Falling Awake

by T. A Richards Neville

  “So, are you guys coming to the top?” he asked again, clearly too scared to say aloud what he thought of Mellissa. Nathan was athletic and strong, but my money was on Mellissa any day.

  “No,” I said at the same time Mellissa said yes.

  “What? You’re not coming? She asked me, looking disappointed. “How can you come to the Eiffel tower and not go to the top?”

  “I’m really tired,” I said. “I’ll go sit over there by the fountain and wait for you.”

  “Uh-uh sister, I am not leaving you, not after last night.” She shook her head.

  “Mellissa, I’ll be fine. I’ve got my smashed up cell, and you’ll be able to see me anyway. You’ll have the perfect view.”

  “I don’t know Pria; I mean I left you for a few minutes yesterday, and look what happened. Trouble just looks for you.” Well she was right there. Spot on actually.

  “Seriously, go. I’ll be fine.”

  She huffed out a belated breath. “Ugh fine. Nathan, I am only coming with you because I don’t want to go up there on my own,” she said, turning to him with a pointed finger, stabbing it in his direction.

  “Uh actually, it was an invitation for you and Pria…”

  “Don’t push me Nathan, or I will push you over the edge…Literally,” she threatened him. “So go and get your sidekick over there, and let’s go.” She marched off behind a sulking Nathan, and I slowly but surely made my way over to the grassy embankment of the fountain, and sat down stretching my legs out straight in front of me, setting my crutches down next to me. My thigh was beginning to throb from all the movement, and I pulled a packet of painkillers from my jeans pocket, swallowing two capsules whole, forcing them down my dry throat.

  “Here.” Caleb stood over me and handed me a bottle of water. I took it and he sat down with his knees up, his arms hanging casually over them. I took a large swig of water, helping the tablets down. I took a sideways glance at Caleb. He was wearing his signature baseball style tee, this time with short black sleeves, and dark blue jeans. I couldn’t ignore the flutter that worked its way up from the pit of my stomach. His tousled golden hair shone under the morning sun, and in that very moment he could have passed as an angel, he was so radiant. I let my gaze linger, only now getting a chance to appreciate how glad I was that he was here. I’d spent all of last night angry at him for storming out, and now, I just wanted to keep him here for as long as possible. Instead of telling him that though, I said, “Mellissa will be back soon.”

  “I know.” He took the bottle from me, taking a long slow drink. He screwed the top back on and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m not staying.”

  “Right,” I said “So where are you going then?” I tried my best to sound casual.

  “Home. I’ve got a flight in two hours.” He looked straight ahead as he spoke. He hadn’t made eye contact with me since he sat down. It was one of his party tricks and the one way I could always tell he was keeping something from me.

  “Can’t you just get on our flight?” I asked, hoping I’d managed to mask the desperation in my voice.

  “No. I have to get back as soon as.” His voice was devoid of any emotions, giving me no clue as to what was so important that he had to up and leave straight away. “What’s the emergency?”

  “No emergency. I just have thing’s I need to do.” He was still trying for casual but I saw his jaw twitch and I definitely knew something was up. I also knew that he wasn’t going to tell me what that something was, so I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of asking. As far as he was concerned, I didn’t care.

  “How are the crutches holding up?”

  “Not great,” I said. “They hurt.”

  “You’ll get used to them.”

  “I hope I won’t need them much longer.”

  “Ressler told me about the bird,” he said, briskly changing the subject, and this time he did look at me. He looked me square in the face and the power of his green-grey eyes gripped my chest tightly.

  “It’s wing was broken,” I said.

  “And you healed it,” he said matter of factly.

  “We don’t know that.”

  “Ressler knows what he saw.”

  “It’s impossible,” I said under my breath.

  “Then you knew how to kill Sabre.”

  “Lucky guess?”

  “I wouldn’t have guessed that.”

  “What are you saying?” I was unsure where he was going with this.

  “I’m not saying anything. I’m just getting the facts.” He broke eye contact, looking back out towards the fountain.

  “I dreamt about you,” I said, and before I could stop myself, I was telling him about my dream. “You’re hiding something from me, and I can never see it. It’s always covered in shadows.” I watched for any sign of recognition, but his expression never faltered. “I dreamt we were in a cove, just off the shore somewhere, but it’s not familiar,” I went on. “You have wings in the dream and then after you try to show me whatever it is you have with you, your wings turn black and I wake up.”

  “Who else have you told about this? He asked me calmly.

  “No one.”

  “Good.”

  “Why? What does it matter?”

  “It doesn’t. I just don’t want you to mention it to anyone. You never know whose listening.” I wasn’t buying it, no way. There was another reason I had to keep quiet about this.

  “Caleb what’s happening to me?” He glanced at me and turned his body a fraction so I had his full attention. “I’m trying to figure that out.”

  “Is it magic?”

  “I think it’s bigger than that.”

  “So these people looking for me, they were right?”

  “I think so.”

  “This is crazy,” I said in disbelief. “I keep thinking I might wake up one day and all of this will just be one big misunderstanding, but it’s becoming more real.”

  “Do you want to wake up?” he asked me. I thought back to the very first moment I laid eyes on Caleb and all the crap that had happened since. My life was a mess and a lie. I was in physical danger and lusting after someone I could never have.

  “Not all of the time,” I said, my breathing becoming shallow. “Sometimes I’m scared I’ll wake up and realise that the best parts of this nightmare are just a dream.”

  “Sometimes you have to dream to get to what’s real.”

  “I’m sick of dreaming,” I said, catching the glint in his eye. I wanted him to close this space between us, and I wanted him to kiss me right now. I could almost feel his mouth on mine. I could feel his hands in my hair, tugging my head back softly as he covered my mouth with his own. I could feel every bit of him in my soul, yet he hadn’t laid a finger on me; I wanted to scream.

  “I need to go,” he said, bolting me back to reality.

  “Caleb, you have told me everything haven’t you?” I asked him, before he had the chance to leave.

  “What do you mean?” He sounded caught off guard.

  “I mean, I want to know what it is that you’re keeping from me.” I’d been feeling for a while now that there was something he didn’t want me to know, and I didn’t like being kept in the dark. “You aren’t helping me you know by keeping things from me.”

  “I’m not keeping anything from you. Everything you need to know I have told you.” There it was. Everything I needed to know, I knew. I was strictly on a need to know basis.

  “So that’s how it’s going to be?” I asked him sharply. “Keep me at arm’s length when it suits? I’m not a toy Caleb; this is my life you are messing with. You don’t decided what I should and shouldn’t know about it. In fact, I don’t need you in my life if I’m perfectly honest, and while I’m being honest, I don’t need, or want you to protect me.” I had started now and there was no way of turning back. I couldn’t seem to keep my emotions in check any longer. He had finally tipped me over the edge. I couldn’t have him and so it seemed I would push
him away. I wasn’t clear when I had made the decision, but I was certain now it was what was best for me, and for my sanity. Me and him being friends just wasn’t working, and me and him being together was never going to happen, so why be in each other’s lives at all? Like he said, I had Ressler.

  “That’s what you want?” he asked me, his voice cool and steady. He was totally unreadable- unaffected by my words.

  “That’s what I want.” No, it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to shout out how badly I wanted him, but it was no use. We’d been there and done that, all I needed now was the t-shirt.

  “You don’t know what you’re saying.” He stood up.

  “I know exactly what I’m saying. So if you care about me at all like you say you do, you’ll leave now and get out of my life for good.” I could feel the lump forming in my throat as I spoke and my voice quivered along with my body. I couldn’t take it back as much as I desperately wanted to, not now. I’d said it and a part of me meant it- the logical part of me that knew I couldn’t think clearly, or see clearly, or even act clearly while he was around clouding my mind and vision. The illogical part of me, my heart- was pounding at what I had just done. Take it back it yelled, but I wouldn’t, I couldn’t.

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I mean it. I can’t get on with my life with you in it.”

  “You won’t have a life to live if I leave.”

  “Wow, that’s an awful big opinion you’ve got of yourself there,” I said more icily than intended, and I braced myself for his reaction, but it never came.

  He stared down at me and I looked away, afraid I might try and beg him to stay if I looked into his eyes any longer. “Fine. If that’s what you want.”

  I didn’t see him leave, but I knew he was gone when the dark shadow over me lifted and was replaced by unwelcome hot sunshine that done nothing but darken my already black mood. What had I just done? I stood as quickly as I could manage to try to spot him amongst the tourists, but I couldn’t see him anywhere, he was gone, and this time he was gone for good.

  Gabriel’s gone

  The flight home was quiet and boring. I didn’t see any more of Ressler, so I had no idea if he was still in Paris, or had already flown back. I failed to mention my fight with Caleb to Mellissa. I didn’t want to have that conversation with her, and make the fact that I’d told Caleb to get out of my life even more real. Mellissa on the other hand was ecstatic to get home and see Drake, and I didn’t want to put a dampener on that either. A little after nine pm, we caught a bus from the airport that dropped us off at school, where everyone’s parents or friends were waiting with rides home.

  I immediately spotted Drake leaning casually against his Pontiac. He stood out significantly from the rest of the mundane looking crowd. Whilst the rest of our group ran to their parents squealing in delight after having only been gone for only four days, I trailed Mellissa over to Drakes car and stood there pretending to look elsewhere whilst he grabbed her and kissed her hello.

  “Hey,” Drake said to me, gently pushing Mellissa off him and securing her under his arm.

  “Hey.” I gave him my best half wave, and forced a smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes.

  “Where’s Caleb?” Mellissa asked him. Sometimes I forgot how in the dark she was about everything that was going on around her. Well not for much longer, I thought to myself. I was so ready to tell her everything.

  “He couldn’t make it,” Drake said, catching my eye.

  “Oh, that’s a shame. I thought he would have wanted to see Pria.” Little did she know, I’d seen plenty of him over the past few days, and possibly the last I might ever see of him. The thought was more than too much to bear and I wished it away.

  “Why would he want to see me?” I asked her. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Oh, as good as,” she scoffed. “You think we’re all blind, but we’ve got eyes.” I wasn’t even going to respond to that. I was in no mood to talk about Caleb.

  “Can we just go?” I asked sourly, opening the back door of the car and letting myself and my stupid crutches in.

  I stood in the kitchen with the refrigerator door wide open, searching for something edible. After a quick inventory, I settled for grabbing the whole lot, which included stale milk, two yoghurt pots long past their sell by date, mouldy cheese, and dried up ham. Then I threw the whole lot in the bin and grabbed a pack of crackers from the cupboard. I settled down on the sofa and flicked on the TV, surfing the channels until finally settling for a Friends re-run that I had already seen a thousand times before. According to the TV, it was ten forty five and there was still no sign of my dad. He hadn’t even left me a note.

  I tried his cell again and got only his voicemail. I left him a quick message, asking him to call me as soon as he got it, and then tried calling the garage. I threw my shattered phone onto the coffee table, and after munching on a few dry crackers, I sank lower into the couch. The house was cloaked in darkness because I couldn’t be bothered to turn on any lights, but the darkness suited my mood perfectly. I didn’t want any light. My eyelids were growing heavy and I turned the TV down until it was just a low murmur in the background. The image of yesterday’s fight with Caleb swam even clearer in my mind as I closed my eyes, and I scrunched them tightly together trying to get rid of it. Had I really been that awful to him? Even though I still stuck by what I said, I wished I hadn’t been so rude about it, or so quick to say it. Another thing that was bothering me, was whether he would actually leave Friday Harbor, or just stay out of my way. I tried to remember exactly everything I’d said to him, but the whole memory was scarred and manipulated.

  I knew I was dreaming when I woke up and found myself back in the cove. My white dress lay draped over the edge of the rock that I was sitting on, and I watched it sway gently in the water with the flow of the tide. Caleb kneeled down in front of me wearing the same black trousers and bare chest. The smell of the sea was thick in my nostrils, and I inhaled a deep breath, tasting the salt at the back of my mouth. Something glistened at the curve of Caleb’s back, just above his waistline and I craned my neck trying to see it.

  “What have you got back there?” I asked, reaching my hand out to try to touch whatever it was, but it was like reaching into the abyss. The more I stretched towards it, the further away it seemed to get.

  “It’s too soon,” he said, bringing his hand up to guard whatever was behind his back. “Now wake up.”

  I jolted up ramrod straight at the sound of his words and my eyes sprang open. The glare from the television showed the same Friends show; just a different episode, and I pressed the information button on the remote displaying that the time was eleven thirty five. I sat up and grabbed my IPhone.

  No missed calls.

  I tried my dad and the garage again, but got no answer from both. I was becoming anxious, and in my desperation, I dialled Caleb’s number. After a few attempts with no answer, I realised I got what I wanted and he wouldn’t be there anymore at my every beck and call. I gave up and decided to go and look for my dad. I changed out of my house sweats and pulled on black leggings, a ribbed spaghetti strap black top, and threw on my peach hooded jacket. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, not caring about the loose strands that refused to cooperate. Once outside, I opened the garage expecting to find my Fiat, and instead, my dad’s Chevrolet pickup was sitting there in its place. If that was here, then where was he? My heart rate excelled and nearly leaped out of my chest. Something was wrong, very wrong. I ran back into the house, and grabbed the set of spare keys to the Chevrolet from the fruit bowl in the kitchen, and jumped into my dad’s truck with the first destination in mind. The garage. I raced there as quickly as I could, not caring about speed limits or the fact that there might be pedestrians on the road. I only cared about one thing- making sure my dad was safe.

  A short while later, I pulled up outside of the garage and leaving the engine running, I jumped out and ran inside. It was unlocked.

 
; “Dad!” I shouted, bolting into the office. It was empty. My Fiat sat inside the garage, mended roof and all, and I absentmindedly ran my hand along the fresh paintwork that Caleb was responsible for. I ran out to the front of the garage. It was eerily silent. The moon hung full and bold in the black sky and the only noise came from the chirping of the crickets in the undergrowth.

  “Dad!” I shouted, but the only reply was my voice bouncing back to me in the empty night. My legs turned to jelly as the worst-case scenario came to mind, and the most likely thing that had happened to him. I had one last place to look before I accepted that fate though. So after locking up the garage, I got back into the truck and drove down onto Spring Street. I parked the truck sloppily outside of The Southern Oven, and prayed to God that I would find my dad sitting inside. It was Friday night and most places would be open until one am. This was one of them, but one quick glance of the restaurant, and Gracey’s smiling face behind the counter told me he wasn’t there.

  “Hi Gracey,” I said, trying my hardest to sound casual. “Have you seen my dad tonight?”

  “No sweetie, I haven’t. Are you okay? You look flushed.” Concern instantly creeped up into her face. So much for trying to be casual.

  “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s fine. But listen, I have to run. If you see him can you ask him to call me as soon as please?”

  “Of course. Are you sure everything’s okay? You really don’t look well, and is that your dad’s truck outside?” she asked me, leaning over to see out of the front windows. I looked behind me. Shit. How was I going to explain this?

  “Yeah, that’s my dad’s. It’s a long story. He has my car, that’s why I’m in such a rush, cause’ I kinda need it back. I was supposed to be going out so tell him to call me?” I asked, already walking backwards to the door.

  “You’re supposed to be going out this late?” She looked more perplexed then when I first came in. “Are you sure your daddy-” I didn’t give her a chance to end that sentence. She wasn’t buying it no way, but I didn’t really have time to care about that.