Falling Awake

by T. A Richards Neville

  I didn’t want to be attracted to him as much as I was, but there was nothing I could do about it. He was here walking over to me, and I thought he looked fantastic.

  I didn’t think the rest of jet’s could believe it either, because a lot of the crowd turned to look at us probably wondering how I’d managed to end up with the three best looking guys in Friday Harbor, and just like Mellissa, I revelled in it just a little bit.

  “Hey.” He slipped into the padded seat opposite me.

  “Hey,” I said, trying my best to ignore the electrified response from my body.

  “Listen,” he said, bowing his head closer to me, and I briefly caught the scent of a clean, fresh smelling fragrance

  “I’m sorry about the other night. I shouldn’t have just walked off like that.”

  “It’s okay, you don’t need to apologise.”

  “No, I do. I didn’t want to leave you like that. It’s just well…well you know Drake and Caleb”

  “No I don’t know,” I cut in. “I really have no idea what is going on there. Caleb doesn’t want me. Everything you said was right, so I really don’t understand what the big deal is. But feel free to tell me, because Caleb certainly has no intentions of doing that. “And Drake-”

  I let out a bitter laugh.

  “All he can muster is snide looks every time he sees me and you together.”

  “I didn’t mean to be so harsh.” I recalled him telling me how Caleb wouldn’t be going anywhere near me, and how I froze under hearing it.

  “You know why Caleb can’t be with you, and I- well Drake wants me to respect that, even though you’re a free agent as far as I’m concerned, I should just keep out of it.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck, and let out a loud sigh.

  “I wish I could keep out of it, I really do. Caleb’s like my brother, but I can’t keep out of it. I want you. You are the first thing I’ve noticed all day today. I couldn’t believe my luck, or my eyes when you walked through that door just now.”

  “Okay stop,” I said. “I get it.”

  “You don’t though. Drake and Caleb- they treat me like I’m some kind of little brother to them, even though there is no age difference what so ever. We are all old as shit.” He laughed and I smiled with him

  “They don’t think I’m serious, but I’m serious about you. I’ve never been more serious.”

  I would never say it to him, but everything he just said, I wished it were Caleb telling me this. I wanted it to be him sitting right there opposite me flooding me with all the things I so desperately needed to hear.

  “I know how you feel about Caleb. I’m not blind, or stupid, but I know you feel something for me too. Just give me a chance.”

  “It’s not that easy,” I said. “With Caleb it’s complicated.”

  “What’s so complicated about it?” he asked. “He has the chance to be with the most amazing girl I have ever met, and he won’t. If that was me, I would grab you and never let you go. He’s going to get his wings back eventually, and you won’t see him again. None of us will.”

  I flinched at his words as if he had physically lashed out at me.

  “I’m not trying to upset you.” His tone and face softened.

  “I just want you to know that you have other options, and that I could do a pretty good job of looking after you.”

  I felt pressured all of a sudden, like I owed it to myself to give him and me a chance. But I knew that was impossible. I couldn’t give my heart to someone else when I was pretty sure I’d already given it to Caleb.

  I knew I would only be able to give half of myself to Ressler, my better half always being somewhere else.

  I was just about to try the whole letting him down gently, when for the first time ever, I was relieved at the sight of Tamara strutting over to the table. She could barely put one spiked heel in front of the other her jeans were plastered on so tight. She leaned over the table giving us an eyeful of her cleavage, and turned her head sideways towards Ressler, her poker straight hair blocking me out like a white shimmering curtain.

  “Hi Ressler,” she purred in a low annoying voice. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

  “I’m going to go find Caleb. Tamara you can have my seat,” I said, signalling I was fine with the fact that she intentionally came over here to take Ressler away; and I was fine.

  She had halted this awkward and inescapable conversation, for now at least, and for that, I was grateful.

  I got up and left, feeling Ressler’s eyes on me the whole time, until I was lost in the crowd to them. I found Caleb at a game machine, a small brunette standing to the side of him, smiling up at him through adoring eyes. Kimberley. She was in our homeroom group.

  Caleb was attacking buttons and pulling hard on a small round lever as yellow, and red lights flashed across the screen.

  “Oh, so that’s how you play,” I heard her say, turning a deep shade of beetroot red. “You must think I’m so dumb.”

  “You could say that,” I said bitterly, pushing my way in-between them.

  “Hi Kimberley. Could I have a minute with Caleb please?” She looked from Caleb to me still flushed, but now also looking a tad pissed off, and turned to walk off. “C’ya around,” she said only to Caleb as she left.

  “So, this is what you ditched me for?” I asked petulantly, looking at the game machine.

  “I never ditched you.” The game ended, and a low booing noise sounded from the machine as all the lights simultaneously flashed together, prompting you to put in more money.

  “I went to talk to Ressler about something, and she cornered me afterwards.”

  My head flew up to look at him.

  “Talk to Ressler about what?” That came out a little too eager and aggressive.

  “I’ll tell you later. Someplace quieter,” he said, staring at me intentionally.

  This couldn’t be good I told myself. I hoped it wasn’t about me, but I already knew it was. The last thing I wanted was to come between two friends; especially when I cared about them both more than I knew was healthy for any friendship.

  “Want a game?” he asked me, his eyebrow cocked in a challenging stance.

  “Sure why not?” I said, nudging him out of the way with my hips.

  “I’m awesome at Dead Wars.”

  An hour or so later, after beating Caleb at many games of Dead Wars, and then being beaten myself at air hockey and foosball- I sat down on a high backed stool with Mellissa at the bar, sipping a diet coke.

  “Drakes keeping something from me,” she said, her eyes cast down stirring her drink idly.

  “What?” I blurted out, and coke slugged down the wrong hole, sending a pain shooting deep into my chest. I coughed, bringing up the excess liquid.

  “What do you mean?” I started again.

  “There’s something he’s not telling me. I can feel it. I know you think I barely know him, but I spend nearly every day with him, and he’s definitely got secrets.”

  I stared at her impassively as she turned her straw in her soda looking despondent. She was too perceptive for her own good.

  “He’s seeing someone else,” she said, meeting my eyes with her own sorrowful ones, and I forced down a chortle of relief.

  “You think he’s seeing someone else?”

  “I know he is.”

  “You don’t know he is. And he isn’t.” I felt guilty keeping something from her that was making her come to other more ominous conclusions. If I could just tell her the truth, then she would see how so utterly wrong she was.

  “Drake’s crazy about you. He wouldn’t do something like that, trust me. He’s a good guy,” I went on, seeing her face of doubt.

  “The best in fact. Do you think I would let my best friend be with someone who I suspected to be a snake?”

  She laughed softly.

  “No I wouldn’t. So trust him please? And if you are seriously doubting him, then just talk to him about it. Don’t find your way to the supposed t
ruth without him helping you get there. Promise me you’ll talk to him?”

  “I’ll talk to him,” she said, brightening up a little bit.

  “He is a good guy. Sometimes I think he’s too good to be true.”

  “I know what you mean,” I said, with one hundred percent understanding.

  My eyes automatically fell over the crowds seeking out Caleb, and as if sensing my subconscious pining for him, he stepped through the masses. His genuine lopsided smile reached his glinting green grey eyes, and I all but melted under their severity, and uniqueness. He never failed to pluck a reaction from me, even when I thought I must surely have used them all up.

  “Are you ready to go?” he asked me.

  “Sure,” I said, hopping down off the stool

  “Drake’s waiting for you outside,” he said to Mellissa.

  “Okay thanks.” She shimmied her tiny frame off the stool.

  “Remember what I said,” I reminded her

  “I know. I’ll do it tonight. I promise.”

  “Okay good.” She kissed me on the cheek then reached up onto her tip toes and put her hand on Caleb’s shoulder, kissing him on the cheek too.

  “Bye guys.” She walked away and then stopped, turning back towards me.

  “Just so you know-“

  She looked from me to Caleb. “I would never let my best friend date a snake either.” She gave me a small smile and then left.

  Caleb raised his eyebrow at me, but I just smiled and shrugged. Maybe Mellissa didn’t think Caleb was so bad after all.

  “Come on then,” I said. “Let’s go.”

  I edged my body past the standing groups of people and Caleb followed close behind. I pushed open the double glass doors to leave, and without meaning to, I glanced behind me at the empty booth where we’d been sitting earlier.

  “Ressler already left with Tamara,” Caleb said to me warily, like the words would somehow affect me. He looked down at me, his eyes darkened with questioning and suspicion. Well it was either that, or the guilt was making me paranoid.

  “Oh,” was all I said, and I broke through the doors free of the stuffiness and roaring music, which seemed much louder because of people trying to be heard over it.

  “I’m staying at your house tonight,” he said, climbing into the truck

  “Why?” I asked, keeping my eyes on him as he started the engine.

  “Because I want to.”

  ***

  I lay in bed on my side propped up on one elbow, the covers a tangle in-between my legs. Caleb sat next to me with his back resting against the soft headboard and his legs straight out in front of him, still fully clothed.

  I changed into shorts and a tank top, and secured my hair into a makeshift knot. The air outside was cool, but still too warm for me, and I had the window slightly ajar.

  “So what did you need to speak to Ressler about?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. I pushed my foot in and out of the duvet.

  “About you.” He looked straight at me.

  “After what happened tonight, I think the best thing for you is to go to Paris. The distance will be a good thing.”

  “So you’re coming then?” I asked, sitting up with hopefulness in my voice, crossing my legs in front of me.

  “No I’m not.”

  I didn’t understand. “But you want me to go? What about protecting me and all that crap?”

  “It’s not crap, and Ressler will be there. He can look after you.” I stared at him in disbelief.

  “Ressler will be there? How will Ressler be there? He doesn’t even go to school with us.”

  He shifted forward looking less relaxed, one leg dropping to the floor.

  “He has a place in Paris. He can keep an eye on things. Make sure you’re okay.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  “Do you know how Ressler feels about me?”

  “That has nothing to do with it,” he said looking at me wistfully.

  “All I care about is you- your safety.”

  “Then why don’t you come with me?”

  “Because I need to stay here. I need to find out who’s behind this, and I need to make sure your dad’s safe. He might not be a direct threat, but he’s linked to you, and I need to make sure he stays well out of it.”

  I thawed somewhat at the mention of my dad, and huffed out a heavy sigh.

  “So you’re going to play the dad card?”

  “It’s not a card. He’s not just your dad, he’s my friend.”

  I considered what he was saying carefully, and I knew he was right. My dad was almost just as much a part of this as me. What if he was used in some way to get to me? I shuddered at the thought.

  I also knew that if Caleb was leaving me un-chaperoned with Ressler, then I needed to do what I was about to do next.

  I moved up onto my knees, and shuffled over to where Caleb sat. I pulled his leg back onto the bed and slid my own leg over him so I sat straddling him.

  He watched me closely as I slowly brushed my hands up over his t-shirt and down over his defined arms. Then grabbing the ends of his top, I pulled it up slowly over his body, and then over his head, throwing it onto the floor.

  I marvelled at the perfection of his body, every single smooth mound of it as he kept his eyes level with my face. I put my hand up to his chest, the beating of his heart steady beneath my fingertips.

  I needed the image of him with me always if I was going to be away from him. I needed not to forget how his polished golden body felt like cool silk under my fingers.

  “I know how you feel about Ressler too,” he said quietly, his heartbeat never faltering under my fingers, unlike my own that sped up significantly.

  “It’s nowhere near what I feel for you.”

  “Don’t lie to me.” I drew my hands away from him and sat back resting on his long legs.

  “I’m not lying to you. You have no idea what I’m feeling.”

  He tensed visibly in front of me, and the muscle in his jaw jumped.

  “I want you tell me. I want you to tell me how you feel about him. I need to hear it from you.”

  I flexed my fingers at either side of his legs and watched them moving in a trance. I didn’t want to have this conversation, not really. I hadn’t wanted to admit to myself the reactions Ressler had been stirring inside me, never mind to Caleb.

  I clenched my hands tightly.

  “I like him, yes,” I admitted, still staring down at my hands.

  “But I would never do anything about it. I don’t want anything to happen between us. I just want you.” He grabbed me then, and pulled me forward, his arms locked around my waist, and I sat pressed up against his solid bare chest.

  “That night at the bar. That was about you. I was pissed seeing you and Ressler together. Then Terry started winding me up, and I just flipped out. I know I said you and I can’t be together, but I’m not overly keen on you being with anyone else either.”

  I smiled down into his face that had never looked more vulnerable than it did right now.

  “This, what we’re doing right now,” I said, resting my hands on his broad shoulders, tracing the lines of his tattoo.

  “This honesty is going to help us get through this shitty friendship.”

  His body shuddered under me with laughter.

  “We both have boundaries, and if we’re going to help each other, we need to respect them. I don’t want to hurt you, and I know the last thing you want is to hurt me.”

  I sat up and manoeuvred myself so I was propped up against the side of his body, locked under his arm. My own arm draped across him as he hugged me tightly. Sleep was beginning to creep up on me, and I closed my eyes only for a moment as he ran his fingers up and down my arm, the action spiking all of my nerve endings at once.

  “You’re going to be okay Pria,” he whispered.

  “Were going to be okay.” And I nodded as slumber pulled me further down into dullness.

  “A
re you staying?” I asked, smiling with my eyes still closed.

  “Sshh go to sleep,” he said. And I did. I slept all night cuddled up to everything I could wish for.

  Paris

  After over eleven hours of travelling, we were finally in Paris. I sprawled out on the double bed flat on my back, relishing the comfort of the cool cotton sheets under my too sweaty body. I was desperate for a shower after so long on the plane, but that would have to take a back seat for now. I was exhausted.

  We boarded our flight at ten thirty pm, and it was now one thirty pm Paris time.

  I desperately needed to sleep, but my hand fell idly over my IPhone, which now held Caleb’s phone number. I wanted more than anything to text him. I missed him so much, and this was only my first day away from him.

  He promised he would call me every night to make sure I was okay, and he would keep me updated if he found anything out, or if anything else happened.

  I’d already called my dad from the airport to let him know I’d arrived safely, and he said he would let Caleb know because he’d seemed anxious, and unfocused on his work. He said he’d tried to send him home, but he downright refused, saying he needed to keep busy.

  I took comfort and major happiness over the fact that my dad said he sensed it was because of my leaving.

  I knew Ressler was here already, but I didn’t know where, or if I would even see him. All I had was his phone number in case I needed him. I hoped I wouldn’t. I really didn’t need to be spending any time around him right now with my emotions running so high from pining for Caleb.

  The hotel room door opened and Mellissa burst through backwards, pulling a humongous suitcase. She dropped it as soon as she got into the room, and puffed out a massive breath as if she’d been holding it all the way up here.

  “Oh my god that’s heavy,” she panted.

  “There’s people to do that for you, you know.” I pointed at my own suitcase propped up against the side of the bed.

  “Now you tell me.” She climbed onto the bed next to me.