by R Cole
“You are so fucking sexy, Tru.” I lift my head, still bent over at the waist, and look at him through the mirror and see him right behind me with his hands on my hips. He pulls my ass back, and I can feel his erection as he thrusts and rubs himself all over me. “I want you so fucking bad, baby.” His voice is rough with raw hunger, and the sound brings more wetness between my legs. I feel as though it’s dripping down my thighs, and I can’t wait to feel him sliding in deep.
I stand up and turn around to admire this man that can cause me to melt at the same time he builds me up. I grab his shirt and rip it from his body. Buttons fall and hit the ground around us. I couldn’t care less because I’m craving him. Every glorious inch.
He stands perfectly still as I bend forward to lick his neck while working his belt loose, then I proceed to slowly unzip his pants. I reach in and grab his dick and start to stroke him as my mouth travels down his tanned, muscled chest, and I can’t help but swirl my tongue around his tight nipples. I look at him through my lashes and see his nostrils flaring and know he’s about to lose control.
I work my way farther down, savoring every inch of his skin. I lick and bite until I hit my knees and finally unbutton his slacks. As they fall to the floor, I look up and see him watching through the mirror, so I spread my legs farther apart and arch my back like a cat while I take him into my mouth. I feel his dick twitch as I swirl my tongue from base to tip and rub on the underside a few extra times, hitting his sensitive spot. I repeat the same rhythm and start caressing his balls gently. His hands land in my hair, gripping my scalp, as he thrust his hips and grunts in satisfaction.
“Tru, you gotta stop.” But I ignore his breathy plea and continue my ministrations, even though I gag a few times. I want him to lose it tonight. Before I can go down again on his length, he steps away and easily picks me up to a standing position. I smile shamelessly because I love the intensity I see in his black eyes.
He lifts me up and presses my back against the cold mirror. I don’t mind the coldness against my back because my body is on fire with want. I need to be as close to him as I can, so I wrap my legs around his waist to rub my wet center against him and get rewarded with a deep, vibrating growl. He maneuvers us so he holds my waist with my legs draped over his elbows. Then I feel him fill me.
I can’t help but moan as I take in his width and dig my fingers into his shoulders as I hold on. “Take it, baby. You can fucking take all of it.” He thrusts slowly at first and our tongues battle for each other’s souls. He already has mine though.
I feel my orgasm building, but I need more.“Harder, Jax. I need it harder.” I’m panting and sweat is rolling off our bodies, but we won’t stop for anything. Not even air.
“I know what you need.” He braces me more securely with one arm and takes his free hand and grabs my breast. “All this is mine, Tru.” His hand descends lower, and I feel his touch on my clit and feel my orgasm about to surface. “And this sweet pussy is mine too.”
He’s pounding into me and the combination with his fingers causes an earth shattering, out of body experience. My body convulses but I can feel him kiss my neck before he explodes within me while shouting my name.
An hour later we are finally dozing off while we hold each other’s naked bodies. I feel myself drifting into slumber thinking that nothing can ruin this night or any night that I have Jax beside me...until four in the morning when the phone rings and I feel my heart break all over again.
It’s been three days. Three days since Tru has smiled, three days since we made love, and three days since the phone call. I’m outside the funeral home with Tru, Jazz, David, and Mason. Nobody says anything because we’re deep in our own thoughts. We stand under the night sky with its storm clouds, and it really sets the stage for this fucked up situation.
I didn’t know Benji well, but he did watch out for Tru while she was at work. I’m only here for her and no other reason. He was her friend, and deep down I know she cared for him...no matter how much I hate admitting it.
I see Janet walking up then feel Tru’s arms release me as she goes to her. For someone so angry looking, she still has tears running down her wrinkled cheeks. She’s a great boss to Tru and a hard worker. She obviously loved both Benji and Blaire from what I’ve seen, so she must have a good heart underneath all that armor.
I look around and spot Blaire through the door just sitting by the casket looking down. She hasn’t moved once since we’ve been here, and she looks more like a statue than a human.
I soon notice everyone has started to leave, but Blaire seems oblivious to the world. I can’t imagine one of my siblings dying, especially a twin. I keep my mouth shut not sure what to say. I turn to concentrate on Tru again as she and Janet talk in hushed tones.
“I still can’t believe he did drugs. And not just weed, but heroin,” Jazz whispers while shaking her head and wiping a tear from her eye. She’s aware that heroine was her birth mother’s drug of choice, so I’m sure that’s where her mind is and what has her so upset. Mason pulls her to his side hesitantly, but she welcomes it.
It seems Benji fooled everyone and was good at hiding his addiction. I couldn’t even tell until I saw his arm that night. Then I picked up on every little thing that he did which showed how trashed he was. The signs were small, but they were there if you looked hard enough.
I noticed when we arrived earlier that there weren’t many people here. Neither David nor Mason knew the guy, but they wanted to pay their respect to Blaire who was our waitress on more than one occasion. Plus, they both know how much Tru means to me. A few people from school and some punk looking guys that looked like they could use this as a lesson were the only other people here.
“I need to find Blaire.” Tru wipes her eyes that are full of grief and turns in my direction. “I’ll be right back.”
I grab her hand as she starts to go back inside and intertwine our fingers. “I’ll go with you. Blaire might need me to carry her because I don’t think she’s aware of anything that’s going on. She’s looks like she’s still in shock.”
She squeezes my hand and gives me the first smile I’ve seen in days. It might be full of sadness, but it’s still beautiful.
We walk into the funeral parlor and slowly approach Blaire. We stand there waiting for her to acknowledge us for a few seconds, but she doesn’t. Tru touches her shoulder gently and says her name—still no response.
Tru repeats herself more firmly this time. “Blaire? Everyone’s leaving and the director says since it’s late we need to leave too.” She pauses and waits for a response but doesn’t get one. “Janet wants you to stay at her place and is waiting outside for you. We need to be here early tomorrow for the funeral.” I can hear her voice break from tears as I listen.
We don’t think she’s going to answer at first, but then she stands up. Instead of sorrow etched on her face, it’s anger. And it’s directed at Tru. I go to intervene, but her palm slaps Tru’s cheek before I can. I grab Tru, who stands there shocked from the blow holding her cheek, and push her behind me.
“What the hell?” I ask angrily and stare down at Blaire.
She points in Trudy’s direction and yells with tear filled eyes, “You shouldn’t be here, you selfish bitch.” Blaire’s seething and takes a step forward to get to Tru, but thankfully David appears and wraps his arms around her to hold her back as she kicks and fights. “It’s your fault he’s dead. It’s your fucking fault he had to drown you out of his mind. You led him on and chose a guy with money instead. You’re nothing but a gold digging whore.”
“I didn’t lead him on, Blaire. You know that I cared for him, but just as a friend.” Tru is crying and when I turn toward her, I see we have an audience.
“Yet you still kissed him? As a friend? Let me guess because lover boy here...” she points in my direction, but I’m still thinking about this so-called kiss “...paid for your car, you decide to ignore someone who doesn’t have anything but a guitar to call his own. All t
he money in the world will never equal to how great Benji was,” she yells hysterically and points toward Tru. “He was everything to me and you took him away.”
“Okay, it’s time for us to go.” I pick Tru up because she seems to be in shock from Blaire’s words and walk toward the exit while Blaire screams with grief behind us.
Before we exit the building though, she yells that she never wants to see Tru again.
Later that night I lie in bed and hold Tru in my arms while she sleeps. I can’t help but constantly think about the kiss she supposedly shared with Benji. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it does, and I can’t help the jealousy I feel with the image that surfaces.
Her body is facing away from me while I rub her back, listening to the news on TV as background noise. “It’s not true, you know?” she whispers and rolls over to stare at me.
When I see her eyes are red and swollen from crying I sit up and face her. “What’s not?” I feel relief, thinking she’s talking about the kiss.
“I’m not a gold digger.” Her eyes start welling up with tears and she sits up. “I love you, Jax, and I’m not with you for your money. I hope you don’t think that.”
She’s staring at her hands in her lap and not at me. I know she’s not with me for money. I mean to say that, but what comes out of my mouth instead is the one thing that’s been on my mind. “Did you kiss Benji?”
Her head comes up and she stares at me with uncertainty. “No. He kissed me and I pushed him away.” She drops her head and stares at her lap. “It was the night those assholes grabbed me. I’d seen his track marks and confessed why I hated drugs so much. I gave him a hug and when I pulled back he kissed me.” She raises her eyes to mine again, and I reach up and wipe her cheeks.
“I know you’re not with me for my money, baby.” I kiss her nose. “You’re with me for my little brother.” I wink at her and she gives me a big smile for the first time in days and hugs me.
When she pulls away she looks at me with a serious expression. “Did you help pay for my car?” I knew this conversation was coming, but I hope it doesn’t lead to a fight. Jazz and her big ass mouth. She told Blaire about the car the night we bought it.
“Yeah,” I say and grab her hands before I continue. “Tru, listen to me.” I can tell she wants to speak, but I have to tell her this first. “I want to get you whatever you want in life and I have the money to do it. I knew how bad you wanted a car, and I also know you’re saving up for something, even though I don’t know what it is. So I just put some money down with yours to help pay for the car.”
Instead of arguing like I thought she would, she hugs me again and lays her head on my shoulder. “I haven’t had anyone want to take care of me since Ms. Freeman. I just don’t want to be so dependent on someone that I fall on my face when I’m on my own again.”
I rub her back while I try to find the right words to tell her that I’ll never leave her, but no words can describe this need I have for her. “Tru I’m not going to ever leave or get rid of you. Like I said before, you are mine. And I take care of what’s mine.”
We sit there for a few minutes and just hold each other. Then Tru finally tells me what she’s been saving for all this time.
“I’m saving for Brian’s headstone. I have one picked out, but it’s expensive. It needs to be paid in full before they’ll order it,” she says so softly it’s hard to decipher at first.
I squeeze her warm body against mine and kiss her head. “Then we’ll get it and I don’t want any arguments.”
She just tells me one last time she loves me and closes her eyes. I lie there in the dark while she sleeps and think of Blaire. The hatred she directed toward Tru today was a total surprise. I know she’s just angry at the world right now. I guess it’s easier to blame someone else for his problems, but it shouldn’t be Tru.
I don’t want her going around Blaire anytime soon, but I know she still wants to work. I’ll talk with Janet tomorrow about keeping them separated for a while.
I haven’t seen Blaire for two weeks now. She left town a few days after Benji’s funeral, and I’m not sure where she went. I would ask Janet because she talks to her on a regular basis, but I don’t. The way we left things between us puts a strain of the small relationship we had, so I want to give her time.
Deep down I know she didn’t mean the words she said, but they still upset me when I replay them in my mind. Benji had an addiction, and it was up to him to seek help. I hate the fact he’s gone and didn’t try. I feel my eyes burn as I close my dorm door and lock it.
It’s one in the morning on the Wednesday before our fall performance, and I just want to sleep for a week. Between working extra shifts until new people are hired, mid-terms, and rehearsals every morning, I haven’t seen Jazz or Jax much. I miss both of them. Jax’s practices have started running over because baseball season is getting closer to opening, and Jazz is usually asleep or not home.
After my shower I fall into my bed and take out Brian’s picture and foot prints. I sleep easier with Jax beside me. If he’s not close to me, I always feel as if someone’s watching or my nightmares return. I should have stayed with him like he had asked, but it’s late and we both need to be up early.
I trace the tiny footprints with my fingers and sigh. When the quiet whispers around me, my heart starts to break again for my son. “I miss you, baby boy. I think of you every day still, especially when I see a baby who’s your age. I can’t help my mind from imagining what you would look like or if you’d be walking yet.” I conjure up the image of a plump cheeked little boy with dark eyes that shine while he smiles at me and making the cutest noises. “What your first word would be and what you would sound like when you laughed.”
I smile and feel my throat start getting tight and burn as my eyes become blurry. I swallow it back as best as I can because I don’t want to be sad. Letting my mind wander to Jax, I let out a small laugh. “I imagine you with Jax and how wonderful he would be with you. He would love you like his own.” I take a breath and kiss the place where his toes rested once and wipe my eyes.
I glance out my window and see the moon reflecting on the dew soaked ground. “Benji, watch out for my boy, okay? Rock him in your arms since I’m unable to and kiss his cheek for me.” I place the items back in my desk drawer and grab his blanket to hold against my chest since Jax isn’t with me tonight. After I turn out the lights and settle down, I finally feel my mind drifting into a fitful sleep.
I’m at Jay Jay’s but it’s different tonight. The tables are made of glass, and the floors, walls, and stage are cold steel. The place is almost empty, but as I step farther inside, I see a few people at the bar that I don’t recognize. One is dressed as Hannibal Lecter, and I shiver as he watches me enter. I look around for a familiar face and notice everyone has vanished except for him.
I feel the temperature drop and see my breath turn to fog as he stands up to walk toward me. The closer he gets, the colder I become. Soon, I’m shivering so hard my body starts to hurt. I back away to leave but stop when warm arms wrap around me. I sigh with relief because Jax is here. A smile rests on my face while I turn around, but it falls when I see Hannibal so close I can smell his breath. When I try to see his face, all I see is black behind the mask.
I start to fight and scream for help but stop when I hear the piano start playing a beautiful melody. I look up and see Blaire and scream her name while Hannibal squeezes me like a vise. She never looks my way and continues to play like she’s unaware of anything but her performance.
My breathing becomes shallow as both Hannibals are there, one in front and one behind. My heart accelerates and I start to shake. The one in front reaches up with his hand, and I back up to move, but I’m blocked by the other. I can feel his touch and smell the cigarettes on his skin as he runs his finger down my cheek. I feel dirty and my stomach starts rolling just from that small touch.
“Please let me go,” I plea with a shaky voice, and then I’m released from behin
d.
He turns me around so fast I almost lose my balance. Finally facing him, I see it’s Benji in Hannibal’s place and feel my heart rate drop. I try to hug him but I’m frozen from the coldness that has set in my bones.
I can still feel the moist heat from the other person hitting my neck. He nuzzles my ear as I plea with Benji with my eyes for help. I scream as Hannibal begins biting down on my lobe and with putrid breath, says, “Yummy.”
“Help.” I need Benji to help me, but he just continues to stare at me with sad eyes.
Then he bends forward and says on a scared whisper, “Run.”
I wake up with a jolt and feel the sweat on my body. The air from the fan causes me to shiver as it hits my damp skin. Taking a deep breath, I turn on my lamp to help calm my nerves. My eyes are blurry from sleep, so it’s hard to make out the objects in my room.
After a moment they adjust enough for me to see my bathroom door is open. I’m sure I closed it last night. I start to panic because the nightmare is still fresh, but I calm down when I think of Jazz next door. She was probably coming over and saw I was asleep. I’m sure she just forgot to close it when she left.
I look at the time on my phone and realize I was only asleep for an hour. Now I feel wide awake and restless even though I’ve calmed down. Tomorrow is a long day though, so I need to try and get some sleep. I grab my pillow and make my way to Jazz’s room.