Twist Into Me

by Devon Ashley

  Not one picture of Nana and me and Mom. Probably because one didn’t exist. By the time I came around, my mom was drinking and smoking and basically avoided Nana at all costs until the day she moved us to California. I’m sure the only reason Nana put up with it was so she could keep me close and cared for. It had to be a shock coming home one day from shopping to find us gone. I was young, and I hadn’t known either. Mom had thrown some bags in and off we went. I cried for a solid three hours once I learned we weren’t going back. The only reason I ever got summers here was because Nana paid to fly me out, and because Mom didn’t want to have to deal with a kid who didn’t spend most of her day at school.

  I knew Nana regretted sending me back that last summer. She wanted to go about it the lawful way of getting me into her home on a permanent basis. She had no idea my mom could disappear like that. That year, Nana lost the only family she had left. But we finally had it back, and I wasn’t going to lose her ever again.

  Before I could tear up all over again, I said, “It’s Friday. Are you seeing Clarence tonight?”

  She gave me a gentle smile. “Tomorrow. Tonight I’m going out for a much needed girl’s night. Would you like to join us?”

  A short burst of chuckles erupted from my chest. “That’s okay, Nana. You’ve got your girls and I’ve got mine. And I want you and your friends to feel free to behave however inappropriately you normally do.”

  “Ha!” she exclaimed to my back as I made my way out. “You think your presence would get those two to behave any better?”

  “No. And quite frankly, all three of you scare me sometimes.”

  I crashed early that night and flipped through my Hulu queue. How was it I had like a hundred episodes on there, yet had nothing to watch? As I skimmed through the recently added movies, my phone rang.

  “Yo,” I told Sarah. “What’s up?”

  “Just returning your call. What’s up with you?”

  “Bored out of my mind. Already in bed. You?”

  “I’m doing squats while I eat a brownie. Go me!”

  “Productive,” I joked. “Where’s Matt?”

  “On his way over. Gonna have to dine and ditch your ass in a second. It’s our anniversary, you know?”

  “I did not know,” I lied. “Congrats.”

  “Don’t be hatin’,” she accused boldly. My reply had been kind of monotonous and lifeless.

  “I’m not hating. Emotion takes energy and I’ve been sucked dry.”

  “Oops. That’s Matt on my other line. Gotta go. Bye bye-bye-bye bye,” she sang using various notes before switching over.

  I closed my laptop and tossed it aside. Then I called Owen, who answered my call by the third ring. “I think my grandmother has a better social life than I do,” I blurted. I could hear the rough sound of sandpaper on wood in the background, and I could easily imagine Owen in his barn¸ leaning over a work table as he smoothed the intricate details of his latest piece.

  “Probably. What’s she doing?”

  “Out with the girls. Probably drunk off her third gin martini by now.”

  “You know girls. You know bars.”

  “But I hate gin martinis.”

  “But you love beer.”

  “I do. I do love beer. But I don’t want to go get drunk at the bar. Not tonight.” I picked off the fuzz from the blanket draped over my lower half. I was comfy enough hanging out in bed, but I was so far from being able to sleep it wasn’t funny.

  “Well, how about a festival?”

  “Huh?” I asked dumbly.

  I heard a quick sweeping noise several times, like Owen was knocking the sawdust off his hands. “There’s a bluegrass festival going on a few towns over. Friday and Saturday night’s just for the adults. I went last year. They had a good selection of beers on tap.”

  I eyed my sweet, sweet bed and the cozy way I was already settled in. I could easily say no and get back to that book I hadn’t touched in a month, or easily use my eReader to order a new one. I opened my mouth to reject the idea, but for some reason the words that came out were, “Sounds fun. Let’s go.”

  With an exaggerated sigh, he asked, “Am I going to have to shower for this?”

  “I know I’d appreciate it,” I sarcastically replied, already over my blunder. Guess I did want to get out tonight.

  “Fine. I’ll be there in thirty.”

  When he texted me from Nana’s spot in the driveway, I made my way down and set the alarm on my way out. I’d never been to any type of festival before, let alone a bluegrass one, so I settled for a pair of jeans, a couple of layered tanks and a pair of boots to keep my feet clean. For all I knew this festival was in a field somewhere.

  “So…bluegrass, huh?” I ridiculed as I got into his truck.

  “Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it.”

  Owen was also in jeans, with a Hurley t-shirt and boots. The cab smelled fresh from whatever body wash he had used in the shower. It was a mixture of musk and spice, and soothing to breathe in. He put the truck in reverse and got us on our way. “So you’ve been outdone by your grandma?”

  “Even you’ve been outdone by Nana, so I’m not sure if you want to go anywhere with that.”

  “Fair enough.”

  A few minutes later we pulled up in front of a familiar apartment building. I was about to ask when he looked to me with an unamused expression. “Sorry. Hate to do this, but I need to use you for a minute.”

  “Huh?”

  His head motioned to the back. A box sat on the backseat. “I haven’t told you yet…anyone, actually, but Lis has been texting me, asking to get back together.”

  “Oh, God,” I moaned. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

  “I’m not getting back together with her. I’ve asked her to come get her stuff, but she won’t. Says there’s no point because she knows we’re going to get back together again.”

  “I thought she went to L.A.!”

  Owen shook his head. “Seems despite all the talk, she doesn’t want to go alone.”

  “Awesome,” I muttered, crossing my arms with annoyance. “Maybe she can give my mom a ride back.”

  “I’ll mention it to her,” he replied flatly. He stepped out and opened the back door to get the box.

  “Wait. How are you using me?”

  “You’re why I can’t be bullied into staying and talking it out with her.” He slammed the door and made his way up the exterior steel stairs. I couldn’t see her when she opened the door for him. She was probably smiling at first, at least until she saw the box he was carrying. He disappeared inside, and the door closed behind him.

  Great. All I could do was hope he was serious about using me as his excuse to escape, because I didn’t want to sit out here all night. I pulled my phone out and began messing around. Would it be rude to text him and tell him to come back already? Lis was probably already going to be mad that I was hanging out with him instead of her anyways.

  My fingertips were tapping the screen as I debated when the apartment door opened again. Lis followed him out and leaned over the railing, calling, “We need to talk about this.”

  “No, we don’t. I meant what I said. So did you.”

  “Owen!”

  He ignored her call, got back into the truck and started the engine. Lis just stood there in cotton shorts and a tank, hair pinned back. For once she seemed calm, or at least not shrieking to get her way. When her eyes caught mine, she just stared. There wasn’t any malice behind them; no jealousy or anything. She was so expressionless I didn’t have a clue what she was thinking. And the only thing that broke our connection was Owen pulling out and heading away.

  If only she were that calm and rational every day, then she and Owen would probably still be together. Our friends would probably like her and fight for her. But this side of her was rare, and no matter how well she behaved today, tomorrow would only bring back the ugliness.

  We were quiet all the way to the festival, but once we got there, the mu
sic, the swarm of people, just the environment itself served as a distraction. A section of town had been closed down so the party could congregate. Lights were strung overhead, connecting both sides of the street, keeping the party lit despite the late hour. Makeshift tents were scattered about, selling everything from music to instruments, roasted meats, baked goodies filled with popular autumn spices and stands offering an unlimited variety of beers and ciders. The smell of sausage was tempting, but we made the libations our first stop. Owen chose a dark lager and I went for a locally brewed cider.

  We meandered for a while, eventually ending up at a picnic table within decent distance of the stage. The current group’s set was upbeat and a huge part of the audience had taken up to dancing in the street. People of all ages were having fun, and even though the night was supposed to be for the adults, there were still plenty of kids running around.

  The cider was stronger than I expected, and my first glass alone had me feeling a little loopy. So much I rejected another when Owen went back for seconds. When he returned, I leaned my arm out on the table and rested my head on my hand. I playfully stared at his profile. He knew I was doing it, and when he couldn’t take it anymore, he turned and bit back his grin. “What?”

  “What? Nothing. I’m not doing anything.”

  He sighed and shook his head, returning his attention to the band.

  “Did she at least apologize for anything?” I asked.

  He blinked and moved his eyes around, but he didn’t turn my way. “Sure. Lis was always apologetic. Problem was she’d repeat the nonsense day after day. She did me a favor breaking up. I grew tired of us a long time ago.”

  “Then why’d you stay so long?”

  His shoulders shifted up and down. “Something’s better than nothing.”

  “Owen Aaron McCoy!” I said harshly. “You could’ve done better. Lis isn’t the only girl who’s ever going to want you. You don’t have to put up with that shit. You don’t need that kind of person weighing you down every day.” My mind snapped; my body went completely still. Slowly I moaned, “Oh, my God, I’ve turned into Rory.”

  Owen laughed. Like really laughed. Like he’d been needing to laugh for a long time, and someone finally gave him a reason.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you?”

  He was still chuckling a little when he answered. “Technically, I’ve already broken up with Lis, so you’re not convincing me of anything I haven’t already done.”

  I briefly covered my eyes and mumbled, “I’m sorry. Just ignore me.”

  He huffed. “I can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

  Curiosity got the best of me, but before I could call him out on what he just said, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up with him. “Come on. Let’s see if your feet work better than your mouth right now.”

  “I thought you didn’t like to dance.”

  “Says who? And I can’t believe you remembered my middle name.”

  Me neither. It just came out.

  “Do you remember mine?” I tested.

  “Bethany.”

  Impressive. He grinned and tugged me along, guiding me through the dancing couples, towards the edge where we’d be out of the way a bit. I spoke loudly, trying to get my voice to carry over the music. “I should warn you that I’ve never done this before. Ever.”

  “Really? Not even a school dance?”

  “Like my mom would ever spend money on a dress.” Like I even had the chance to be somewhere long enough to get a date.

  “Well, that’s something you’ll no longer be able to say tomorrow. Now come on.” He turned to face me, one hand taking hold of my hip, the other grabbing my hand. I knew enough to place my other hand on his shoulder, but that was it. His hands pushed and pulled me, trying to lead me around, but I was slow to take direction. I ran into his feet enough times I was glad he wore heavy duty boots, and me too, because I would’ve stubbed and banged my feet black and blue had I worn anything else.

  After ten minutes of trial and error, I was beginning to find my groove. I could anticipate where he would take us, when he would pull and when he would push. Even the way his hand flattened against my skin told me he was preparing to take me for a spin. Owen was really good at it, and it surprised me he never wanted to go clubbing. Maybe if the group went to a club more dedicated to country music we could actually get him to come out with us.

  The music was loud and had an upbeat tempo, and it became as infectious as the smiles plastered on the faces of all the other pairs making their way around the makeshift dance floor. Tonight was the first time in a long time I truly had fun. I couldn’t stop smiling, couldn’t get enough of what I was doing and who I was with. It was so easy to get lost in the music, the movement of spinning couples all around. Owen was feeling it too, and his mood was as playful as mine. We twisted and spun until the set ended, applauding the band as another prepared to take the stage. My heart had been revving at quite a fast past for a while now, and dying of thirst, we grabbed another drink and went for a walk, looking for a spot with a little more wind to cool us down.

  “So if you like dancing so much, how come you never go to Britches?”

  “Not my kind of scene. It’s just sex in public. No one needs to see half the things that happen in that club.”

  Recalling the way Brady and I behaved, I could understand his point. There was something about that kind of environment that just took control of you. The heavy vibration of the music, the endless supply of booze, the darkness and mesmerizing light show… It was like every breath of air was laced with a drug, getting you to let go of your inhibitions and freely be.

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked.

  “Oh, boy,” he said, and I figured he was already preparing himself. “Asking first is never a good sign.”

  “Nana told me that every year I’ve been gone, you’ve asked if I was coming around.”

  He silently agreed with a nod. “She never let on that she was having a problem with your mother. I wouldn’t have kept asking if I knew that. I probably caused her a lot of unnecessary pain.”

  “Don’t. Nana’s strong like that, but she’s always been a really private person. I’d be surprised if anyone besides Rose and Helen knew the deets.”

  “Was there a question in there somewhere?”

  I stopped our walk to dispose of our empty cups and turned to face him. “I guess I find it weird that someone who hoped I would come spend the summer would also try to ignore me once I did. What’s up with that? Is that why you weren’t talking to me when I first got here? You were ignoring me?”

  “No. Shit,” he muttered, his hand rubbing roughly at his face for a moment. Suddenly his gaze shifted elsewhere.

  “Owen?” I wasn’t going to let him off the hook for this one. He put it out there, he was going to finish it.

  “It was weird, was all. Seeing you with my brother.” He silently stared at my dumbfounded expression before quietly adding, “That last summer was just you and me. I guess I didn’t see it coming.”

  “Oh.” Now my gaze was the one averting. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you or anything. It’s just you and Lis always kept to yourselves and I never saw you outside the group. Brady literally inserted himself in my life. And you…well, you kind of–”

  “Removed myself, yeah.” He went back to absently rubbing his face.

  “I honestly thought you were keeping your distance for a reason.”

  “I was,” he said, “I mean, I did have a reason. The moment I knew my brother was going to chase you, I knew I couldn’t sit back and watch.”

  Confused, I felt my forehead furrow. Something sparked internally. I felt a little sick to my stomach, and my breaths suddenly felt heavier, like my body was figuring something out that my head hadn’t quite picked up on yet.

  “I’ve waited years for you to come back. But seeing him with you, how it made him happy for once…” Calmly, he told me, “Letting him have you was t
he hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

  My mind completely froze. It should’ve been running a mile a minute, trying to process his words and reanalyze every little thing that had happened since I came back. But it didn’t. It was flat-lined. Dead on arrival. All I could do was stare in disbelief, get lost in a daze in his soft hazel eyes. All my brain could muster in that moment was a weak, “Shit.”

  I should’ve seen it coming, but I just couldn’t organize my thoughts. I had no clue what to do when Owen leaned in to kiss me.

  How long our lips were together or how much mine were even participating in the motion, I didn’t know, but I’d never been so confused. My mind was completely blank – like literally a blank slate where nothing but the thought uh… could break through the barrier. His hand cupped the right side of my face gingerly. It was the slowest kiss of my life, and not because he was unsure of what he was doing, but his mouth was incredibly cautious moving mine up and down with his. His lips were warm and soft yet firm with what he wanted.

  Something stirred inside me. Slow at first, like the motion of his lips, then what began as little individual pops of electricity suddenly felt like a current bursting to life. My arm ached to reach out, but it lay lifeless at my side, completely useless while my head was dead.

  I wasn’t sure of what to make of it. Like part of me wanted this kiss to happen, but the other part just froze. I wasn’t able to accept it nor push him away.

  There was a long pause before he began to break away. Still, he didn’t venture far, his fingertips still grazing my cheek. When my eyes opened, his were right there, softly gazing downward at me.

  He was waiting for me to say something. He made the move to kiss, now it was up to me to decide what happened moving forward. But my head was still swimming in a sea of uncertainty.