Grave Creatures

by John P. Logsdon

  “Ian,” Rachel called out.

  I spun around to see two zombies were damn near on her, and she was already having words with a vampire.

  Just as I was raising my gun, Merle turned those two zombies to dust and Cletus took out the chick that Rachel had been wrestling with.

  Impressive.

  Not time for kudos, though. We had to keep fighting or we’d end up as part of Shitfaced Fred’s army. I didn’t have any interest in volunteering at this stage of my life, and I certainly didn’t want to be volunteered in the afterlife.

  “There’s a brief turn here, Chief,” Chuck called through the connector. “You’re attacking?”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” I replied after dropping a fae. “We started it, but it’s been all defense since then.”

  “Well, you’ve done something right because we’ve been able to take them out in double time.”

  “Good, glad to have helped.”

  The word “helped” was said with a grunt as a vampire cannoned into me after being shot by Merle. I rolled back to my feet just in time to get knocked on my ass again by a damn lightning bolt.

  “Rachel,” I said calmly, after expertly swapping in fresh magazines, “I’m tiring of this. We need to break through.”

  “It’ll cost energy.”

  “I think it already is,” I replied. “Do it or I’m going to have to jump into Freeze again.”

  “Okay, but…”

  “Wait,” I said, scanning the area. “Scratch that. I’ve got a better idea.”

  “Haste?”

  “Yep.”

  “Shit,” she said. “All right. Tell Cletus and Merle to cover their eyes when I yell, and to be ready to run back to me. I’m going to flash the area to give you time.”

  I told them.

  Ten seconds later, Rachel yelled “Now” and a light hit with such power that it nearly blinded me through my shut eyes.

  Creatures groaned and screamed and fell to the ground, writhing in pain. The zombies were still moving, clearly not caring about their eyesight. Cletus and Merle were taking care of them decently, though they were complaining about seeing spots.

  It was time for me to move.

  Fast.

  Very fast.

  Chapter 38

  My eyes were already closed, but I moved into a state of instant calm. I had to shut out everything that was going on in the world in order to activate Haste.

  Screams became distant hums, magical blasts were nothing but a dull breeze…

  Silence.

  Deadness.

  I’d hit my core.

  I had a number of resources at my disposal, depending on the situation. There were a few that I knew about, but they had been discovered over time, meaning there were likely more yet to be uncovered. I knew I could freeze my emotions, go into a berserker mode that leveraged fear, summon strength, haze my physical presence, preserve oxygen, and go into a level of speed and accuracy that would make me a blur.

  I named the last one on the list “haste.” I wasn’t exactly creative about naming these things.

  There were many methods to calling up these skills, but most of them required that I go into a trance-like state for a few moments. This made me vulnerable, which is why Rachel covered me like she did.

  I called upon Haste.

  My body began to tremble as the rush of noise came back.

  There was a vampire standing above me with his fist pulled back. He was preparing to knock me into yesterday when a breaker ripped through his chest and threw him backwards. Even though this had happened in an instant, to me it was like watching the scene unfold in slow motion.

  Haste was in effect.

  I jumped to my feet and scanned the area.

  Bodies were moving at fifty-percent their normal speed from my perspective, which meant they would see me as having a major spring in my step.

  Rachel had her blade out and was in the process of gutting Priscilla. It was disturbing enough to watch her do something like that at full-speed. In slow motion, it was enough to make me gag. And dammit, I’d just boned that succubus. The smirk on Rachel’s face read “mission complete.”

  Cletus and Merle fired off their weapons like seasoned cops. It seems they just needed to get past their fear.

  A hand landed on my shoulder.

  I spun and placed Boomy against the chest of a vampire that I could have sworn I ended before going into Haste. The breaker tore through her chest and blew a hole out her back. I fired two more for good measure. Obviously she’d somehow survived my first encounter with her, so I wanted to be sure she wouldn’t come back from this one.

  A voice called with a long, drawn out word. It belonged to a fae who was pointing at a fallen werewolf about ten feet from me. At first I thought maybe she wanted the doggie to stop what it was doing and stand on her left, but then I realized she was using a power word to bring the thing back to life. In other words, she’d said “heal,” not “heel.”

  We couldn’t have her continuing her doctoring ways.

  I brought Boomy up and placed a breaker right through the fae’s neck, cutting off her ability to speak along with her ability to live. Another breaker interrupted the werewolf’s healing phase. He was out.

  Seeing that it was tough enough to beat these damn things without healers, I turned my focus on eradicating them.

  There were three within the area, aside from the fae I’d already dealt with.

  I ran at full speed toward the nearest one.

  It was a werewolf who had not fully transitioned from its normal mode. I placed a breaker bullet right in his chest as I leapt in the air, clearing his body as he flew backwards from the impact.

  A mage, who had seemingly managed to deal with our speed differential, fired an energy beam at me, but my amulet warded it off. She looked confused by this, and that gave me time to put a bullet between her eyes. It bounced off whatever shielding she had in place.

  It seemed we were at a standstill.

  Unfortunately for her, I wasn’t limited to using Boomy.

  I bolted at her as she fumbled to cast another spell. A basic fireball launched in my direction two seconds before I tackled her. She gasped for breath, making it clear that I’d knocked the wind out of her.

  “Sorry, sister,” I said as I put Boomy to her head and ended her anxiety.

  A werebear that I’d somehow missed—which was not an easy thing to do—lifted me up and launched me a good ten feet away. Either he was modified or his adrenaline had bumped him up to my speed because he was on me faster than I could pull up Boomy.

  “Oh damn,” I said as a massive paw knocked the hell out of me.

  He was swinging for the fences and I had no way to stop him other than using my arms to protect myself as much as possible.

  The ferociousness of his swipes were wearing me out fast.

  I had to think of something.

  He gave me the opportunity when he reared up and roared so loudly that I thought I was going to shit myself.

  Some people sought honorable ways to battle. They would just as soon die instead of resorting to something deemed questionable. Me, I didn’t give a damn if my methods were naughty. My goal was to stay alive when I was facing a bad guy. Anything beyond that, didn’t matter to me one bit.

  And so I snaked out a hand, gripped the werebear by his balls and said, “Stop!”

  He froze in place, realizing the gravity of the situation.

  “Okay, pal,” he said with a gulp. “Whatever you say. Just keep the jewels in place, yeah?”

  “How are you moving so fast?”

  “Wizard cast some speed spell on me,” he answered. “Said you were moving faster than you should be and wanted to even the playing field.”

  “Why are you supporting this wizard?”

  “Ten bucks is ten bucks, pal.” He swallowed hard. I twisted his sack slightly. “Okay, okay! The truth is that he’s my brother-in-law. My wife’s been riding me to help him out wi
th this venture. Things haven’t exactly been great at home.”

  “Oh,” I said, relaxing my grip slightly. “Sorry.”

  “Honestly,” he said between short breaths, “you gripping my tenderviddles is about the most action I’ve had in a year.”

  “Ew.” I gave him a sour look, but I wasn’t about to release him just yet. If I did, he’d just redouble his efforts. There’s no way he’d give me another chance to get free. “So you’re doing this for marital reasons?”

  “And the money,” he admitted. “Both.”

  “You realize we’re going to kill you, though, right?”

  “Only if I don’t kill you first,” he argued. I twisted again. “Ahhh! Right! I get your point.”

  “What about the rest of these people? Are they in a similar situation?”

  “No, no,” he answered with a grunt. “Just me. Aren’t many werebears in town, you know.”

  “I only knew of one, until now.”

  “Me, too.”

  I looked at him funnily. “Who?”

  “Rick Portman. Works at the morgue. We’re drinking buddies.”

  “Portman is with me.”

  “Oh yeah?” He tried to smile, but my grip on his nethers made it look more like he had gas. “Never mentioned it.”

  “What’s your name?” I said as I reached down with my other hand to pick up Boomy.

  “Harvey Smith,” he answered.

  “Okay, Harvey,” I said, feeling bad about having to kill Portman’s pal, “Have you killed anyone for these wizards yet?”

  “No,” he answered seriously. “I wasn’t planning to kill you either, until you grabbed my nuts anyway. Was told to knock you out and bring you back to the boss.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “None of you are supposed to be killed.”

  “Interesting.”

  I pointed Boomy to the left and placed a breaker bullet in the chest of a vampire that had been slowly sneaking up on us. He was still in go-slow mode, after all.

  Then I placed Boomy on Harvey’s chest and let go of his balls. He breathed heavily.

  “How do you feel about your brother-in-law?”

  Harvey was wincing. “Hate him nearly as much as I hate his sister.”

  “Good.”

  “Good?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “You’re working for us now.”

  “I am?”

  I pressed Boomy against his chest a little harder. “Unless you’d rather die?”

  “Always wanted to help the Paranormal Police Department,” he said with a gulp.

  Chapter 39

  I made sure that Rachel and the crew knew not to fire at Harvey.

  There was something to be said about having a werebear on your side in general, but one who could move with the same speed I was able to was priceless.

  Harvey and I were cutting a swath right though the bodyguards like they were nothing. I was using my guns and Harvey was just ripping them to shreds. But those power word yelling bastards kept healing them.

  Harvey charged a vampire “healer” and made quick work of him.

  The second one was standing on a ledge above the fray with his little purple outfit and green hat.

  It was a damn pixie and he was bouncing around full speed like me and Harvey.

  I ran around the hill and ran up to him from behind, just as he was about to use his little wand to send a charge of something at Harvey. Obviously he’d spotted that the werebear had changed sides. And now that Harvey was on my side, it was my job to protect him as best I could.

  “Nope,” I said, plucking the wand from the pixie’s hand.

  He spun around and looked cross. “Give me that back, you dick fume.”

  “Dick fume?” I said. “I’ve been called a lot of things, but that’s a first.”

  “Do I look like I care?” he retaliated, crossing his arms. Then his eyes grew wide, his expression changed to one of surprise, he pointed, and yelled, “Look out!”

  Instead of turning, I merely ducked.

  It was a ruse.

  He started to fly using his little pixie wings.

  Not on my watch.

  I snapped him from the air and brought him to eye level, giving him a devilish glare. Now, it must be said that your average pixie is not easily intimidated. It’s like how a chihuahua is more than willing to go toe-to-toe with a great dane. It’s not that they have even the slightest chance of winning that battle, but the chihuahua doesn’t know this until it’s too late. And, to be fair, the great dane second-guesses things because that damn chihuahua is far more confident about the outcome of things than he should be.

  Fortunately, I knew pixies pretty well. They were masters at thievery, sneak attacks, and being assholes.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” I said powerfully.

  “Your mom’s house.”

  I blinked at him. “What?”

  “I heard she was lonely. Figured I could slip her a little pixie-lovin’.”

  “Very little,” I countered.

  He frowned. “I’m above average for my size, I’ll have you know.”

  “Oh, my apologies, then,” I said mockingly. “That would make you still way too little for my mom.”

  “She gets around, eh?”

  There was little point trying to get the upper hand against a pixie in a battle of insults. They were just too good at it. It was their primary skillset, after all. Yes, they did magic, too, but mostly they were great at annoying people into submission. If you weren’t careful, they’d divert your attention and then attack.

  “I don’t have time for this,” I said and then launched the pixie with a full throw at Harvey.

  The pixie yelled “Priiiiiiick” back at me while giving me the finger. A split-second later he’d become a snack for Harvey the werebear.

  “Chief,” Chuck said through the connector as I felt Haste starting to slow, “we’ve got things under control here except for the power word guys. They’re a pain!”

  “We’ve just destroyed ours,” I replied. “I’ve turned one of the bad guys to our side, too.”

  “How did you manage that?” asked Griff.

  “Made him an offer he couldn’t refuse,” I replied. “You have to take out those healers, Griff. If you don’t, we’re done for.”

  “We’re working on it. Are you making any progress toward stopping the wizard?”

  “Just about to head into his circle,” I replied after shearing off half the head of a fae with Boomy. “Our new pal is going to deliver us as prisoners.”

  “What?” said Rachel before Griff could reply.

  “All part of my plan.”

  “You planned for this?” She grunted. “I don’t remember hearing about this part of the plan. I would have remembered it, too, because it’s crazy.”

  I ducked under a swing from a werewolf and kicked out at his knee, cracking it and sending him to the ground howling. A nicely placed bullet ended his anguish.

  “I know it’s crazy,” I said, “which is why it’ll work. I thought we’d be able to do a straight assault, but we’re already wearing out and Haste is about gone.”

  And it was. I was slowing back to normal speed.

  The beasties were all but decimated by the time I made my final lap. Haste was done. This sucked because I was now exhausted. One of the rough parts about using my special skills was how wiped out I became when I was done.

  But this time I was prepared.

  Knowing that I was likely to drop into these modes, I had Serena whip me up a batch of replenishing energy. She used to do this during our sexcapades back in the day. Yes, there was a time when we could quite literally play “Bad cop, naughty cop” all weekend long.

  I downed the elixir and my energy came back to full within seconds.

  Eventually, I’d pay the price. You couldn’t borrow energy without it catching up to you. Once this was said and done, I’d have to sleep for a few days. That assumed we got
through this in one piece. If not, I’d sleep a lot longer.

  Cletus wasted the last of the zombies while Merle dropped the final vampire.

  Everyone was exhausted but me. I had six vials of the stuff left, though, so I handed one to Rachel, two to Harvey, and one to Cletus and Merle to share. Hooking up normals with this stuff was dicey, so I wanted to make sure they didn’t get a full shot.

  “Now that everyone is back to one hundred percent,” I said, “it’s time to pay a visit to Fred.”

  Chapter 40

  “Who is Fred?” Harvey asked after introductions.

  “Your brother-in-law,” I replied. “He’s been a real pain in the ass over the last few days and it looks like he wants be even naughtier.”

  “My brother-in-law’s name is Chip,” Harvey corrected. “I don’t know anyone named Fred.” He looked up suddenly. “You sure you got the right fight, pal?”

  “I didn’t know his actual name, and I wasn’t going to go around calling him ‘old guy’ all the time.”

  “Chip’s not old. He’s about my age.” Then he snapped his fingers. “Wait, you’re talking about Chip’s boss, right?”

  “I guess so,” I answered. “You’d said that the boss wanted us brought in alive, so I assumed that your brother-in-law was the boss.”

  “Nah. Chip’s a mid-level mage.”

  “But you said the boss wanted us brought back alive, right?”

  “Yep, and I said that because Chip said that. I was just regurgitating.”

  Rachel stuck her knife back in her boot after wiping it off on one of the fallen’s suit. She closed the clasp and smacked dirt off her leathers. The entire time she was bent over and doing this, the four men in camp just stared like a bunch of teenagers seeing their first supermodel. Cletus and Merle seemed the most affected by it. This probably had to do with their being in an emotionally charged state already.