Lost for You

by BJ Harvey

  “He didn’t need to die, Brax,” I say, my voice wavering.

  “I know, but Evans plays by his own set of rules. I’ve never agreed with them, but I’m not gonna say that I’m sorry about this, Elle. I can’t.” He drops his head to lean it against mine. “It’s over, Elle. You’re safe now. No one can hurt you,” he says as my tears start to fall.

  It’s really over. I’m safe.

  Thank god for that.

  We sit there, just holding each other and dealing with the information overload that was our morning. I feel Brax’s phone vibrate against my hip. He reaches down and grabs it, reading the message while I look over his shoulder.

  Shay: Heading up, bro. Got news.

  Brax: Me too. Shit you won’t believe, and the best news in the world.

  Brax stands up and unlocks the door, opening it and letting Shay and Devon into the apartment.

  “Babe, how you doing today? You’re face looks worse today,” Shay says with a grimace.

  “Are you saying I look like hell, Shay?” I say with a wry smile.

  “You’re gorgeous as always, just a little rough around the edges.” He flashes me that full watt grin of his, the one he knows will get him out of anything, and I can’t help but giggle.

  “Something like that,” I reply, grinning back at him.

  “Hey, you. Be nice to my fiancé,” Brax says jokingly to Shay, who looks stunned.

  “Holy crap! Congrats, guys,” he says, pulling both Brax and I in for a group hug.

  “Can’t. Breathe,” I say, my voice squeaking.

  Shay pulls away, laughing. “Sorry, babe. I’m so happy for you guys. But you won’t get me wearing a monkey suit, alright?”

  Devon steps forward and shakes Brax’s hand. “Awesome news, bro. Happy for you.”

  Brax sits back down and pulls me into his lap. His huge smile is becoming contagious to everyone else in the room.

  “You’ve seen the newspaper, then,” Devon remarks, pointing to the newspaper still open on the table.

  “Yeah. Didn’t see that one coming,” Brax replies. “Surprised the fuck out of me, to be honest. I thought for sure he’d get away, or throw one of us under the bus.”

  “I think it’s his way of making amends. Like you said Brax, it’s redemption,” I add, looking up at Devon.

  “Redemption,” he says slowly, letting the thought sink in. “Never thought of it that way.”

  “So, where to from here?” Shay butts in.

  “I don’t know. Brimstone isn’t going anywhere until after his arraignment, Evans is sitting in a cell, and Gibbons is dead,” Brax says.

  “And the shooter?” Devon asks. “Who ordered that?”

  The boys are all silent while they mull it over. “That’s the six million dollar question isn’t it?” Brax replies.

  “What about the black Honda?” I ask, trying to help.

  I feel Brax’s arms tighten around me as he replies, “We haven’t seen him since the night of the shooting, but I don’t think that means we can rule him out. He could be connected to Brimstone, or even Gibbons for all we know.”

  “Until we catch him, or he slips up, we won’t know. That’s if we even see him again,” Shay states.

  “Okay, so until we know otherwise, we keep alert,” Brax says, earning murmurs of approval from the boys.

  “Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving,” Shay pipes up in the background.

  “Dude, you just ate like half an hour ago,” Devon says laughing.

  “All this drama makes me hungry, what can I say?” Shay shrugs, making us all crack up.

  Brax looks at me and I nod, silently urging him to tell the boys the rest of our news. “I rang the boss this morning and resigned. Effectively immediately”

  “What? And you were going to tell me this when?” Shay asks, not hiding his astonishment.

  “It only just happened. Turns out he’s my uncle. Sylvia Brimstone, nee Robinson, was actually Sylvia Bertorelli by birth,” he explains to Devon and Shay who both have totally blank looks on their faces. Nobody could have predicted this too close for comfort family connection in a million years.

  “Shit!” Shay says slowly. It is a lot to take in, but Shay seems genuinely shocked. “What about my job?”

  “It’s your call. You know that wherever Elle goes, I go. But I was thinking that this could be our chance to go out on our own like we talked about. Start our own surveillance business,” Brax says.

  “I’m so down with that, man. You know I’ve been waiting for you to make the call.”

  “I’m in too. If you’ll have me, that is,” Devon says. I’m shocked at the uncertainty in his voice. He’s always been so full of bravado and confidence.

  Brax looks at his brother and tilts his head, a slow smile spreading over his face. “Hell, yeah, D. Sounds good.”

  “Well,” I say, standing to my feet, “All this man love has made this girl hungry. Who wants a sub?” I hear growls of approval behind me as I walk towards the kitchen.

  I think I’m going to like my new life, without drama, without danger.

  But with Brax, Shay, and Devon in my life, I can’t say it’s ever going to be dull.

  I wake up to an empty bed again. I quickly pull my robe on, and wander out into the apartment looking for Brax. I find him nose deep in my laptop.

  Leaning against the doorframe of the living room, I watch him. He keeps smirking, then wrinkling his nose. It’s damn cute, but I’m curious as to what he’s looking at.

  “What are you doing?” I say, startling him.

  “What are you doing, standing there watching me like my own personal stalker? Come here.”

  He smiles as I walk over to him. Just as I’m about to sit down beside him, he grabs my hips and hoists me over his lap so that I’m straddling his thighs, causing me to shriek.

  He sits there looking at me, slowly rubbing his hands up and down my arms, giving me goosebumps. “I’ve made plans for us today,” he says quietly. He leans forward and places a series of soft kisses from my breastbone up my neck until he reaches the corner of my mouth. “Good plans,” he adds before nibbling at my bottom lip. I sigh into his mouth, slowly licking his lips as he teases me.

  “If it involves making love to me, that’s not a new plan,” I giggle as he moves his mouth back down my throat, tracing circles with his tongue, and forcing me to whimper in satisfaction.

  He pulls back and looks at me through lust filled eyes. “Well, that is always planned, but today I’m taking you out. We’re going to have a normal day. Just you and me going out into the big bad world. One day where we are just Brax and Elle, a newly engaged couple wanting to see all the sights the big city has to offer. What do you say?”

  “I’d say it sounds perfect. So, what were you looking at on the computer?” I ask, moving to turn around and look at the screen. Brax’s hand shoots out quickly, shutting the laptop before I can see what he was looking at. Hmm, what is this man of mine up to now? I look at him and quirk my brow which just makes him laugh at me.

  “Nope, you’re not ruining my surprise for you. But I will say, you’re gonna love it.” He leans forward, grabbing my arms and holding them behind my back. “Now, where were we…”

  He proceeds to consume me, right there on the couch, and I freaking love it.

  We catch the 10 a.m. train into New York City, arriving just after eleven at Grand Central Station. On our way to the train station, I had a feeling I was being watched. I couldn’t shake it. But whenever I looked around, I couldn’t see anyone. I didn’t mention it to Brax because I love his idea of having a normal day out, just the two of us. With the threats against me all but gone now, he can relax a bit now. He doesn’t need to be ‘on duty’ and on alert 24/7. He can just be Brax, the man I love and the man I’ve agreed to marry.

  Exiting the subway after we disembark, we walk up to street level and are immediately assaulted with the hustle and bustle of this huge city. All I can see is a se
a of people and cars, busily going about their day. I love it! I look up at Brax. He’s watching me warily, but he relaxes when he sees my huge smile beaming back at him.

  “Where are we heading first?” I ask loudly, speaking over the traffic noise that surrounds us.

  He leans down to my ear. “We have an errand to run first. Something I need to pick up, something you’re missing, then I thought we’d grab some lunch and have a picnic in Central Park.” He’s got a huge smile on his face. I already like my normal day with Brax, and it has only just started.

  He grabs my hand, and we start walking out of the way of the hectic pedestrians who seem to be rushing the sidewalk.

  “So, where are we going?”

  “Fifth Avenue,” he says emotionless, like he hasn’t just said the two words every woman wants to hear.

  “Um, Brax,” I say, coming to an immediate stop in the middle of the sidewalk. “If we go to Fifth Avenue now, my black card will hate me, you’ll get sick of shopping, and we won’t get anything else done. I mean, c’mon, it’s Fifth Avenue.”

  He has the audacity to wink at me. He drops his head and kisses my forehead, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me in close against him.

  “Sweetheart, I’d love to go shopping on Fifth Avenue with you, but today I’m on a mission. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to trust that your future husband will show you a good time in the big city. Can you do that?” he says with a slight curl of his lip. He’s trying so hard not to laugh at me as I start pouting.

  “Okay, but one day you will bring me back here for a full day of shopping. Deal?” I raise one brow, issuing the challenge.

  “Deal.” He brushes his lips against mine, almost caressing me with his touch. “And since we’ve kissed on it, there’s no going back now.”

  After a few more blocks of walking, and me stopping to ogle the displays in the shop windows, we come to a stop outside a familiar landmark building, the name “Tiffany & Co.” above the door. Any girl’s dream come true.

  I look over at Brax, and he has the most telling smirk on his face. “Brax,” I say in a low, warning tone. “Why are we here?”

  Pulling me through the doors and into the decadent building, he doesn’t answer me. Instead, he walks over to a glass counter filled with the most spectacular diamond rings and pendants you have ever seen.

  “Hello, sir. Can I help you today?” the older saleswoman asks him.

  “Yes. I have a package to pick up for Brax James.” He grabs his wallet from his jeans pocket, pulling out his credit card.

  “Brax, no! You don’t need to buy me anything,” I say, reaching for my diamond necklace that Brax fixed and gave back to me yesterday. “This necklace says everything to me, you know that.”

  “Yes, and I’m glad you love it, sweetheart. But I’m a man of my word and I needed to fix a little problem we have.”

  “Here you go, sir. Would you like to view the item first?” she politely asks Brax, who shakes his head and hands over his card.

  After signing the receipt, the salesperson takes the small blue box with its trademark white satin ribbon wrap and places it in a teal blue paper bag. “Enjoy. I wish you a lifetime of happiness,” she adds with a genuine smile as she hands the bag to Brax.

  Walking back out into the New York air, Brax has a smug look on his face.

  “Now, we’re going to take a slight detour, then we’ll get some lunch. There is something that you can’t come to New York City without experiencing,” he says. I can’t get over how relaxed he is. He’s like a different man, a better man, and I didn’t think that was possible. We walk a few more blocks, reminding me how glad I am that I wore flats today, then we turn and head down towards Times Square.

  “Oh my god, you’re taking me to Times Square!” I say excitedly. Brax chuckles and pulls me close to his side.

  “I told you, darlin’, I want to take you places and experience new things. We’re starting with Times Square. I wanna create a memory with you.”

  I start walking faster, the excitement of being in the same place where I’ve watched Dick Clark and the dropping of the Times Square Ball on TV every New Year’s Eve overwhelming me.

  “Slow down, babe. Where’s the fire?” He says to me as I pull him along by his hand.

  “I’m just excited to see it, that’s all.”

  The closer we get, the more awestruck I become. You see the photos, the images on the television of what Times Square is like, but until you experience it first-hand you really have no idea.

  Brax stops walking when we reach the Duffy memorial. He turns and stares at me with those baby blue eyes of his. Without warning, he drops to one knee, still holding my outstretched hand. My eyes fill with tears as it dawns on me what this is all about.

  “Before I met you, my life was full of empty days and lonely nights. We may not have met under the best of circumstances, but as much as you say that I taught you how to love and feel again, you have taught me what unconditional love is. I promise to love you, today, tomorrow, and forever. Will you make me the happiest man...” he looks down, trying to compose himself. Looking back up at me, I see his eyes glistening with emotion.” And be my wife?”

  I get down on my knees with him, and bring my hands up to his face, wrapping my hands around his jaw, now unable to hold back my free flowing tears. “I was nothing until you made me whole again, Braxton James. I can’t wait to love you for the rest of your life. Yes!” I say before crushing my mouth against his as we clash teeth and tongues, unable to get close enough to each other.

  Brax tears himself away long enough to open the Tiffany’s bag and pull out the blue ring box. He opens it and pulls out a sparkling platinum diamond infinity engagement ring, making me gasp. I hold my hand out to him as he slips the perfectly sized ring onto my left hand ring finger.

  “Oh, Brax, it’s beautiful,” I say before kissing him once more.

  A few people are clapping and cheering around us. I move my head away and look around to see that we’ve drawn a small crowd with our proposal. Holding my hand out, I marvel at my ring as it sparkles in the afternoon sun. It’s the exact same design as my necklace, the infinity symbol lined with diamonds that wrap around my finger.

  Just like my necklace, it is breathtaking.

  I start giggling, dropping my head into Brax’s shoulder in embarrassment. Of course we are making a scene in the middle of Time’s Square. That is just Brax.

  God, I wished I’d had the forethought to get us a hotel room for the night. I can’t imagine a better way to celebrate Elle agreeing to marry me for the second time in as many days, but the whole New York day trip was a last minute thing. I can’t wait until we get home and I can be deep inside her again, making love to her once more.

  I stand back up and pull Elle with me. “You’ve just made my entire life.”

  “I love you so much, Brax. I’m going to remember this moment forever,” she says, her smile bright enough to light up the whole city.

  Still holding her in my arms, and not wanting to let her go, I hear her stomach rumble.

  “I need to get my lady some lunch, I think,” I say with a smirk.

  I see the slight blush creep up her cheeks. “I’d say so too.”

  “Right. Central Park, here we come,” I say, kissing her hand before starting to walk towards the road, throwing my hand out to hail a yellow cab that’s driving past. Once the driver stops, I open the back door and usher Elle into the seat, following behind her before closing the door.

  “Where to?” the voice of the cab driver calls out.

  “Central Park Zoo, please,” I reply, hearing Elle gasp beside me.

  Looking over, I love how happy she looks. This is Elle without a care in the world. She looks at peace, and I’ll live for her to look like this every day. With all of the danger behind us, I hope our lives can only continue to get better from here on in.

  After an afternoon at Central Park Zoo where we walked hand in han
d around the enclosures, not having to worry about who could see us, or who could be after us, Brax surprised me with a romantic picnic right by the Bethesda Fountain which we finished up by lying on our backs on the grass, watching the clouds float by while we just held each other. It’s been a long time since we’ve just been able to relax and enjoy each other in public, and I absolutely love that Brax gave me this day.

  Now we’re back at Grand Central, awaiting our train trip home. Today has been unreal. Not once has Brax looked over his shoulder, checked his phone, or even furrowed his brows. He’s been happy and smiling the whole day long. I can’t imagine how hard it has been, knowing that someone wanted to hurt me, and his job being to stop that from happening.

  We’re waiting for the 7 p.m. train when Brax takes a seat, pulling me down on to his lap and burying his face in my hair.

  “Thank you for today,” he murmurs, kissing my head.

  “I should be thanking you. You gave me a second proposal to cherish.” I lean away from him so I can see his face. His eyes soften the moment I look at him. “You deserve everything the world can offer, Elle. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to show you that.”

  “I don’t want anything else, Brax, I just want you,” I say, kissing his lips softly and pulling away. “I only need you.”

  “I’m glad because you’re stuck with me now,” he says with a grin as he stands up, pushing me off his lap in the process. “You’re also kinda stuck with Shay and Devon now too. If you didn’t love me already, I’m afraid those two would have you running away.” He winks at me and I crack up laughing.