On the Line

by Serena Williams

  Together, Venus and I reached another Wimbledon final that year—in women’s doubles, beating Lisa Raymond of the United States and Samantha Stosur of Australia in the finals. After such a disappointing loss in the singles final, it was a little like earning the cherry on top but missing out on the ice cream sundae, but over time I was okay with just the cherry. A sweet victory is just that—sweet! There’s no sense turning it bittersweet when you don’t have to, right?

  Anyway, Lisa had been a top doubles player for years and years, so it was always an especially satisfying win when we had to go through her, and here it put us in a good spot heading into the women’s doubles event in the 2008 Olympics, in Beijing. We’d won a gold medal in doubles in 2000, and even after all this time on the tour that still stood out as one of the proudest, most fulfilling moments of our careers, so we really wanted to have a strong showing. We went in as the #2 seed, and our hope was to dominate all the way through. We stumbled a little out of the gate, though, losing the opening set of our first-round match to a Czech team before setting things right. We ended up losing another set, to another team of sisters—Alona and Kateryna Bondarenko, of Ukraine—but we got past them 4–6, 6–4, 6–1 to earn a spot in the finals against Anabel Medina Garrigues and Virginia Ruano Pascual of Spain.

  It’s a tremendous honor to represent your country in the Olympics—and when you do so alongside your sister, it’s off the charts! Here it was even more tremendous than it had been in 2000. In the intervening years, the United States had undergone a kind of transformation on the world stage. We went from being an admired superpower to this much-maligned, much-resented nation all around the globe. You could hear it on the court, with fans so quick to boo or to judge just because we were Americans, so we were doubly determined to do well, and we came out like a firestorm against that Spanish team. We played unbelievably well, winning 6–2, 6–0, and we came away feeling so unbelievably proud and patriotic that I now place that gold medal right up there with any of my Grand Slam tournament wins. It’s certainly my biggest doubles title, and it’s side-by-side with all those others.

  The final Venus-accompanied highlight of 2008, of course, was our quarterfinal showdown under the lights at the U.S. Open. It was such a tense, gripping match. It felt like I had my back to the wall the entire time. Venus was just relentless that night! But I hung in there. I look back and think, Good for me! And good for Venus! Somehow, I found a way to hold off ten set points and earn a 7–6 (6), 7–6 (7) win in a match that was delayed by more than an hour to start and took nearly two and a half hours to complete. It was exhausting and exhilarating, all at the same time.

  I was heartbroken for Venus, though. I really was. It’s one of the only times we’ve gone head-to-head where I felt badly for her afterward, because she played so well. She certainly played well enough to win—but then, I did, too. After she had me down that first break in the first set, I scrambled back. Then she had me 5–3, but I scrambled back again and pushed the first set to a tiebreaker.

  Venus said later that it felt like she was in control of the entire match, and I can see her view. I mean, she was in control, but she couldn’t put me away. I was like the Energizer Bunny on the other side of the net: I just kept going and going. She certainly did dictate most of the points, but then she should know better than anybody else that I don’t like to be told what to do.

  She had me 5–3 in the second set, too, but I wouldn’t go away. Up 40–0! On her serve! But I fought off all those set points and managed to break. She had another set point when I was serving at 5–6, but I held to force the tiebreaker.

  The point of the match? That’s hard to say, there were so many of them, but a lot of people I talk to mention this one rally from the second tiebreaker. Venus was up 4–2. Momentum seemed to have tilted in her favor, but I had that first-set cushion to fall back on, so she was the one fighting for her tournament life. Me, I was just fighting. Here, down 4–2, I attempted a forehand passing shot that I couldn’t power past Venus’s long arms, and she managed to put a volley deep into the corner. I took off for it a beat or two before she played it (one of the advantages of knowing your opponent’s game!), and managed to run it down and return a lob that I thought (hoped!) would clear Venus’s reach, but I was just short, and she was positioned to put the point away. But here, too, I guessed correctly as Venus went into her overhead, and I fought off her smash, only to send the ball right back to her sweet spot and set her up for a put-away volley.

  It was one of those points they play over and over again on ESPN, it was so incredible. The fans just went crazy, and I had to step back and catch my breath—because that last point really did take my breath away, in every respect.

  Venus won the next point, which earned her another three set points—but I fought those off, too. That was the story of the match. Venus kept pushing and I kept pushing back, and at some point I pushed back hard enough so that she was the one on her heels. She missed a lot of shots, and I know she was frustrated, but it wasn’t like she handed me the match with all those errors. No way. It’s not even like they were errors, not really. I just kept scraping and scrapping and scratching my way through these points, running down every shot, prolonging the points just enough so that Venus was forced to be too fine with her returns. I gave her no choice. I was getting to everything deep, so she had to go a little deeper. I was getting to everything wide, so she had to go a little wider.

  In the end, she just ran out of court.

  When you win a match like that against your big sister, it’s an enormous responsibility, because now it’s on you to keep it going and win the whole thing for the both of you. Venus had been playing so well that I knew she’d have gone on to win the championship if I hadn’t knocked her from contention, so now I had to win. I didn’t need any additional incentive, but here it was. There was also the carrot of returning to the number one spot in the rankings if I got past Dinara Safina in the semifinals—which I did, behind a 6–3, 6–2 effort. And past Jelena Jankovic in the final—which I also did, 6–4, 7–5.

  People had been talking about that number one ranking all week long, once top-ranked Ana Ivanovic of Serbia was knocked out in the second round by Julie Coin of France. The talk was that the number one spot was up for grabs if any of the remaining top seeds managed to win, and this was very much on my mind as I stood at the net, shaking Jelena’s hand right after the match. My first and foremost thought was for this particular championship, of course, because that had been my goal all along and the only result that was in my direct control, but I can’t lie and suggest I was unaware of what it meant in the rankings.

  I knew. Believe me, I knew.

  When I held that trophy high in the night sky, I knew full well that I was doing so as the top-ranked player in women’s tennis. I knew it had been five years and one month since I was in that spot—the longest gap, I later learned, between number one stints for any player in tennis history, male or female. I knew it felt good. Really, really good. And I knew I didn’t want to let that feeling slip any time soon.

  A footnote: it had been so long since I’d been in the top spot I’d nearly forgotten what it was like up there. Mostly, it’s refreshing and rewarding. Validating, too. It’s also fleeting, I’m afraid. Unfortunately, I didn’t quite get the job done in my very next tournament and was dropped to the number three spot after only a couple weeks. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and think, Oh, well… because I’ve realized after all this time in the game that sometimes this is how you have to play it. You give it your all, and then you give it some more, and despite every ounce of sweat and effort you still might come up short, and when that happens the thing to do is set it aside and come at it even harder. Figure out what went wrong, and what you can fix, and get on it. Then, when you’ve done everything you can and still come up short, step back and take some small satisfaction in noting that the two girls now ahead of you in the rankings have never won a Grand Slam.

  And play on.r />
  Be positive. Have only positivity going through your body. Be the best. Being the best starts by acting like U R the best. Believing U R the best. Becoming the best. Believe. Become. Serena Williams. 8x Grand Slam winner. Only U! Stay confident. U R a winner. Watch balls. Relax. Have fun. God blesses those who work hard. God blesses U, so work hard. Work, work, work. Don’t crush every ball. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Don’t make mistakes. U R younger sister, so pressure is on V. Toss high on serve. Don’t let ball drop. Hit behind her. She likes your pace. Try high balls. Let it flow.

  —MATCH BOOK ENTRY

  FOURTEEN

  U.S. Open, 2008—

  My Tournament Journal

  When we were little, Daddy got us in the good habit of writing down our thoughts, our hopes, our plans. Every week, he’d find some special time with each of us, and he’d gently remind us to set down on paper what we wanted to accomplish in the days ahead.

  “Meek,” he’d say, when it was my turn. “Have you written down your goals today?”

  We didn’t have to write about tennis. We could write about school, or Kingdom Hall, or dance class, or some problem we’d heard on the news. It was wide open. All we had to do was think of something and then write about it. When my older sisters drifted away from the game, Daddy kept after them to continue setting down their goals, because he thought it was a useful enterprise. And it surely was, though it sometimes felt like a never-ending homework assignment. It still feels that way sometimes, but I keep at it. Anyway, I try. I’ve kept a journal, in fits and starts, for as long as I can remember. There’s room in there for match analysis and insights, along with personal goals and reflections. Whatever pops into my head at the time, and makes its way onto the page. The same rules applied to Daddy’s marching orders when I was a kid: think of something and then write about it.

  Over the years, I’ve been back and forth between thinking of this keeping a journal as a burden and an opportunity, but even when I approached it like a chore I recognized the value in the exercise. Writing can be an extremely effective tool for harnessing your energies and keeping your focus, and eventually I didn’t need Daddy’s gentle reminders. It got to where I started reaching for the pen and paper on my own, because I found that it helped me to organize my thoughts and keep my objectives in mind. It helped me to focus. Plus, there’s great power in introspection, don’t you think? And what better way to turn your thoughts inward and force yourself to reflect on your day, your goals, and your blessings than to stare at a blank page and reach for some way to fill it?

  Since I’ve been on the tour, I’ve almost always had a journal going of one kind or another. Those match books I’ve been pulling from, between chapters? That’s just one outlet, one kind of writing. I also keep a more straightforward journal. I’m a little all over the place in my approach, but I’m happy just to make the approach. That’s the key. If I don’t step up to it, it doesn’t happen. Sometimes, I don’t write for weeks and weeks, and other times I might make several entries in a single day. Sometimes, my entries read more like e-mails or texts, because that’s how I’ve been conditioned by the technology. (Or because I can only find time to write when I’m on my laptop, or fumbling with my cell phone while I’m waiting out a long match in the players’ locker room.)

  Usually, when things are going well on the court, I’m keeping a faithful chronicle. I don’t know if that means the writing helps my tennis, or if it’s the other way around, but setting down my thoughts allows me to decompress after a difficult match, and to wrap my head around what comes next, so I keep at it. Also, no two tournaments unfold along the same lines, so it’s a useful thing to have all these journals piling up for my review. They’re road maps I can file away for later, if I ever want to know how I got from there to here.

  I thought it might be useful to share one of these journals here, because people seem to want to know what it’s like to be in the middle of a Grand Slam tournament, playing for the title and the top spot in the rankings. That’s how things laid out for me during my 2008 U.S. Open championship run, as you’ll see…

  Thursday, August 21, 2008

  OMG. My back is killing me. I’m too cheap for my own good. It was going to cost me $2,158 to fly first from LAX to NYC, so I decided to ride coach. After all, it’s a red-eye!!! I’ll get an exit row and sit by a window. I’ll be fine, right? No!!! Turns out our seats did not recline. And they were pitched at a really uncomfortable angle. The entire flight, it’s like I was bending forward to tie my shoes!!! Now my back is killing me. Ugggghhhh!!! The dogs were stretched out on the floor the whole time, and I kept thinking, Oh, how I envy their spot.

  Just arrived at hotel. Hoping to get in a good practice this afternoon, work out that stiffness. Then, off to a Nike event. They’re opening a store downtown, and I need to make an appearance. I also need a nap, so I’ll sign off for now…

  MORE LATER…

  Nike event went well. Saw Spike Lee. He’s so cool. Would love to work with him. He keeps telling me to see Susan Babson, an acting coach in LA. It’s hard, because I barely have time to practice, but as God is my witness, I am going to see Susan. Whatever it takes to do something I’ve always dreamed of doing.

  Back to Nike, it went awesomely awesome. Went and did my thing after hair and make-up (always a drag). Roger Federer was there. He’s so cool!!! (I say that a lot, don’t I?) OK, so today at practice I hit on the Louis Armstrong Stadium court. I had the worst session. I can’t seem to keep a ball in play. My forehand is so off!!! I don’t know what to do. My dad was there with me and that was good. He is a great help, but I’m soooo off. And my back is still killing me!!! I’m not moving well. Think I strained my groin. Went and had it taped. Hope it feels better tomorrow. After I hit, went to the gym and worked out for a while. Want to be sure my knee will be OK, too. All these moving parts…

  God, help me and bless me. Please please please… Today’s practice has me worried. Didn’t get much of a nap, so maybe that explains it. I really want to do well here, but there’s no way if I practice like I did today. Daddy says I’m trying too hard. That’s often true. I over-try, because I’m a perfectionist.… I’m also nervous about the draw. Don’t want to be on Venus’s side. She’s playing so well!!! It’s not that I don’t want her to do well. I do! But if we’re on opposite sides I can root for her longer. Like at Wimbledon. Only this time I get to win.

  I’m falling asleep as I write this, so I’ll sign off… Good night, God. TTYT.

  XXX, S

  Friday, August 22, 2008

  It’s 5:00 a.m. Up early for a CBS “Morning Show” appearance with V. Hair and make-up on their way up to start on me. Call time is 6:30 a.m. Who makes this schedule? Don’t they realize I need my beauty rest?

  MORE LATER…

  Back again. So tired when I logged that last entry. Can you believe it, up at 5:00, going into a tournament? Not complaining, though. Some people get up that early every day. Me, I’ve got it good, smashing tennis balls everywhere.

  Speaking of smashing balls, today I did better. More consistent. More power. Forehand seems back. But back is killing me!!! OMG, that flight. Aggghhh! Starting to worry. Two hours of treatment after practice. Hoping it helps…

  Player party tonight. Yes, another event. LOL! The bigger the tournament, the bigger the events. It’s the U.S. Open, baby! The biggest!!! More events coming tomorrow, which is shaping up to be a killer day. Not looking forward to it. It’s the wear and tear, so close to the tournament, the not sitting still.

  Draw came out… I have to play Venus in the QUARTERS!!! If we make it that far. (No room for doubt, Serena… OF COURSE we’ll make it that far!) Can you believe??? I’m so bummed, it ruined my day. Wow. Why can’t I play someone else? Even the Semis would be better than the Quarters!!! Dang Dang Dang!

  XXX, S

  Saturday, August 23, 2008

  The week before the Open is so busy. Today was one of those wall-to-wall days. Super-long. Super-crazy. Stil
l kinda down about the draw…:(

  Check this out: up early for an Oreo press conference, before practice. OMG, I love Oreos. Just signed this deal with Venus and the Manning brothers, Peyton and Eli, and this was the kick-off. Really love the concept: the Williams sisters versus the Manning brothers in an Oreo-eating contest. It’s uber-cool. The Oreo people are so happy with it. Great to do an event like this with V. Plus, all the Oreos u can eat!!! Yay!!!

  Another crummy practice. Went straight from Oreo event, which might explain it. I’ve just been soooo busy!!! Not the best strategy. Plus, body still not right. Forehand still not right. My timing is off!!! Got to fix it, Serena. Clock is ticking.

  Set it up so practice ran right into Arthur Ashe Kids Day at Flushing Meadows. Do it all in one trip. There’s a concert and exhibition matches on the main court. Tons of kids come out. I have a ball, seeing them have such a good time. Saw Roger Federer again. LOL. We keep bumping into each other. Good to be out on the main court in front of a crowd again, even if it is a bunch of screaming teeny-bopper kids.

  Hit the gym again for a couple hours, then raced back to hotel to get ready for Wilson launch party. Like I said, a super-long day. Wouldn’t be so bad if the ride from the hotel to the tennis center wasn’t an hour long. Can you believe that? One hour, each way? That kills a lot of time. There are nice-enough hotels nearby, near LaGuardia Airport, but I need to be in Manhattan. Nothing against Queens, but midtown Manhattan has got it going on!!!