About That Kiss: A Heartbreaker Bay Novel

by Jill Shalvis

  His mouth curved in a barely-there smile and she felt her face heat.

  Next to her, Archer and Elle were arguing over his order, which had just arrived. “Look,” he was saying, “I love you but I asked you what you wanted and you said nothing, so I ordered wings. The exact amount of wings I wanted to eat.”

  Elle narrowed her eyes. “But I only want a few—”

  “Exactly the right amount, Elle.”

  She paused. “Okay, but I want you to remember this because later when you want to get lucky, I’m going to tell you that you’re S-O-L because I’ve already had all the lucky I want today.”

  Archer opened his mouth, but she held up a finger. “Exactly the right amount,” she said.

  He stared at her and then laughed and hauled her onto his lap. Elle smiled and grabbed a wing, making yummy sounds as she ate it. Archer watched her, then leaned in and licked the sauce off the corner of her mouth, making his own yummy noise.

  “Is that what love is?” Molly asked the room. “Sharing food when you don’t want to?”

  “Yeah,” Kylie said softly. And it was also letting someone in when maybe you hadn’t meant to. Again her gaze sought out Joe and again he looked at her right back, not bothering to hide it. He clearly spent zero time worrying about what anyone around them thought. It wasn’t a problem for him.

  Nope, his problem was that he didn’t want to let love in.

  Which of course had somehow, when she hadn’t been looking, become her problem.

  Later, after they’d all finished eating, Molly opened her presents. When she got to Joe’s and unwrapped the gorgeous mirror Kylie had made, she went stock-still before lifting suspiciously sheeny eyes to Joe.

  “It’s the right one, yes?” he asked in the universal voice of male panic when a woman appeared to be on the verge of tears.

  “Yes, you idiot,” she said and then limped her way closer and threw herself at him.

  “Okay.” Joe patted her on the back. “Okay, then.”

  “Such an idiot,” Molly muttered and held on.

  He grimaced. “Are you crying or drooling?” he asked, trying to break free.

  “An asshole idiot.” Molly only held him all the tighter. “I love you, you big jerk.” She pulled back and gave him a shove.

  And that, clearly, Joe knew how to deal with. He didn’t budge, of course, but he did laugh and looked greatly relieved that his sister was over her moment.

  Anyone could see that they had a close, strong relationship. But sometimes, like now, Kylie also caught glimpses of an odd, nameless tension between the two of them that she didn’t quite understand.

  After the last present had been unwrapped, everyone scattered, to dance or play pool or get another drink. Molly plopped next to Kylie.

  “You can take the boy off the street,” she said, “but you can’t take the street out of the boy. He really hates it when I get all emotional over him.”

  “You like to bait him,” Kylie said.

  Molly shrugged. “It’s my civic duty as his sister, right? You have any siblings?”

  “No,” Kylie said. She’d often wished for a sister or a brother, someone to share the load with, someone with the same blood so she’d always have them at her back. Friends like Molly, Elle, Pru and all the others had filled the gap for her, but deep down there was a hole where family should be.

  Molly was watching Joe. “He pretends he’s so tough, but I’m his kryptonite. Thanks for making that gorgeous mirror for him to give to me.”

  “He paid for it.”

  “Of course he did,” Molly said. “Joe knows better than most that nothing comes free. Not even friendship—or whatever it is that you two are really up to. My point is that he’d never expect anything from you.”

  Kylie knew this. She wasn’t sure how she felt about it. “Friends do stuff for friends.”

  “Not where we come from,” Molly said. “My dad told me he met you. He also told me you’re going to be the one to bring Joe to his knees.”

  Something deep inside Kylie reacted to that. She wanted to say it was denial. And maybe a week ago it would’ve been. Deep, dark, head-in-the-sand denial. But today, right now, after all the things she and Joe shared, all the intimacy . . . it wasn’t denial at all.

  It was hope, which was infinitely more dangerous.

  Chapter 24

  #IllBeBack

  Molly glanced at Kylie. “You look like you either just swallowed a bee or had an epiphany.”

  Kylie managed a laugh, but yeah. She’d just had a hell of an epiphany.

  She was falling for Joe.

  So not good and so not smart, but before she could freak out about it too badly there were some cheering and a few groans across the bar.

  Joe had won at pool.

  “Yeah,” Molly said, laughing wryly as her brother collected cash for his victory. “Definitely the street rat in him still comes out here and there. He can’t change everything.”

  Kylie tore her gaze off Joe and looked at Molly. “Change? What has he changed?”

  She shrugged. “Growing up, he was always . . . well, untamed.”

  “Don’t see how that’s changed at all,” Kylie said dryly.

  Molly laughed. “Trust me, he’s definitely mellowed, a lot. Oddly enough, the military did that for him. Or to him. Same with working at Hunt. He’s more focused now. Driven. And . . . caring.”

  “You guys are close. He cares about you very much.”

  “Yes,” Molly said. “But a good part of that is guilt.”

  “Guilt?”

  Molly hesitated and then pushed her beer away. “Okay, clearly I’ve hit my quota.”

  “Guilt?”

  Molly grimaced and looked away. “It’s an old, long story from before we both changed—for the better, I should add.” She shifted her bad leg and grimaced again.

  “I’m sorry,” Kylie said. “It’s clearly a painful story and none of my business—”

  “He blames himself,” Molly said.

  “For what?”

  Molly was quiet a moment and then she sighed. “I see how he looks at you, you know. And you’re my friend, but . . .” She hesitated. “Don’t hurt him, okay? Only I get to do that.”

  “I’m not going to hurt him,” Kylie said. “To be honest, I’m not sure I even could. And in any case, it’s not like that between us.”

  “Come on.”

  “It’s not,” Kylie said, knowing she sounded defensive but, well, she felt defensive since even she didn’t believe herself. Because they were like that, at least somewhat. But she’d meant what she’d said. She didn’t think she had the ability to hurt Joe. He held too much of himself back for that.

  “We all watched him drag you out of here the other night,” Molly said. “After you tried to say you weren’t anything to each other. I know you’re sleeping together.”

  “Well, not sleeping exactly.” Kylie bit her lower lip. “Except maybe once or twice, but those times don’t count because he didn’t come over until really late. And it’s not like he keeps stuff at my place. The few things he’s got there are a toothbrush and a T-shirt, and the T-shirt’s only because I stole it and—”

  “Wait,” Molly said in shocked disbelief. “Are you telling me that my brother Joe-the-lone-wolf slept at your house? As in eyes closed, mouth open, snoring, lost in z-land?”

  “Actually, I don’t think he snores—”

  “But he left a toothbrush at your place,” Molly said.

  “Well, yeah, cuz that’s just good manners, brushing your teeth in the morning, right?”

  Molly was just staring at her, mouth agape. “Okay, let me get this straight. You’re saying that Joe actually spent the night with you. Like you woke up and he was still there.”

  Kylie nodded, an odd feeling beginning to tighten in her chest. “Why? What’s so weird about his staying with me? Is it because you don’t think I’m good enough—”

  “No. No,” Molly rushed to say firmly, taking K
ylie’s hand. “I promise, it’s not anything to do with you and everything to do with Joe and who he’s been for so long that I didn’t think he had it in him to adjust. And actually . . .” She smiled. “Okay, so it is about you a little bit, but in the very best way.” She paused and cocked her head. “Do you guys talk a lot?”

  “Not exactly.”

  “Yeah. He’s not much for words, is he?”

  Kylie managed a laugh. “No, he’s much more of a show-don’t-tell guy.”

  “But see, that’s the thing,” Molly said earnestly. “He’s usually not all that good at showing either. Or he hasn’t been. Not with anyone. He doesn’t do emotions or feelings easily.”

  “I’m getting that,” Kylie said. “What I’m not getting is why.”

  Molly looked around them. The pub was crowded and yet no one was paying them any attention. Seemingly relieved, she turned back to Kylie. “He won’t ever tell you,” she said quietly, “but it’s not his fault he’s this way. It’s . . . mine.”

  Confused, Kylie shook her head. “Is this about the guilt thing?”

  “Yes. Our dad, he’s better now than he used to be, but when we were growing up, his PTSD was really bad. He’d act . . . oddly. Paranoid. If we weren’t home by dark, he locked us out. Literally. As in he’d bolt the place up and nothing and no one could get in, whether we were inside or not.”

  Kylie tried to imagine what that had been like for the siblings, especially in the neighborhood they’d grown up in, but couldn’t. “That must have been terrifying for you. And dangerous.”

  Molly nodded. “Very, but it wasn’t Dad’s fault, really. He just wasn’t . . . present. And he had a hard time keeping jobs because of it. So Joe was motivated at a young age to provide. He learned some interesting skills, such as how to break us into the house so we didn’t have to sleep outside, among other things.” She paused. “Like shoplifting to keep us fed.”

  Kylie’s heart squeezed. “I’m so sorry. No kid should have to go through that.”

  “At least we had each other.” Molly looked across the crowded bar and out the windows into the night. “But obviously, we lacked supervision. That’s how it happened.”

  “How what happened?” Kylie asked.

  “When Joe was young—and stupid—he got in with the wrong crowd. They wanted him to do bad stuff.” She paused and met Kylie’s gaze, her own hooded with bad memories. “Like I said, Joe’s got skills. The kind of skills that are really great for felons. But that isn’t Joe. He’s one of those rare guys who’s just all the way to the bone good, you know?”

  Kylie nodded because she did know. “So he refused to do anything wrong.”

  Molly nodded, expression still troubled. “Yeah, but it didn’t go over so well. They tried to force his hand.”

  “How?” Kylie asked. “Joe isn’t the sort of guy to do anything he doesn’t want to.”

  “Ha. So you have met my brother, aka Mr. Obstinate.” Molly hesitated and then, when she spoke again, her voice was soft. “They tried to make him.”

  A chill went down Kylie’s spine. “Made him how?” Her stomach sank. “Did they hurt him?”

  “No.” Molly reached for her drink again and downed it. “They hurt someone close to him.”

  Kylie met her gaze, her heart pounding. “You?”

  Molly nodded and Kylie’s heart sank hard. “Oh Molly, I’m so sorry.”

  Molly shook her head. “It really wasn’t his fault but I don’t think he believes that. No one blames him, certainly not me.” She shrugged, like she was mentally shucking off the memories, and though Kylie wished she knew the whole story, she didn’t want to ask Molly to relive anything more than she already had.

  “Look at them,” Molly said, nudging her chin toward the dance floor where Archer and Elle were now dancing, swaying in a loose embrace.

  Even from the distance of half the bar, Kylie could see how much Archer loved Elle. They kissed, his hands sliding up Elle’s slim body, his usually very serious, intense face still very serious and very intense, but totally into Elle.

  “If they can find love,” Molly said, “it means anyone can find love.”

  “To be honest,” Kylie said, “I don’t think it’s for me.”

  “Well, since I’m pretty sure it isn’t for me either, I’m not the not one to talk you into feeling otherwise. But I can admit, I’d hoped you and Joe might work out.”

  Kylie knew deep down she’d been hoping the same thing. But when she looked up again, Joe was at the pool table, being waylaid by a dark, gorgeous brunette. She had her hand on his forearm and was telling him something that was making him laugh.

  Molly twisted to see what she was looking at. “Oh, that. Don’t worry about Dee. She and Joe have been knocking boots together on and off since high school, but I’m pretty sure it’s been a while.”

  Joe laughed again and something deep in Kylie’s chest reacted. She stood up. “I think I’m calling it a night.”

  As if he could hear her, which wasn’t possible over the noise of the bar, Joe looked up and their eyes met.

  And then Kylie did something she’d told herself she wouldn’t do anymore. She turned tail and ran. She got all the way to the street, where she was fumbling with her phone, trying to access her Uber app, when a hand reached out and turned her around to face a tall, deceptively stoic shadow with an achingly familiar face.

  “Joe,” she said, breathless from nerves. “Hey. Didn’t see you.”

  “No? Not even when you were looking right at me in the pub?”

  Okay, fine. He’d caught her. Whatever. She didn’t want to get in a fight with him. She actually wanted to do the opposite after what Molly had told her. But sometimes her emotions were a like a pack of wild horses.

  Uncontrollable.

  Joe ignored the storm she was sure he could see in her expression and silently directed her to his truck. He drove her home, got out, and walked her to her door. There, he took her keys and let them both in, after which he did a thorough check of her place before coming back to the living room. “The woman you saw,” he said, “she’s an old friend. We don’t see each other anymore.”

  Sweet that he would offer the information without her asking, and even sweeter that he seemed to want to make sure she wasn’t feeling jealous. “It’s okay,” she said. “The problem is me. But forget that. We don’t need to talk about that.”

  “Okay, good.” He stepped into her and took her bag off her shoulder, which he then tossed onto the couch. “Talking isn’t our strong suit anyway.”

  She snorted and he smiled, stroking a finger over her temple, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Last chance, Kylie. Speak up or forever hold your peace.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. She wanted to get to their strong suit . . . oh how she wanted that. But she also wanted to ask about Molly before she lost her chance. Only she wasn’t sure she had a right to his past. “I spent a few minutes with your sister tonight,” she said quietly.

  “Yeah,” he said, nudging her back a step so he could shut the shades, closing them in against the rest of the world. Then he helped her out of her jacket, tossing that to the couch as well before stepping into her, pressing his body to hers. “She loved the mirror,” he said. “You’re a genius.”

  Already breathless, she said, “It was your idea.”

  “Yeah, but it was your work. You do beautiful work,” he murmured, kissing his way down her throat. “You’ve got great hands.”

  She snorted a laugh but her humor drained when she remembered the rest of her conversation with Molly.

  Joe lifted his head and searched her expression, his own smile fading as well. “What is it? Something’s on your mind.”

  “Now’s probably not a good time to talk about it.”

  “Just say it, Kylie.”

  She drew in a ragged breath. “Molly told me what happened. When you guys were younger.”

  “Told you what?”

  “How she was kidnapped so that
you could be manipulated into doing something you didn’t want to do.”

  He remained frozen in place for a single second before letting out a long exhalation and dropping his hands from her.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

  Moving away, he turned to stare out her front window. “It was a long time ago.”

  “She said you blame yourself.”

  He made a rough sound in the back of his throat and she came up beside him, put a hand on his rigid arm, waited until he turned to meet her gaze. “She said you shouldn’t, Joe. Blame yourself.”

  He closed his eyes and when he opened them, unlike his usual calm, his gaze was turbulent and filled with bad memories. “It was my fault,” he said. “All of it. And I should go.”

  She didn’t want to push him to talk about something that gave him pain. She didn’t feel like she had any right to those bad memories, but if she could lessen his pain in any way, she wanted to. “Stay,” she said softly. “Please?”

  “I won’t be good company,” he warned.

  “It’s okay. I’ve got ice cream, a comfy spot in my bed just for you, and Pretty Little Liars on my DVR. We can watch a season ahead of your dad and then tell him spoilers.” Then she held her breath for his answer, knowing without understanding exactly why that this was a turning point and if he left right now, there’d be no going back. She’d lose him.

  Chapter 25

  #YouHadMeAtHello

  At Kylie’s offer, Joe heard himself let out a rough laugh. She was looking up at him with those warm, loving eyes, the ones he was starting to realize he couldn’t resist. “What kind of ice cream?”

  With a smile, she turned to go into the kitchen, but he caught her hand and reeled her in. “Never mind the ice cream. All I need is you.”

  She gave him another soft smile and they sat on her couch together. “It’s a long story,” he warned. “And it’s ugly. I messed things up. Badly. You sure you want to hear it?”

  “I want to hear whatever you can tell me,” she said, voice low and very serious, eyes matching the tone. “Always.”