Notice Me

  “I will treat you like the queen you are Shannon.” Will smiled touching my hand. I flinched pulling away. It would take a while to control that reaction when we were alone. “I think I will start by treating you to a slap up lunch. What do you think?” I forced a smile nodding as Will led the way.

  I was lying to my heart. I knew that, but I had the most important creature to protect. He was all that mattered.

  I was strong enough to do this for him whether he was still thinking about me or not I would never let him down. I knew the chances of Charlie forgetting me were slim. After all I knew he loved me as much as I loved him.

  It shattered my heart knowing Charlie doubted my love. Deep down I hoped Charlie knew what he really meant to me. Those memories in New York would always be the best of my life. Would they be Charlie’s?

  I knew one thing was certain, when I became a Field there would be no going back. I would have no choice but to give my heart and body to a man I would always despise.

  Chapter 25

  Shannon,

  You may not want to hear from me, but what else can I do? I feel so lost.

  I hate feeling like this because I know what I am missing. Your soft touch, the way your beautiful green eyes glisten when you laugh.

  How can I ever stop loving you when you are the angel in my dreams every night?

  Please write to me. I need to know the truth. I can take the pain so do not spare my feelings. I somehow need to move on from this, from us!

  If you have read this letter and have not thrown it away you must feel something?

  Please sweetheart,

  Notice me

  Xxxx

  Charlie’s note arrived a few days after my night out at Reds. It was as if my heart had been brought to life with every single electric word. I read the letter over and over again touching the words knowing Charlie’s soft hand had written every one.

  Megan had gone to Paris for a photo shoot for the weekend. Will was in a business meeting with his father until lunchtime. I had four hours to try and make Charlie understand he had to let me go before Will came to take me out for lunch with his parents. I raced into my room searching for a piece of paper and pen. I lay across my bed and began to scribble.

  Charlie,

  You need to let me go.

  You must understand I have to put Megan and Will first. I owe them that when you think what I have done to them. I love Will and I want to marry him.

  You need to understand that and move on with your life.

  Please do not contact me again. It is painful enough. I know I have given you no answers, but it is better this way.

  I want you to be happy and to be able to move on with your life so please let me go.

  Shannon

  xxx

  I kept it simple. Most of it Charlie already knew, but I hoped he would understand he had to stay away from me. Some of the paper was smudged with my tears, but I didn’t have time to rewrite it. I still needed to post the letter which involved a walk to the post office a few blocks down the street.

  I felt an almost sense of relief as I walked along the road to post Charlie’s letter. I hoped he would understand and finally let me go.

  I heard an old familiar voice shouting my name as I began to walk back to the town house.

  “Shannon, wait.” The voice shouted as he raced towards me.

  “Bradley!” I replied shocked. What were the chances? It was like fate. “What are you doing here?” It was so good to see him as I wrapped my arms around him. His hair had grown slightly from the clean shaven look he had while I was living in New York. His Knicks basketball vest appeared through his coat. Charlie and I had watched the game with them when he bought it. My heart throbbed at the memory.

  “My sister lives in London. Lorna and I are visiting her.”

  “Lorna is here too?” I asked excitedly. The thought of seeing her friendly face was like a shot of adrenaline.

  “Yeah, she is shopping with her as we speak.”

  “Why am I not surprised?” I laughed. Lorna loved a bargain.

  “How are you? I mean you left in such a hurry five months ago.”

  “Oh you know,” I looked around not wanting to give Bradley any eye contact.

  “Have you spoken to Charlie?”

  “No why?”

  “Shannon, he is a mess.” Bradley looked at me coldly. “You have torn his heart out. I have tried everything to help him, but he just wants to mope around all the time.”

  “I have just written him a letter actually. He wrote to me.”

  “I hope you haven’t broken his heart again?”

  “No, Bradley, I… it’s just complicated you know.”

  “Are you really okay, kid? Charlie had this ridiculous idea you were being bullied or something into this whole marriage thing. I did tell him he was dreaming. I mean no offence Shan, but William Field is a pretty good catch if it is all about the money,” Bradley nudged me.

  “I know what you mean,” I almost smiled. It was just the way Bradley said it, he was a funny guy. I wasn’t shocked that Charlie and Bradley were still good friends. It was good to know Charlie had someone looking out for him. “No, I am not being bullied.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I love Will it’s hard not to with all the money he has.” Bradley looked shocked at me. It was the best way. Everyone thought I was marrying Will for his money, even the press.

  “Oh okay,” Bradley was lost for words.

  “Well, I have no family so I need to think about having my own. You are right. Who is better than the Field family?” I shrugged.

  “Oh, that reminds me. Lorna found out some interesting stuff about your parents, but of course you guys aren’t speaking anymore.” Bradley almost whispered.

  “What do you mean?” I asked confused.

  “The names of your parents on your birth certificate. They never existed!”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Your parents don’t exist. They never did. Lorna is looking into it, but it is a real slow process.”

  “You guys should just let it go. We all need to move on. I have my new life now. ”

  “Shannon, Charlie isn’t giving up on you. Neither is Lorna. She believes Charlie’s mad idea. I am still hoping you will come back to New York maybe leave Mr Money at the altar, or something.”

  I hugged Bradley tightly it was so wonderful to hear even though it was still hopeless. “Thank you, but really I am sort of a lost cause now. I have made my bed. I have to lie in it.”

  “It’s not fair if you are being forced into that bed, Shannon.”

  “It’s my life. I am not being forced anyway.”

  “But it’s destroying Charlie.”

  “I can’t help that. I have no choice, Bradley. I want to marry Will.” I raised my voice as the tears came to my eyes. I hated Charlie being in pain because of me. I was sure I was in enough pain for the both of us.

  “Shan, it’s okay. I just don’t understand what hold the Field family have on you. I mean what has William Field got that Charlie hasn’t?”

  “I owe them a lot. They have always been good to me. I love Will really I do and Megan is my best friend.” I hoped my face looked convincing.

  “Why don’t you just wait a little longer before you marry him? It will give us some time to work out what is going on,” Bradley teased.

  “Nothing is going on, Bradley. I love Will I want to marry him,” I almost shouted at him.

  “Charlie was right you are brainwashed.”

  “Don’t be stupid.”

  “You and Charlie were so right for each other. How can you love him one moment and not the next?” Bradley became lost in thought.

  “I need to go Bradley. Will is taking me to lunch,” I looked at my watch. I had thirty minutes to get back and get ready.

  “Okay. I’ll tell Lorna I saw you. She has tried to get hold of you for months. She felt really bad about the last phone call.”
<
br />   “Will sort of doesn’t like me talking to my New York friends anymore it was probably for the best.”

  “I bet he doesn’t,” Bradley replied sarcastically.

  “It was really good to see you.”

  “You too. Take care of yourself, kid.”

  “I’ll try,” I smiled. “Bradley,” I shouted just before he crossed the road.

  “Yeah?”

  “Tell Charlie I am sorry. I did care for him – a lot.”

  “I knew it,” Bradley smiled as he crossed onto the other side of the road.

  “You seem more chirpy today, Shannon?” Will asked while we were in Harrods shopping.

  “Maybe I am getting used to my new life.” I was more content now knowing Charlie knew I had cared for him. Bradley had called him before he even got back to New York. The letter appeared only three days after I had seen Bradley. I wasn’t stunned to find it. I had hoped he would write back one last final time.

  Shannon,

  I got your note and the message from Bradley. I still do not understand. If you cared for me why leave? Or is it that you love Will more? I only want you to be happy. If Will is what you want I won’t interfere.

  But if you do still love me please sweetheart let me know. I will be at your side in a heartbeat. I am not afraid of him or any of the Field family. If you want me I am yours forever.

  I will never forget you, but it has made it easier to know that our time here in New York wasn’t a lie. That you truly were mine for a while.

  I will love you until all the seas run dry, always remember that.

  Notice Me

  xxx

  Will and I were still wandering around Harrods. I didn’t realise I was daydreaming for so long until Will touched my arm.

  “Did you hear me, Shannon?” Will asked shaking me.

  “Sorry,” I replied dazed.

  “I said you have a pretty good life. I mean marrying a billionaire, shopping in Harrods, going to fine restaurants and your job. I mean really you are gaining so much more than what you are losing.”

  I had been back with Will for over five months now I had become used to disconnecting with my true feelings to live the lie. “I know I have to accept that now. I am finding it easier.” I turned to force a smile at him.

  “Really?” Will asked hopefully.

  “Well, I guess I am getting used to this, us being together again. You have been pretty fair on some of your demands.”

  “Does that mean we can be together you know, properly?” Will asked with a gleam in his eyes. My stomach turned in repulsiveness.

  “Will, I really don’t think I am ready for that.” I wasn’t going to give my body up until I had to.

  “Sorry, it’s just I miss that part of us. But it’s fine. I mean it is only about three months till the wedding right?”

  “Yeah,” I looked down pretending to play with a pair a of candle holders.

  “Do you like those? I will buy them for you if you want,” Will asked trying to look at my face.

  “No thank you,” I walked forward trying to focus my sight on something else.

  “We really need to think about our living arrangements too. I know I am away next week, but the week after we could look at some places in London. At least it will be near work. I mean when we start a family we could go into the countryside if you wanted.”

  “Children,” I almost glared at him what else did he want from me? I knew I shouldn’t have been so surprised that was he planning on taking everything from me.

  “Well, we will be married. It’s sort of what married couples do.” I just looked down at the shelves. I could not have this conversation yet. “Sorry, I have put my foot in it again. This conversation can wait.”

  “Good,” I whispered.

  “I am sorry it was a little inconsiderate of me.”

  “Will, it’s fine I am used to it now.” My whole life belonged to him. I shuddered knowing on our wedding night my body would also be forced to that right.

  Chapter 26

  “Shannon, you really need to focus. I cannot plan this whole wedding without some input from you, dear.” Mrs Gray my wedding co-ordinator watched me daydreaming out of the large sash window at the Field family home in Cheshire.

  “Sorry! Flowers, was that what we were talking about?” I asked a little frenzied.

  “Yes, about half an hour ago,” Mrs Gray laughed. She was a wonderful lady. I had enjoyed our time together over the last few months. She sensed my lack of enthusiasm for my forthcoming wedding from the moment we met. Her warm coloured face always calmed me if the wedding plans became a little out of control. Mrs Gray threw her long blonde hair over her shoulder as she noted something down on her notepad. “I think we need to get you into a spa Shannon. You could do with de-stressing I think, my dear.” She scratched the mature olive skin on her forehead deep in concentration.

  “I am fine Mrs Gray really.”

  “Shannon, it is six weeks until your wedding. You really need to start preparing yourself for that. Have you been wearing those face packs?”

  “The ones with real gold in them?” I teased. I knew I was marrying a billionaire, but wearing a face pack that cost over one hundred pounds was ridiculous with all the poverty in the world.

  “They are the best. I am only doing what Mr William Field asked. He did state the best of everything for you.”

  “I know but face packs, seriously?”

  “Shannon, I have never met a bride so uninterested in her own wedding.”

  “I just don’t like big parties and being the centre of attention. I am trying,” I smiled.

  “I know dear, but it’s just well… no, it doesn’t matter.” Mrs Gray became lost in thought as she went back to her notebook.

  “What were you going to say?” I asked interested.

  “It’s not my place to comment. I am only a staff member after all.”

  “Please, I think of you more as a friend than a member of staff Mrs Gray.” I walked across the room to sit beside her to take her hand. “Well, really you are more like the mother I have always wanted.” Mrs Gray’s eyes watered. I knew she felt a similar way about me. Mrs Gray only had sons.

  “Shannon, you are too kind. You know how fond I am of you.” Mrs Gray put her hand on my face. “I always thought you were marrying Mr William Field for the money. I mean it is clear to see how much he loves you, but you somehow dear, always seem so distant.” I wanted to speak, but Mrs Gray raised her hand. I didn’t want Mrs Gray to think I was marrying Will for his money. “Let me finish. I can see pain in your eyes dear every time you look at William Field it is as if he is holding you down or keeping you from something.”

  “Mrs Gray you have no idea.” Tears swelled in my eyes, I was unable to control them as they began to weave down my face.

  “Shannon dear, what’s wrong? You can trust me.”

  “There is no point, even if I tell you… nothing will change,” I sobbed.

  Mrs Gray put her arms tight around me. “Sometimes it just feels better to share your burden,” Mrs Gray whispered stroking my hair. “You can tell me if you want. I will not judge you whatever it is.”

  “Will is blackmailing me into marrying him,” I whimpered.

  “What?” Mrs Gray asked shocked. “Why?”

  “I am in love with a man called Charlie Collins.”

  “The photographer Megan was dating?” Mrs Gray looked confused. I knew Megan had secretly called Mrs Gray while she was dating Charlie thinking a wedding would be on the cards in the future.

  “Yes,” I replied wiping my eyes. “Nothing ever happened while he was with Megan. I promise.” I went to reach for my handbag where Charlie’s poem book was hidden. “I never realised it was him you see.” I passed the poem book to her. “I received letters from a man who loved me more passionately than I could have ever dreamed. I never thought it was Charlie writing them.”

  Mrs Gray scanned the book, instantly becoming lost in Charlie’s words.
By the end of the book Mrs Gray was crying. I filled her in about the rest. New York, my birthday in Las Vegas, it was difficult for me remembering the good times with Charlie.