by R Cole
Noticing that my feet are freezing, I glance down then see I’m wearing a hospital gown and there’s blood oozing on my right side. I know it’s from the puncture wound to my liver and the pain starts to set in. I have a scar there to remind me constantly of that day, and even though I know this is fake, the pain seems real. I panic and try to stop the blood from flowing and frantically look around for something to cover the wound.
I’ve had this nightmare before and know there’s nothing but the white curtain to cover the wound, so I walk toward it. As I approach I hear a child cry and my heart rate picks up from excitement as the physical pain vanishes.
It’s my sweet boy’s cry I’m hearing, so I run toward the cry wanting him in my arms again. When I push the curtain to the side, I scream. Brad has my son in his arms and sneers when I come into sight. I hold out my arms and cry, feeling desperate to have Brian wrapped in them and safe from this evil person.
Brad just stares at me with hate and he points at me, “You caused this. You caused all of this.”
I run toward him but I’m stopped by some invisible wall that I can’t pass. He starts walking toward a fireplace that I just now notice and continues to scream, “It’s your fault, Trudy. All of this is your fault.”
I continuously bang on the glass with my fist until it shatters and my hands are slippery from my blood, but I don’t care. I run toward them but everything gets further out of reach. I watch in agony as Brad tosses Brian in the fire and it swallows him up while he screams in pain. Brad laughs and walks away while I continue to sob until I wake up with this tortured spirit.
Since I can’t sleep and feel restless, I change into my workout clothes and head to the gym. It’s open 24/7 and since it’s early I know many people won’t be there. I need to block out this grief and get it out of my system, so I decide to dance. It’s been a while since I’ve danced just for me, and I feel anxious to feel the burn of my muscles and the tickle of sweat running down my skin.
Luckily for me the gym has an aerobics room that’s usually empty and has mirrors along the walls. The built in stereo system really helps, plus the sign states the room is soundproof. I connect my iPhone and scroll through my playlist. Since I want to move, I decide to put on some Skrillex. I love any genre of music with a sick beat that speaks to my body.
As In for the Kill starts to play, I stretch my muscles and start to get that same warmth throughout my body that I always get with dancing. I block everything out—my tortured past, confusing present, as well as my uncertain future and just move with the music. I have always excelled in hip hop and ballet, so I’m mixing the two as I move, and I start to sweat. I can break and bounce with the best of them, and I love every minute of it. I have a lot of insecurities but when it comes to dancing, I’m very confident.
I have to dance barefoot because by tennis shoes prevent smooth movements, and I don’t own any dance shoes. I really need to buy some if I’m going to dance more, and I know I want to with the way I feel right now. So until I have enough money to purchase a decent pair, I’ll wrap my feet.
After two more songs, I grab the towel I brought, my water, and take a breather. I’m feeling better and I can feel the tension and guilt leave my soul with every exhale. I know it will eventually return, but I take advantage of it when it’s gone.
“Damn it, Ms. Thang! You can really twerk it.” I remove the towel from my neck and stand up while this cute black guy walks in wearing grey sweats with a black leotard underneath.
“Thanks,” I say while standing up to grab my stuff because he obviously wants to use the room. When I get ready to walk out, he stops me by blocking the door.
“You got a name, or should I just continue to call you Ms. Thang?” He looks at me expectantly, so I supply my name and he tells me his is Jamal. “So, Trudy, where you running off to?” He smiles at me and I smile back. Lean and toned body, he has the perfect dancer’s physique. His dark eyes match his coffee colored skin, and he has a slick bald head. He’s extremely good looking, but I have a feeling he bats for a different team.
“I was just going to get out of your way and let you use the room. I just needed it for a little while.”
“I’m actually early. My girl Elle is meeting me around six to practice a routine we’ve been running through the past few weeks.” He walks over to the bench and places his bag down then grabs mine to do the same.“I usually like to warm up before she gets here. I wouldn’t mind some company from a fellow dancer.”
“Are you trying out for the dance team?” He starts stretching and I notice he has grace in such simple movements.
“I haven’t really thought about it. I have a full load with classes and work. I’ll have to think about it after I do some research on the schedule.” I start stretching my legs by bringing each one straight up, parallel to my upper body, and holding it for a minute.
“Well, you’re one bad ass white girl with those moves you were throwing down. We could definitely use your skills.” He gets up and hooks up his iPod. As he looks through his list of music, a very tall, tanned girl with bone-straight black hair and caramel colored eyes walks in, and I know this must be Elle. “It’s about damn time, honey. You know, I could be snuggled in bed still with visions of Channing Tatum in my head if I wasn’t waiting on your slow butt,” Jamal says with his hand on his hip in a Diva pose. He reminds me of RuPaul.
“Calm down, princess. I’m ten minutes early, so please stop with the bitching. It’s way too early.” She notices me and smiles as she waves. “Hi, I’m Ellery.” I notice she has a beautiful accent of some kind, but since I’m not cultured in anything other than the south, I can’t name it.
Before I can introduce myself, Jamal has his arm around my shoulder and does it for me. “This here is Trudy and she is one sick dancer. I’m trying to convince her to join the team.” He puts his arm down and smacks my butt. “Now show her what I saw.”
I look at him like he’s crazy until I hear his song choice. He puts on Glitch Mob’s Between two Points, and I get that same feeling of excitement as the music melts into my soul. I love this song and the sensuality of the beat. Plus the words flow with its rhythm perfectly.
I block out my audience while dancing. I do some leaps and fouettés then find myself picturing strong hands, in the place of my own, grabbing my rotating hips. I visualize Jax’s deep brown eyes staring at me full of heat and lust. I imagine running my hands through his thick, black hair, feeling its silkiness glide between my fingers. Just as I’m biting my lip, picturing Jax’s mouth on mine, clapping invades my thoughts, and I realize the song is over. I take a deep breath to rid myself of the sexual frustration starting to build in my body.
“OMG, honey! That was effin’ H.O.T. I mean, I’m so gay, but damn I want to take you over my knee and spank your sweet white ass,” Jamal says while fanning his face and leaning against the wall.
I glance at Elle who is standing there with a look of pride on her face then points to my feet. “You need dance shoes if you’re going to dance on the team. What size do you wear?”
I glance at my feet and feel like I’m still in a daze from my earlier vision. It takes me a minute to understand her words then I look up and say, “I haven’t tried out for the team yet. Plus, I need to check the schedule. I don’t want my other schedules to interfere.” I can feel the excitement building just thinking of being on the dance team. I feel alive after these past few hours of dancing and would love to make it a regular thing in my life again.
Elle walks over and puts her hands on my shoulders. “Well, honey, it’s your lucky day because you just danced like a sex goddess with a badass attitude for the captain and co-captain of the team. So I will ask you again. What size shoe do you wear?”
I know I’m good but I haven’t danced with a team in a long time. If I do decide to join, I hope that doesn’t hinder me. “Seven,” I tell her. “Why?”
“I’m sure one of the other girls has an extra pair in your size. You can use th
em until you can get a pair of your own. We practice early mornings three days a week unless a competition is coming up,” she states and begins her warm ups. “Leave your number with Jamal, and I’ll text you our schedule this afternoon. It was nice meeting you, Trudy.”
“You too, Ellery,” I say and walk over to Jamal to grab my things. I give him my number and thank him for the unofficial tryout. My face has a cheesy grin spread across it as I leave the gym.
I start to head back to my dorm and notice the sun is up. I’m a few blocks away and see the coffee shop on campus. Realizing for the first time that I am starving and could use the caffeine, I head over. I place my order and when I go to pay I realize I didn’t bring any money. “I’m so sorry. I guess I forgot my wallet when I ran out this morning.” My face turns red as the embarrassment sets in. There’s a whole line of people waiting to order, and I’m holding them up. The girl behind the counter is obviously not a morning person and rolls her eyes. I can tell she’s annoyed for having to get a manager to void out my order. “I usually don’t do this. I left in a hurry this morning and…”
“Here I got it.” I see a strong hand holding a twenty dollar bill in front of my face. I watch in amazement as the rude girl’s face transforms from a mean sneer to a love struck fool.
I attempt to stop this stranger from saving me from embarrassment, but when I turn around and see who’s behind me, I’m even more embarrassed from my earlier thoughts of him. “Jax.” I sigh and quickly clear my throat, trying again in a stronger voice. “Jax, you don’t have to do that. I can run to my room and come back.”
Even though I already know it’s too late because my drink and blueberry muffin are in his hands, I still argue. Man, he’s sexy in his white mesh basketball shorts and blue sleeveless shirt that shows off his muscular arms. He has a tattoo of something on his right upper arm that continues under his shirt. I stop myself from staring too long.
He starts leading me to a table in the corner by placing his other hand on the small of my back. “I wanted to. Besides, I’ve been meaning to talk to you, and there is no better time like the present.” He pulls my seat out for me and places my coffee and muffin on the table. I glance out the window and watch as the campus comes to life. Thank goodness I don’t have early classes on Fridays or I’d be late. “Thank you,” I say and take a sip of my coffee. My nose scrunches up in disgust, which causes Jax to laugh. Frazzled from the situation earlier, I forgot about adding cream and sugar.
I watch as Jax gets up and when he returns he has every type of cream and sugar they offer. “I didn’t know what flavor you preferred or if you were into real or fake sugar.”
“Real. Definitely real.” I start dressing my coffee. “There’s nothing like the taste of coffee with real sugar. My tongue is able to tell the difference for some reason.” I can’t believe I just mentioned my tongue to Jax. My skin flushes, as I picture licking him with it. Calm down, Trudy. He’s just a good looking guy.
He clears his throat and sits there staring at me for a second. Finally he starts to talk. “How’s work going?”
I exhale with relief and relax. I thought he was going to ask me why I’m so flushed. “Good. I really like working there. Both Benji and Blaire are wonderful.” He growls and I don’t know why, but ignore it and continue. “Did you know they’re playing tomorrow night on stage? I can’t wait to hear them because everyone says they are phenomenal. I’ll be working the bar, so I’ll have to listen from the back, but still...it’s a free show and in a way I’ll be getting paid to watch.” I’m rambling but he makes me nervous. My foot won’t stop moving under the table, and the table starts to shake. Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice.
“Is the table moving?” he asks with a smirk on his face. He bends down to look underneath, so I cross my legs and dig my nails into my palms to distract myself.
I’m relieved I had it under control while he was down there. “God, Trudy. Stop it.”
“Did you say something?” He pulls up and smiles. “What do you need to stop?”
Well shit! I might as well get this over with because I’m just making a fool out of myself. Plus, I keep digging this hole of humiliation deeper and deeper by the second. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. When I open them Jax is focusing on my mouth again. NOT HELPING! Okay, here goes nothing.
How lucky am I to run into Tru first thing this morning? On top of that, I was able to jump on the opportunity of buying her breakfast. Man, she looks good this morning. Her skin is flushed and her hair is up, showcasing her long neck. Plus she’s wearing these pants that make her ass look unbelievable. Now I have the chance to watch her mouth work, up close, while she sips her coffee and eats her muffin. I’m one lucky sonofabitch.
I’m planning on telling her how I feel, and that Ashton and I are definitely not together, but I know I need to tread carefully. I don’t want to ruin this and scare her off. And that is a definite possibility with how nervous she seems. I like the fact that I affect her, but I don’t want her to be so scared that the table vibrates as she shakes.
I notice her sitting with her eyes shut tight and her eyebrows pulled down like she’s deep in thought. Then she says the unexpected. “I like you.” Did I just hear her correctly or am I just hopeful? I remain speechless as I watch her eyes open and the fear is now gone. In its place is determination and it’s beautiful on her. “Okay. You can say something and not act like I just commented on the weather.”
“You like me?” Jax, when did you become a parrot? Say something else. “I like you too.” Good, that’s better. I mentally pat myself on the back. She continues to speak like what I just said doesn’t matter.
“I don’t want to like you though. So I think we should stay away from one another.”
That catches me by surprise and you can hear it in my voice.“HUH? Why?” I don’t like that idea at all. “I don’t want to stay away from you. I like being around you.”
“You shouldn’t though. You have a girlfriend and I don’t need a guy. I want to discover myself as my own person, not someone’s girlfriend. I’m trying to get the whole college experience.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.” I notice I’m hollering, so I reach for her hand and say in a gentler tone. “I don’t even like Ashton as a person, but I try to tolerate her. The other night I was so focused on you leaving with that other guy, I blocked everything out around me. Jazz told me what you saw and, honestly, I don’t remember her pulling that shit.”
She shakes her head and tries to pull her hand away, but I won’t let go. I feel desperate to make her understand. This might be my only opportunity to hold her hand again, so I hold on as she continues. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t need a relationship. I have a full plate right now, and I just moved here.” She stops struggling and squeezes my hand.
“I completely understand that. But honest to God, Tru, there is something about you, and I know this might sound like a line, but I feel a pull toward you. I can’t get you out of my head, and I want to know all there is to know about you. What’s your favorite color? Song? Movie? Everything. I want to know your fears and what makes you laugh. I have to know you.” I put it all on the table and pray she doesn’t push me away.
“Oh, Jax, there’s nothing special about me.” She stops me when I’m about to argue. “I’m just a girl from Atlanta. I never had many friends growing up because I was always changing schools.” She takes a breath and seems to be struggling with her thoughts. “I’m relieved and happy to hear you and Ashton aren’t together, but I shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t like you the way I do.” She releases my hand and stands up like she’s about to walk out of my life, and I can’t let that happen.
When she returns from dumping her trash and grabs her bag off the floor, I stand right in front of her. She looks up at me with regret and sadness in her big green eyes, and I know what I have to do.
“Goodbye Jax,” she says while trying to turn and leave.
I grab her hand to keep
her facing me. My fingers softly caress her skin, and I see how her body reacts to my touch as it leaves goosebumps along her skin. When I reach her neck, I notice her pulse is beating fast. Her breath is quick and shallow. I let my other hand caress her smooth cheek as I gaze into her eyes. I move so I’m less than an inch from her beautiful lips and whisper, “If you’ve already convinced yourself of reasons why you shouldn’t like me, then it’s only fair that I get to argue my reasons as to why you should.” I slowly put my lips on hers and feel, for the first time, that I’m where I belong.
Her lips are softer than I imagined and fit perfectly to mine. I slowly add pressure and she grants my tongue entrance into her warmth. She tastes like the real sugar she mentioned earlier, and I know my tongue will never taste anything as sweet as this. I let out a groan when her tongue touches mine, and they continuously slide over one another in a dance.
When we finally pull away from one another to catch our breath, I notice her arms are around my neck and her fingers are in my hair. She looks thoroughly kissed with her swollen lips and glazed over eyes and I want to high-five myself. I hope that won’t be the only kiss between us because I might go fucking crazy.
Her eyes widen in shock. “I have to go,” she says, panic in her voice, and practically runs out the door. I look up and notice that we have an audience. Man, this girl is going to drive me insane with or without her kisses. However, I definitely prefer the kisses.
I walk out and head toward my Jeep, feeling upbeat because I know she’s affected by the kiss like I am. I need to plan a way to spend more time with her, even if that means just being friends at first. I call Jazz as soon as I get to my Jeep and leave her a message asking her to call me. I need her to find out Trudy’s shoe size. When I bent down to check the table, her running shoes were worn, and one had a hole around the toe. I know she won’t take them freely. She’s strong and independent, so I need to come up with a way for her to accept them without thinking they are a gift.