Lost for You

by BJ Harvey

  “Go on,” I say, my voice sounding a bit stronger this time.

  “Well, our affair continued for a few months before I found out I was pregnant with you. I don’t know how it happened-”

  I scoff, which earns me a hand squeeze from Elle. “Brax, please let her explain. You need this,” she says, looking at Sylvia and urging her to continue.

  “I wasn’t supposed to be able to have children. When I was eighteen, I found out that I had severe endometriosis and that it was likely that I’d never get pregnant. But then you came along, my little miracle.” She looks up at me, and I can see tears forming in her eyes.

  Shit. If she loses it, I’ll probably lose it.

  I look away from her to stop myself from cracking.

  “Anyway, I told Michael that I was pregnant with his child. He was happy, of course. Over the moon, in fact, but he told me that he couldn’t leave Maria. He told me that she would not cope with a public divorce and the embarrassment that it would bring, so he persuaded me to quit and move into an apartment nearby. He said that he would visit us whenever he could, and that one day, we could all be a family.”

  “And you believed the lying bastard?” I spit out, trying not to laugh. It’s not funny, but maybe laughing at the ridiculousness of this situation is the right way to deal with it. I mean, my birth mother is married to the man who wants to hurt Elle, the very woman who is now a huge part of my very fucking soul. And my birth father, Michael Evans, is corrupt as the day is long and filled Sylvia’s ear with more lies to cover his own ass. That man has balls the size of watermelons, I swear to god.

  “Unfortunately, at that time I didn’t have a choice, Brax,” she answers sadly. “He was promising me the world as soon as he could leave his wife. After two years of midnight visits and increasingly absent phone calls, I’d had enough. I told him that I was leaving and that you and I were going to make a better life somewhere away from him. He lost it, threatening to tell everyone about our affair, and that he’d take you away from me. I couldn’t deal with that. I didn’t want him to tar you with his dirty brush, so I did the next best thing I could. I put you into the foster care system without Evan’s knowledge and skipped town.”

  I look up at her. Her blue eyes that are full of sadness are also full of love. I know that look anywhere because it’s what I see in Elle’s eyes every time I look at her. And that is when it hits me. Sylvia giving me up was the best thing she could have done for me. I would never have been adopted by Leah and Roger, and I would have ended up in the same predicament as Devon, or worse.

  ‘I get it now. You did what you thought was the best for me at the time. And I was lucky. Leah & Roger James walking into that foster home turned out to be the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. Until I met Elle, of course.” I look down at our entwined hands and lift them up, gently kissing the back of her hand as it clutches mine. “Maybe at some stage, I’d love to know how you ended up with an asshole like Harry Brimstone, but I think we’ve had enough of this girly shit for one day. How about we talk about the pink elephant in the room?”

  “And that would be?” Elle says, raising her brow.

  “What restaurant we’re going to for dinner,” I reply with a grin, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

  I look over at Sylvia and take a deep breath, preparing myself for what I’m about to say.

  “Sylvia, I appreciate your honesty, and I know that you’re an important part of Elle’s life. I’d like to find out more eventually, but it needs to be on my terms. One step at a time.”

  She smiles back at me through her tears. “I’d like that, Brax. I really would like that,” she nods through her tears.

  “Oh, Aunt Sylvie, don’t be sad. He truly is the most thoughtful, protective, and loving man I’ve ever met. I love him more than anything,” Elle says, rising to her feet and leaning over to Sylvia, enveloping her in a hug.

  I can’t help but smile. My beautiful Elle, whose life has already been filled with heartache and tragedy, has just helped two of her favorite people in the world take a big step towards closure.

  Damn, this girl is the best thing that ever happened to me.

  It has been five weeks since I was shot in my bed, in my apartment. Five weeks since the safe self-contained bubble I thought I was living in was obliterated. I’ve gone from being in domesticated bliss, to having my heart ripped out, then being shot at. Now I’m back on an even playing field. Brax is back in my life, and he’s made all of the pain and heartache he put me through disappear. Despite the emotional turmoil I’ve been through in the past few weeks, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve come out the other side a better person, albeit with my eyes opened a little wider.

  Brax has totally opened himself up to me now. There are no more lies between us, he’s promised me that, and after everything we’ve been through I believe him. We’ve now got Devon added into our little unconventional family mix. Along with Shay, and yes, even Aunt Sylvie, we’re united against whatever threats we still may face.

  I woke up this morning, excited to be returning back to school. I’ve been doing work from home just to keep up my GPA, and I have a couple of finals to make up, but overall I’m still on track, amazingly.

  Rolling over in bed, I find Brax is not there. I can smell the delicious aroma of coffee filling the apartment. I swing my legs out of bed, put on my silk bath robe, and wander into the kitchen, finding a shirtless Brax pouring two coffees for us.

  “Morning, sweetheart,” he says, not turning around. Talk about having a sixth sense.

  “Morning,” I reply, still wiping the sleep from my eyes and getting my bearings. Early starts like this are going to take some getting used to, considering I haven’t used my alarm clock for six weeks. I reach my arms around him, giving his bare shoulder a light kiss before grabbing my cup and pulling it around him.

  “I think I’ll keep you around,” I say with a grin.

  “Is that so? I’ll have you know I have many other uses too,” he says with a smirk.

  “I recall you showing me your other uses last night,” I say quietly against my steaming hot coffee cup.

  “What was that? You enjoyed the use of my what?”

  “Braxton James! I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth! Oh, shit!” I say mortified.

  His smile falls. “Hey, it’s okay. Sylvia and I may have a long road ahead of us, but we’ve made the first step, right? And it’s all because of you,” he says, walking towards me and kissing my temple.

  “Yeah, you have, and I couldn’t have been more proud of you, babe.”

  He smiles that panty dropping smile of his. The one that is huge, cute as hell, and tells you that he wants to devour you.

  “Wanna show me how proud?” he asks.

  “As much as I’d love that, I have class in an hour, and I need to have a shower. So, save that thought for after class and we’ll discuss the finer points then.” I put my cup down on the counter and put my hands on his shoulders, reaching up on my toes to give him a quick kiss on the lips. “And yes, I’m locking the shower door,” I add with a wink before turning away and heading towards the bedroom.

  “Damn door locks,” I hear him mutter behind me.

  The end of class can’t come quick enough.

  That girl is my undoing every time. I’ve yet to tell her of my plans to follow her to school today. Even though Harry Brimstone has been arrested, we still don’t know what the deal is. Until we know any different, we need to be vigilant and make sure Elle is covered at all times.

  Elle comes out of the bedroom wearing black jeans and a red long sleeved top. Not that it matters what she wears because I’m always fighting the urge to strip them back off her again. She stands beside me at the kitchen counter where I’m reading a newspaper article on her tablet about Harry’s arrest.

  “Anything new to report?” she asks, noticing what I’m reading.

  “Not yet. Seems he’ll be arraigned today and released o
n bail. But because all of his accounts have been frozen while they trace all the Brightlight money, he won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.”

  Putting the tablet down, I spin the bar stool around and grab Elle’s hips, pulling her in between my legs. “You okay? I mean, with going back to school?” I ask as I slowly wrap my hands around her silky smooth waist.

  “Yeah. It’ll feel weird, but I know I’ll catch up in no time” She smiles back at me, faltering ever so slightly when she sees the grim look on my face. “What’s wrong?”

  “I wanna come with you today.”

  She looks at me, and her eyes soften. “Brax, you don’t have to keep up the pretense anymore.” She wraps her arms around my shoulders as I move to the edge of the stool, resting my feet on the floor either side of hers.

  “I know, but I will be going stir crazy unless I know you’re safe. I can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt again, or worse...”

  My voice trails off as the thought of Elle being hurt hits me like a punch to the gut.

  “I’m going to be in classes all morning. Apart from being here, it is probably the safest place I can be, babe. I’ll have my phone on me at all times, okay?” she asks, bending her knees so that her gaze is level with mine.

  I growl in frustration. “Okay, but any sign of trouble you call me. The moment that you feel unsure or something doesn’t feel right, you call me or Shay. Deal?” My eyes plead with her.

  “Absolutely. How about a goodbye kiss to help me get through my classes?” she asks, her lips turning upwards into a sexy grin.

  “Now that I can do,” I say, seconds before our mouths crash together, our tongues becoming entangled as we struggle to tear ourselves away from each other.

  Far too soon, she pulls away, running her hands through her now mussed hair to smooth it back down. “Damn,” she mutters, earning a laugh from me.

  “Damn indeed,” I say before standing and giving her one last soft kiss. “You better get going before I change my mind.”

  She giggles, one of the sweetest sounds she makes. “I’ll see you just after one.” And with that, she takes her sweet ass out the door, and off to class.

  I ring Shay. There’s something I need to organize, and it’s been a long time coming.

  “Hey, bro. What’s up?” he says when he picks up.

  “I need my gun. You home this morning? I want to come pick it up.”

  “We’ll be here. Why do you want to pack heat all of a sudden? Dude, don’t get me wrong, you should’ve been armed a long time ago.” Shay’s been in my ear for months about carrying my gun.

  “We’re not hiding anything from Elle anymore, so I want to be armed. I want to have my gun in the house in case the fucker who shot her gets stupid and decides to try coming back,” I explain, even though I know that I don’t even need a reason.

  “Fair enough. What does Elle think of it?”

  I sigh. “She doesn’t know yet. She’s at class this morning. I’ll have a shower, then pop round in about an hour. All good?”

  “Yeah, bro. All good. I’m sure I will have kicked out my temporary house guest by then,” he adds, cracking up laughing.

  “Good to see my whore of a brother is helping you out,” I add jokingly.

  “Hey, enough of that. I’ve never needed anyone’s help to get laid.”

  “You keep believing that, brother. I remember the old days.”

  “Ha fucking ha. By the way, Devon left twenty minutes ago. You wanted him on Elle all morning, right?

  “Yeah, man. If she won’t let me tag along, you can be damn sure I’m putting one of you guys on her.”

  “Absolutely, but you know she’ll spot him straight away,” he says.

  “Yeah I know. I’ll deal with it later. I’m off. See you soon.”

  Just as I walk into the bedroom, my phone rings. This time Victor shows up on the caller ID.

  “Brax.”

  “Hey, Vic. What’s up?”

  “Gibbon has gone AWOL. I wanted to warn you.”

  “How the fuck did that happen, Vic?” I say, not bothering to hide my anger.

  “Don’t know, but I’m thinking he found the tracker on his car because it suddenly stopped working around 8 p.m. last night and hasn’t been seen since. Gloria kicked him out a few days ago.”

  “Fuck!” I yell, banging my fist into the bedroom door, shaking it on the hinges.

  “Just listen to me, Brax. I’ve got the boys trying to track his movements. As soon as we find him, I’ll let you know. Maybe just try staying close to Elle until we hear more, okay?” he says, his deep voice not showing any sign of humor.

  “Roger that. She’s on campus until one. I’m going to pick up my gun from Shay’s safe. I’m not dealing with any of this without my gun,” I state sternly.

  “Fair enough. Brax, just be careful. I need you and Shay as much as you need Elle. We clear?”

  “We’re clear. Talk soon,” I say before hanging up.

  Fuck! This is the real deal now. Before we had to keep watch in multiple directions, now we have an identified threat. But this time it’s a desperate man who knows just as much as I do, and he’s got nothing left to lose.

  After half a day of classes, I’m exhausted. Even walking up the two flights of stairs to the apartment is a mission. Not surprisingly, Devon is parked up in his truck outside campus, so I catch a lift with him back to our place.

  We walk through the door to find Brax and Shay crowded around the living room, watching an ice hockey game. They’re yelling at the television, something about a bad call, or some missed penalty. I shake my head as I laugh at them and walk over to Brax, who stands and plants a huge, probing kiss on me. This is definitely not a kiss that should be given in front of company, even if it is only Shay and Devon. It’s toe curling, spine tingling even, and I can feel myself beginning to melt. I drop my bag and wrap my arms around his hips, pulling him closer to me, feeling every inch of how happy he is to see me.

  As I pull away, my hand grazes something hard on Brax’s hip. Intrigued, I lift up the hem of his t-shirt, and I’m shocked to find the butt of a handgun sitting in a holster attached to his jeans. I gasp and pull my hand away immediately. He frowns at me, then I see his eyes widen as he clicks.

  “Elle, let me…” he stutters.

  “What the fuck is that, Brax?” I start shaking visibly at the realization my hand had touched a gun; the same type of weapon that tore my family away from me.

  Shay and Devon stop shouting at the game, and the room is suddenly silent as they stare at us, probably wondering what the hell is going on.

  “Elle, it was time I armed myself. We can’t be too careful. “

  “No shit, Sherlock, but why are you wearing it at home?” I’ve taken a step back from him now. My hands are on my hips, and the look on my face must be deadly because Brax honestly looks shocked at my reaction, and scared.

  “Babe, you know the threats against you. You’ve already been shot. I need it so that I can protect you.”

  I can feel my resolve fading now because he’s right. “I suppose. It just brings it all home that there are actually people out there that want to hurt me. “I bite my bottom lip, willing it to stop trembling.

  I look up at Brax and his eyes go soft. “We would never let anyone hurt you again. Right, boys?” He looks at both Devon and Shay who still looked shell shocked at her outburst. “Hell, no,” they say in unison.

  “I just want you all to be careful. I couldn’t stand losing anyone else.” A lone tear falls down my cheek. Brax pulls me in to his chest and hugs me tight, running his arm up and down my back.

  “I love you so much,” he murmurs into my hair, tenderly kissing my temple. “No one is going to get past us again.”

  In the space of a month, my whole life has spiraled out of control. Once I was sitting pretty; I had a house, a wife whom I adored, and a job that paid very well and that at times I actually enjoyed.

  Now, I’ve been blacklisted by Vi
ctor, written off by Harry Brimstone, and my wife has kicked me out of my own house. Well, the bank’s house now.

  I’m a desperate man, down to his last five hundred in the bank. I have no job, no wife, no backup plan, and to be honest, no fucking idea how I’m going to dig myself out of this deep ass hole.

  Then it hits me. I don’t need Harry Brimstone to tell me what to do next. The plan hasn’t changed, it’s just that I’m the only free man left to carry it through. But this time it’s for me.

  It is my turn.

  That little twerp Brax is the one to blame for this. For all of it. If he kept his dick in his pants, Elle would have sold the company to Harry, and he would have given me my cut. The $100,000 I needed to save my house.

  Brax needs to pay. I may not be able to go up against the might of Victor Bertorelli, but I can definitely give Brax a taste of his own medicine. I found their little tracker under my car. Bet they thought they’d outsmarted me.

  Pay back is a bitch. I’m gonna teach Brax that he’s not invincible. It doesn’t matter who he’s working for. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I’m on a one way ticket to hell anyway.

  What have I got to lose?

  It’s been a quiet week, all things considered. I’ve had classes almost every day, and Brax, Shay and Devon have been taking shifts watching me. When Brax told me about Victor’s phone call about Gibbons, I was uneasy, but I still don’t see why he would come after me. With Harry Brimstone out on bail and stuck in LA, I expect the threats against me to dissipate. But despite telling Brax I’d be fine, I do feel safe knowing that they are continually watching me. They all still act like I’m made of glass, but I do find it endearing.

  Shay and Devon have been at our place a lot. It’s been nice. I love seeing Brax connecting with his brother again. I know there is a lot of history there, none of it helped by Michael Evans, but they’re definitely proving that blood is thicker than water. Devon is like a dirtier, cruder version of Brax, so he’s constantly making me laugh.