Twist Into Me

by Devon Ashley

  “You better not be neglecting the shop to sit here with me,” a raspy voice said somewhat sternly.

  My head shot to the left. I didn’t know whether to roll my eyes or breathe in a sigh of relief. “Nana,” I crooned, moving closer to take her cool hand into mine. “How do you feel? Do you need more pain meds?”

  I reached for the manual line, ready to give her another push, when she rolled her head side to side on her pillow. “No, no, dear. I’m fine.” But her hand moved to her chest, her expression painful as she tried to breathe.

  I pushed it anyway.

  “Would you like some water?”

  She gave me a weak mmm-hmm. I walked around her bed to pour her a small glass. “Tell me if this hurts,” I said, activating the button that would lift her into more of a sitting position. She seemed to rise easily enough, and I took that as a good sign. I held the glass with her as she took a few sips. That alone seemed to exhaust her and her head fell heavily against the pillow again.

  “Do you want me to lay you down again?”

  “No, Tessie,” she said with a clearer voice, albeit just as tired. “This is fine. Feels better on my chest.”

  “Do you remember what happened?” I asked.

  She was quiet for a moment, possibly scouring her memory bank. I took my seat again and waited, not wanting to rush her. If my phone hadn’t died, I would’ve gotten it out and done a group text to let the others know. Guess I would just have to wait until Sarah got here with my things. Hopefully she’d be able to find Nana’s room number and ring her phone.

  Her words were slow, like it took a moment for what she was thinking to make its way to her mouth. “I remember waking up.” Her hand moved to hover over her chest, leaving the tiniest gap between the two, as if afraid to add pressure. “There were a few sharp pains and some numbness. I panicked and called 9-1-1. I got out of bed. I wanted to unlock the doors and turn the alarm off but it was like I couldn’t walk. I stood up and that’s it. That’s all I remember.”

  I leaned in to grasp her hand. “You had a heart attack. EMS said your heart stopped. Even though they got it going again and the doctors put a stent in, I was so afraid you wouldn’t wake up again. You scared the crap out of me, Nana.”

  “I’m sorry. For a moment I scared me too.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I should have been there for you.”

  “Don’t you go there. You couldn’t have known. I didn’t know. You can’t live your life in fear that something might happen while you’re out living it. I won’t let you.”

  “Still,” I said miserably, “I feel awful not being there when you needed me.”

  “I know, sweetie. I would too. But I’m alright.” Her voice became stern. “And if you don’t get back to that shop and fill our orders…” She shot me a serious look that dared me to question her authority on this. “We have that funeral order. That’s one we will not pass on.”

  “Nana,” I replied just as boldly. “Your health is more important.”

  “My health will be just fine. I know I haven’t spoken with the doctor yet but I know I’m going to be sleeping a lot the next few days and you don’t need to be here to watch. And I don’t want you to sleep here either. You’re worn down. Go home to your bed.”

  “Jeesh, Nana,” I replied with some stubbornness, crossing my arms. “Even straight out of a coma you’re a force to be reckoned with.”

  One thing I learned growing up: it was best to do what Nana said. Even now, when she was in the hospital. Part of me wanted to stay and be there for her every second, but deep down I knew she was right. She’d be sleeping most the day, and with no one left to run the business, nothing was getting done. I had no problem refunding money or transferring the orders to another florist, but I thought it’d be best to placate and keep her as happy and stress-free as possible. So against my best judgment, I headed home.

  It had been almost forty-eight hours since Nana had been admitted, so it was dark again when I got into the taxi. I could’ve used the hospital phone to call Sarah to come pick me up, but I felt like I had already been enough of an imposition.

  The driver dropped me off at the front entrance. Since EMS and police had to force their way in, the alarm had gone off. When they called the police to respond, they told the company they were already there and to disregard the alarm. It was doubtful it had since been reset.

  It surprised me that the light in the workroom was on, but I supposed any of my friends could have accidentally left it on when they came through. But just before I reached the opening, subsequent noises made my heart jump, made my feet stop dead. The stool screeched. Water ran. Someone cleared their throat. Not expecting a burglar, but still a little hesitant, I peeked my head around the door frame. A sense of calmness flowed through my insides, relieving me of the startled fear that lingered just seconds before.

  “You’re here,” I said as I stepped through the doorway.

  Owen, who was drying his hands with one of our cotton towels, looked over with surprised eyes. And as open as they currently were, I could still see the exhaustion on his face.

  “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.” He dug through his front pocket and pulled out a set of keys, a charm of a cross dangling with them. Laying them gently down on the island, he said, “I have the spare set. I had to change out the back door too, to match the lock up front.”

  “Yeah, Sarah told me.” I wasn’t very brave. Either I was staring at the keys, or I was staring at the floor. “Thank you for that. Really. I never even remembered the locks were broken.”

  “I figured. I also figured with Louise in the hospital, you’d need some help around here. Sarah had to work, so I opened the shop for you.”

  I might’ve done a double-take. “You opened the shop? How?”

  “Don’t be too impressed. I wasn’t familiar with your system or how to go about taking payments. So I told everyone who came in that they had to order one of the arrangements on the website, then helped them place it using your laptop. They were all very understanding. Well, all except for one, who was determined she needed something specific, so she went elsewhere.”

  I was stunned silent. He opened the shop today? And took actual orders?

  That was when I finally paid notice to the rest of the room. There were several finished arrangements scattered about the counters. All beautifully put together – as good as anything I could’ve created. Black wicker baskets filled with just the right balance of gladiolas, roses, lilies of the valley and rich colored ferns.

  “You did the funeral arrangements for me?” I asked, still kind of in shock over what I was seeing, taking in each arrangement as I scanned the counters.

  “Yeah, I went through the orders. Yesterday was already done, so all I had to make were tomorrow’s. And I didn’t want to risk you missing the funeral flowers, so I made most of them. There’s still two, including the big one.” He rocked back on his heels. “Sorry. I wasn’t sure how to make the wreath that goes on the tripod.”

  I just shook my head in disbelief. Sorry? He was sorry he couldn’t make all the arrangements for me when he didn’t even have to make one? I moved to inspect one closer up. “I didn’t even know you knew how to do this.”

  “I used to come here and watch my mom a lot when I was kid.” The tip of his finger lifted one of the gladiola buds that had yet to open near the top. Solemnly, he added, “And I’ve been to enough funerals to know what they should look like.”

  Man that killed me. My shoulders suddenly felt ten times heavier, so I slid my bag off and let it plop carelessly onto the island. Something thunked inside and the metal rings connecting the strap to the bag clinked loudly against the stainless steel. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do this but I’m so grateful you did. I didn’t want to leave her side but you know Nana. She would’ve stabbed me with her bouquet pins if I didn’t come take care of the shop.”

  “Louise is important to me too, Tessa. Both of you are.” My courage was fleeting upon heari
ng those words, and my eyes casually moved to stare at the crisp white flowers between us. Lilies. Brady hated lilies…

  I pinched my eyes, willing the memory of him to go away. The one where he stood right there in the front room, telling me it wasn’t fair he couldn’t surprise me with flowers. My eyes refused to budge from the beautiful lily and its golden pollen tufts bursting from the stalks in the middle. They were so beautiful. What wasn’t to like?

  Owen slowly made his way around the table and paused beside me. My heart was skipping madly within its prison, and it still confused me that he could make me feel like this, so nervous. When the hell did my body begin to react to the things Owen McCoy did? And how the hell did I not realize I was always looking forward to the next moment we’d have together? And why did that have to be pointed out to me? Shouldn’t I have noticed the increased frequency of calls between us? Or that he smiled around me but not for others? That I smiled more around him too?

  No wonder our friends thought we were more than we really were.

  “Do you want me to stay and help you finish?”

  “No. God, no,” I blurted, probably a little too harshly, considering the way his head kind of snapped back. “I’m sorry. It’s just you’ve done so much already. Thank you, but I’ll get it done.”

  He slowly eliminated the distance between us, and my eyes chickened out and stared at the flowers again. As he stepped up beside me, he cupped my cheek and gently tipped it toward him. His eyes were right there. Large, hazel and kind. But a little sad at the same time. My mouth had the urge to move closer to his, but my neck didn’t seem to be feeling the same way.

  “I can tell you’re tired,” he said quietly, his voice smooth and soothing. “That you’re conflicted over what happened between us and upset over Louise. So I’m not going to say anything to stress you even more right now. But Tessa, we need to talk. Soon.”

  I nodded, admitting, “I know.”

  He headed for the back door, but just before he left, he asked, “How’s she doing anyways?”

  “Good,” I answered, my voice finding the strength to speak again. My lips twitched, wanting to smile but failing to hold it. “More worried about filling flower orders than anything else.”

  His lips twitched too. “Sounds like she’s going to be just fine. Night, Tessa.”

  “Night,” I whispered, but he had already shut the door behind him.

  Thanks to Owen, I was able to complete all the orders within a couple of hours, so I managed to get a decent night’s sleep. Everything that needed to go out was ready to go by the time Charles came in for his delivery run. I left for the hospital before normal shop hours began. I wasn’t sure if Owen would open for us today, and I wasn’t going to call to ask either. If he wasn’t, I didn’t want him feeling like we needed him to. If he was…hell, I was already trying to run before he got here. Deep down, I knew that if I knew for sure he was coming, then I’d need to stick around until he showed up. Best not to ask, I thought.

  Nana was asleep when I arrived, but she awoke soon after. She spent most of the day napping on and off. Her color was better, and she smiled more frequently. They moved her out of ICU, believing she was out of immediate danger, and took her to a normal recovery wing. I texted Rose, Helen and Clarence the good news, knowing they’d all make their way up soon enough.

  Nana was ready to hit me. She didn’t want Clarence seeing her in this state. I apologized but told her she was being incredibly silly. He was a sweet man and he cared for her. All I could do was offer to clean up her hair and apply a little makeup to calm her nerves over her worn-out appearance.

  Rose and Helen arrived first. Probably because they were both retired these days. They swooped in carrying on about how the Angel of Death must’ve rejected her for being the most difficult spirit ever, deciding Hell wasn’t ready to deal with the likes of her for an eternity just yet. I bailed before a bolt of lightning could strike me down with them, taking a long walk around the hospital to stretch my legs. Clarence, who had to move his work schedule around first, arrived later. I wanted to give them plenty of time to themselves, so I told Nana I was going to use the opportunity to grab some dinner. He was gone by the time I got back, and Nana was taking another one of her naps. Hopefully, all her visitors hadn’t exhausted her too much.

  As she slept, I found myself thumbing through my text messages with Owen. I started all the way at the top and began working my way down, everything we’d sent over the past summer. They began short and miserable. Everything about them forced and lifeless. As time passed they got a little longer, and I spotted some humor pushing through as we attempted to lift each other’s spirit, though we were still dying inside. Somewhere along the way they became more personal, more caring, more natural. We seemed to genuinely enjoy teasing and sharing things with one another. And we constantly put ourselves out there for the other, no matter what we might’ve had going on.

  God, was I really that blind? I could look at it now and see it all so clearly, but as we were going through the motions, I was completely oblivious. Somewhere along the way our friendship began to change. I thought we were just becoming best friends. Our friendship was something I didn’t want to lose, so I was unsure how to move forward from here.

  “You’re awfully quiet over there. Penny for your thoughts?”

  I was twiddling my fingertips, and I continued to do that a little longer before spilling the beans. “Owen kissed me.”

  Nana chuckled very carefully. I turned my attention to her, puzzled by her amusement. I was also concerned if she should even be laughing given the recent incision to her chest, but that was the wonderment of pain medication. “I was wondering when he’d get around to that.”

  “You too, Nana?” I mumbled with frustration as I sat up. “Why does everyone think we’ve been secret lovers? We haven’t been hiding anything.”

  “Oh, Tessie,” she said with a disappointed voice. “You may not have been paying attention, but that boy has been interested in you for years.”

  I wanted to tell her she was nuts, that he hadn’t been interested all this time, but I knew she was probably right. I just never opened my eyes to it. And now that I had… Did I want him too?

  “I’m glad you two are reconnecting. If you ask me, he only dated that girlfriend of his because he could never have you. And then you went off and dated Brady the moment you came back. It’s no wonder he wasn’t able to talk to you. It probably killed him to know you preferred his brother.”

  I opened my mouth. Sound definitely came out, but it wasn’t anything coherent at first. “I didn’t choose Brady over Owen. There was no preference. Brady was single. He asked me out and I said yes, plain and simple. Why the hell would I ever even think about dating a guy who had a girlfriend? Owen wasn’t even on my radar!”

  “So you admit you like him then?”

  Again with the useless sounds. “That’s not even the point,” I stammered. “The point is that I did date Brady. I slept with him, Nana! Numerous times. How the hell am I supposed to date my dead boyfriend’s brother?! I mean, there’s something seriously twisted about that!”

  “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. Sometimes when God closes the door he opens a window.”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled in agreement, “three stories up so when you jump out you break every bone in your body.”

  Nana pinched one eye and wrinkled her forehead, topping my snark with, “Well that may be, but sometimes you’re lucky enough to find someone like Owen McCoy waiting to soften the blow.”

  Aghast, I let out a quick huff. “Nana, seriously? Do you hear that you’re suggesting Brady’s death was the closed door? If I was meant to be with Owen, I’d like to think I wouldn’t need someone to die to get there. Hell, I would’ve been taking a nosedive out the window if I thought Brady’s death was required to move my life forward.”

  “I think you’re completely oblivious to the bigger picture here, honey.”

  I withheld the eye roll, but only b
ecause it was Nana. “Yeah? What’s that?”

  “If it doesn’t bother Owen to be with you, then why should it bother you?”

  Seriously?

  “He’s the one who’ll be compared to. Not you,” she added.

  “Dating him now, only after his brother passed…” – I paused to shake my head at the thought – “I don’t know. It’s just that old saying – there’s some places you just don’t go.”

  Apparently, Nana had a harder time controlling her eye rolls. My irritation must’ve been rubbing off on her, because her voice was becoming tenser. “Tessie, the North Pole is a place you just don’t go. If he wants you and you want him, that’s all that matters.” She reached out and clasped the top of my hand. With a gentler tone, she said, “Don’t throw away the chance of something life-changing just because you’re scared.”

  “I’m not scared,” I replied weakly.

  “You sure about that? Because these sound like the words of a girl in flight. And the Tessie I know has always been a fighter.” I puffed a breath of air between my lips so hard they literally vibrated. “I understand how confusing this could be for you. Liking Owen but not wanting to disrespect Brady’s memory.”

  “I just don’t know what to do, Nana,” I replied numbly. “Or what to think. Or how to feel. Everything seems right and wrong at the same time. If Brady had lived, would I have ever gotten to know Owen again? What if I’ve only gained this interest because we’ve bonded over losing Brady?”

  “Who cares how you fall for one another?” she stated matter-of-factly. “The point is, you have. Either you let yourself bloom, or you let this part of your relationship wither away. The only question you should be asking yourself is do you want him?”

  I sat up and leaned forward. “Can I ask you something? Give me an honest answer here.”

  “Okay.”

  “It’s a somewhat small town. People gossip. Do you think this would be bad for business? I mean, I’m not one for drama and scandals, but people have a strange way of deciding what is or isn’t their business. If I were to date my dead boyfriend’s little brother…”