Among the Shadows (The Ash Grove Chronicles)

by Amanda DeWees

  “I ran into him the other day, is all.” Maybe she shouldn’t have brought him up.

  “Did he ask you out?”

  “No, Dad.” Not exactly.

  Her father regarded her across the table, as if he knew she wasn’t telling him everything. “I’m not going to forbid you to see him,” he said gravely. “As far as I know he’s turned out to be a decent young man. Just—be careful, okay? I wouldn’t want you to end up getting pregnant or anything.”

  “Dad!”

  Her mother smiled at her scandalized tone and said to her husband, “I think you’re leaping ahead a bit, honey, if he hasn’t even asked her out.”

  “Am I? Maybe we should talk about getting Joy on the pill.”

  “I’m done,” announced Joy, her face on fire, shoving her chair back and snatching up her plate and glass before she escaped to the kitchen. As she loaded the dishwasher she could hear her parents talking in low tones, and she did her best to block their voices out, making plenty of noise rattling silverware and dishes. Her father had never been this overprotective before. Maybe he remembered more about Tanner Lindsey than he was letting on.

  She thought of what Maddie had said, about guys saying anything to get a girl in bed. Maybe Tanner was really only trying to score. But if sex was all he wanted, why was he coming on so strong to Joy? Any other guy, clapping eyes on her and Tasha, would have gone after tall, long-legged Tash, not short, plump Joy. Unless he was the type who liked to collect virgins—because it was probably obvious Joy was one.

  Even if he was, though, there were more straightforward approaches than this outlandish story about being married. And the note he’d left with the rose was more wistful than sexy (although it had prompted her to start keeping her window latched). If he wanted her to sleep with him, he would have been playing it more seductive, wouldn’t he?

  It was the same internal argument she’d been having ever since the day he’d approached her at the movie theater, and she was no closer to resolving it.

  She was putting away the leftovers when her mother came in from the dining room, carrying the rest of the plates. “I sent your dad off to let us have some privacy,” she said. “I thought you might want a girl talk.”

  Joy wasn’t sure whether she did or not. She rinsed off the plates to hand to her mother to load into the dishwasher as she thought.

  As always, she found herself wishing she’d taken after her mother in looks. Anna Merridew Sumner was beautiful; it was the only word. She had lush, curling dark hair that fell almost to her waist, and dark velvety eyes fringed with long lashes, and her smooth fair skin wasn’t flawed by freckles like Joy’s. Her figure was still as slim as a teenager’s, and when she sang or played the piano, she was quick and graceful, and her face came alight.

  But it was probably her manner as much as anything else that made her so appealing. She was at ease in any situation, never awkward like Joy, and she seemed to be able to find something in common with everybody, whether it was a tongue-tied young fan or the director of an internationally prominent symphony orchestra. And that hadn’t changed even as she’d begun to win prestigious music awards and become almost famous.

  “Is there a particular reason this Tanner is staying on your mind?” she asked now, closing the dishwasher and reaching for a sponge to wipe down the countertops.

  “Well, it’s not every day that a guy who looks like a movie star tells me we belong together,” said Joy. She wasn’t sure just how much she could tell her mother without setting off her protective-parent radar, and she didn’t want a repeat of her friends’ lectures. “Maddie and Tasha think what Dad thinks—that he’s up to no good. But that’s not the feeling I get from him.”

  “And what’s that?”

  She said slowly, “He seems on the level. I think he really believed what he was saying, even when it didn’t make any sense. Like saying we used to be a couple. I thought he’d gotten me mixed up with someone else, but he knew some really personal things about me, so that can’t be it.”

  Anna raised her eyebrows, her radar clearly pinging. “Really? What kind of things?”

  “It’s okay, I don’t think he’s been stalking me,” Joy said quickly. After that first shock, she’d realized that he hadn’t sounded insinuating or scary when he reeled off those facts about her. It was more like he was trying to pass a test. She still didn’t know where he got his information from, but it didn’t freak her out as much now. “He didn’t seem weird or crazy, except for being so hung up on me,” she said.

  “Joy!” her mother said reproachfully. “Why is it so hard to believe that a boy would be interested in you?”

  “I’m not exactly the type guys are attracted to. I’m pretty much invisible to them, actually.”

  “This Tanner didn’t think so.”

  “That’s why I don’t know if I can trust him.”

  Anna’s dark eyes were soft with concern. “Sweetheart, I know you don’t believe me, but you’re a really attractive girl. You’ll always stand out from the crowd, because you have your own kind of beauty.”

  The kind that wasn’t beauty at all. “I don’t want to stand out,” she muttered. To be different was to be a failure.

  “You look like you, which is better than being some mass-produced Barbie doll. The boy who loves you will love how you look because your looks are part of you.”

  It was easy for her mother to say that. She’d always been beautiful and popular. She’d never known how it felt when people meeting her for the first time got that look on their face: this person isn’t worth my time, she has nothing to offer me. Everyone always adored Anna Sumner at first sight. When people got to know her, they liked her for her warmth and intelligence and giving spirit, but they first gravitated toward her simply because she was so lovely—and Joy had never experienced that.

  “It doesn’t make sense,” she said. “He hasn’t gotten to know me enough to care that much about me.” To see past my looks.

  Her mother got a pint of ice cream out of the freezer and fetched two spoons so they could graze as they talked. “Well, if you want to get to know him better without being alone with him, you can always invite him here to supper. Or I could go with you to meet him, as backup.”

  “I’m not afraid of him trying to jump my bones or anything.” The words came out wryly, and she rushed on before her mother could launch into her standard lecture about inner beauty and self-confidence. “It’s just—I’m scared I’ll let myself trust him and then…”

  “And then he’ll break your heart?” Anna’s voice was very gentle. “No matter who the guy is, there’s no guarantee about that. That’s the chance you take when you fall in love.”

  She nodded miserably. She was already so hung up on him, after less than ten minutes’ conversation, that she knew she could very easily fall for him completely. And even if by some miracle he didn’t change his mind about her, what then? The little bit she knew about Tanner Lindsey didn’t suggest that he’d be a smart choice as a boyfriend. What would they be like together? Would she actually end up living her dad’s nightmare—dropping out of school, trying to build a future with a guy who worked at a motorcycle shop?

  All her life she’d been sensible. Good grades, good habits, good decisions. Her parents never worried about her getting pregnant or driving drunk or anything like that. They knew she never did anything reckless.

  And now she was terribly afraid she would. If she stopped living by the rules of what was sensible, she didn’t have anything to guide her—except her heart. And this was the first time her heart had shown any signs of being other than, well, sensible.

  Then another, more shaming question came to mind. Was it really her heart at work here, or hormones, as Maddie had said? How humiliating and miserable it would be if she changed her life for nothing more than infatuation. But maybe she couldn’t know which it was unless she took the chance.

  She thought again of the anguish in his eyes when she turned him away, of the
note and the rose, and knew what she had to do.

  “I need to talk to him again,” she decided. She couldn’t make up her mind about him without more to go on.

  “You want me to come with you?”

  “The place where he works is pretty public. Even if he turns out to be insane, I don’t think I’ll be in any danger there.” She thought a moment. “Maybe it would be a good idea to have a check-in time, just in case.”

  Her mother smiled and leaned over to place a kiss on her forehead, and Joy caught the comforting fragrance of her jasmine perfume. “There’s my smart girl. I’ll be standing by, and if I don’t hear from you by that time, I’ll come after you with guns a-blazing.”

  Whether it really was the smart thing to do or not, Joy found that she felt better with her mind made up. Maybe seeing Tanner again would bring some answers.

  * * *

  New Year’s Eve day was overcast and grey. Tanner spent most of the day on his bike, trying to burn off the combination of excitement and nervousness that made him restless and cranky. It didn’t help that he was trying to cut down on his smoking. Thanks for that too, Steven. But he’d forgive Steven for it if he could bring back his real life with Joy.

  He hoped he was doing the right thing. Yesterday he’d gotten a shock when he was at the shop, trying to keep his mind on his work with Bobby, when a gentle, hesitant voice said, “Tanner?” and he looked up and saw Joy standing in the doorway.

  He couldn’t get his breath to speak at first. She was watching him warily, one hand holding the door frame, the other her car keys, as if ready to flee. But she was there—that was the main thing. That she was scared of him and yet made herself seek him out brought a surge of love into his chest that almost choked him. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until they were both dizzy. But she was already wary of him; he couldn’t do anything that would frighten her more.

  So he made himself speak calmly when he said, “Hi, Joy.”

  “So this is Joy,” said Bobby. He was the only one of the three of them who seemed at ease. He wiped his hand on his coverall and held it out to Joy. “Tan’s been talking you to the skies. I’m Bobby, his foster father.”

  Tanner started at that. He hadn’t realized their relationship had been formalized. How awesome of Bobby and Donna to take him on.

  Joy was shaking hands with Bobby. “It’s nice to meet you.” But her eyes were on Tanner, and Bobby saw which way the land lay.

  “I’ve got to find a part in the back,” he said briskly. “Holler if you need anything. Nice meeting you, Joy.”

  For a second he thought Joy would ask him to stay, but she was silent until the door to the supply area had shut behind him. She was wearing a peacoat in a cheerful yellow that reminded him of her wedding dress. When she looked at him, her clear blue eyes were as candid as ever, and for a second he was lost in reminiscences of her. “You said you wanted to talk,” she said then.

  He had—but now he had no idea what to say. He and Steven would be performing the ritual to undo all of this tomorrow night, and he didn’t know if getting more entrenched in this unfolding reality would make it harder to undo. But he couldn’t stand to have his Joy looking at him that way, cautious and closed off. “It was great of you to come,” he said. “The other day when I saw you, I had this idea that I could make everything clear. But I found out that things are a little more complicated than I thought.”

  “I don’t understand any of this,” she said. “I keep thinking somebody’s playing a joke on me. Maybe both of us.”

  “What makes you think that?”

  She burst into laughter. “Um, look at us. No way is a guy who looks like you ever going to be interested in me.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “You’re in a whole different class from me. We belong to totally different worlds.”

  “But the way I look isn’t who I am,” he said, puzzled. “It’s not like goggles that I see the world through. ‘There’s a maple tree, and I’m handsome.’”

  “That makes you an exception, then. Most of the good-looking guys I know act like the world owes them something because of their bone structure.”

  “Well, they’re asshats.”

  “Maybe so.” She forced herself back to the point. “So if this is for real, what is it you want with me?”

  “It’s not that I want something from you.” With an effort, he kept his voice matter-of-fact. “I want you in my life. I love you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because—” He stopped. How could he answer that? He loved her because she was Joy.

  She seemed to take another meaning from his silence, though. “Yeah, I thought so,” she said, with a faint smile. “I’ll tell you what I think happened. I think you must have been riding without a helmet, or something, and gotten konked on the head. And maybe you had a dream about me, and now you think it’s real. It happens sometimes. It’s nobody’s fault. But you should really go to a doctor and get checked out.”

  He was torn. He didn’t want to freak her out, but he didn’t want her to go on thinking of him as a crazy stranger. And if he and Steven weren’t successful in reversing the spell, he didn’t want to have burned any of the bridges to a future with Joy, no matter how different the terms might be.

  “What if I don’t want to?” he asked. “What if thinking I’m in love with you is the smartest idea I’ve ever had, whether or not it was a dream?”

  “But you don’t know me.”

  “I know a lot of things about you.”

  She made an impatient gesture. “Yeah, Jude Law and a strawberry mark. That doesn’t mean much.”

  He took a step toward her, and was encouraged when she didn’t fall back. “I know it takes a really kind person to go out of her way to warn a possible stalker that he may need medical help.”

  “I couldn’t stand knowing you were so unhappy,” she said, almost to herself. “Not if there was something I could do about it.”

  “Like I said. You have a kind heart—and it took guts to come here. There’s two reasons right there. Plus you’re honorable. You wouldn’t let me think you care more about me than you really do.” That cut both ways, though. Right now a little false hope would be nice.

  “But what happens when I let myself care about you, and then you get tired of me and go off with someone else, and I get hurt? Why should I take that risk?”

  She didn’t even seem to realize she’d said when instead of if, and his heartbeat quickened just a little that she’d revealed that much.

  “I’m taking a risk too,” he said. “I already know I’m in love with you. That means you have all the power here. I’ll tell you what,” he said, inspired. “Go out with me on New Year’s Day.” Hopefully everything would be fixed by then, but if not— “We’ll go riding, maybe even have a winter picnic at Lake Chatuge. Or if it’s too cold for that, we’ll go out for dinner at Brasstown Valley.” It was the resort where their wedding reception had been held, but she didn’t react as if it had any special meaning for her. Well, he thought recklessly, depending on how things worked out, maybe there would be another wedding, another reception.

  That was pretty optimistic, considering how things stood now. She just said, “I’ll think about it.” But at least that was progress.

  And that little bit of forward progress was what he couldn’t stop thinking about on New Year’s Eve day. As he sped over the straight stretches of highway or curving tree-lined lanes, he kept wondering: Should I take what I have now? If he called off the ritual and concentrated on making the new Joy fall in love with him, it would mean all those other victims of the succubus would have their lives back. Was it pure selfishness to try to put the world back on the path that Steven had interrupted? Would it be better to save those other lives than to cling to the life he knew?

  Back and forth the argument went in his head. It was too much responsibility—a decision he shouldn’t have to make.

  What finally decided him was Rose,
and Steven’s reaction to the news that Joy had met her. If Tanner let this new reality unfold, he and Joy might get married, they might have a baby, and that baby might be a daughter. They might name her Rose. But that was a lot of mights. If he and Steven put things back on track, Rose was already there, already that indispensable part of their future, a touchstone in their lives. He had to trust that.

  And when he remembered Joy coming to his rescue on Samhain night, he couldn’t believe that her courage and the risk she had taken were unimportant enough to just be swept aside by some new history. What Joy had done mattered. Their past mattered. He couldn’t let it be erased.

  Chapter 8

  That evening he was early when he arrived at the old courthouse on the square in Hayesville’s historic district, but the door was already unlocked. He let himself in and shouted for Steven.

  “Second floor,” came an answering shout, and he climbed the wooden stairs to the room where Steven had already started setting up. Tanner looked around with curiosity, seeing boxes of books and papers, a card table with a laptop computer and desk lamp, and high arched windows that offered views of the twilight settling into dusk over the square, deserted now that all the store owners and shoppers had gone home or to New Year’s parties.

  Steven, in cords and a cable-knit sweater of forest green, was kneeling on the floor in the middle of a large chalk circle, consulting a book as he drew symbols around the edges. He glanced up as Tanner entered. “I’m glad you’re prompt. Ah, and you remembered to wear green as I told you. Good. You can start learning the incantation.”

  “The what?”

  “There’s a printout on my desk. Be sure you’re standing outside the circle when you practice.”

  The words on the paper were spelled out phonetically and made no sense to him. He’d been expecting Latin. Not that that would have made sense to him either. “What language is this?” he asked, setting his helmet down absently as he scanned the page.