On Her Own

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  He tapped the boy on the shoulder. “You haven’t eaten very much.”

  Aaron shrugged. “I ain’t all that hungry.”

  “Well, I sure am. Guess a few hours of fishing gave me a hearty appetite.” John chomped down the last hunk of white meat he’d taken and licked his fingers. “Your mamm is one fine cook, Aaron.” He turned to Barbara. “Got any corn bread or baked beans?”

  “As a matter of fact, I do.” Barbara handed the man the bowl of baked beans, followed by the basket of corn bread.

  “Danki.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  It was all Paul could do to keep from telling the bishop what he thought. He had wanted to spend the evening with Barbara and her boys, do a little fishing, and hopefully work on his relationship with Aaron. Instead, he was being forced to sit here and watch the bishop eat the choicest pieces of meat, listen to the man praise Barbara for her cooking skills, and worst of all, watch John make cow eyes at her. Paul was beginning to wish he had never suggested this outing.

  He gritted his teeth. It’s only natural that Barbara would be interested in a man like the bishop. He has the respect of those in the community, he plans to stay in Webster County, and he has the smarts to outwit me.

  Paul leaned back on one elbow and took a bite of chicken. Might as well make the most of the evening, because if John has his way, this will probably be the last time I take Barbara and her kinner anywhere.

  John studied Paul as he ate his chicken. He couldn’t figure out why the man would be showing such an interest in Barbara and her boys when he didn’t plan to stay in Webster County—unless Paul planned on staying with the hope of marrying Barbara and taking over her harness shop. If Barbara accepted John’s proposal, then Paul would know he didn’t have a chance and would soon be back in Pennsylvania, where he belonged.

  “How’s Margaret doing these days?” Barbara asked, looking over at John. “I’ve only seen her at church since the day she came to help with my yard work, and we haven’t had much chance to talk.”

  “She’s getting along all right, but of course, she still misses Dan.” He smiled. “I think it did her some good to help with the work frolic, so maybe if you’ve got more work that needs to be done, you might see if she’s free to help.”

  “I’ll be going back to work in the harness shop full-time soon, I hope,” Barbara said. “It’ll be even harder for me to keep up with things around the house and yard, so I might have to ask for more help.”

  John was tempted to tell Barbara that if she married him she’d have all the help she needed from his daughters and that she wouldn’t have to work in the harness shop at all because he would suggest that she sell it. But it would be out of place to mention his marriage proposal in front of Paul, so he merely nodded and said, “Anytime you need some help, just let me know, and I’ll spread the word.”

  “Danki.” Barbara lifted the container of chicken and held it out to him. “Would you care for another piece of chicken?”

  He nodded and licked his lips. “Don’t mind if I do.”

  Chapter 16

  On Sunday morning, Barbara awoke with a headache. Church would be held at her in-laws’, and as much as she enjoyed visiting with Mavis, she dreaded going. It wasn’t merely the constant pounding in her head that made her want to stay home in bed. After yesterday’s picnic supper and fishing, she wasn’t looking forward to seeing either Paul or Bishop John. They had acted like a couple of little boys the whole time, causing Barbara to wonder if they both might be vying for her attention.

  Barbara swung her legs over the edge of the bed and rubbed her temples. She knew the bishop wanted to marry her, if only to help raise his girls. But why would Paul try to gain her attention? He would be going back to Pennsylvania soon and surely had no interest in her. So why had he seemed irritated because the bishop had been at the pond?

  She padded across the room to check on the baby. Maybe I’m imagining things. It could be that Paul was just worried the bishop would take all the good fish, like I’d suspected in the first place. Paul is a strange man—sometimes friendly and relaxed, other times distant and uptight. I wish I could figure him out.

  Barbara stared down at her son sleeping peacefully in his crib and thought about the baby’s father. “Oh, David, why did you have to die and leave me with four boys to raise and a business to run on my own? I feel so helpless and confused. I miss you so much. If only you were here to tell me what to do.”

  Barbara glanced around the room she had shared with her husband for ten years. Everything looked the same—their double bed and matching dresser made by David’s father, the sturdy cedar chest at the foot of the bed given to Barbara by her parents when she’d turned sixteen, and the beautiful Wedding Ring quilt her mother had made as a wedding present.

  Her gaze came to rest on the Bible lying on top of the dresser. It had been David’s, and she always found a measure of comfort by simply holding it in her hands. Not because it was God’s Word, but because it had belonged to her husband and she knew how much the Bible had meant to him. Truth was, Barbara had been neglecting her Bible reading lately. She was too busy during the day and too tired at night.

  Barbara left the crib and made her way across the room. As she picked up David’s Bible, tears coursed down her cheeks. The feel of the leather cover made her think about the harness shop. Should she sell the business and hope to make enough money so they could live off it? She certainly couldn’t rely on her folks to support her and the boys. It was all Dad could do to help part-time in the shop. But the wages she gave him were a much-needed supplement to the meager income he and Mom made selling some of their garden produce and the quilts Mom made. Dad’s arthritis had kept him from farming for quite a spell, and even though Barbara’s sisters sent money to their folks whenever they could, Barbara still felt the need to assist her parents as much as possible.

  “Of course, I could sell the shop and marry the bishop,” she said with a weary sigh as she sat on the edge of her bed. “Maybe Paul would be interested in buying it.” She opened the Bible to a place marked with a slip of paper. In the book of James, David had underlined the fifth verse of chapter one. “ ‘If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him,’ ” she read aloud.

  Setting the Bible aside, Barbara closed her eyes. “I’m so confused, Lord. I need the wisdom of Your words found in this Biwel. I need to know what to do about the bishop’s offer of marriage, the harness shop, and my befuddled feelings toward Paul.”

  She released a sigh as she thought about the verse from Ecclesiastes that John had quoted to her awhile back, about two being better than one. Maybe she did need someone to share her life with. But could she ever be truly happy married to the bishop, for whom she felt no love? Could she take on the responsibility of raising the bishop’s four girls plus her boys? She would have to give up the harness shop unless she could count on the girls to watch the boys.

  Barbara rubbed the bridge of her nose. There was so much to think about—so many conflicting thoughts whirling around in her head. Truth be told, she was falling in love with Paul, but she couldn’t let him know that. If they were meant to be together, he would have to make the first move and let her know he felt the same way.

  With another long sigh, she stood. It was time to set her thoughts aside and turn things over to God. She needed to wake the boys up, start breakfast, and get ready for church. “I’m going to pray for wisdom and leave my future in God’s hands, just as David always did. And I’m not going to let a little old headache keep me from worshipping the Lord today.”

  Paul had a hard time keeping his thoughts on the preaching service and not on Barbara, who sat directly across from him on the women’s side of the room, holding her baby. On one side of Barbara sat her mother. The bishop’s oldest daughter, Betty, occupied the other spot. Paul wondered if it was merely a coincidence or if John Frey might have asked Betty to sit bes
ide the woman he hoped to marry.

  It was all Paul could do to keep from staring at Barbara’s dimpled cheeks, which were slightly pink, no doubt from the heat of this warm summer morning. He wished he were free to fall in love with her and stay in Webster County. But there were too many complications to prevent them from having a relationship—his insecurities about becoming a husband, her possible marriage to the bishop.

  Paul thought about yesterday’s trip to the pond. Despite his irritation over the bishop’s presence, he had enjoyed being with Barbara and her boys. With the exception of Aaron, who’d remained aloof all day, Barbara’s children had really warmed up to him. Even the baby had seemed content when Paul held him, and the little guy sure was soft and cuddly. When the infant had nestled against Paul’s chest, it made him feel loved and appreciated. It had also caused him to wish for something he felt sure he would never have.

  The bishop’s booming voice drove Paul’s thoughts to the back of his mind. “The Bible says, ‘For the Lord God will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.’ Isaiah chapter fifty, verse seven.”

  John Frey was preaching on challenges, and Paul wondered if the verse he’d just quoted was an announcement of the man’s personal challenge to win Barbara’s hand in marriage.

  At the moment, Bishop Frey’s face looked like it was set in flint. He pursed his lips and held the Bible in front of him as though it were a weapon.

  Paul stared at the floor. Maybe his message is directed at me. Could be he wants me to realize how determined he is to make Barbara his wife.

  He grimaced. It didn’t seem likely that the bishop would bring his personal life into the sermon. But the man was only human. And he obviously needed a wife to help him raise his four girls.

  Paul was pretty sure John had God on his side, him being a spiritual leader and all. Still, that shouldn’t give him an edge with Barbara, at least not to Paul’s way of thinking.

  Forcing his thoughts aside so he could concentrate on the rest of the service, Paul reminded himself that he needed to keep his focus on God.

  When church was over, Paul headed quickly for the door. It was stuffy inside the house, and he needed some fresh air.

  “I still don’t understand why you’re chasing after Barbara Zook, Papa,” Betty said, stepping up to John as he headed toward the barn.

  He halted his footsteps and turned to face her. “What are you talking about, girl?”

  “I saw the way you were looking at Barbara when she was helping the other women serve lunch. It was probably obvious to all the other men sitting at your table.”

  “I am trying to find you and your sisters a mudder,” her father said impatiently. “Barbara would make a good mother, don’t you think?”

  “Maybe so, but as far as I can tell, we’ve been getting along fine since Mama died.”

  “You might believe that to be so, but the truth is, things aren’t done around the house the same as your mamm used to do them.”

  She tipped her head and stared at him as if he didn’t have a lick of sense. “What makes you think Barbara would do things the way Mama used to do them?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe she wouldn’t, but I’m sure things would go better than us trying to fend for ourselves.”

  “I think we’re doing all right on our own.”

  He folded his arms and stared hard at her. “Oh, jah, right. . .overly done bread, tasteless stew, and arguments over who does what chores and when. Does that sound like you girls are doing all right on your own?”

  “Things might go better if my sisters would listen to what I tell them.” Betty grunted. “And don’t you think adding four boys to the family would make things more hectic and stressful?”

  “I rather like the idea of having a couple of buwe around,” he said with a nod. “It would be kind of nice to have a few sets of strong hands in a couple years to do some of the harder chores. I could use some help with my business, too.”

  Betty cleared her throat. “Papa, I just want to know one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Do you love Barbara?”

  “Well, I—”

  “You don’t love her, do you?”

  “There’s a lot more involved in marriage than a bunch of romantic nonsense. Besides, love can be learned.”

  “Did you love Mama?”

  “Of course I did. Loved her from the first moment I laid eyes on her.”

  There was a brief pause before Betty spoke again. “Papa, I hope you do remarry someday. But it needs to be for love, not convenience, or even to have a mudder for me and my sisters.”

  “Guess I’ll have to think on that awhile.” He started walking again, hoping she would take the hint and realize the subject was over. Being the oldest, Betty had begun to act a bit bossy toward her sisters since Peggy had died, and there were times, like now, when she said more than she should to her father.

  “Where are you going?” she asked.

  “Out to the barn to visit with some of the men.”

  “Oh, okay.” Betty turned toward the house, and John breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously, Betty didn’t want him to remarry. He hoped if he did talk Barbara into marrying him, all four of his girls would accept it and be kind to Barbara and her boys.

  When John entered the barn a few minutes later, he discovered Barbara’s father petting one of the horses. Deciding to take this opportunity to speak with Samuel about Barbara, he stepped up to the man.

  “Wie geht’s, Samuel?”

  Samuel offered John a smile. “Except for the pain and stiffness of my arthritis, I’m doing all right. How about you?’

  John shrugged. “Can’t complain, I guess.”

  “Are you keeping busy with your seed and garden supply business?”

  “Jah. That and making calls on people in our community who are sick or hurting.”

  “I heard you’ve been by to see Barbara a few times since the boppli was born.”

  “That’s right,” John said with a nod. “I saw her and the boys at the pond the other day, too.”

  “Heard that, as well. Guess they went there with Paul for some fishing and a picnic.”

  John cleared his throat a couple of times, searching for the right words to say what was on his mind. “I’m. . .uh. . .concerned for Barbara’s welfare.”

  “You mean because she’s been so tired since the boppli was born?”

  “That and a few other things.”

  Samuel tipped his head. “Such as?”

  “Well, for one thing. . .I think she needs to consider selling the harness shop. It’s too much for her to run on her own, and I know you’re not able to help as much as you’d like.”

  “That’s true, but Paul’s there helping out now, and he does the work of two good men.”

  John held up one hand. “Which brings me to my next point.”

  “And that would be?”

  “Paul Hilty.”

  “What about Paul?”

  “I don’t trust the man.” John lowered his voice. “I think he’s out to get the harness shop any way he can.”

  A muscle on the side of Samuel’s cheek quivered. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, I think Paul might be trying to woo Barbara so she’ll marry him.” John grunted. “As her husband, he would have full run of the harness shop, you know.”

  Deep creases formed in Samuel’s forehead. “I don’t know what would make you think such a thing, but I’m sure it’s not true. Fact is, I’ve been working with Paul for several weeks now, and he’s been nothing but helpful and hardworking.”

  “That doesn’t prove he’s not trying to gain control of the harness shop without having to buy it.”

  Samuel turned his hands palm up. “Doesn’t prove he’s trying to get it, either.”

  John pulled his fingers through the ends of his beard and grimaced. “If you would have seen the way he acte
d around Barbara when they were at the pond the other day, you might understand what I’m saying.”

  “How’d he act?”

  “He said some goofy things and looked at her like a horse eyeing a tree full of ripe apples.”

  Samuel chuckled. “Are you sure it wasn’t all that good food Barbara prepared that he was eyeing?”

  John shook his head. “You can laugh all you want, but I’m sure of one thing—Paul’s trying to win Barbara’s heart, and I think he’s using her boys to do it!”

  Samuel’s eyebrows rose. “How so?”

  “He’s got those boys—well, two of them, anyway—wrapped around his long fingers.”

  “I’ve seen the way Paul acts around Zachary and Joseph, and I don’t think he’s using them to get to my daughter.” Samuel pursed his lips. “What I think is that Barbara’s boys, with the exception of Aaron, enjoy spending time with Paul because they see the good in him.”

  John opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted when Moses, Paul’s dad, showed up.

  “Are you two talking about something private, or can anyone join the conversation?” the man asked.

  “We weren’t discussing anything important,” Samuel said with a shrug. “Matter of fact, I was just petting one of the horses when John showed up.”

  Moses smiled. “How are things going in the harness shop these days? Is my son Paul really as much help to you as he says?”

  Samuel nodded vigorously. “Oh, jah. Paul does the work of two men. His cousin must have taught him well, because he really seems to know what he’s doing.”

  John ground his teeth together. The way Samuel talked, one would think Paul was some kind of a saint. He was good with Barbara’s boys, he did the work of two men, and he knew a lot about the harness business.

  Moses gave his left earlobe a quick pull. “Paul used to help me and the boys in the fields until he got it into his head to move to Pennsylvania and learn the harness trade from Andy. Now all he talks about is leather straps, silver rivets, and the smooth feel of a well-made harness.” He grunted. “If there wasn’t already a harness shop in Webster County, I believe he’d open one of his own.”