Unworthy (The Worthy Series Book 1)

by Lynne Silver

  I lowered to my knees and grasped his hard cock in my fist.

  “KK?”

  I looked up at him, hot water dripping down my face. “Shh. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

  A wide smile curved his lips, revealing white teeth against his dark skin. He said nothing more as I leaned forward to take him fully into my mouth and give my very best blow job.

  No words passed between us, other than his grunts and strong inhalations that told me I was giving him a going away present to remember. It would be his last sexual encounter for a while, and I wanted to give him a gift to keep him warm and happy on the lonely nights in the Afghan mountains.

  Did I care there wouldn’t be time for me to have a last orgasm with him? Perhaps, but I wouldn’t—couldn’t—be selfish with him. He’d saved me from a miserable night and given me a pleasure-filled one in its place.

  His fingers curled in my wet hair, and I reciprocated by gently grasping his tight balls and giving a squeeze.

  “KK, gonna come.” He tried to back off a little, but I held him in place sucking him and not letting him go until he’d come in my mouth. When he was finished, I stood to smile at him and quickly finish my shampooing and soaping.

  He was looking kind of dazed and I gave him a nudge. “Hey, soldier, get a move on. We need to make the airport shuttle.”

  At once he snapped to attention and stepped out of the shower to wrap himself in a towel and leave the bathroom, giving me some privacy to finish. When I exited the bathroom, he was already back in his uniform.

  I mourned the loss of his body, but it was for the best. If we were going to make our rebooked flight, we were going to have to move it.

  “Same clothes as yesterday?” he commented as I got dressed, suddenly feeling shy under his intent gaze.

  “This suitcase is literally seduction on wheels,” I answered without looking at him as I pulled on my comfy traveling pants. “I told you, it’s only filled with bikinis, lingerie and makeup. I wasn’t planning an extra night in a freezing Texas city.” I caught his grin from the corner of my gaze and felt my cheeks heat. “Yes, I’m an idiot.”

  “No, you’re beautiful,” he said softly. “Don’t ever be ashamed about looking for love. You’re going to make someone very lucky someday.”

  I finished zipping my suitcase and stood. “Well, I hope my someday comes soon.”

  “Maybe you’ve already found it,” he answered, looking at me straight on, causing my heart to constrict, then beat faster.

  I purposely broke the moment by forcing a laugh. “Not likely. I want nothing more to do with Ben, and the best guy I’ve met in a long time is going off to war and he’s too young for me.”

  He didn’t respond and continued to stare at me until I couldn’t take the scrutiny and turned to grab my suitcase. “Let’s go catch our flight.”

  Six Weeks Later

  I SLAMMED OPEN THE HOTEL BATHROOM DOOR feeling far too old for thirty. The sight that greeted me was exactly what I expected and unfortunately becoming all too common. It was eleven on a Saturday night, and I was assisting at the Goldfarb bar mitzvah.

  The decadent dessert carts had just been rolled out when my boss and I noticed that very few thirteen-year-old girls were in the line for chocolate and ice cream. “Go, KK,” my boss, Christine, nudged me.

  With an inward sigh, I’d set off for the nearest restroom, ready to bust some tweenage ass. The absence of the girls was likely because there was drama, with a capital D. No one excelled in drama like thirteen-year-old girls.

  Sure enough, I opened the door to see a huddle of girls, dressed to the nines in strapless and sparkles. All of them surrounded the queen bee who was hamming up her misfortune to the best of her Oscar-quality acting ability. Tears glittered on her cheeks and her inner circle was handing her tissues, rubbing her back and murmuring the usual things girlfriends say when a guy proves he’s less than worthy.

  “He sucks.”

  “You’re so much better than him.”

  “He doesn’t deserve you.”

  All probably true sentiments, why then, did we insist on crying over these moments? Outside the tight circle there was another girl, also crying. Her two BFFs were bolstering her courage as she begged for forgiveness from the queen bee for whatever infraction she’d unwittingly committed.

  “I didn’t know you guys were texting. I swear.”

  I took in the scene and inwardly sighed. Whether we were thirteen or thirty, as a sisterhood, we needed to stop letting humans with penises affect us this much.

  “Ladies,” I announced in a loud, carrying voice, “dessert is being served, and the best way to give the middle finger”—that always got a giggle—“is to wipe off the tears, go get some chocolate and then dance your asses off as a group. Let the boys see what they want and can’t have.”

  I watched my words sink in. I am woman; hear me roar. The tears were quickly dried and the queen bee made her way to the girl who had wronged her. They exchanged a few words, then hugged. Holding hands, they led the pack out of the bathroom and back out to the party. My words worked because I was a stranger, young and dressed cool. If I had been one of the moms saying the same thing, I would’ve gotten blank stares and whining—“You totally don’t understand”—but as I was not a parent figure, I got them to listen.

  I remained behind for a minute. If only my life could be as easily healed. It had been six weeks since I’d parted with Aidan at the airport and I hadn’t been on a single date since. I’d been asked out three times and turned down one set-up. I’d also frozen all fourteen of my online dating accounts. I still wanted my happily ever after but had no idea how to go about finding it. My old methods hadn’t worked. If anything, they’d been catastrophic.

  Instead, I’d been pouring my energies into work with good results there. My boss was going to let me take on my first party as lead planner, and I couldn’t freaking wait. I had my spreadsheets and notebooks ready. All we were waiting on was the right party where the client didn’t specifically ask for my boss by name.

  So yeah, work was going well. My love life, not so much.

  At that moment, I felt a buzzing of my phone. Assuming it was my boss wondering where I was, I ignored it and headed out of the bathroom and back to the now-rocking party.

  It wasn’t until the next morning that I finally checked my messages to see an unfamiliar email address in my box. I’d slept late, as it was Sunday and I had no plans other than a movie that night with an old college friend.

  Bleary-eyed, I read the address and was about to delete it. Who did I know with a military email address? Then the lightbulb dawned. I did know someone in the army.

  To: KKatherine@DCevents15

  From: Aidan.Dominguez55@USarmy

  Subject: Hey

  Hey KK,

  Just wanted to drop a line to say hi. I know it’s been a few weeks, but it took a while to get things settled and get access to email. Wanted to let you know I enjoyed my last night stateside, and it was all thanks to you. Sorry we didn’t get a better goodbye. Drop me a line if you have a sec.

  Aidan

  I read through the short email once, then again and a few bazillion more times.

  Aidan was right—our goodbye had been rushed and disappointing. When we’d arrived at the airport, it had been a mess of stranded travelers fighting to get any seat on the sporadic planes leaving. We’d barely had time to wave at each other before he was walking down a different jet bridge than mine.

  I’d sat in the airport for several more hours before landing a seat on a plane home. I’d never expected to hear from him again. Now that I had, I didn’t know what it meant. Was he writing just to be friendly? Did he really expect to hear from me again, and what did that make us? Friends who emailed? Was that a step above social media friends? Yet, we’d also slept together, and I knew if Aidan appeared in my doorway that second, I’d invite him into my bed.

  The sex between us had been smoking. I’d be an idiot to not experi
ence it again. It was ironic really. I’d had one-night stands before, never intending for them to be a brief hook-up. I, with my marriage goggles on, had always gone into my sexual encounters expecting a relationship to develop, only to be disappointed when I never heard from the guy again.

  With Aidan, I’d never expected to hear from him. I’d gone into his bed with my eyes wide open. And yet, here was an email from him. What did it mean? I didn’t answer right away.

  I went about my normal Sunday routine, but in the back of my mind was a little frisson of awareness that I realized was happiness. I mean, it was ridiculous, Aidan wasn’t any more a candidate for a relationship with me than the President of the United States, and yet…it wouldn’t hurt to write him back. A lonely soldier on active duty had asked me to write him. It was my patriotic duty.

  “Have you ever dated anyone in the military?” I asked my friend, Jen, with whom I’d gone to a movie that night.

  “Nope, why do you ask?” She took a big handful of popcorn, with one eye on the screen showing movie factoids and a dancing soda bottle.

  “I kind of met this guy…” I took my own bite of popcorn. “No, never mind. I’m being stupid.”

  “Stupid about what? Dating someone in the military? Doesn’t sound stupid to me.”

  “Even if he’s six years younger and currently in Afghanistan for the next year?”

  “Oh, wow,” Jen said. “The younger thing is kind of hot. But the long-distance relationship with someone in a war zone? That’s tough.”

  “We don’t have a relationship. We had a one-night stand.”

  She goggled at me, but at that moment, the lights darkened and the booming sound system that signaled the start of the movie previews activated. It would’ve been rude to talk, right? Never mind the fact that I didn’t want to talk about him even though I’d been the idiot to bring Aidan up in the first place.

  Of course, the movie was a total sappy chick flick that had me sobbing and nearly reverting to my old husband-chasing behavior. That night when I got home from the movie, I responded to Aidan.

  To: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  From: KKatherine@DCevents15

  Subject: RE: Hey

  Hey yourself! How are things on the other side of the world? Things here are good. Saw a sappy movie with a friend tonight and I’ve been ugly crying all night. Why do we women do that to ourselves? New rule. I’m only going to see shoot ‘em up movies from now on.

  Anyway, work has been going well. I’m going to get to take the lead on my own event soon. Can’t wait. (I do party planning for my job. Can’t remember if we talked about that on the plane or not.)

  Stay safe there and kick some terrorist ass.

  -KK

  I reread the email three times before hitting send. It was light, friendly and didn’t ask for anything in return. Therefore I was surprised when I woke up early Monday morning to see Aidan’s response in my inbox.

  To: KKatherine@DCevents15

  From: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  Subject: RE: Hey

  We guys love when you women go see chick flicks because then we can be the strong shoulder you cry on. If I were in town, I’d take you to see any movie you’d want. You and me in a dark theater? Hell yeah.

  I blushed and squirmed happily from the comfort of my bed where I was reading emails off my phone.

  No kicking ass yet. Just a lot of rebuilding and sitting around being bored. Throw a bored lonely soldier a bone and write back soon.

  -Aidan

  I didn’t delete the email. Instead I created a new email folder called “Aidan” and saved the message in the folder. It didn’t mean anything, I told myself. Nor did it mean anything that I right-clicked on Aidan’s email to save him as a contact. It was because I was an uber-organized person. This is what organized people did.

  To: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  From: KKatherine@DCevents15

  Subject: TV Catch-up

  As I was watching my favorite show last night, it occurred to me that you’re going to be a year behind on your favorite shows. I assume streaming TV isn’t that easy? If you tell me your favorite show, I’ll watch it on a regular basis and send you the highlights.

  Speaking of watching shows, we women love going to sappy movies just so we CAN cry on a strong man’s shoulder. I’m still looking for that man, but I’m being a lot pickier now. I deserve it, right?

  -KK

  To: KKatherine@DCevents15

  From: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  Subject: RE: TV Catch-up

  Thank you for the TV offer. It was sweet. Now you’re going to make me confess that I’m a reality TV addict. Not like Real Housewives or anything, but anything with home improvement or pawnshops. Also anything with animals. Sometimes I wish I could be part of the K-9 unit here and have dog, but then I’d always feel bad about bringing an innocent animal into a war zone. I had a choice. He didn’t. As soon as I get home, I’m getting a pet. Are you a dog person or a cat person?”

  To: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  From: KKatherine@DCevents15

  Subject: Meow

  Will you still write me if I tell you I’m more of a cat person? I don’t hate dogs, but I prefer cats. In fact, I’ve been thinking of adopting one. It wouldn’t be fair for me to get a dog. I’m gone from my apartment a lot, especially late at night for parties. I’d hate to have to walk a dog in the snow at two in the morning after getting home from work.

  I think you should absolutely get a dog.

  -KK

  To: KKatherine@DCevents15

  From: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  Subject: RE: Meow

  Hell yeah, I’ll still write you, and I forgive you for being a cat person. I like cats too. And I agree you shouldn’t get a dog. I don’t want to think about you and some fuzzy little yappy dog out in the middle of the night. I’m getting a big dog, like a shepherd or rottweiler. He’ll look bad-ass, but I’m gonna train him to be a sweetheart.

  -Aidan

  To: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  From: KKatherine@DCevents15

  Subject: RE: Meow

  Your dog sounds like you. Bad-ass soldier on the outside. Sweetheart on the inside.

  I also responded to Aidan’s email with one line: What’s your snail mail address? Then I went off to work.

  It took a week before I heard back from Aidan, and while I tried to put him out of my mind, I was envisioning every grisly reason I hadn’t heard from him. I’d grown used to his daily missives.

  I couldn’t account for the relief I felt when I finally saw an email pop from his email address. Despite being at work, I read and reread his email with a huge grin on my face.

  To: KKatherine@DCevents15

  From: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  Subject: Snail Mail addy

  Dear KK,

  Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. Been a hell of a week. You gonna send me a package? That would put a smile on my face. Been hard to find one recently. Hope all is well with you. How’s your new promotion at work? Did you plan a rocking party yet? My older sister got engaged on Valentine’s Day. Bet she’d love someone like you planning her wedding. Can’t wait to get your package.

  -Aidan

  The postscript was instructions on how to send him a package. Now I had to decide what to send. What did twenty-four-year-olds in the army want? Cigarettes? I didn’t think Aidan was a smoker. Nudie magazines? I shuddered to think how one poor dirty magazine would hold up against a battalion of lonely male soldiers with very few females in sight.

  A little Internet sleuthing gave me some ideas of what to send and that night after work I filled a large envelope with beef jerky, five packs of gum, and a swimsuit catalog in which I’d printed, cut and glued my face on each of the scantily clad models. I also included a handwritten note.

  Dear Aidan,

  Hope this letter finds you well. I’m sorry you had a rough week. I can hardly imagine. I had a rough week too, though not as rough as some.
I was working a wedding on Saturday night. A big affair. They’d rented out one of the museums in DC as the venue. The room rental fee alone is more than most people’s entire wedding budget.

  Anyway, I was running around making sure the flowers were in place, the bride was en route and a doing the zillion other things that have to happen before the bride can say “I do.” The wedding was set to start in five minutes when I knocked on the groom’s door to tell him and the groomsmen to get in their places. Well…no one answered so I opened the door praying we didn’t have a runner. (We get those on occasion). I would’ve preferred a runner…

  Instead I opened the door and the best man was on his knees in front of the groom giving him a…well…you can guess!!! And then I screamed, which brought the bride’s father running and everything went downhill from there. If only I had kept my big fat mouth shut.

  Either way, there was no wedding. I have half a wedding cake in my fridge. I felt pretty bad for the bride, but better she know now.

  As for me, I’ve given up my quest to walk down the aisle. I’m a changed woman from the one you met on Valentine’s Day.

  I hope this isn’t awkward, since we’ve slept together, but since we’re friends and sharing about our lives, I need some good luck since I am going on a date this Tuesday. Just coffee… so cross your fingers. I’m going to be the ultimate girl next door. No more party girl. Just a girl who plans the parties.

  Hope to hear from you soon. And you can write to me about the hard stuff too. I’m pretty brave and a good listener. Unless it’s top secret classified stuff. Don’t tell me and then have to kill me.