Eminent Love

by Leddy Harper

  “Did I ever do something to make you question how I felt about you? Because, if I did, I need to know. We’re all going to be living together now, and I don’t want this fear to resurface. Whatever I did, I need you to tell me so we can work it out.”

  She rolled her eyes and waved me off with a flick of her wrist. “It was a long time ago, Creed. It doesn’t affect me anymore. And it was never about you—or her. It was my own issue. Don’t worry about it.”

  “No...” I dragged the word out and leaned even farther over the couch, commanding her attention. “Don’t tell me not to worry about it. I never want you to be upset or insecure, so let’s talk about this so we can lay it to rest.”

  She returned her attention to the door. Colin and Drea had gotten their things inside and were now transporting them to their room, which meant they’d be walking by us. Layne stared up at the ceiling for a brief second and then nodded toward the hallway to our bedroom. Whatever she had to say, she didn’t want the others to overhear, and concern knotted in the center of my chest.

  “It was never about you or her, Creed,” she said after closing the door behind her. “I’ve already told you about my insecurities over the way I looked back then, so I’m not going to rehash them. My sister is gorgeous—you’ve admitted to finding her attractive. I don’t care if you do, or if you think a hundred other girls are, too. I’m confident in how you feel about me, so it doesn’t matter who you find pretty. It was never about jealousy or about what you thought when you saw me. It was about what I thought when I saw myself. I didn’t think I could compete with her.” She threw her hands up and released a pathetic chuckle. “Hell, I knew I couldn’t compete with her. Any guy I ever liked only knew me as Drea’s sister. So really, it was all about my own insecurity. Nothing more than irrational fears without a single thing to validate them.”

  I stood in front of her and pulled her to me, forcing her to tilt her head back in order to see me. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy to watch your sister get all the attention from guys, but if I’m being honest, I’m glad they didn’t notice you. If they did, they would’ve gotten the chance to have a conversation with you, and it’d only take one second for them to fall in love with you. If that happened, I wouldn’t have stood a chance. So really, I should thank those assholes for passing you by, because it gave me the opportunity with you.”

  “You say the most perfect things. I’m sure you’ll be the best damn lawyer around, because you’ll have juries eating out of the palm of your hand.”

  I pressed my smiling lips to her forehead. “I don’t say them to win you over, Yen. I say them because I mean it. All the things you’re insecure about are the things I love most about you. I wish you’d believe me.”

  “You loved my buzzed head?” she asked incredulously while dipping her chin, daring me to answer.

  “Yes…I did. I do. Because it meant you kicked cancer’s ass. I love the scars on your stomach from your surgery. I know you hate them because they’re a reminder of what you lost. I love them because they show how hard you fought. You think only having one ovary means you’re somehow less of a woman, but I couldn’t disagree more. Because to me, it means you’re alive. It means I get to love you—get to be with you. So yes…I love everything you’re insecure about.”

  Her forehead fell to the center of my chest, causing her words to become muffled in my shirt. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m not really insecure about them anymore. You make me feel complete. Like the circle. You complete my circle, Yang.”

  I hugged her closer for a moment, pulling her body tightly against mine. “Can you explain this facial expression you were talking about? How exactly do I look at Dre? And more importantly, why would it alleviate any possible doubt you may have had?”

  Layne laughed as she took a step back. “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. You just stare at her with this dumbfounded look on your face, like you really want to say something but don’t. It’s actually quite funny, because I don’t think she has a clue.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but your sister does some of the dumbest things sometimes. I don’t know how Colin doesn’t say anything to her. He’s out there hauling in box after box; meanwhile, she’s bringing in a bag here and a lamp there. We’ve done practically all the work while she pretty much holds the door open for us.”

  “I didn’t want to tell you this, but she made a deal with Colin. If he did most of the heavy lifting, she would put all his clothes away.”

  “That doesn’t seem fair.”

  “The deal also included ten blowjobs on demand.”

  My eyebrow peaked and my jaw hung open. “On demand?”

  “Yeah…like whenever he wants one, he says the word and she has to do it. I didn’t offer the same deal to you because I didn’t find it very fair. We both know I’ll put all your clothes away, and I like sharing the work with you.”

  I waited for more, but she stopped talking with a lazy shrug. “I would’ve taken the other part of the deal, though.”

  Her cheeks reddened. She glanced to the floor, trying to hide it, but it didn’t work. The crimson covered her neck and her smile could’ve been seen from the other room. “I like doing that anyway. I didn’t see the point in making you earn something I’d do for free.”

  I took the one step to her and lowered my lips to her ear. “You unpack the bedroom and I’ll unpack the kitchen. The faster we get done…the sooner we can start doing all the things we enjoy with each other.”

  Her eyes sparkled when they met mine, but she didn’t say another word before tearing into the boxes in our room. I sprinted out the door and made quick work of putting away the dishes and other kitchen items. I’d never unpacked so fast in my life.

  Living with someone—other than a roommate—had never been a blip on my radar. I’d never thought about it, because I assumed it wouldn’t happen until long after I finished school, and I never allowed myself to think that far ahead. I only wanted to focus on my degree, leaving the rest to figure out when the time came. But if the first day living with Layne was any indication of how the rest of my life would be, I never wanted to stop thinking about life after school.

  And I couldn’t wait until I graduated.

  Until I could live in the real world with Layne.

  Chapter Eleven

  Now

  My phone rang from the cup holder, pulling my mind back to the drive. I picked it up and glanced at the caller ID, noticing the same California number. I couldn’t answer it fast enough and almost dropped the phone in the process.

  “Where are you?”

  As much as I appreciated hearing Drea’s voice, it sent a sharp pain through my chest. I longed to hear Layne, to hear her tell me she couldn’t wait to see me. As much as I wanted to surprise her by showing up, I knew I’d feel better if she actually looked forward to my arrival. I’d have more confidence in what would happen once I got there.

  I glanced at the time on the dashboard, dreading how much longer I would have to drive before getting there. It was easier to think about how far I’d gone than how many miles I had left to go.

  “I just got to Texas about an hour ago. I have three-quarters of a tank left, and when I stop to fill up, I’ll probably find a place to get some sleep.”

  “So, I was thinking last night…”

  The constant knot in my stomach tightened. “About what?”

  “I don’t think it’s such a good idea anymore.” Her voice was low and full of sorrow, yet unsure. “I think she knows something is up. If she finds out I’ve not only talked to you, but knew you were on your way, she’ll be pissed.”

  “Then don’t tell her. But honestly, what can she be mad at you for? I was on my way before talking to you. And had you not told me where to find her, I would’ve found out on my own. She doesn’t even need to know we’ve talked.”

  She huffed into the line—I hate it when she does that. “You have to understand something…she was devastated when you didn�
��t come with her. You broke her heart, Creed. She only recently came to terms with it. She’s buried it and put it behind her. Because of that, there’s a chance she won’t be angry, yet there’s also the chance seeing you will bring back all those feelings again.”

  “What are you saying? She’s over me? She’s put me behind her?”

  She cleared her throat, and when she spoke again, her voice sounded scratchy, full of pain. “It’s not that…not exactly. She’s buried her regrets. She came out here to live her life, and that’s exactly what she’s doing. Without you.”

  “Then why are you helping me?”

  A long pause stretched out, feeling as long as the road I’d been driving on. “Because I know you. I know how you feel about her, and I know she feels the same. What you guys had…” Her voice broke, revealing her true emotions. “You two had such an epic love. The kind people will talk about for eternity. I never wanted you to break up, but I had to support Layne and her decision. Face it—you were so hell-bent on your life being there, but refused to see that the one who gave your life the most meaning was packing her shit and moving to California. Too damn stubborn to move past your anger and face reality—accept you were losing her—no matter how hard I hit you over the head with it. The reality is…you did lose her, and it’s taken you a year to get your head out of your ass. But I know how much she loves you, and if bringing you two back together is the last thing I ever do, then at least I’d die happy.”

  I couldn’t even begin to explain what Drea’s words meant to me. She could see how deeply I loved her sister; how profoundly Layne loved me. Her acknowledgment offered a small amount of relief, and it made me hold on to the hope it wouldn’t be too late for us. But I wasn’t dumb enough to believe it would be easy.

  Drea’s words swam around in my head. Devastated. Buried. Regret. I knew I couldn’t just waltz in there and ask her to let me back into her life. I wasn’t about to kid myself. I was on the horizon of facing a battle bigger than anything I’d ever seen within the walls of a courtroom. There was no doubt I was in for a fight. But I wouldn’t stop until I’d taken my last breath if it meant, in the end, I’d get my girl.

  “We belong together. I know it. You know it. Hopefully she knows it.”

  “Creed…” She went silent again, and her long pauses became torturous. “Don’t expect anything, okay? You said you planned to apologize—focus on that. Don’t start looking for houses or jobs or make any rash decisions before you get here.”

  “I’m not going to lie, Dre…I have to get another chance with her. But if she only lets me say my peace before sending me on my way, I’ll have to be okay with it. Although, it doesn’t mean I won’t leave without a fight. I made that mistake once, and it’s not one I intend to repeat.”

  I had to check the screen on my phone to make sure she was still on the line, but then I heard her take in a breath of air. It was broken and shaky, as if she’d been crying and trying to control herself. “Don’t get your hopes up, Creed. Focus on what you want to say to her, and then figure out the rest later.”

  I heard the caution in her words.

  But hope was the only thing keeping me going.

  My eyes drifted to the ink on my wrist.

  Giving up wasn’t an option.

  Then

  “We don’t have to do this tonight. I know you have a paper to finish and a test to review. We could’ve waited until after next weekend, you know.” Layne fastened her seatbelt and turned her attention to me. She was absolutely stunning, and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. No matter how many times I saw her, how many times my gaze roamed over every inch of her, she became more beautiful every single time.

  Her hair had grown so long, passing her shoulders, which she had kept blond ever since the first time she’d colored it. I grew lost in her gaze and wondered where the time had gone. It seemed like just yesterday we were sitting in my car at the drive-in, me pretending to read her palm. Now we were celebrating our one-year anniversary. Although, we playfully disagreed on what day it actually was. I said it was the day we met. She said it was the next day when we went hiking. So we compromised and decided to celebrate both. Tonight was my night; she’d plan tomorrow.

  “It’s all about balance, Yen. You seem to forget I’m a man of many talents. Not only have I managed to keep you fully satisfied, but I’ve also maintained stellar grades. I’ll be fine. Stop worrying about me. Besides, it’s my last year of undergrad, so if I haven’t figured out how to make it all work by now, I’m shit outta luck.”

  “You make it sound like satisfying me is a struggle. You forget I’m easy to please. Doesn’t take much to keep me happy, Creed. All I need is you.” She exaggerated her sweet grin and wagged her eyebrows, forcing a laugh to erupt from my chest.

  After a brief kiss, I pulled out of the parking lot and drove away with her hand in mine. I’d had this entire night planned for weeks. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to pull it off, but once I found out I could, my impatience to surprise her had become almost unbearable. The amount of restraint it took not to blow the surprise was torture. The only reason I was able to keep my secret was because I knew the look on her face in the end would make the torment worthwhile.

  Her stare burned holes into the side of my head as soon as I made the turn toward downtown. I knew her mind had to be racing with the possibilities of where I was taking her, but I ignored her glare and kept my eyes on the road. My cheeks became sore as my smile grew wider and wider, deeper until the sweet ache took hold of my entire face. The closer we got, the tighter her grip on my hand became, proving to me just how much her excitement matched mine. I couldn’t wait until we actually got there so I could finally reward myself with her full expression.

  I pulled into the large lot and parked in front of the big screen. I barely had the ignition switched to accessory power before shifting in my seat to catch her wide eyes. “Do you know how excited I got when I found out the techies at your school do this drive-in thing every year? I had no idea this was a regular thing.”

  “I didn’t know you were such a movie buff,” she said with a smile. “You hardly ever watch them at home. I have to watch them with Drea while you’re in class. Now that I know you’re a film lover, I’ll make sure to rent some DVDs for you.” Her eyes twinkled with mischief by the lights on my dashboard.

  “I’m not, so you can keep your chick flick dates with your sister.” I grinned and gave in to her teasing. But as much as I loved joking around with her, I had a few things I needed to say. Serious things, and I didn’t want them shrouded by goofy grins or jumping eyebrows. “I didn’t bring you here for the show itself. I brought you here because I wanted to relive the night I met you. It was the night my whole life changed. By far, hands down, the best night of my life, Yen, and I have a deep desire to do it all over again. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to, but then I found out they put this on every year at this time for some end-of-summer thing.”

  “Seriously? That was the best night of your life? I could come up with a few others I think were better. Last Tuesday in particular.” Her attention moved over my shoulder as she stared off into space, probably thinking about the same things running through my mind at her mention of last week.

  “As amazing as that night was—and every night is with you—it doesn’t compare to the first time I met you. Because without coming here with you, without being dragged out of my apartment by Dre and Colin, I would’ve never had the chance to fall in love with you, which means I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy last Tuesday night.” I winked at her. “So this place is special to me, because it put you in my car, in front of a movie screen, isolating us from the rest of the world. It kept you from dismissing me, and it gave us a chance. And I thank God every day you decided to give me a chance.”

  Her eyes shone with unshed tears. She finally understood my reasons for reliving our night together. To anyone else, it may have seemed lame, but to me, it meant everything. She meant everything. “Is it the
same flick as last year?”

  A laugh rolled through me and I shook my head, hoping to clear the embarrassment from my face. “I don’t know which one we saw last year. Hell, I don’t even know what’s playing tonight. But it doesn’t matter, because all I care about is being here with you…where it all started.”

  “So you really brought me here to reenact a year ago? Because I don’t know if you remember or not, but it was a little awkward. We didn’t know each other, and we spent half the time not talking. Is that how you want to spend tonight?”

  “I actually remember it differently. I remember every vein beneath my skin being ignited. Every hair on my arms standing at attention as if I had electricity running through me. I didn’t think it was awkward at all. I seriously had tunnel vision—couldn’t manage to focus on anything other than you. Maybe that’s why I didn’t notice if you were uncomfortable.”

  “We saw half the film in silence, Creed.”

  I pinched her chin between my fingers and pulled her face a little closer to mine. “Not true, Yen. You may have seen half of it in silence, but I had my eyes on you. And there was nothing silent about my thoughts.”

  “And that’s how you plan to spend your anniversary? Watching me watch a movie?”

  “It’s my anniversary, Layne. Tomorrow, you can spend yours however you wish.”

  She lightly wrapped her fingers around my arm while I maintained my hold on her chin. With slow movements, she formed a circle with the tip of her finger, in the same place she always did, over the sensitive skin on the inside of my wrist, inches below my palm. It soothed me into a near-hypnotic state.

  “I hope you don’t mind if I choose not to focus the screen, either. There are plenty of other things I’d like to do while we’re parked, trapped in this car together. This time, I’m not uncomfortable, and I know what I’m doing. Not to mention, we don’t have my sister and Colin next to us. I think it’d be a waste to spend our time on the film or staring at each other…when we could be doing other things. We’ll call it a modified reenactment.”