Why did he have to be such a good guy? “So, I was given to Alex in marriage by his father who is the one who actually legitimately ‘owns’ me, I suppose is the easiest way to explain it. When Alex died, I returned to Wilhelm’s care.” She stopped, not knowing what to say next. After a long pause, she continued. “By me being here, it...weakens the other man and eventually I will be freed from his ‘ownership’. But not Wilhelm’s. I will belong to him for the rest of my life.”

  “And you’re expected to marry Alex’s brother.”

&nb
sp; Anna’s head snapped up. “How did you know?” she asked, astonished.

  “I know a little bit about how the higher German families operate, and Aaron told me a little bit about you last night.”

  “I called Wilhelm to ask him if I would ever be free and he said I wouldn’t.” She blinked. “Wilhelm is a good man, as is Kurt. I’m not being forced into a horrible marriage. Kurt had actually asked me to marry him before but...we couldn’t.” She looked at Hugo with sorrow. “I’m sorry things...got so far. I suspected that I would have to marry Kurt, but...I like you. A lot. I suppose because I didn’t know for certain, I didn’t think about it much. But now that I know for certain....” She shook her head. “I never wanted to hurt you, Hugo. You are one of the best men I have ever known. But I had to tell you before we...slept together.” She blinked back tears. “I’m so sorry.”

  Hugo was quiet for several minutes, making Anna nervous, but he deserved her quiet respect.

  “If I were a callous man and didn’t care about the future, I would say ‘fuck it’ and take you into my bedroom right now. I would stay with you as long as I could have you and then let you go when it was time.” He paused. “But I’m not a callous man. When we began getting serious, I started imagining a future for us.”

  Tears burned at Anna’s eyes. She had thought of a future with him as well.

  “I know that, if I did hold on to you, it would kill me when I had to give you up. I don't know if I could let go of you.”

  Tears slipped down her cheeks as she looked down at her lap. Her chest was tight and she could hardly breathe. She tried to pull her hand away, but he held her tight.

  “Katrina,” he said, lifting her chin with his hand. “I don’t regret a moment of the time I spent with you. I will always cherish it. And I will cherish our time together in the future as well.” He smiled. “I’m not going to stop dancing with you. And I certainly can’t stop caring about you.”

  She let out a choked laugh through her tears. “I don’t want to stop dancing with you either.”