Eminent Love

by Leddy Harper

  Layne backed away, her gaze falling to the empty space between us. “And now?”

  I wanted to go to her, but my feet wouldn’t move. They felt weighted down, cemented to the floor. So instead, I decided to answer her question, hoping my truth would give her the comfort I couldn’t physically offer her at the moment. “Now she’s just another student in the class. I’ve had to borrow her notes a couple of times, but that’s it.”

  “When was the last time you guys…?”

  I found her innocence endearing…how she couldn’t finish her questions, couldn’t bring herself to say the words. “I honestly don’t even remember. Ever since I met you, I don’t remember much of anything prior. And that’s not a lame line, even though I’m sure it sounds like one. I swear, Layne. She sent me a text like two days after our hike, and I told her then how I’d met someone and had no interest in keeping up with our arrangement. I think I might still have the text. You can see it.”

  Her posture finally relaxed some as her attention moved quickly around me, her breathing appearing to deepen and slow. Yet I wasn’t able to relax until her eyes met mine. “Then why were you so worried to tell me about it?” Her question didn’t come across as accusing, more curious than anything.

  “After the way Dre freaked out over Colin, I started to worry. I never thought to tell you about it before, because other than classes and a few times at the library, I don’t see her. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense to go over my entire sexual history with you. But your sister was really upset about Colin not telling her he still has contact with his ex.”

  She grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers as we stood in the living room, staring at each other. “Listen, Creed. I’m not as strong as my sister. I’ve never done this sorta thing before. She’s been in relationships and has a pretty good idea of how they work—I don’t. Not to mention, she’s very comfortable in her own skin. Confident. I’m not.”

  “I disagree. I’ve never met a more confident person in my life.”

  She shook her head and turned her attention to her feet. “I don’t mean in general. I mean…sexually confident. She doesn’t have to worry about her boyfriends finding it somewhere else—I mean, they could still cheat, but…”

  I took a step closer and grabbed her other hand until both were clasped in mine. “I don’t understand. Do you worry about me cheating on you?”

  “You’re a guy. You have needs—clearly, if you have to use someone for sex.”

  “Stop, Layne.” I released her hands and wrapped my arms around her to pull her closer to me. I waited until I had her attention before I continued. “I know what you’re about to say…so stop. I don’t need sex. It’s nice to get it if I can, and having someone with the same attitude helped. It was sex without a relationship. And at the time, it was what I wanted. I no longer feel that way.”

  “What if you get tired of waiting before I’m ready?”

  “Baby,” I said in a whisper, dipping my forehead to hers. “That’ll never happen. I get to kiss you. I get to touch you and hold you at night. Before you, I didn’t have that, because I didn’t want it. But now I do. Now I’m beyond satisfied with what you give me, which is way better than a meaningless hookup.”

  “But don’t you still need…the other stuff?”

  An airy chuckle billowed out past my lips. “I mean, my balls need to be taken care of, but that’s nature. I can’t stop my body from producing that shit. If it makes you feel any better, you’re the only thing on my mind while I handle my business.”

  Her face flamed crimson and she tried to duck her head, but I quickly placed my finger beneath her chin to prevent her from turning away. “I don’t know if that makes me feel any better,” she said with her own breathy laugh. “And not to change the subject or anything, but since we’re being honest with each other, I should probably tell you I hate it when you call me baby.”

  I cocked my head to the side and leaned back, expressing my confusion. “Why?”

  “Well, I don’t really care to be called by some term of endearment you might’ve called someone else. You’re the first boyfriend I’ve ever had, so anything you get from me—aside from hand holding and innocent kisses—are solely yours. You don’t ever have to worry about someone else already having that part of me.” She closed her eyes briefly to release a sigh, and then locked gazes with me as she continued. “It’s just…every girl gets called baby, or some other generic name. It seems impersonal to me. I must sound high maintenance to you right now. Or like some jealous girl.”

  “No, Layne. You don’t. And you’re right. You shouldn’t be called something a million other girls get called…because you’re one in a million. I’ll come up with something uniquely you. How’s that?”

  “And another thing, although it’s more of a question.” She paused, worrying her lip with her teeth while she waited for me to nod. “Did you ever have a thing for my sister? Or…do you, I should say?”

  I blinked at her in silence while holding back the laugh bubbling up in my chest. The way she asked seemed to be in humor, or at the very least, light curiosity, but I could tell she was serious and wanted a serious answer. So I stoned my expression and took her hands in mine again, staring deeply into her bright eyes.

  “I met her because of Colin, and I’m not the type of guy to go after my friend’s girl.”

  “That wasn’t what I asked. I know you haven’t gone after her. What I meant was…have you ever had a thing for her? You know, like thought about her in any way other than Colin’s girlfriend.”

  The bubble of laughter fell to the pit of my stomach and clenched into a tight knot, threatening to turn to stone. She wanted honesty, and I’d sworn to her I’d never lie. I had to tell her the truth, even though the truth could possibly upset her. “Dre is very attractive. Have I noticed it? Sure. I don’t know too many guys who haven’t. However, I’ve never thought about her as anything other than Colin’s girl. And while I’m being honest here…ever since I met you, I don’t think I’ve even looked twice at her. It’s like my mind knows it’s pointless to even glance at someone else, because no one compares to you.”

  She bit on the inside of her lip as she watched me. Not even a hint of a smile shadowed the corners of her mouth, and I thought my stomach would bottom out. I hated myself for answering her with such brutal honesty, when I knew damn well I should’ve played it safe.

  “Please, Layne, tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “I’m contemplating how much of that last part is bullshit.” Finally, she cracked a smile.

  “None of it. There isn’t a single person I even want to look at now that I have you. I know we haven’t been together very long, but it’s been long enough to know I don’t want anyone else.” I laughed and stepped back, indicating myself with a wave of my hands down the front of my body. “This guy? I don’t even know who he is. I was single for a while, and never once complained about it. I watched Colin date a few girls, and I was never envious of him—okay, that’s slightly a lie. I was a little jealous when I saw him with Dre, but only because I never thought he could get someone like your sister.”

  Her breath hitched when I stepped closer to her again and took her face in my hands.

  “And then I met you. Everything changed, Layne, and I can’t even begin to tell you how. It’s like I left to hang out with you guys and I never came back. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re sweet and kind. You’re real, Layne. So many girls are fake, pretending to be who everyone else wants them to be. But not you. You’re innately happy. When most girls would rather spend their time complaining about everything, you don’t. Maybe it’s because of what you went through, or maybe it’s just the kind of person you are. I don’t know, nor do I care. The only important thing is you are the person I want to be with. The only person I want to look at or notice.” I softly pressed my lips against hers.

  With her eyelids closed, her eyes fluttering behind them, she asked, “If she had ne
ver dated Colin, would you have gone after my sister?”

  I couldn’t hold in my laughter as I pressed my forehead to hers. “You just won’t drop it, will you?”

  Her smile widened, adding a dimple to her burning cheeks. “You guys have this connection…I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. It’s nothing I’m worried about; I guess I’m simply curious about it. I want to understand it more.”

  “We’re friends.”

  She rolled her eyes and twisted my shirt in her grasp. “I know. Like I said, it doesn’t bother me, nor do I think anything is going on or will ever go on. But it’s weird, you know?”

  “No,” I said with a smirk and head shake. “I don’t know.”

  “Well…like, you call her Dre. Her name is already shortened from Andrea, yet that doesn’t seem to be short enough for you.”

  I pinched her chin and raised an eyebrow at her, trying desperately to contain my laughter. “I guess I’m lazy. One syllable is easier than two. If your name was longer, I’d probably shorten yours, as well. Why? Doesn’t anyone else call her that?”

  “No. You’re the only person who has ever called her Dre.” She shook her head and frowned, deep in thought for a moment. “Wait…there was some kid in high school who had called her Dre once, but she didn’t like it and asked him not to. Apparently, it had something to do with the rapper. Which is what surprises me even more—she doesn’t care if you call her that.”

  When I shrugged, her bright eyes met mine. I regarded her for a moment and then said, “Maybe she’s over it now.”

  “I don’t know…maybe she is. But that doesn’t answer my question. Hypothetically speaking here, Creed. Say Colin had never dated Drea…would you have gone after her?”

  “Depends…have I met you yet?”

  She smiled and shook her head. “No.”

  “Then I’d have to say, if I wanted to be in a relationship, and she wasn’t with Colin, and I haven’t met you…maybe.”

  Layne slapped my chest and laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Yes or no.”

  “I can’t answer your question. There are too many variables. Even if I did go after Drea, the second I’d meet you, she’d be dumped. And then you wouldn’t want me because I had dated your sister. It just would not end well.”

  “Good point, Mr. Wallace.”

  I kissed the top of her head and took comfort in our easy banter.

  “Okay, so let’s say I don’t exist. Drea’s an only child, you met her before Colin did, and you are looking for a relationship. Would you go after her?”

  “I don’t like these questions.”

  “Why not? I won’t get mad.”

  “I know you won’t. You’re not the type of person to take a theoretical question and make it personal. I simply don’t like it because I don’t want to imagine a world you don’t exist in. Pretend or not.”

  She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “You’re full of swoon-worthy lines tonight.” Her smile took over her entire face, brightening her expression. “But since you won’t answer…I will. In a world without Creed Wallace, I’d totally go after Chad Michael Murray. I’d climb his one tree hill any day.”

  I blinked at her with elongated exaggeration. “That didn’t take you long at all to think about. Not to mention, totally unfair. Your sister isn’t a celebrity. This Chad guy isn’t my twin brother.”

  She winked at me and then shrugged one shoulder.

  “So you’d run off with this character and live happily ever after?”

  Instead of answering me right away, she wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed a kiss to the center of my chest. “No…because there is no such thing as a happily ever after in a world where you don’t exist.”

  My fingers ran along her spine as I said, “Now who has the best lines?”

  Chapter Seven

  Now

  Drea and I had talked for a little while longer. She eased my pain by telling me Layne hadn’t dated anyone since moving away. I knew I had no right to be upset if she had, but the relief over knowing she’d remained single was overwhelming. It erased the fear and dread I’d harbored deep inside for the last twelve months.

  And now I couldn’t drive fast enough.

  When I’d first left, I’d programmed my navigation to take me to San Diego, since I didn’t exactly know where I was going. The way I saw it, I had time to figure it out. I’d planned to give myself until Texas to get ahold of her, and then I’d resort to using more unconventional ways to obtain information. I was sure if I called her parents, they’d tell me where she was. However, I hadn’t expected them to graciously give it to me. I could’ve also had someone look into it for me. I hadn’t done that before, because it felt wrong to pull up her personal information behind her back. At least calling her parents would’ve been someone giving me permission to have it.

  Now I didn’t need to do any of that.

  Drea had given me an address, and when I stopped for gas, I plugged it into the map. I’d told her I probably wouldn’t get there until Monday. I didn’t want to take my time and enjoy the scenery; however, I also didn’t want to get a ticket, end up in an accident for reckless driving, or fall asleep behind the wheel. So I figured if I stuck to the speed limit, followed the directions on the navigation system, and stopped when I needed to rest, I’d make it there in less than five days.

  Drea had been right about one thing. Over twenty-five hundred miles was a long way to drive to say I’m sorry—over five thousand if she ended up turning me away. But what she didn’t understand was I’d drive it a thousand times over again for the smallest chance she would take me back. For the chance to look into her crystal-blue eyes one more time.

  Harvey finally called me a few minutes before one in the afternoon. I assumed he’d just gotten into his office, but he more than likely knew of my departure long before then. I’d sent him an email on my way out of town, explaining I had to leave suddenly, but I’d had the memorandum ready for him. I’d also sent Jason a text, asking him to stop by my place and pick up the briefcase I’d left outside my door. I’d gotten his affirmation immediately.

  I explained to Harvey I’d had a family emergency and had to head out to California, but if he needed me, he could reach me on my cell. It was a good thing no one in the office knew anything about my personal life; otherwise, they’d all see right through my lie. If I told him I was on my way to chase after the love of my life, I knew for certain I wouldn’t have a job to come back to if Layne didn’t give me another chance. He asked if I planned to abandon my job, and I said no, but I didn’t know when I’d be back. His tone was tight and distant, which made it difficult to get a read on his thoughts. I didn’t take it personal for two reasons. One—I knew the weight of the deposition was on his shoulders, and my situation thrown into the mix didn’t help ease the pressure at all. And two—I didn’t really care.

  “Well, Creed, keep me posted on your family. We’ll be here when you come back.”

  “Thank you, sir.” When I disconnected the call, I felt lighter. Freer.

  Either way, his call would not have had an impact on my decision to go to Layne. No matter what he could’ve said to me, nothing would’ve made me change my mind. There were other law firms…but there was only one Layne.

  Then

  I had to go back home to spend the holidays with my parents. They lived almost four hours away from the school, and had wanted me to head back at the start of break. But I hadn’t been ready to leave then. Ever since Layne and I started dating, we’d both been in classes, and she had her shifts at the restaurant three times a week. This was the first chance we had to spend entire days with each other without the worry of papers being due, work shifts, or tests to study for. So I was in no rush to leave town.

  I’d compromised with my parents and told them I’d be there Christmas Eve. Layne’s parents had planned a dinner for the night before, inviting Colin and me to join them. I’d met them several times, mostly when I’d come by t
o pick her up—all of which were short encounters. I’d used that excuse to tell my parents I couldn’t come any earlier, when the truth was, I simply wanted more time with Layne.

  Since we wouldn’t see each other for a week, we decided to exchange gifts the night of the dinner. I had no idea what girls liked and should’ve asked Drea for help, but I decided to do this one on my own. It wasn’t much considering my budget was tight, but I felt confident she’d like it.

  The surprise was on me, though, when she answered her front door. She looked nice in a long skirt and long-sleeved, button-down shirt, but what caused my jaw to hang open and my eyes to widen was her hair. Layne hadn’t worn a wig since the night we’d gone out to play miniature golf. It had taken some getting used to on her part, although it didn’t seem to bother her anymore. Her hair had grown a lot over the three and a half months we’d been together. It wasn’t shorter than mine anymore, and she’d had it shaped enough times for her to finally be able to wear it in a feminine way. I knew it made her happy, and it probably had a lot to do with her comfort over leaving the wigs at home, but it never bothered me. However, as she stood in front of me, she wore it more styled than I’d ever seen it before. And blond.

  The wig she used to always wear had been blond. Apparently, before she lost her hair, she used to color it lighter to add even more distinction between her and Drea. And ever since it’d grown back in, it had been her natural color, light brown. I loved the brown…and now I loved the blond. It only proved no matter what color she chose or what style she wore it in, I’d still find her attractive.

  “Do you like it?” She toyed with the hair on the top of her head. It was eccentric, and unlike anything I’d ever seen before. The top fell in messy waves, the disjointed strands going every which way, almost like she’d just gotten out of bed. Tendrils framed her face and ears. Sexy as hell.