Notice Me

  “Why do you ask?” I was shocked that Pat could read me so well.

  “You haven’t mentioned him for days. Usually you don’t shut up about him…and Megan and Charlie for that matter.”

  “There is so much going on Pat. I really don’t know where to start.” I put my head in my hands. I couldn’t tell Pat what was going on when I had no idea myself.

  “Relationships are never easy, but the most important part of them is the happiness they bring.” It wasn’t like Pat to go all philosophical on me. I couldn’t help but snigger. “What?” I just carried on laughing. “Fine, I won’t try to help you.” Patrick glared before starting to laugh himself.

  When I got back later I was rather stunned to find Charlie sat in the apartment.

  “What are you doing here?” I replied shocked.

  “Megan is taking me out to dinner apparently.” Charlie rolled his eyes at me. I couldn’t help but snigger.

  “How is everything going?”

  “Slowly,” Charlie put his hands through his hair. “But she is really trying.”

  I knew now was the only time to ask him. Megan had clearly planned this all along. “Has Megan invited you to her parent’s charity event next weekend?”

  Charlie smirked at me. “No, but I have heard about it.”

  “Will and I are going,” I sighed.

  “Megan has put you up to this hasn’t she?” Charlie smiled walking closer towards me. Why was I suddenly feeling so hot?

  “Yes,” I whispered. “Please just say you will go… it will be fun.”

  “Okay,” Charlie chuckled. “I guess I will be fun.”

  “Thank you.” I beamed in relief that my work getting them back together was finally over.

  I was getting used to these charity events. It was easier now with Will by my side. He was the master of conversation and always seemed so proud to show me off to his colleagues.

  Megan had dressed me in a baby blue dress that wrapped over my body and brought my waist in so much so I was having a job of breathing.

  While I was leaning up against the bar I decided to go and get some air just to loosen the dress a little. Will was busy in conversation and I hadn’t seen Megan or Charlie in a while.

  The cold air hit my face. I pulled slightly at the dress just enough to release some room for me to breathe.

  “What are you doing out here alone, Shan?” Charlie called walking up the grand steps.

  “I didn’t realise you had left,” I asked bewildered.

  “Straton needed me for something.” Charlie smiled coming up behind me as I began to walk back in. “Hang on Shan. Your dress is a little loose.” Charlie was close behind me. I felt his hands tie a small bow at the back of my dress. His breath on my neck was electric.

  “Thanks,” I was almost breathless. I really needed to get over our kiss.

  “My pleasure.”

  “So has Megan done enough yet?” I asked as we entered the main room.

  “Almost,” Charlie chuckled. “I guess I just can’t stay away from her.”

  “She loves you so much you know.”

  “I know,” Charlie smiled. “My life just isn’t the same without her. I have no choice but to be close to her.”

  “She won’t let you down again Charlie. Trust me.”

  Charlie looked thoughtfully at me. He was about to speak but I felt a pair of arms around my waist. “Here you are. I have been looking everywhere for you,” Will whispered into my neck.

  “I was just getting some fresh air.” I smiled as he kissed my lips.

  “Charlie, Megan will be pleased you came back,” Will smirked.

  “I told her I would,” Charlie brushed past Will and I. “If you excuse me I guess I should go and find her.” Charlie was still off with Will. Their friendship had been tested when Charlie learned of Megan’s deceit.

  “Shall we dance?” Will asked as he took my hand leading me towards the dance floor. I nodded, smiling back. “Are we okay Shan?” Will whispered in my ear as he held me close swaying to the music.

  “Will, I go to New York in a few months. I have so much on my mind.”

  “You didn’t answer my question,” Will pulled me back and his deep blue eyes were burning. “Ever since Megan’s birthday party you have been different.”

  “Will, we are fine.”

  “I don’t believe you. If I have done something tell me. I will change. Shannon, you are the world to me. I love you.” I just looked up at him. Why did all of this feel so wrong? “And still you can’t say it,” Will replied deflated.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I want to say it, really I do.” I was fooling myself. If I was ever going to love Will I would have felt something by now.

  “Shan, it’s fine. Just having you in my arms is enough for the moment.” Will pulled me back into his embrace as we danced in an uncomfortable silence.

  Megan came into my view making her way to Will and I, panic was all over her face.

  “Shan… Will I need your help. Tim is here and if Charlie sees him I think he will flip,” Megan screeched.

  “For once Megan, I would love to have my girlfriend all to myself… you really can be so selfish,” Will glared holding me tighter against him.

  “Please,” Megan pleaded.

  “Where is Charlie?” I asked as Megan beamed at me. “Is he anywhere near Tim?”

  “Not yet, Charlie is near the bar. Tim is waiting to speak to me outside.” I glared at her. “I am only going to tell him to back off and leave me alone.”

  “Fine, you go and speak to Tim and make sure he leaves. Will and I will try and hold Charlie at the bar.”

  “Thank you,” Megan rushed through the crowd.

  “Why don’t I trust her,” I whispered to myself, luckily Will didn’t hear me.

  Will and I made our way to the bar. Just as I caught sight of Charlie, Will was collared by a colleague. I could see Charlie was about to move so had no choice but to collar Charlie alone.

  “Hey,” I touched Charlie’s arm with no idea how I was going to keep him in one place.

  “Hi Shan. Have you seen Megan?”

  “I’m not sure. I was hoping you would save me from Will’s work colleagues,” I pleaded.

  “Tired of business talk are we?” Charlie smirked.

  “A little,” I smiled as I took a glass of champagne from a waiter that walked past.

  “So are things going okay with you and Will now?”

  “We are working through things.” I really didn’t want to talk about Will and me.

  Charlie was about to speak when I felt a set of arms around me. “This is where you disappeared to,” Will whispered into my neck. “I can’t leave you alone for a moment.”

  “Shan is safe with me Will,” Charlie glared.

  “I know that Charlie. So are you and my sister back on yet? Has she done enough to win your trust?”

  “I am willing to give her another chance.”

  “That’s very honourable of you.”

  “Don’t patronise me Will.”

  “Guys,” I interrupted. “Please don’t argue. Think about Megan.”

  “That’s all we ever think about,” Charlie sighed walking off. I was about to go after him, but Will had a tight grip on me.

  “Megan has told Tim to leave, Charlie will be fine.” I still searched the crowd for Charlie. Why was I doing that? “Come on let’s enjoy the rest of the party.” I sighed to myself. All I really wanted was to go home.

  Why was I was beginning to feel as if I didn’t belong here?

  “So let me get this straight you are thinking about finishing with William Field?” Patrick just looked at me in class.

  “I go to New York in less than eight weeks. I just think it would be easier.”

  “Do you feel anything for the guy at all?”

  “I do care about him.”

  “I feel a ‘but’ coming,” Patrick smiled at me.

  “I guess I am looking for more than ju
st ordinary.”

  “Shan, I don’t understand, you need to explain.”

  “I don’t know Pat. I just want romance, passion. Will really is all business. We just don’t fit somehow.”

  “I hope you find what you are searching for, Shan.” Patrick touched my hand. “I really mean that. You have to email me while I am in Japan, no excuses. I want to know if you find what you are looking for.”

  “I can’t believe you got a work placement in Japan,” I sniggered.

  “I know,” Pat was proud of himself. “Can I have Megan’s number now?”

  “Never,” I laughed hitting his shoulder. “I’m going to miss our chats.”

  “Of course you will… I am your only normal friend after all.” Patrick laughed and I had to smile with him.

  So many things were about to change, was I really ready for them?

  Chapter 13

  Charlie took Megan back, but things moved extremely slowly. Charlie really wanted Megan to realise what she had done. It made me laugh how he made her get down on her knees to beg for him back. It was so Charlie. Megan needed to understand how much she had hurt him.

  Everything appeared to have gone back to normal but somehow that didn’t feel like the case to me.

  I was getting regular letters from Mr Anonymous. He never left clues as to who he was, but the words melted my heart with each word he wrote.

  Shannon,

  Someday soon I hope I have the courage to tell you I love you. Until then I will tell you by paper every week.

  My heart is yours forever. I will never give you up, we belong together.

  Notice Me

  xxxx

  Letters of beautiful poetry, sonnets or his own beautiful words were delivered every week never at a particular time. I decided not to tell Megan about them. Will would find out. He hated any kind of competition. I liked it was just a secret between Mr Anonymous and me. I knew it was wrong, but it was just so romantic. I never got anything close to his words from Will.

  Months flew by. I must have had over fifty letters from a man who loved from the depths of his soul. New York was just two weeks away. I feared I would lose him forever when I left. How would he be able to find me in New York?

  “So you are going to start packing, when?” Asked Will as he sat outside on the veranda of Megan’s apartment.

  “I am going to start tomorrow I promise.”

  “Like you promised to tell me you loved me?”

  “Will, please not today,” I still couldn’t say I loved Will. For six months we had been dating. I guess I knew deep down inside I would never love him. I had tried, but Will and I were fading, slipping away from each other. Will could sense my distance. I had really tried, but truthfully before I went to New York I had almost decided to end it with him.

  “I think I am going to go.”

  “Fine,” I wasn’t interested in arguing today. I didn’t even watch him go. I just watched London rushing around below me.

  I reached for my last letter from Mr Anonymous, the words had stayed in my head all day. I couldn’t escape them, they were so beautiful. How did he know I loved Neruda, Sonnet XVII had always been one of my favourites.

  I knew it was getting out of hand. He was in my head all the time. I had always thought I could never fall in love. The truth now was Mr Anonymous had already taken my heart so I had nothing to give to anyone else.

  I felt guilty about Will, but I hadn’t been able to understand my feelings. I was damaged from my past that was real.

  Now the only person who could get to me was someone I may never be able to have. I was in trouble of becoming more confused than ever. I really didn’t want to drag Will down with me. It wasn’t fair on him. I still cared about him. I had to set him free in the correct way.

  “So you asked me to come here because?” Will asked as we stood looking at the River Thames. The river was rough today flowing fast. I spotted a few branches being carried by the current. I couldn’t look at Will, I knew what I was about to say was going to cut him deep.

  “Will this isn’t working,” I whispered as I finally met his gaze.

  Will’s face dropped, he put his hand through his light brown hair. “I knew this was coming.” His eyes were wet, but it did not appear he was going to cry.

  “I am sorry. You know how much I have tried. I really care about you.”

  “I will never stop loving you do you realise that?” Will looked at me intensely with his ocean eyes.

  “You will meet someone else, give it time.”

  “When you are my sister’s best friend? It will be torture for me,” Will was raising his voice a little.

  “I will be in New York in less than two weeks. I thought it would be the easiest way for you.”

  “Please Shannon,” Will went to reach for me, but I pulled away.

  “Will it is over you have to let me go. I can’t love you.” I knew I had hurt him by my words. His face said it all.

  “You can’t love anyone Shan so why not be with me? I thought I was the next best thing?”

  “Will this is over please don’t make this more difficult for me.” I touched his face looking sincerely in his eyes. Will just nodded as a single tear fell down his face. I made my escape. I couldn’t watch his heart break in front of me.

  The next few days I spent packing. With only ten days until New York I was a bit behind. I lived in my bedroom. Megan was angry with me for breaking her brother’s heart. I had grown tired of her lectures about what a huge mistake I had made.

  I lay on my bed with my letters from Mr Anonymous spread across half of it. I heard a light tap on my door. I quickly collected them up, hiding them under my pillow thinking it would be Megan.

  “Shan, can I come in are you decent?” Charlie asked.

  “Yeah, come in,” I shouted.

  Charlie appeared as gorgeous as ever in a designer black suit. Now he and Megan were back together, although taking it slowly, I had managed to control my desire for him. All women had to do that with him. Charlie couldn’t help it, at least I had got to kiss him.

  “How are you doing?” He asked worried.

  “Fine, I guess.”

  “I can’t believe you finally dumped him. I am proud of you,” he teased, lying on my bed next to me.

  “Don’t, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”

  “Why did you do it?”

  “I didn’t love him,” I said simply.

  “Are you that messed up that you can’t love him Shan?”

  “I used to think so,” I whispered.

  “What’s changed?” Charlie asked with confused eyes.

  “I think it’s me. I realised he wasn’t the one,” I almost smiled.

  “Are you saying you have found someone who is?” Charlie’s eyes widened.

  “No, just that I’m looking,” I got up off the bed. “Where is Megan?”

  “On the phone to Maisy,” Charlie stretched his hand and caught some of the letters under my pillow. “What are these?” He asked pulling them from under my pillow, beginning to read them.

  “Nothing,” I replied quickly taking them off him.

  “They don’t look like nothing to me. They looked like love letters.” Charlie smirked. He looked so gorgeous when he did that.

  “No, really. I was just about to throw them away.”

  “Shannon, they were under your pillow.”

  “I… oh okay, they are from that guy that wrote me those letters months ago.”

  “All of them?” Charlie looked shocked.

  “Yes.”

  “Well, he must really love you to send you that many letters. Who is he then?”

  “I have no idea,” I sighed.

  “You must have a clue. I mean look at how many letters you have.” Charlie pointed to my hands.

  “I haven’t got a clue,” I looked down at the letters.

  “You seem sad about that.” Charlie stood up in front of me lifting my chin up from the floor. �
�Why are you so sad?”

  I couldn’t keep my feelings in, by this time I had to tell someone just so I knew it was real. “Because I think I have fallen in love with him.” My eyes began to water, tears trickled down my face. It hurt to know I was in love with someone who I would never know.