Not Another Family Wedding

by Jackie Lau

  “Such a sweet thing for you to say.”

  But the way he smiled at her then...it was everything.

  * * *

  At three in the morning, Natalie woke up to go to the washroom, and when she returned, she spent a while looking at Connor as he slept.

  The time she’d spent with him this weekend...somehow it made her feel that maybe, one day, she would always go to sleep next to someone else, always have someone to hug her and kiss her goodnight. Someone who loved her for who she was and wanted to marry her.

  Hope. It was an odd feeling.

  It was also odd that, only a day after learning her parents were getting divorced, she was already thinking of marriage as something she wanted again.

  “Hey,” Connor whispered. “You awake?”

  In response, she stroked her hand over the scruff on his chin, then smiled sleepily at him before rolling onto her back and closing her eyes.

  And before she fell asleep, she had the surprising thought that maybe the person who’d want to marry her would be Connor.

  Chapter 14

  Cheetos.

  That was Natalie’s first thought when she woke up the next morning. For some reason, she was craving Cheetos.

  She opened her eyes and looked at the man lying next to her. This morning, waking up in Connor’s bed didn’t make her jolt upright.

  He was sleeping on his side, his hands tucked under his head, and he looked...well, cute.

  Yeah, she’d just thought of Connor, who must be over two hundred pounds, as cute, and suddenly, their late-night trip to the beach came rushing back to her. He’d danced with her and carried her, and he’d caused a strange fluttery feeling in her chest.

  Now that made her jolt up. What on earth was going on?

  She got out of bed and put on yesterday’s clothes plus a sweatshirt. Then she made herself some herbal tea—much healthier than Cheetos—and took it up to the rooftop patio. It was still early, and the sun was low on the horizon. She looked down at the quiet streets. No cars were out yet, and the only noise was the birds.

  She had a sip of her chamomile tea, which wasn’t nearly as satisfying as Cheetos, and turned her thoughts back to Connor.

  Yesterday afternoon, she’d decided to treat their weekend in Mosquito Bay as a break from reality. It was supposed to be just sex, but yesterday evening, there had been an intimacy that made it feel like more.

  She couldn’t start a relationship right now, though, especially not with Connor. She still believed that after a weekend of sex, they could go back to their usual friendship, more or less, but if they started a relationship, that would be different. If it didn’t work out, then it would be difficult—impossible, perhaps—to go back to being friends. She valued their friendship, especially now. He’d given up his long weekend to spend fourteen hours in the car with her and attend her sister’s wedding—that wasn’t the kind of friend you found every day. They’d known each other for years. It wasn’t something she wanted to risk losing.

  And yet last night, at three in the morning, she’d felt like maybe it could work out for her after all, maybe even with Connor.

  That feeling of hope?

  It freaked the fuck out of her.

  Now that she was thinking clearly again, her hope was fading, and she could see that a relationship with him probably wouldn’t end well. Sure, maybe the first few weeks would be fun, but at some point, they would have that awkward conversation, the one that had been the downfall of every single one of her relationships in the past six years.

  Do you want children?

  Natalie was pretty sure Connor did.

  Unlike many of the men she’d dated, she knew he wouldn’t judge her for not wanting kids. However, if he wanted children of his own, they were not compatible.

  Now, there was a chance he didn’t. Very unlikely, given her past experience. The men she dated always wanted them.

  But even in the unlikely event that he was different from all those men, it was hard to imagine they could make it when her own parents, who’d had to defy their families to get married, were splitting up. Even before her parents’ secret had been revealed, she hadn’t really believed in lasting love for herself, and she’d made it to thirty-six without a marriage proposal.

  Well, that wasn’t quite true. Anthony had said he would marry her if she didn’t terminate the pregnancy—did that count as a proposal?

  Natalie put down her cup of tea and shook her head to rid it of that awful memory.

  Dammit. She really needed those Cheetos.

  * * *

  When Connor woke up at eight thirty, he experienced a moment of panic when Natalie was nowhere to be found. He grabbed his phone to text her and noticed he’d missed a phone call yesterday evening—he’d been so caught up with Natalie that he hadn’t once checked his phone, hadn’t picked up when Sharon had called.

  First, he texted Natalie. Where are you?

  She replied immediately. I’m on the roof. Will be down soon.

  He let out the breath he’d been holding. He hadn’t really been worried about her, but it was good to know where she was.

  Last night had been...lovely. The walk, the dinner, the dancing on the beach. And the sex, of course. It had felt like they were a real couple, which was interesting.

  He pushed that thought aside. It was time to call his ex-wife.

  He was on decent terms with Sharon. It had been a relatively amicable separation, as far as these things went. They didn’t talk very often now, however, and seeing his ex-wife’s name on his phone made him fear that something bad had happened.

  He called her number, and as soon as he heard the first ring, he realized he was naked. There was something weird about having a phone conversation when you were naked, even though the other person couldn’t see you, and it was especially weird when you were calling your ex.

  He was about to end the call and put on some clothes when she picked up.

  “Connor!” She sounded pleased to hear from him, which was not what he’d expected.

  “You called?”

  “I have something to tell you. I wanted you to hear it from me, rather than online.”

  “What is it?” he asked, his voice a bit strained.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  Once, that would have caused more complicated emotions, but now, he was simply happy for her. “Congratulations. How far along?”

  “Sixteen weeks. I’ve told my family and close friends, but I’m going to put it on Facebook, and I just wanted to tell you first.”

  There was something else he wanted to know. He couldn’t help it.

  Sharon told him without him having to ask. “My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months, and I moved in with him after I found out. We’re planning to get married before the baby comes, just at City Hall.”

  So there was a boyfriend. A boyfriend and a baby-to-be.

  He was genuinely happy for her. It was what she’d always wanted, and he wished only good things for her. He’d felt terribly guilty when he’d asked for the divorce, guilty that he wasn’t willing to give her the life she’d wanted, guilty that she’d squandered so many years on him before he realized they didn’t want the same thing. Guilty that he’d fallen out of love.

  But now, he felt lighter. The tension in his chest uncoiled.

  She was going to have what she’d always wanted.

  Underneath those positive feelings, however, he felt a bit of unease. Even jealousy, if he was honest with himself. He wasn’t jealous of her new boyfriend, but jealous that she had what she wanted...and he didn’t.

  But what did he want?

  Natalie.

  The answer came to him immediately. He wanted more than a couple stolen nights in her hometown. He wanted more than the occasional beer on a Saturday night, or an afternoon skiing or hiking in the woods. He wanted a serious relationship, and Sharon’s news somehow felt like permission for him to fully move on.

  If it were anyone ot
her than Natalie, though, he wouldn’t be thinking about a relationship right now. The women he’d dated casually since his divorce...he’d felt bored when he was with them. But he’d known Natalie for many years, and he knew he’d never feel that way with her.

  She was special.

  The thought of her made him smile, but he didn’t let himself hope too much. He’d never been particularly good at revealing his feelings; besides, he’d likely have some of the same problems he’d had with Sharon. He hated to think of it, but it was true.

  “Connor?” Sharon said.

  “I’m glad it worked out for you,” he said. “Really, I am. But I’m out of town for a wedding, and I’ve got to go.”

  He ended the call and padded across the room to the bathroom. He was about to open the door when Natalie came into the room. Her lips curved when she saw him, and her gaze dipped to his crotch.

  Ah, yes. He was still naked.

  She sauntered over to him and put a hand on his bicep, then suddenly jerked back.

  “Shit,” she said. “I forgot I had Cheeto dust all over my hands.”

  “You were eating Cheetos first thing in the morning?”

  “Herbal tea didn’t satisfy me, so I went to the gas station and bought a bag. Damn Seth for putting the idea in my head. Unfortunately, I didn’t have chopsticks, so now my hands are a mess.”

  He raised her hand to his mouth and sucked on one of her fingers. “What’s wrong with Cheeto fingers? Rather tasty, in my opinion.”

  In response, she rubbed her hands down his chest, smearing Cheeto dust everywhere.

  He laughed. “Good thing I was about to shower. You’re welcome to join me, of course.”

  “Mm, I’m not going to say no to that.” She started to reach for the bottom of her T-shirt then stopped. “You’re going to have to take off my shirt or it’ll get orange, too.”

  “Gladly.”

  * * *

  In the last thirty minutes, Natalie had somehow managed to shower, have sex with Connor, pack up her suitcase, and make out with Connor. Really, it was astonishing how much she could accomplish when she put her mind to it. If only she was always that productive.

  Now they sat in the breakfast room with Seth and Simon. After demolishing a bag of Cheetos, Natalie didn’t need breakfast. Besides, they were having brunch at her parents’ house in an hour. But coffee was more than welcome, and she was on her second cup.

  Connor and Seth, however, were eating sausage and scrambled eggs.

  “He eats like a tank,” Simon said, slapping his husband on the shoulder. “And not only when he smokes pot.”

  “He’s been that way since he was thirteen,” Natalie muttered, then took a sip of her coffee.

  She should be in a better mood. She’d just had sex, after all. But her weekend with Connor was almost over and she wished she could have something more with him, though she knew it was an impossibility.

  “How was your night?” Simon asked, waggling his eyebrows. “Get up to any trouble?”

  Seth glared at him.

  “What?” Simon said in a perfectly pleasant voice. “Don’t you want me to be friendly with your family?”

  “We talked about this,” Seth grumbled. “You are not allowed to talk to Natalie about what she did last night. I’m quite sure I don’t want to know.”

  Simon regarded Natalie. “Hmm. She seems a little too grouchy to have had sex...or maybe she’s grouchy because she was up all night due to a sex marathon. Yes, I bet that’s it.”

  “Who’s having a sex marathon?”

  Natalie whipped her head around at the sound of her sister’s voice. Rebecca and Elliot were standing beside their table, Rebecca wearing jeans and a blouse and looking like a happily married young woman.

  “Ignore Simon,” Natalie said. “He’s just joking around.”

  “Oh my God!” Rebecca put her hands to her mouth. “You and Connor! I thought you said you were just friends. This is the best news.”

  “Don’t you dare tell Mom and Dad.”

  “Please do.” Simon folded his hands behind his head and leaned back in the chair. “Mind you, it won’t be as entertaining without your extended family there.”

  “Why does everyone care about my sex life?” Natalie asked.

  “I just want you to be happy!” Rebecca grinned and took Natalie’s hands in hers.

  Natalie couldn’t help but smile back at her sister.

  “Why are you guys eating breakfast?” Rebecca gestured toward Connor and Seth.

  “The food is delicious here,” Seth said. “Didn’t want to miss it, since we paid for it.”

  “Seth is always hungry,” Simon said. “And maybe Connor is, too, or he’s still recovering from the aforementioned sex marathon.”

  Connor winked at Natalie, and dammit, that was enough to make her think of all the fun they’d had in the shower. She already wanted to do it again, even though she’d had an orgasm less than an hour ago. This man was wreaking havoc on her body.

  But you can’t have him. Not really.

  She couldn’t let herself forget that.

  Once they returned to Ottawa, they should stop sleeping together. She still thought it was best if they just treated this as a weekend that was separate from reality. After all, it had involved her grandmothers nearly beating each other with canes—it was hardly an ordinary weekend. That spark of something more would disappear when she left Mosquito Bay, wouldn’t it?

  It better. She couldn’t pursue a relationship with him. There was no point in saying anything when it would never work out between them.

  Hope was a dangerous thing, and somehow, despite everything that had happened this weekend, Connor had given her a spark of hope.

  That bastard.

  That kind, caring, dependable bastard.

  * * *

  “I talked to Sharon while you were eating Cheetos on the roof,” Connor said as he drove away from the bed and breakfast.

  The mention of his ex-wife irritated Natalie. She didn’t want to hear about another woman he’d slept with.

  She’d always liked Sharon just fine, though, and had been surprised when Connor told her they were getting divorced.

  “Do you talk to her often?” she asked.

  “No. We get along well enough, but we see no reason to stay in each other’s lives.” He kept his eyes on the road. “She’s got a boyfriend now. They’ve been together for a while, and she called to tell me she’s pregnant. I guess she decided it wasn’t the sort of thing I should find out via Facebook.” He paused. “I’m glad she’s getting what she wants. She always wanted a few kids.”

  What about you? Do you want kids? She opened her mouth to ask him the question, but all that came out was a squeak. She couldn’t do it.

  A tiny part of her was holding on to the fantasy of them being a couple, and she couldn’t ruin it by reality. After all, she was pretty sure he wanted kids, but as long as she didn’t ask, she had that blasted spark of hope. Besides, she expected these feelings to go away soon, so there was no point in learning the truth.

  Dating had been different when she’d first met Connor. She’d been eighteen, and going out with boys had just been about having fun. There wasn’t the level of baggage that there was at thirty-six, the concern about the future. Nobody feared they were running out of time. At eighteen, dating had seemed so simple, and she’d been surrounded by people her age at university.

  Once, when she was older, she’d been in Sharon’s position. When Natalie was thirty-two and had been with Anthony for six months, she’d gotten pregnant, even though they’d always used birth control. She’d been pissed off when she saw the results of the home pregnancy test. Then she’d told Anthony, because wasn’t it reasonable that one of the first things she did was tell the man who’d knocked her up?

  Anthony’s reaction had been the opposite of hers. He’d been pleased and had started talking about how they would get married and buy a house together. Natalie had needed to yell at h
im to shut him up.

  “I told you I never wanted kids!” she’d screamed.

  He’d frowned. “I figured you’d change your mind and... Wait a second. Are you saying you aren’t going to keep it?”

  He’d proceeded to make her feel broken for not wanting a child.

  She’d thought she was tough, thought she was good at taking shit, but he’d managed to crack through her defenses before she dumped his sorry ass. He’d made her feel unlovable.

  Natalie was glad Sharon’s experience was different.

  She sighed.

  Connor glanced at her. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine.” She didn’t tell him what she’d been thinking about. She’d never told him why she’d broken up with Anthony.

  He pulled up to her childhood home on Maple Grove Lane, and she pushed thoughts of babies and pregnancy and Connor’s ex-wife out of her mind.

  Time for brunch with her family. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too awkward.

  Ha. Like there was any chance of this going well.

  Chapter 15

  Natalie thanked her father when he handed her a plate with a slice of quiche. Then she helped herself to salad and bread, which she slathered with lots of butter and raspberry jam, and poured herself yet another cup of coffee. She looked around the table before stabbing her salad with her fork.

  Someone was missing. Rebecca hadn’t said anything yet, and neither had Seth, but Natalie figured it was time. She was about to open her mouth when Connor placed his hand on her thigh, and it felt so good that she momentarily forgot what she was going to say.

  Right. She remembered now.

  “Where’s Mom?” she asked her father.

  Dad shrugged and started eating his quiche.

  Silence. Well, this was awkward.

  Naturally, Simon was the one to fill it. He turned to Elliot and Rebecca. “Since you’re not taking a honeymoon right away, are you two going back to work tomorrow?”

  Elliot nodded, then looked at Rebecca. She squeezed his hand.

  “I quit my job,” she said.

  “When did this happen?” Dad asked.

  “Earlier this month. My last day was two Fridays ago.”