Notice Me

by Turley, Rebecca

  “I will,” I reached to kiss him again. I wanted as much as possible to make up for the days I would miss. I ran my hands across his chest then up his smooth muscled back. Charlie pushed himself closer to me running his hand up my leg.

  “You Miss Davis will make me late for my plane,” Charlie whispered in my ear as his lips moved up from my neck.

  “You can leave at any time. I am not stopping you,” I teased.

  “Like I could leave now,” Charlie accused. I giggled as Charlie kissed me urgently.

  Luckily, or perhaps unfortunately, Charlie didn’t miss his plane. He called just before he boarded.

  “I love you. See you in four days. If you get lonely I have left you a note in your kitchen.” I knew I would never get bored of Charlie’s letters as I raced into my kitchen. For once happy that my apartment was so small.

  My Emerald Princess,

  I will be thinking of you every moment we are apart. Even in my dreams I know they can only be of you.

  Try not to miss me too much. Good luck with the presentation.

  I love you!

  Notice me

  xxxxxx

  It made me smile how Charlie still used the same disguised handwriting from the early days when I had no clue he was my Mr Anonymous. It was more personal. As if the words were only mine. That no one had ever loved anyone the way Charlie loved me. It made me feel so completely in love as I read his words over and over again. My whole body felt vivacious. I could have taken on the entire world in that exact moment.

  “So are you ready for tomorrow?” Lorna asked while we were putting the finishing touches to our presentation.

  “I think so. What about you?”

  “Totally bricking it.” Lorna put her hands through her deep red hair. “Mind you I am glad we are both doing it. I would be even worse if it was just me.”

  “Well, all they can do is say yes or no.” I amazed myself just how calm I was today. I knew it would hit me tomorrow. Standing in the boardroom with the Cadman Limited directors watching me.

  “It just better be a yes,” Lorna smiled at me. “We have done too much work for a no, plus you managed to get a famous in demand photographer as part of the deal.” Lorna gave me a wink. With everyone in the room it was funny how only Lorna and I knew what we were thinking. I had only ever had that sort of connection with Megan. Lorna really was a wonderful friend to me now. I never realised what it could be like to have a friend who was just as equal as me. I didn’t owe her anything. Lorna needed nothing from me. We were just happy to be friends, enjoying each other’s company.

  It was late that afternoon. I had gone back into my office to run through the figures one last time. My head was slowly beginning to thud from all the concentration, when the door slowly opened. I jerked in my seat not really sure how to react to Will standing at my door with a soft longing expression on his face.

  “Will,” I finally spoke. I was sure Will would have just stood there otherwise watching me. His light brown hair caught the light from the window. I had never really seen him so causal before. With his dark jeans and cream jumper. I had only ever seen him in suits. He looked troubled as he watched me, still not answering me. Part of me began to panic. “Will, are you alright?”

  “Sorry Shan.” Will finally spoke as he walked into my office closing the door behind him. “I just wasn’t expecting you to look… well, so beautiful really. You look amazing Shannon.”

  “Um… thanks,” I replied a little uneasy.

  “Megan was right. New York is good for you.” Will laughed to himself.

  “How is she? Did she go to Russia in the end?” I asked remembering a call I had had from Megan last week.

  “Yeah, she goes next week. She is really making a name for herself, even mother is impressed.”

  “That’s good. I was going to call her, but…”

  “She knows you have a busy week. This contract with Cadman well, it is really impressive Shannon. Well done,” Will interrupted, taking a seat next to me.

  “Thanks. How did you hear about it? Let me guess – Megan?” I had told Megan in confidence, but should of guessed she would tell her brother.

  “No, I heard it from Downing International. We had a meeting last week.”

  “Oh…” I was a little shocked then began to freak out. Charlie had been at mine last week if Will had decided to pay a visit to my apartment. I couldn’t even finish my thought. The result was so disastrous.

  “I know I should have come sooner. Sorry Shan. I was building up the courage I guess.” Will looked deep into my eyes. His ocean eyes were familiar, warm, burning into mine.

  “No, it’s fine.” My voice was a little too high for Will to believe that was true, but I could tell he took my reaction the wrong way. He thought I wanted him to have come sooner.

  “I didn’t think I would still find it so hard seeing you Shannon, but I still care about you.”

  “Will, please don’t do this. I have a really big day tomorrow.” It wasn’t the real reason and it wasn’t good enough for his expression to soften.

  “Shannon, I go tomorrow. I only have today to tell you.”

  “Will, please.” I tried to pull away as he placed his hand on mine.

  “Shannon, I still love you. Please consider what we could have together. I have tried to get you out of my head, but I can’t. I will even move to New York if this is where you want to be.” Will’s eyes were moist with emotion. I stood up breaking his hold on me, walking towards the door to ask him to leave, but he beat me there shutting the door firmly as I began to open it. “Shannon, please I have to be with you.”

  “Will that is not going to happen,” I replied trying the door handle again. “Please just go.”

  “Why? Shannon, I don’t understand. I can give you everything you ever dreamed of.” Will put his hands on my face as he spoke, but his words were nothing. Charlie was all I could see. He was all I ever wanted.

  “Because I have found myself, Will. I am happy just to be me even if it means I am alone.” Will was beginning to irritate me. Was it my fault I didn’t love him? I had tried, what more did he want from me?

  “Just think about it please. We could be so happy together, Shannon.”

  “Will, please just go. I can’t do this now.”

  “When then?” Will asked in an annoyed tone.

  “I don’t think we ever can. My answer will always be the same.” I looked at him trying to make him understand. “This, us. It will never work.”

  “Shan,” Will whispered moving his lips towards mine. I was so frustrated that Will wasn’t listening I slapped him across the face. It wasn’t hard. I wasn’t angry with him. I just needed him to pay attention to me. Will looked at me, pain spread across his face. “Sorry,” I whispered a little shocked at my action.

  “I’ll go. I see I have overstayed my welcome.” Will stormed off pushing past the office junior nearly making her drop her tray of coffee.

  I shouted back, trying to end on a better note, but Will didn’t turn around.

  “Who the hell was that?” Lorna asked suddenly over my shoulder.

  “Will,” I whispered. I hated that I was hurting him, but I couldn’t understand why he was still in love with me. I was nothing special. I laughed as I thought exactly the same about Charlie. What was so special about me? I found it hard to see that there could be anything.

  “William Field?” Lorna confirmed.

  “Yeah.”

  “God, your life is so exciting. Can I be you for just one day?” Lorna sighed.

  “If I could I would let you Lorna. Trust me.”

  “What did he want anyway?” Lorna asked. I pulled her into my office closing the door.

  “He said he still loves me.”

  “Bloody hell. What did you say?” Lorna’s brown eyes were wide with anticipation.

  “I told him it would never work of course.”

  “Did you tell him about Charlie?”

  “No, he would g
o straight to Megan…”

  “You do realise Megan is going to have to find out eventually, Shannon?” Lorna smirked at me. “Unless you are planning to live on a remote island with Charlie for the rest of your life.”

  “Charlie and I haven’t really thought that far ahead yet.”

  “No, you haven’t. I am pretty sure Charlie knows exactly want he wants.”

  “Lorna, please I am stressed enough as it is.”

  “Sorry, so what did you say to Will to make him leave like thunder? Marie is still shaking with the coffee out there.”

  “I slapped him.”

  Lorna burst into laughter.

  “He was going to kiss me. I didn’t hit him hard.”

  “You do realise hitting a Field will probably lead to a lawsuit?” Lorna joked.

  “I just wished I hadn’t hurt him.”

  “Shannon, it’s not your fault. You can’t help who you do and don’t fall in love with.”

  “I know it just sucks. Will was a good friend.” I sighed remembering just how simple my life used to be.

  “You know I’d love to listen about your amazingly exciting life all day…” Lorna held up my presentation notes. “But we really need to finish this.” I nodded in agreement. I needed the distraction anyway.

  Chapter 20

  It was such a relief to get the presentation out of the way. I was so nervous before the presentation. I could not believe I was actually sweating as Lorna and I waited outside the boardroom. My stomach was full of butterflies, my hands were clenched to my notes. Lorna really wasn’t much better than me.

  As we received our round of applause and handshakes for a job well done, all the nerves were worth it. Lorna and I had done it. Made a marketing campaign Cadman Limited wanted.

  I made my way home later that night to get ready for a night of celebrations with Lorna, Bradley and the rest of the marketing team that had helped us.

  As I looked in my bag for my front door keys I noticed a silhouette leaning against my door. My heart hammered quickly hoping Charlie had come home early to surprise me, but as I got closer it sank.

  “Will, what are you doing here? I thought you were leaving today?”

  “I am. I just wanted to say congratulations. I heard the news about Cadman.”

  “New travels fast,” I muttered.

  “Well, you know I have my sources,” Will smiled, he didn’t look mad at me now.

  “Will, I am sorry about yesterday.”

  “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have pushed it. That’s why I came to see you. I didn’t want to leave with things that way.” I could tell Will wanted to come in, but I had the slight problem of Charlie’s belongings being scattered across my apartment. How would I explain that to him?

  “Will, I would invite you in, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.” I looked down at the floor so he couldn’t read my face.

  “It’s fine, I only came to tell you one thing.” I looked up into his eyes, wondering what he had to say. “I will wait Shan. I love you. I don’t think that will ever change. When you are ready, when all of this is out of your system, I will be right here waiting for you.” I froze unable to answer him. I wasn’t expecting this. I wanted him to be free, not sitting around waiting for me. I knew the day he would be waiting for would never come.

  “Will…”

  “Don’t say anything Shannon. Let’s just end it this way.” Will kissed my cheek softly stroking my neck with his fingertips. “Take care. I will see you when you get back to London. Megan really can’t wait. Did she tell you she has bought a house in London?” Will laughed.

  “No she didn’t,” I replied numb.

  “Yeah, for the two of you. Megan has got some real plans for the two of you.” I still couldn’t answer. I felt as if the ground was swallowing me. Sending me to my hell. My old life with Megan it wasn’t me anymore, but after what I had done I knew I owed her. When the time came to leave I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to leave, my whole life was here. “Anyway I better go, take care.” Will kissed my forehead as I awoke from my daze.

  “See you soon Will,” I put my key in my front door watching him walk to his car.

  “Don’t get too drunk I know you, Shannon,” Will beamed as he got into his car and drove off.

  I knew Will had taken my reaction the wrong way again as I watched him drive off. I had given him hope making him believe I was considering his offer, but truthfully I was glad I had protected him from the only thing that mattered to me.

  I had a new answer machine message from Charlie when I got into my apartment. I listened to it while I got ready. We had missed each other’s calls all day, what with the time difference. It felt so good to hear his voice. I really wanted him with me tonight. I knew my heart wouldn’t feel as if it could break with all the guilt if he was near. Charlie made all the madness make sense.

  I tried his cell again hoping he would pick up, but all I got was his greeting message. I would have to try again later.

  I got ready in a rush just because I didn’t want to be alone. The pain was stabbing at my heart. My head was telling me what I was doing was wrong. I was betraying my best friend with the love of her life. How could I ever make this right whatever I decided to do next?

  “You are quiet tonight?” Bradley asked me later that night.

  “Just tired I guess,” I fought a smile back.

  “Shannon, you, me, dance floor,” Lorna shouted grabbing me from the sofa.

  We danced for a few songs, but Lorna could see my heart wasn’t in it.

  “Are you okay?” She asked worried as we queued for the toilet.

  “Yeah,” I sighed.

  “No you’re not. Come on spill,” Lorna turned to look at my face.

  “Do you think what I’m doing to Megan is wrong?” I asked feeling the release of my question lighten my head.

  “No,” Lorna asked straight away. How could she be so sure of her answer?

  “Why?” I asked, a tear came to the corners of my eyes.

  “If it was just about sex Shannon then it would be different, but you guys really love each other. I mean your story is like bloody Romeo and Juliet. You should write a book it would be priceless.”

  “Why does it feel so wrong then?”

  “Because you are a good person, Shannon, but really you have to stop this eating you up. You should just think yourself lucky. Some people never find what you guys have.”

  “I know, sorry, it’s just hard you know.” I smiled back at Lorna knowing she was right.

  The night sort of blurred into one as I began to drink my body weight in alcohol.

  I woke up in my apartment fully clothed laying across my couch. I had a lot to thank Lorna for when I eventually got into work.

  “How’s the head?” Lorna laughed as she spotted me crawling into my office with my sunglasses on. “God, you look like crap.”

  “I know,” I sipped my coffee I had bought from Starbucks on the way to work.

  “Charlie called.”

  “I missed him again.” Now I was really annoyed with myself.

  “I told him you were hung over. He laughed. He is going to call after lunch. I wasn’t sure you would make it in before then.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered as Lorna walked off laughing.

  It was hard to concentrate with my head throbbing, but after the deal going so well with Cadman Limited yesterday I didn’t have much to do other than a few phone calls and invoices to send.

  My heart beat impatiently as lunchtime approached. I really needed to hear his voice. Finally I got the call I had been waiting for.

  “Hi sweetheart. Sorry I kept missing you yesterday. It has been a bit mad here.” Charlie’s voice made my heart weep. I wish he was with me now.

  “That’s okay. How is it all going?”

  “Fine, but what about you? I am so proud of you. Well done.”

  “I know it was a good feeling when they signed the contract. Even Mr Caldecott was bricking it
towards the end.”

  “I knew you could do it. I had faith in you,” Charlie gloated.

  “So when are you coming back?”