Notice Me

  Thinking about my lack of family I wondered what information Lorna had managed to retrieve about my family. I would never get the answers from her, but perhaps if I knew who I really was I wouldn’t feel so lost. Every decision I had ever made was wrong. From the day I met Megan, becoming absorbed in her world, falling in love with Charlie, when deep down I knew it couldn’t work. I guess I deserved what was coming to me now. I had hurt everyone I loved and cared about.

  “So I thought we should go out tonight have a few drinks in Reds like the old days. What do you say?” Megan nudged me. “Will is away. You should let your hair down.”

  The thought of being able to get drunk was so appealing, it would numb my pain for a few hours at least. “Sure that would be great.”

  We arrived at Reds quite late because Megan was being her usual self trying to find the perfect dress to wear.

  “I’ll get the drinks. I’ll meet you in the VIP area,” I shouted over the music. People were already hassling Megan. She smiled making her way safely through the crowd with her security.

  The night was slow. Megan was chatted up by the local footballers. It was all so monotonous.

  “Do you want to leave?” Megan asked as she caught me staring into space.

  “Not if you want to stay,” I tried to smile, but being here in Reds I couldn’t forget him. Everywhere was a memory, not of us together, but just knowing we had spent time here. I could hardly bare it. It made it more manageable for me to imagine him as a dream. With the wedding fast approaching I had to adapt the only way I could. I knew I wouldn’t forget him, but Charlie was the kind of man women dreamed about. That was the only reality I could have with him now.

  “We will go,” Megan grabbed my arm. “I need to talk to you anyway.”

  “What’s up?” I asked as we waited for the private car to pull around the back entrance.

  “You. Shannon, I am worried about you.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not,” Megan raised her perfect eyebrow.

  “I am getting married soon. I am allowed to be a little freaked out by the idea,” I raised my voice trying to hide my alarm.

  “I don’t think that is it,” Megan smiled as the blue private car pulled up. “I think there is something you and Will are hiding from me,” Megan accused getting into the car.

  “What could we possibly hide from you, Megan?”

  “You guys don’t sleep together for a start, which is weird considering what you two were like when you first got together.”

  “We just want to wait until the wedding night. What is wrong with that?” I of course couldn’t tell Megan the real reason. That I didn’t want Will anywhere near me. I knew once we were married it would have to change, but the only saving grace I had in this entire nightmare was that Will was a gentleman when it came to this situation. No pressure until we were husband and wife.

  “It is weird though. You guys have had sex together before so why should it matter?”

  “Drop it Megan please. I know it’s strange, but it is what we want,” I sighed as the car pulled up.

  “Before New York you would have told me anything,” replied Megan as she got in the car.

  “What are you trying to say?” I asked dubiously.

  “I think we have secrets between us, Shannon. I think you are hiding something from me.”

  “God, has all that fame finally gone to your head, Megan Field?” I giggled trying to get her off the scent.

  “I don’t care if you laugh at me. I still think I am right.” Megan looked out of the blackened window irritated.

  “You are being silly,” I teased watching Megan’s face soften.

  “Do you love Will Shan?” Megan took my hand. “And I mean do you love him? Like I loved Charlie?”

  Hearing Charlie’s name sent shock waves into my immobile heart. “That is different, Megan,” I whispered unable to control the shake in my voice.

  “Why, I thought you were the hopeless romantic, Shannon? If you are not madly in love with my brother, why marry him?”

  “I do love him,” I cringed away at the evil fictional words.

  “You do?” Megan asked unsure. I just nodded unable to even speak. “Sorry, I am being silly. Maybe it’s the sleeping pills I have been taking,” Megan began to laugh at herself. “I just can’t believe you are going to be my sister.”

  I tried to force a smile. I had to achieve a lot worse in the months to come. I had my own prison waiting for me. Megan was the lucky one who had set herself free.

  Looking at my best friend as we pulled up towards her house I was proud of her. Megan had accomplished all of her goals. She was a famous model, with her new clothing line in production. She provided for herself without the help from her parents and gained the approval she had always desired.

  It dawned on me what had I achieved? I wanted to find out about my parents so I could understand the real me. I wanted a successful career so when I fell in love and settled down I could provide for my family. A tear fell down my face as I realised I had achieved nothing.

  Chapter 24

  Will kept his distance when we were alone. My hatred for him grew each passing week, but for Charlie’s sake when we were in the company of his family I acted as if we were the most perfect couple.

  “So did you have a good night at Reds last night?” Will asked while I made him a coffee. Megan had gone to see her agent. We were alone in her house.

  “Yes,” I muttered walking to the fridge to get the milk. Will stopped me placing his arms around my waist.

  “Are you always going to be like this with me?” I pulled away from his hold.

  “I don’t know how else to react around you Will. You have destroyed my whole world,” I glared.

  “I will give you anything, Shannon.” Will’s voice was soft. “I want to make this work. I love you. In the long run you will see I am right for you.”

  “All I see when I look at you is pure evil.”

  “How can I change that Shannon? I will do anything.”

  “Let me go to Charlie,” I pleaded.

  “No,” Will’s voice was sharp. “You can have anything… but that.”

  “It’s all I want,” I whimpered pulling the milk from the fridge.

  “Be reasonable Shannon.”

  “Will, you are blackmailing me into marrying you. How much more reasonable do you want me to be?” I yelled slamming the fridge door.

  “Perhaps I should rephrase.” Will put his hand through his light brown hair. I had never seen Will’s hair so long he had a slight wave in it. “You are making this difficult for yourself, Shannon. You are marrying into a multi billionaire family. Is that really so bad? I can give you everything you have ever dreamed of. Fancy clothes, diamonds. Whatever you desire. I will give you.” Will was moving closer towards me.

  “I can’t be bought Will. Money means nothing to me. You should know that.”

  “I am not trying to buy you, Shannon. I just want you to live a life of happiness.”

  “Charlie can only give me that,” I spat. Will lost it throwing a stack of plates onto the floor. “Scaring me won’t work either,” I yelled pushing him.

  “I do not want to ever hear his name again,” Will shouted gripping me painfully. “You are mine Shannon.”

  “I will never be yours Will. When I am your wife I will still love him – forever.” Will pushed me. I stumbled into the work top as he stormed off slamming the door behind him.

  If Will thought I would ever forgive him for what he had done to me he was wrong. I would spend our entire marriage letting him know just how much he had destroyed my life.

  “What happened in here?” Megan asked while I was cleaning up Will’s mess.

  “I knocked them over,” I smiled, sweeping the last of the pieces up. “I’ll replace them – sorry.”

  “I hated them anyway. Don’t worry about it,” Megan smiled wandering into her room.

  I finished making my coffee taking
it into the lounge to carry on reading my book.

  “Where is Will? I thought he was coming over after work?”

  “He had to pop out.” I didn’t even look up from my book.

  “You guys had another fight didn’t you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “All this crap about keeping yourselves pure until you marry. It’s affecting your relationship. I think you guys need to just sleep with each other.”

  “We just don’t want to make the same mistake as last time. We need to be friends as well as lovers Megan. Not everyone is as addicted to sex as you,” I laughed.

  “It’s putting distance between you rather than pulling you together.”

  “I’m not sleeping with him until our wedding night,” I screeched. I had time to adjust to that part of my life. That was the one thing I was not allowing Will to take until I was ready.

  “When did you turn into such a prude?”

  “Marriage is a big step for me, Megan. Please don’t mock me.”

  “I’m not. You and Will love each other. Don’t you miss the closeness?”

  “It will mean more knowing our next union will be when we are husband and wife,” I lied swallowing the bile in my throat.

  “I do get it Shan.” Megan smiled sitting next to me. “New York has really changed you. I hardly recognise you.”

  “I’m still me.” I forced a smile.

  “I can’t believe we are actually going to be sisters.” Megan beamed excitedly. “The wedding is going to be breathtaking.”

  I was just about to speak when the front door slammed. I knew it had to be Will. He was the only other person with a key.

  “Hey,” Will replied leaning against the door with a bouquet of red roses. Why did Charlie pop into my head?

  “I’ll leave you guys alone,” Megan commented as she went into her room.

  “Could she tell we had been fighting?” Will asked placing the flowers on the glass table.

  “I think the smashed plates gave it away,” I replied not even glancing up from my book.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You are always sorry.”

  “Look at me please, Shannon.”

  I looked over my book at him. I wasn’t going to be fooled by the softness in his eyes. “Do you really think flowers will work?”

  “I know,” Will put his face in his hands. “I know I keep losing it. I love you Shannon. I just want the closeness back we had before you went to New York.”

  “You are insane.” Had Will forgotten exactly why I was marrying him? It was not out of choice.

  “I want this to be easier on you. I don’t like all this anger between us. If Megan can tell we are arguing the rest of my family will sense it too.”

  “Megan thinks we are fighting because I am being a prude.”

  “I still don’t like them thinking we are fighting.”

  “Will, we will be fighting for our entire marriage. It’s all based on lies.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way. I don’t want to fight. I want us to be a perfect partnership. You and I taking on the world together Shannon. We would be unstoppable.”

  “You are living in a dream world Will. I am not doing this out of choice,” I whispered.

  “Let me woo you again Shannon. I can make you love me. Charlie isn’t as perfect as you think. I have known him a lot longer than you.”

  “You know nothing about him Will. He is the most amazing man I have ever known. Why else would I be here if Charlie wasn’t my entire world?”

  “I want to be that to you Shannon.”

  “You need to earn that right Will and in your case I’m not sure you ever will.” I glared getting up to go to my room.

  “Shan,” Will reached for my hand as I walked past him. “I am truly sorry. You have no idea how much I love you.”

  “I find that hard to believe,” I whispered pulling away from his hold. “I’m tired. I will see you tomorrow.”

  Will called after me, but I didn’t turn back as I entered my room.

  I fell asleep clutching my necklace wondering if Charlie still thought about me. Why should he? I had broken his heart, but I hoped I would always be there in the back of his mind.

  “Did you and Will make up last night?” Megan asked at breakfast.

  “We weren’t really fighting.”

  “Don’t lie to me Shan. I know you.”

  “I guess I am a little stressed about the whole wedding.”

  “It’s a big step, but you two are made for each other.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I’m thinking of trying to speak to Charlie.”

  My head snapped up in fury. “Why would you do that?”

  “I never got him out of my head. All these wedding plans it makes me realise I’m still not over him.”

  “But the last time you saw him you thought he had someone else.”

  “I am Megan Field. Who ever she is I know she won’t be a patch on me.” Megan had a point. How did Charlie fall in love with me?

  “It’s a bad idea Megan. You need to move on. Charlie has.”

  “Did he speak much of me while you were working with him?”

  “I… I didn’t really see much of him,” I stuttered not really knowing what to say.

  “But you must have seen some of him.”

  “We didn’t talk about you Megan. I know you want to hear he was pining after you, but he wasn’t. He looked happy, really happy.” I was losing it a little.

  “Alright Shan I get it, but I can’t help how I feel.”

  “I know, but you really need to move on. Since when do you grovel anyway?”

  “True,” Megan giggled. “I might go on a date with that footballer we met at Reds the other night.”

  “I think someone new is best Megan. Charlie will only break your heart if you keep holding onto him like that.” My heart whimpered a little to my words. I knew I had to put him into the back of my mind. I had to make something of this life I now had. Maybe Will was right, should I let him woo me, gain the trust back that he had destroyed? That thought horrified me, but would I ever feel differently? I was making this harder on myself I knew I was.

  “So what have you got planned for today?” Megan asked snapping me out of my daze.

  “I was thinking about meeting Will for lunch.”

  “You are going to make one loyal wife,” Megan giggled. “I’m not looking forward to you moving out when you and Will find a place to live.”

  “I am sure we will be nearby. Will doesn’t want to go too far from the city centre.”

  “Can I come into town with you? I have a meeting with my agent. I want to make sure I get the gig in Paris.” I just rolled my eyes at Megan. How could they turn her down she was becoming the leading supermodel in London, even America was taking notice of her.

  I took a deep breath as I wandered into Will’s office. His PA had told me he was alone so I didn’t have to knock.

  “Shannon,” Will beamed from his desk getting up. “This is a pleasant surprise.”

  “I thought we could have lunch together.” Will just looked at me suspiciously. “I have been thinking about what you said.”

  “You have?” Will asked amazed.

  “I know I am making this hard on myself, but once we are married I want you to know I will let you try to woo me. I am too angry for any of that now, but I will hold my end of the deal. As long as Charlie is safe. I will be yours.”

  “That’s all I want Shannon.”

  “It doesn’t mean I will do anything until we marry. Do you understand that?”

  “I know you think I am a monster, but I would never pressure you into anything like that Shannon. I know I have taken you from Charlie, but deep down I know I am the right choice for you even if you can’t see it – yet.” Will was insane, his deep ocean eyes told me he thought he was speaking the truth.

  “We will take it one step at a time, but I am letting you know I will stop fighting you.”

 
Will breathed in relief. I knew I was being too lenient on him, but how long could I carry on struggling with the hatred I felt for him? I had made this mess myself. I had taken my best friend’s soul mate. I should have always known I would have to pay for my actions.