The Rise and Fall of a Theater Geek

by Seth Rudetsky

  Hubert stopped with his hand still clutching the handle of the stage door.

  He turned around slowly. “What are you referring to?”

  I smiled. A big, wide smile.

  “Hubert,” I said, coming right up to him. “My friend Spencer works in the accounting department of GlitZ. Need I say more?”

  He actually looked down. And for the first time in my entire experience with him, he was silent!

  “So, yes,” I continued, “what you’re threatening to tell about me is not pretty, but what I did is not against the law.”

  Pause.

  “You’re bluffing,” he finally said.

  “Try me.”

  We stood and stared at each other.

  I decided to take the soft approach. Better for him to think I’m weak. “Besides,” I said, “all I want is for Chase to have a chance to do the show tonight.” Then, just to make sure he’d agree, I added, “We both know he’s gonna bomb, anyway.”

  He answered in a very soft voice. “All right.”

  “Oh!” I said quickly. “One more thing. I need a ticket for myself and four more for my friends. And my grandmother. Why don’t you get yourself to the box office and handle that for me?”

  Pause.

  I couldn’t resist…“ASAP!”

  Hmm…that actually felt good. I may add it to my vocabulary after all.

  And then…he actually did it! I waited on the street for a few minutes and soon Hubert returned and handed me the tickets.

  He started walking toward the stage door.

  “I’m going to come with you, if you don’t mind,” I said, not trusting him.

  We both went into Chase’s dressing room.

  “Hubert!” Chase said, and gave him a kiss.

  Thankfully I only heard the sound because I was able to turn my head and block out the visual.

  “Sorry I haven’t called,” Chase said. “I can’t find my phone anywhere.”

  “It’s right there,” I said, pointing to his couch.

  Chase looked. “That’s so weird. I’m sure it wasn’t there a minute ago.”

  “Anyway,” I said, moving on, “we’re just here to wish you luck. Right, Hubert?” I said, staring him down.

  “That’s right, Chase,” Hubert said. “We’ll talk after the show about…what’s next.”

  “Let’s go!” I said, putting my arm through Hubert’s. “There’s only an hour till the show!”

  Hubert and I left the dressing room like best friends. As soon as we turned the corner, we broke apart and walked in silence to the stage door. We exited to the street and turned in opposite directions. He was probably going to get something to eat before the show. Or cry. I turned back around and watched him walk down the street. He seemed alone. All of his scheming and trickery couldn’t save him in the long run.

  I wondered if he’d always been like that. He probably started out a nice guy, but as he began to perfect his lying and scheming abilities, they became his only way of life.

  Then I had a horrific thought.

  Scheming? Trickery? Lies?

  Am I on my way to becoming like him one day?

  Is there a way for me to stop it?

  I thought about what Chase said after rehearsal.

  I thought about what Spencer would say.

  Oh no.

  I realized what I had to do.

  I walked to the Starbucks on Forty-Seventh and Broadway and logged on to my website.

  I sat in the audience as the lights came down for the beginning of Act One. I gave Devon the aisle seat and sat to the right of him. Spencer sat next to me, then Scotty (!) and Becky. As soon as Chase came onstage, I was positive I heard some snickers from the audience. But then he started to sing and I heard gasps.

  Good gasps!

  The audience was prepared for a nightmarish performance, and instead they saw the birth of a Broadway star. As the song went on, I watched the stage 50 percent of the time and looked at the audience the other 50 percent. It seemed like every mouth I saw was agape. When the opening number ended, the applause seemed to last as long as the song. One person wasn’t applauding. I watched Hubert’s face go from glaring to simply depressed. It was almost as thrilling as seeing Chase be brilliant. One of the best parts was watching Grandma Sally. She loved it! I got her the seat right next to Hubert and whenever something funny happened onstage, she’d hit him on the arm and say, “Hot damn!”

  The only hard thing for me was having Scotty in the same row. I was very proud of myself for telling Spencer to invite him, but when I looked around the audience to see people’s reactions, I made a point of not looking anywhere near him. Yes, I had wanted a break from Spencer, but who was I kidding? An hour was enough. I wanted him back!

  At intermission, I asked him to come outside with me. Thankfully, he didn’t ask Scotty to come with us.

  “Justin!” he said, giving me a hug. “I’m so proud of you. Chase is doing such a great job.”

  “Thank you, Spencer,” I said, while tons of people jockeyed around us to have a quick smoke. I’m always shocked that people still smoke in this day and age. Do they not know the progression is usually smelly clothes to yellow teeth to hacking cough to worse? And by “worse” I mean not being able to hit high notes, as well as death!

  “Spencer, this is not really the place, but…can we give us another try?”

  I was hoping for a big “Of course we can” and an enormous hug. Instead, he looked serious.

  “Justin…,” Spencer began.

  I didn’t want him to tell me no, so I kept talking. “Listen, I tried to date someone else and he had everything I thought I wanted, but it was like dating another me.” I grabbed his hands. “Spencer, I don’t want another me. I want another you.” Huh? That made no sense. Why did reconciliation scenes always sound so great in movies? I should have written out a rough draft in advance. “No, not another you. I want you!” I looked into his eyes. Well, I looked through the cigarette smoke that swirled around us and tried to zero in on his eyes. “You’re the voice of reason. You’re the one who tells me when I’m out of control. Spencer…” This was hard to say, so I took a deep breath. While I coughed I said, “I need you.”

  “That’s very sweet, Justin—”

  Ah! He’s going to say no! “I promise I’ll change. I won’t scheme. I won’t exaggerate—”

  “Justin!” he said firmly. “Stop right there. I don’t want you to change.”

  “You don’t?” Well, he certainly did before. “Then why did you break up with me?”

  “Because you wanted it!” Huh? “I could tell for months that you were drifting away from me. You wanted out.”

  Ouch. He was right. I couldn’t wait to come to New York and date someone just like me.

  “I knew it was just a matter of time before you broke up with me, so I mentally prepared myself for it.” Wow. He was as logical as I was emotional. “You probably didn’t notice, but I took anything you did that mildly irritated me and I used it to build a separation between us.”

  Didn’t notice? If he rolled his eyes any more at lunch, I would have gotten him seizure medication.

  Spencer kept talking. “If I constantly felt irritated with you, I knew that would make it easier when we ended it.”

  So, I brought about the breakup with Spencer. And yet…I don’t regret what happened. Dating a version of me for just a few days made me realize what a saint Spencer is. And how much I love him exactly the way he is. And seeing him all dressed up for the show tonight reminded me how cute he is!

  “I missed you, Justin. I never realized how boring my life would be without you.”

  “I missed you, Spencer. I never realized how much I need you to rein me in.” I thought about what it had been like being with another me. “Quite frankly, I’m annoying.”

  “No, you’re not,” Spencer said with a sweet smile. “You’re the best.”

  We kissed right there on the smoke-filled sidewalk in front of the t
heater.

  “I broke up with Devon this afternoon, by the way,” I said, waiting for him to tell me he was going to break up with Scotty.

  “I hoped so!” he said.

  Then silence.

  The lights started flashing, indicating Act Two was about to begin. Thankfully, the cigarettes were being put out and the air was clearing.

  Finally I spoke. “Spencer…what about Scotty?”

  “What about him?”

  I had to spell it out? Certainly he was going to break up with him!

  Wasn’t he?

  “What’s the deal with him?”

  “Um…I can’t talk about that.” Again he was hauling out that nonstatement?

  “Why can you not talk about it?”

  “Because,” Becky said, suddenly appearing next to us, “I made him promise to keep his mouth shut.”

  Where did she come from? And what did she mean? “Keep his mouth shut that they’re dating each other?” I asked.

  “No, you moron,” Becky said, laughing. “Keep his mouth shut that I’m dating him.”

  I then realized that Scotty was standing there as well. And he and Becky were holding hands.

  “What? Why? Huh?” I was flabbergasted.

  “Didn’t you see us holding hands the whole first act?” she asked.

  No! I had completely avoided looking at what I thought was my competition.

  But, wait…it didn’t make sense.

  “Aren’t you gay?” I asked Scotty.

  Scotty laughed. “No.”

  “But—”

  “Wait a minute,” he said. “Did you think I was because I did a campaign against gay bullying?”

  “Um…”

  “Justin!” Becky said playfully. “Don’t you think straight people can stand up for what’s right, even if it doesn’t affect them directly?”

  Of course I did. I just…as usual, made an assumption that was completely wrong. Hmph. I blame this on not having Spencer around. Besides, I solved so many mysteries in the last few hours that I refused to feel embarrassed. “OK, OK,” I conceded. “I’m busted. But the question is”—I pointed my finger at her—“why didn’t you tell me?”

  Becky looked down and then back at me. “Because I thought about what you said at Starbucks.”

  That was a bad memory. “Becky, I’m sorry. I—”

  “It’s OK, Justin. You had a point. I do let other people do things for me.” Scotty put his arm around her. “I knew if I told you I liked Scotty, or wanted to start dating him, you’d figure out some scheme to get him. Then it would be yet another thing you’ve done for me.”

  She was right. But was that so wrong? “Becky, I only do those things because I care about you.”

  “I know, Justin.” She gave me one of her smiles that make you wonder why she’s not on the cover of Seventeen. “But you’re not always going to be right next to me. I have to learn to do things on my own. That was my goal for this internship.” Scotty gave her a kiss. With two S’s!

  “What the hell are you all doing out there? Act Two is about to start.” Not surprisingly, Grandma Sally ruined the intimacy of the moment and we all headed back to our seats.

  Act Two was even better than Act One, and when Chase came out for his bow, he got a full-house standing ovation. Yes, I started it, but everyone else joined in. I was so proud of him!

  I bid Grandma Sally a quick goodbye and headed backstage, trailed by my friends. I told them it was important that they check my website and then meet me backstage in ten minutes. I was able to grab my stuff and run, and I was thankful Hubert had checked his coat because it would delay his appearance by a few minutes.

  As soon as I got to the backstage area, Peter picked me up in his arms. “Justin, my boy! I don’t know what you did, but you got Chase to give one of the best Broadway debuts I’ve ever seen.”

  He put me down and immediately leaned over to catch his breath. I’m short, but I’m not so light.

  “Thanks for letting him go on.”

  “Let him?” he said. “Let’s not mince words. You forced my hand. But bravo, boy!”

  He soon got distracted by Gary walking by, and I went to Chase’s dressing room. The door was open.

  I stood in the doorway and saw Chase sitting on his couch with a huge smile.

  “Justin! Come here right now!”

  I ran over to him and he got up and hugged me.

  “Well, the student taught the teacher,” he said as we sat on his couch. “I listened to you and you were right.”

  I blushed. “Well, I’m glad you trusted me. I was so happy for you as you took your final bow.”

  “I got a standing O!” he said. “And,” he added with a wink, “I saw you start it.”

  “You deserved it, Chase,” I said.

  He walked over to the door and closed it.

  “Justin,” he said, turning around, “this whole day has been so topsy-turvy. I feel like I had a mask over my eyes and I can finally see.”

  “Hubert?” I dared to ask.

  “Hubert,” he thankfully responded as he walked back and sat on the couch. “I was in denial that he was giving me horrible advice. And I was in denial about how mean he was to everyone around me. He hurt a lot of people.”

  Oy! He sounded so guilty. “Chase! You were in a bad place when you first met Hubert and he took advantage of it.”

  “When I heard you arguing with Peter to get my job back, I didn’t believe at first that Hubert had agreed to have me fired. But of course it’s true. He sold me out.”

  I nodded. “He did. And, I’m sorry to say, he did a whole lot more.”

  He gave a sad smile. “I’ve known about his affair with Cristopher. He thinks I’m an idiot, but of course I knew.”

  Phew! I did not want to have to break that news. I had something else to tell him that I knew would hurt.

  “Chase, that’s not all Hubert’s done.”

  The door flew open. There stood Hubert. Standing behind him were Becky, Spencer, and Scotty. And Grandma Sally.

  “Hello, Chase. Hello, Justin,” he said, sounding like a villain in a James Bond film.

  “Come in,” said Chase, trying to be friendly but clearly uncomfortable.

  “Before you say any more, Justin, I want to say a few things.” My friends crowded by the door, but Hubert walked over to the couch with a confident stride.

  “Chase,” he said with a sickening smile, “I have spoken to Wicked Words and they are willing to start filming two weeks after you open Thousand-Watt Smile. In other words, you will open the show, but you will utilize the clause in your contract that lets you leave if you get the lead in a TV show.”

  “First of all, Hubert, we’re through,” said Chase calmly.

  “Yes, I can see our personal relationship is over. But since I negotiated your Wicked Words contract, I will continue to get fifteen percent of your salary.”

  “Forget it, Hubert,” Chase said, sounding weary. “I’m not leaving this job.”

  Hubert stayed relaxed. “I thought this might happen and I am prepared to tell you that you will indeed leave.”

  “You can’t make him!” I said, standing up.

  “Justin,” Hubert said, turning toward me, “I know you think you have the upper hand, but I had all of Acts One and Two to consider my options. And I have a few.”

  He bent down to stare me in the eye. “For some inexplicable reason, Chase seems to care about you.” He looked like he tasted something sour. “And your well-being. And, I would assume, your reputation. That has given me the upper hand.” He stood up straight and moved across the room, away from all of us. It was as if he were center stage and we were the audience. “So, I bring this back to you, Chase. If you refuse to take the fabulous TV job you’ve been offered, I will be forced to reveal something about Justin that will embarrass and shame him. To his parents, to his school, and to the friends and family that stand here now.”

  Chase looked stricken and lowered his voice.
“Is that true, Justin? Does he know something about you?”

  “Yes, it is, Chase, but—”

  “And is it something you’re ashamed of?”

  I looked down at my feet. “Yes, I am ashamed.” I looked up again. “But—”

  “Enough, Justin. I’m not going to let you get hurt,” he said, sounding like my dad. He looked up at Hubert with a defeated look in his eye. He sighed. “OK, Hubert. You win.”

  Hubert smiled and had the nerve to take a little bow.

  I stood up.

  “Oh no, you haven’t, Hubert.” I purposefully pronounced it the non-French way!

  Hubert was obviously taken aback. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything. “Everybody already knows the truth. Except Chase.”

  Hubert blinked a few times. “What?”

  “Exactly what I said.” Then I turned toward Chase. “You see, I wanted this internship so badly that I quit the other one at the last minute. I made up a lie to get out of it. I said that my grandmother had died and that I had to spend time mourning with my family.” I let out a deep breath and looked at everybody. “I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit I did something like that.”

  Hubert regained his composure. “Big deal. Your friends know now. However, I’m sure you won’t want your school hearing about this.”

  I shrugged. “I’m sure they’ll find out the same way my friends did.” I sat back down next to Chase. “Chase, when you told me how liberating it was to admit that you weren’t perfect, I thought about what I had done. It was a not-nice thing to do, but you made me realize it would probably feel better to admit it and deal with the consequences.” Chase smiled and gave me a pat on the back. “So I wrote all about it on my website.”

  “It was very well written, FYI,” said Spencer.

  Good ol’ Spencer.

  “I’m prepared to deal with the fallout. From my school. From my parents. From my friends.”

  “Justin,” said Becky, coming over, “yeah, you lied, but we understand. You’ve always been obsessed with Broadway and this was an amazing opportunity.”