Unworthy (The Worthy Series Book 1)

by Lynne Silver

  What about sex? Would we be celibate until we’re together again?

  Did you go to college?

  Have you ever been in a serious relationship before?

  That’s it for now. I’m sure I’ll think of more stuff.

  Love,

  KK

  PS glad you liked the socks. There are more coming your way.

  To: KKatherine@DCevents15

  From: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  Subject: questions

  KK,

  Sorry I freaked you out. See my answers below.

  What exactly are you looking for? Would you want a committed monogamous relationship? While you’re overseas should I not go on any dates? I’m open to this, but before I commit, I want you to be sure that’s what you’re asking.

  I’m looking for whatever you’re willing to give. I know that’s vague, but I’ve never met anyone like you and I know if I didn’t do my best to have a shot with you, I’d kick myself someday. I’d be in my fifties and look back at my life and regret not going after the amazing girl I once slept with thanks to a snowstorm.

  I can’t ask you to stay celibate and not date. I know that’s not fair, but please don’t tell me if you go on dates. It physically hurt, and I ended up in a fight with a buddy because I kept imagining you with another guy. It killed me and I knew I had no rights where you’re concerned. I want rights.

  How long will you be gone? Do you get leave?

  I’m on a one-year tour and I’ll get leave after six months, which means I’ll be home for a few days in the middle of the summer.

  Where is your home when you’re in the U.S.? Is that where you grew up?

  I grew up in San Diego, actually in a small town outside of San Diego. I don’t really have a home base right now other than the army post in Arizona. On leave, I usually stay with my parents.

  I know you have a sister. Do you have any other family?

  See above. I have a mom, a dad and my older sister—the one who’s getting married. She’s going to try to time her wedding with my leave. Will you be my date to her wedding?

  What about sex? Would we be celibate until we’re together again?

  This is the shitty part, baby. It’s a right-handed work out for me until I see you again. We can write hot letters to each other. I could use another one from you. The other one may be a little, um, crumpled.

  Did you go to college?

  Joined the army right after I graduated high school. No idea what I’m going to do when I’m out. Maybe go back to school, but I’ve never been big on classrooms.

  Have you ever been in a serious relationship before?

  Had a serious girlfriend my senior year of high school and we tried the long- distance thing my first year in service. Didn’t work out. I wasn’t ready to commit.

  Now I have a few questions for you.

  -Did you go to college?

  -Who is your family- not just your blood relatives, but the friends who are like family?

  -Have you ever been in love? I know you’ve been in lots of serious relationships, but have you ever loved deeply?

  I read and reread Aidan’s responses. His answers were all the right ones, designed to make my heart melt and beat faster. It killed me that I’d unintentionally hurt him by going on a date and telling him about it, but how could I have known? I was ignorant, never assuming my one-night stand would want a relationship.

  He’d be here in the summer, only a few months from now. I thought deeply about what I wanted and tried to picture a scenario in which Aidan and I continued our epistolary love affair as Andi had called it.

  I decided that, yes, I could give it a shot. I was getting more communication and emotional openness from Aidan than I had from any of the guys I’d dated before, and this was long distance. It would only get better if we were in the same city, right?

  I hopped on my computer and sent him an email. Short and sweet.

  To: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  From: KKatherine@DCevents15

  Subject: I’m in

  Okay Aidan. Let’s give this a try. Put me down as a maybe for your sister’s wedding, but a yes as your long-distance girlfriend.

  -KK

  I left off the love on my sign off. Before it had been a throwaway love. Now that we were officially entering into a relationship, the simple word had too much weight.

  It also showed how much I’d grown in two months. Old me would’ve read every L-word from Aidan as expressing the sentiment and as evidence of his feelings. I was smarter now. Or more cynical.

  The next two months passed quickly with me waking up to an email from him almost daily. I tried to respond as soon as I received them. We got to know each other really well. No bullshit, no hours of putting on makeup to look good on a date with him. Aidan got pajamas-and- no-makeup KK, and because I was stripped of façade when I wrote him, my letters were real and lacking the flirtation that would’ve been present if we’d been in the same room.

  Of course there were plenty of letters that went beyond flirtation into steamy missives that had me cursing the president of the United States that had sent my boyfriend across the world and away from my bed, but if it hadn’t been for him, I never would’ve met Aidan in the first place.

  In one letter, I joked with Aidan that I’d be sending thank you notes to all of his commanding officers for putting him on my plane. He responded that he was now more religious and going to the army post chapel to thank God for the snowstorm that put me in his bed.

  Suddenly it was the middle of June and Aidan pressed me on whether I’d be coming to his sister’s wedding. It was a fair question, as I had to buy a plane ticket soon if I was going. Yet, I’d been cagey on answering him. On one hand, I wanted to see him desperately and kept putting plane tickets on hold telling myself I’d hit the trigger and click purchase, but something kept me from pressing the button.

  I think it was the memory of blowing a lot of money to fly out to surprise Ben. Every time I’d ever made a grand gesture to show a man I was into him, it had exploded in my face. There was a deep insecure part of me that thought the second I bought a plane ticket to San Diego, this thing with Aidan would end badly.

  So I held off on buying a plane ticket until one morning I got an email notification from an airline that a ticket had been purchased in my name leaving Washington National airport on Friday, July 7th and returning on Monday the 10th.

  An email from Aidan quickly followed.

  To: KKatherine@DCevents15

  From: Aidan.Dominguez55@army

  Subject: airline ticket

  KK,

  Got you an airline ticket. Use it. Don’t use it. The choice is yours, but know that I want you there. I want to see you again, kiss you again, hold you in bed all night. I know the last time you got on a flight to spend a romantic weekend with your boyfriend, it went south. It won’t happen again. I’m not that douche. I’m the guy who sees you as the woman you bring home to the family.

  Surprise me. If you want to see me, be on the plane. Bring a dress for my sister’s wedding and that special bag of sexy lingerie I know you have.

  Hope to see you on the 7th.

  Aidan

  Oh. My. God. I read and reread the email, distantly noting that my hands were shaking, and my eyes were filled with tears. How had Aidan known what I’d never told him? He’d understood why I hadn’t purchased a plane ticket.

  And he was bringing me home to meet his family at his sister’s wedding. If that wasn’t a public declaration, I didn’t know what was. With shaky fingers, I typed a response thanking him for the ticket. I didn’t confirm or deny whether I’d be on the plane, as I didn’t know yet myself.

  It was everything I’d wanted, hoped for and dreamed about since the age of ten, but the reality was suddenly scary. This was it. The big romantic gesture from a man I was falling in love with and I was possibly too much of a coward to accept it.

  Aidan had the power to hurt me, to make my heart bleed. I’
d thought I’d known what heartbreak was before every time I was dumped by a boyfriend. Now I realized it had only been disappointment that my well-organized plans hadn’t come to fruition. I’d never been emotionally invested with the guy before because I’d projected false feelings onto them.

  With Aidan, I was all in. He made me laugh and filled my heart with joy, and that was all from long distance. How much more would I fall in with him when we were together? A lot.

  If things didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be an hour or two of tears, followed by a viewing of The Notebook and a bottle of wine. It would be full-on emotional wrenching devastation. Better to protect myself than let the usual KK boyfriend implosion happen, because it would. Maybe.

  Everything with Aidan was so different that maybe this time there would be no implosion, just my hard-earned happily ever after.

  We continued to email back and forth and I sent him another package, but I didn’t bring up his upcoming leave and neither did he. I’d thanked him for the airline ticket and then let the subject die. I’d all but made up my mind to go, but didn’t want to disappoint him if I had a last minute freak-out and didn’t go.

  Then suddenly the day before the big day was here, and I was on the phone with Andi, racing around my bedroom trying to pack for the trip.

  “KK, calm down. It’s California, not the moon. Bring some cute dresses and jeans. Oh, and a sweater if it’s cool at night.”

  I glanced down at the printed sheet I’d typed with each day’s projected weather and schedule. “It’s supposed to be in the seventies at night. Do I need a sweater?”

  “Better to have it than not.”

  “What about sexy lingerie? Aidan told me to bring it, but I think we’re staying at his parents’ house. I don’t want to get caught in something totally embarrassing.”

  “From what you’ve told me, Aidan would think you’re sexy in his T-shirt. KK, I’m excited for you. This is what you’ve been waiting for: a man who values you and is ready to commit.”

  “Don’t freak me out more, Andi. I’m nervous enough.”

  “Wasn’t trying to, but go. Pack, have a great time, and call when you get back.”

  “Will do.” I hung up and stared at my bed covered in clothing and the tiny suitcase in which I proposed to fit it all. Not gonna happen. I had to reassess. I removed the long black formal gown. Aidan had told me his sister’s wedding was dressy church attire. Me, queen of events, had no idea what that meant. Dressy church attire wasn’t a thing in my town. Or was it, and I was hanging with the wrong people?

  Either way, I didn’t think it meant black sparkly strapless. I took out another strapless dress and substituted it with a royal blue suit I wore whenever I had to work a corporate event. The jacket came off to reveal a sleeveless dress with some pretty good cleavage. Though, with my cup size, it was hard not to have decent cleavage.

  Finally, I eyed my stuffed suitcase with all its contents in their plastic vacuum-sealed cases and decided I was satisfied. The only thing left to do was sleep and head to the airport tomorrow.

  I swigged another gulp of my icy bottled water as I stood in the crowd jostling for position to board the plane. My paper ticket I’d printed was clutched in one hand and my cell phone with its electronic back-up copy nestled safely against my right butt cheek. It ruined the effect of the awesome bootylicious jeans I wore, but when traveling, I kept my cell phone close.

  It wasn’t going to be the most comfortable flight, because I wasn’t wearing the usual travel outfit of comfy jeans or yoga pants and a loose T-shirt. Instead, I was dressed to the nines in tight jeans, a low cut blouse and makeup that said effort, not ten a.m. flight.

  No matter; I’d withstand the discomfort to look good for when we landed. Aidan hadn’t spelled it out, but I assumed he’d meet me at the airport in San Diego, and I had bookmarked the name of two taxi companies in the event he wasn’t waiting for me at arrivals and I had his parent’s address in my phone. Though, if he wasn’t waiting for me, I’d likely do an about-face and head back on the nearest plane to DC. Please let this not be another relationship implosion, I prayed as I took another step toward the gate agent to get on the plane.

  It wasn’t until I was halfway down the jet bridge that I checked my seat number: 26E. The same seat I’d had when I met Aidan. Coincidence? Karma? Or something more? I knew it was something more the second I finally got to the rear of the plane to see Aidan already seated in 26F.

  I flew at him, leaving my bag in the aisle, to hug and kiss him. Tears streamed down my face totally messing up my makeup. “How did you get past me?” I asked, perched on his lap, but twisted to face him.

  He held me tight and answered, “Military boards first.” We grinned at each other, while a nice flight attendant put my bag in the overhead compartment. It appeared everyone had a soft spot for military homecomings.

  The flight passed in a total blur. Never had five-plus hours flown so quickly. I didn’t let go of Aidan’s hand the entire time, unless it was to stroke his biceps or thigh while we kissed. I also couldn’t stop smiling. By the end of the flight, my face was aching from my ear-to-ear grin.

  Aidan, however, wasn’t smiling. He kept looking at me as if I could somehow disappear from the plane, and his grip on my hand was formidably tight. He looked thinner too, and somehow harder, as if he’d gone through things that had changed him. Likely, he had.

  I’d done a little reading on returning home from deployment and signs of PTSD. Aidan didn’t exhibit any signs of stress, but he was less lighthearted than the Aidan I’d met Valentine’s Day. I liked this Aidan more, because it was as if I’d met the boy and now the man was coming home to me, ready to get serious.

  “Nervous to go home,” he murmured a minute after the pilot told the flight attendants to get ready for landing.

  I squeezed his hand. “Think things are different?”

  He shook his head. “Things there will be the same. It’s me that’s different.”

  I cocked my head, ready to listen to anything he wanted to share, at the same time, a tiny part of me selfishly worried that he was reconsidering us. “How so?” I asked, and squeezed his hand again, this time out of my own nervousness during the plane’s descent.

  “Saw shit. Did shit.” He shook his head. “They’ll expect me to be their Aidan, but you…”

  “I, what?” My stomach flip-flopped. This was it, the moment where we imploded like every other relationship in which I’d believed.

  “You know me as I am now. You accept me as me.”

  I relaxed even as the plane hit a bumpy air pocket. “Your family has known you forever,” I said. “They remember you as a boy. Parents always have a little trouble seeing their children as full-fledged capable adults, even if you hadn’t gone to war. But you did, and they’re going to have to get to know you as the man you are now. I’ll be there to help, if you need.”

  His large palm pressed against my cheek, and he lowered his face to look into my eyes for a long second and then brought his lips down on mine. Finally, when he drew back, the plane was on the ground, but my soul was in the heavens.

  “Thank you,” he whispered, giving us a quiet private moment, even as chaos erupted around us in the form of passengers jostling to get their luggage and exit the plane. “Thank you.”

  “I’ve done nothing yet,” I said.

  “You’ve done everything. Thank you for getting on this plane. Thank you for writing back to me, when you probably thought I was an idiot.”

  I shook my head.

  “Thank you for getting on the plane in Phoenix, but mostly thank you for believing in love, even when it kept passing you by,” he continued.

  “Not anymore,” I whispered.

  He smiled. “No, no more waiting. Love’s got you now.”

  Lynne Silver is the author of hot contemporary romance such as the popular Alpha Heroes and Coded for Love series. She absolutely loves to travel and explore new cities. She has a slight (huge) addiction t
o donuts, fancy purses, romance novels and video games. She lives in Washington, DC, with her husband and two sons.

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