“What are you thinking about?” Luke asked.
He was knocking on the door of my brain, hoping for something to connect to. He wanted to be woven into my thoughts in that way. “I’m thinking about how much better off I’ll be if I’m a detective.”
“When you’re a detective,” he corrected.
“Right. When,” I amended. “One of the things that has always bugged me about being an officer is that we never get to figure out what happens on a case. Shit will go sideways, we’ll slap some handcuffs on some bad guys, but we’ll never get to know how everything turns out.”
“Like with the skinheads?”
“Yeah. Never got to figure out how they’re related to Fenwick and the sex trade and all of that. All I know is that Fenwick is neutralized.”
Luke nodded slowly.
“Hey, you feeling okay?” I asked.
He’d been surprisingly calm for being kidnapped only yesterday.
Luke squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them. “I’m feeling… surprisingly well. Yesterday something happened with my anxiety. When I was on top of Fenwick choking him out.”
“That was so badass,” I added, feeling a pulse of intense pride for my partner.
“Thanks,” Luke said with a smug smile. “It made me feel… stronger. Like I’ve gained some type of mastery over it that I didn’t have before. I dunno, it’s hard to explain…”
“Take your time,” I encouraged.
“It’s still there, don’t get me wrong. But it feels… blurrier. I’m wondering if this sense of control is only temporary.”
“Well, whether it is or not, I’m here for you,” I said proudly, squeezing his hand.
Luke smiled and squeezed it back. “I’ll discuss it with Dr. Brinkman at my next appointment. But for now, it feels like I’ve got a handle on my anxiety. Maybe even enough to start wedding planning…”
A firework of excitement shot through my gut at knowing that almost a year from now, I would be marrying the love of my life.
“I have one small request before we do that, though,” Luke said.
The excitement within me re-formed into a question mark shape. “What’s that?”
“That we… get more involved in the kink community here. I want to learn more of the ropes, so to speak.”
“Oh, that was a bad pun!” I groaned.
Luke smirked. “Only the best for you, babe. But I was thinking about all that collar stuff Lily was telling me. She knows way more than I do. I want to…”
He looked left, then right to see if anyone was listening, then lowered his voice.
“I want to go through sub training with you, and have a collaring ceremony when I pass it.”
I stood up straighter. It had been a long time since I’d attended a collaring ceremony, and I never quite pictured having one myself. It was such a private and intimate affair that it felt sacred, almost religious.
“We’ll make that happen,” I promised, the pocket inside my jacket feeling heavy with its contents.
“I also want to go to high protocol BDSM parties with you,” Luke said.
I smiled; one of the full smiles that I could feel crinkling my eyes. “How are you learning about all of this stuff? I mean, not that I’m not completely delighted that you are, but I’m curious.”
“Lily’s been telling me stuff in class,” he answered simply. “And she showed me some Youtubers to follow.”
My grin didn’t fade. “I like Lily. And I like Victoria.”
“Victoria’s scary,” Luke admitted.
“She’s supposed to be a little scary. She’s a Dom, remember?”
Then my mind went back to that time I was in the squad car with Claire; how she admitted she was a Dom.
“We have a lot of interesting friendships starting to form within the kink community,” I commented.
“We do,” he agreed. “I can’t wait to go to the next munch! And… and we should have Lily and Victoria over for dinner. I’d love to cook for all of us.”
We swung a right, walked up a flight of steps, and were at the doors of Parsons.
A shadow crossed Luke’s face, and he took a deep breath. “Well, let’s see what the damage is.”
Luke
I led Adam up a flight of stairs in the atrium, sunlight pouring in through the wide window. Other students were eyeing him nervously since he was still in his police uniform. Though, I couldn’t tell if they were eyeing him with apprehension or curiosity because he was clearly the hottest man in the world.
Especially in that getup.
“Her office is up here,” I uttered, feeling a pang of nervousness flood through me.
Though, this was just regular nervousness. My anxiety didn’t sharpen it; it couldn’t make me bleed.
“Professor King?” Adam asked.
“Yeah… hopefully my grade wasn’t impacted by my disappearance.”
“There’s no way she would do that,” Adam doubted as we reached the top of the stairs.
“You don’t know Professor King,” I said. “This semester, she failed a student for not showing up to class one day.”
“…wow,” he said in that low voice.
“Yeah. She runs a tight ship.”
We walked down a carpeted hallway, and the cacophony of voices from the atrium died down to a muffled hum. The sudden lack of noise only intensified the feeling that something great or terrible was going to happen; like the hushing of voices before a movie starts.
Anticipation was tingling in my body.
We approached her closed door, the thick, polished wood like a barrier.
“I’ll wait on this bench over here,” Adam said, gesturing a little further down the hallway.
“Thanks,” I said, squeezing his hand.
Adam was my anchor. It meant so much to me and my sense of control that he’d be waiting outside no matter what happened when I entered that room.
As Adam walked away, I raised my fist to knock on the door, willing my bravery to the surface.
I can do this, I said over and over again in my head. I can do this.
But before I could knock, the door swung open.
I was suddenly looking face-to-face to the formidable Professor King, her sand-colored eyes blinking intelligently behind her red glasses.
“Luke, I’ve been expecting you,” she said.
There was the tiniest sagging of her shoulders.
Was she… was she relieved? Had she been worried about me?
I followed her into the office. Everything in here was no-nonsense: Her glass desk was clean and organized, stacks of papers were neatly piled around her closed MacBook, and the right side of the room was taken over by a bookshelf, all of the books organized into a steady rainbow. Her office reinforced her personality: That she demanded order and organization in all things.
“Close the door and sit,” she commanded.
I obeyed and sat in the chair across from her, feeling like I was going to be fired.
Then I had to remind myself that I didn’t work here.
She took the seat across from me and interlaced her fingers on her desk.
“You’ve come to get your grade for the semester,” she guessed.
I nodded sheepishly.
Then there was a flash of something in her eyes and she cleared her throat. “I was worried about you, Luke. Everyone was. Are you all right?”
Some kind of gentleness was bleeding into her voice, a gentleness that I wouldn’t have guessed existed in the mind of someone with her all-business-all-the-time attitude.
“I’m alright now,” I said carefully. “I just… I had to know what happened after my show.”
Professor King smiled, showing her sparkling teeth.
I was taken aback by her beauty when she did that; her smiles were rare and only given out to those she deemed worthy. It felt like I’d been walking under a storm cloud, and the sun had just begun to peek through.
I felt warm, and that’s when the trem
bling inside my body stopped.
“You did outstanding work, Luke,” she said with pride. “I’ve rarely seen a student with your kind of prodigy.”
My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“There have only been two other students I’ve mentored in my career that were at your level so early,” she confessed.
“So… I didn’t fail the class?” I asked sheepishly, hardly daring to believe it.
Her eyebrows came together. “What? No, of course not. You’ve earned a ninety-five percent.”
“What?!” I cried. “I thought I was trending towards a seventy-eight… because of how long it took me to get that ombre dye to work right, and the fraying at the bottom of my third piece…”
“Your collection at the show was stunning. Showstopping. You hit it out of the park, and you earned well-deserved full marks. Because of how the final show is weighted, it brought your grade up.”
This was… this was too good to be true.
“And not only that,” she added with another brilliant smile, “You have several brands that are interested in making you offers. Luxury brands.”
My jaw was on the floor. “Are you serious?!”
“Dead serious,” she said. “Congratulations, Luke. I do not doubt that you’ll make it in the fashion world and continue to wow us throughout your career.”
I was speechless. Was it possible for all of my dreams to come true at once?
She stretched out her hand for me to shake. “It has been an honor having you in my class and watching you grow as a designer. Please consider taking my Tools Materials and Processes class next semester. I’d love to have you again.”
I closed my long fingers around her hand and shook it.
“It would be my honor.”
We chatted for a few more moments about the details, and then I got up to leave. On my way out, I passed her bookshelf again.
My eyes locked onto a familiar-looking black and red spine, but then I got shy and continued walking past it.
If I wasn’t mistaken, Professor King was the proud owner of one of the BDSM books I’d bought from that bookstore months ago. The one that goes into detail about the types of knots and ropes you can play with.
By the time I stepped out of her office, I was sure it was only a figment of my imagination.
“How did it go?” Adam asked, standing up from the bench.
“It was incredible!” I cried with a huge smile, wrapping my arms around him. We walked down the hallway as I filled him in on the details.
“That’s amazing, Luke, I’m so proud of you!” he said, happiness bleeding from his voice.
Then he pressed me against the wall and planted a kiss on my lips right there in the middle of the hallway.
You know how in romance movies, the heroine always describes her first kiss with the hero as this floating, out of body sensation? Yeah. This felt like that.
When Adam pulled away, his dark green eyes were sparkling with absolute happiness.
“I am honored to be your fiancee,” he said happily, then lowered his voice, “…and your Dom.”
I smiled up at him, unable to keep myself from checking him out in his police uniform. This guy, right here in front of me, was my man. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten so lucky.
I was so happy it felt like I was going to explode.
Then Adam’s eyes pulsed wide like he remembered something. “Oh, there’s one more thing I wanted to show you before I have to head back to the station.”
“Oh?”
“Come on,” he said, wrapping his hand around my wrist and pulling me into an empty classroom.
“What did you want to show me?” I asked, following Adam and his hulking, commanding presence.
“I got you something,” he said softly, his eyes glimmering with excitement.
“A present?!” I asked.
“Yeah… I was going to give it to you after your show yesterday, but… you know…”
I nodded, not willing to think about all that right now; not wanting to sour the moment.
He glanced at the door as he reached into his breast pocket. After some rummaging, he retrieved a flat velvet box about the size of a book.
My heart was pumping excitement through my body. Was Adam going to propose again?
“I’m proposing again, in a way,” he said as if reading my mind. A cute, hopeful smile curled on his lips and shifted the shape of his beard as he descended to one knee.
My hands went to my mouth, covering it so I didn’t cry out.
Adam opened the box to reveal a black leather choker connecting around a bright, silver ring. The band was thin and the ring was small, so it could easily pass as regular jewelry.
“Will you, my perfect submissive, my Solid, my Luke, accept this collar as the mark of a new beginning with me?”
Tears were pouring down my face as emotion swelled within me. “Yes, Sir!”
A single tear ran down Adam’s face, following the contours of his smile. “Then you’ve made me the happiest man in the world. Please accept this training collar as a symbol that you are mine; a symbol that we’re embarking on an adventure deep into kink together.”
He got off the ground, took the collar out of the box, and handed it to me.
“Aren’t you going to put it on me?” I asked, the smile fading from my face.
All I knew on an instinctual level was that I wanted Adam to put this around my neck. I wanted him to claim me in that way; the symbolism was suddenly very important to me.
“I will, but I wanted you to check out the ring, first,” he said with a mischievous smirk.
I lowered my gaze and examined the ring dangling from the collar. Etched on the inside of the sliver circle were the words “Power Bottom.”
I lifted my gaze back to Adam, my eyes overflowing with tears. “Th-thank you, Sir. This means so much to me!”
Inside, it felt like I was breaking. Like some kind of blocker that had grown heavier and heavier over the past few months was disintegrating away. All that was left in the spot it used to sit was love and acceptance.
Adam grinned from ear to ear, looking happier than I’d ever seen him. “Give me the collar, boy.”
I bowed my head and handed it back to him.
He pinched the tips and then wrapped it around my neck, securing the clasp in the back.
As soon as I felt the soft leather touch my skin, the rush of a feeling I couldn’t quite place overtook my body. It was a sense of belonging that I hadn’t felt before. The only way I could describe it was the feeling of my soul waking up when I didn’t even know it had been asleep in the first place.
I was exactly where I was meant to be, doing exactly what I was meant to do, and loving exactly who I was meant to love in the way I was supposed to love him.
For the first time in my life, I felt an intense oneness with myself, as if a layer of inauthenticity had been shed.
When I raised my gaze, I felt like a new person.
“How do I look?” I asked.
“Perfect. You look perfect,” Adam said, leaning in to kiss me.
I kissed him back, long and deep.
My anxiety monster was nowhere to be found.
Even though I knew it would come back as soon as Adam left my side, it would be much smaller than before. It had been reduced from a vicious monster into a small furry pet, one of those designer dogs that yipped and nipped at ankles occasionally.
I grabbed Adam’s uniform collar and kissed him again, leaning forward on my toes. When I moved, the weight of my training collar was present on my neck, and it sent a sensation of deep satisfaction through me.
There was a flutter of movement in the corner of my eye, and I turned to see Lily standing in the doorway, her fingers firmly wrapped around a DSLR camera.
I jumped. “Have you been there the whole time?!”
She smiled and nodded, her braided platinum locks shifting as she moved. “Adam asked me to follow yo
u so I could get pictures.”
I snapped my eyes up to Adam. His eyes were twinkling with secrets.
“You thought of everything!”
He nodded. “Attention to detail is my strong suit.”
“You’ll make such a great detective,” I said, practically swooning.
“I’ve got to head back to the station soon, my lunch break is almost up,” Adam grumbled next to me on the sidewalk.
A week had passed since the day Adam gave me my collar, which was now wrapped around my neck proudly for all of New York to see. It filled me with a sense of power and belonging that I didn’t think was possible to feel.
“Just one more stop,” I begged. “Then you can go do your cop thing.”
A few times a week, Adam spent his break taking me out to lunch. If we finished early, we walked around the city hand-in-hand as we shared the details of our days.
Since everything that happened with Fenwick, Adam was being way more open with me. The details he gave me about his life, how he was feeling, and the small things that happened throughout his day were like filler cement for the cracks in our relationship.
Our bond was stronger than ever.
“Alright, but I only have fifteen minutes,” he said, keeping his eye on his watch.
“This won’t take long,” I urged.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“To put something to rest,” I said cryptically, pulling him into an alley.
There was a barely-visible sign above a barely-visible door.
I knocked a few times, hoping that Vikka was here.
After waiting for a few heartbeats, the door swung open, and Vikka’s wrinkled face with her bright green eyes was beaming up at me.
“You’re back!” she said. “I was wondering when you would come back.”
I could practically feel the doubt and the practicality come off of Adam in waves. He stayed quiet, though — he knew this was important to me.
She let us in, and we stepped into the plant-filled, tingling space.
Adam was looking around, his head swiveling, taking in the skylights, the plants above, the crystals in the case to the right, and the Moroccan lanterns hanging colorfully in the window.
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