When Love Meets Lust

by Stephanie Cross

  CHAPTER 22

  Swoosh. I push my body deep into the water of the Bondi Icebergs swimming pool in the hope that it provides some calmness to all the thoughts exploding in my head. But it doesn’t, with each stroke flashbacks from the incident fill my mind.

  Ruby laid so silently and still at the back of the ambulance. I held her hand the whole way, desperate not to lose her. Yet, as soon as we got to the hospital my hand just let go and she was whisked away to be treated on her own.

  I couldn’t stay. I felt out of place as I wasn’t her next of kin or even her boyfriend. I felt so helpless. I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night as I was constantly thinking what if. What if I just stayed with her at the hospital? What if I followed through my feelings for her that bight at the Harbour? How could I have left Ruby like that?

  I try and direct all my energy into pushing and pulling each of my strokes in and out of the water to try and block out the outside world.

  The water is where I feel safest. Just me and the water. No need to worry about love and what happened to Ruby here.

  Oh Ruby….

  After forty five minutes of pounding the water my lungs begin to struggle and my arms and legs feel like jelly so I decide to call it a day. Besides the chattering voices in my head have quietened as I know what action I need to take to prevent anything like last night happening again.

  I begin to pull myself out of the pool and get ready to put my plan into action but before I do so an overweight man in budgie smugglers, whose lack of hair on his head was made up by the amount on his chest, decides to get in my way.

  ‘Been seeing you thrash that water mate…are you a relation of Thorpedo or something as I’ve never seen anyone in this pool hit the water like you just did. You’ll have to join the swimming club here mate, will probably do a lonely sod like you some good.’

  I pray he doesn’t want to chat any longer as I don’t need this right now. I have something important to do. I feel like telling him to go do one and that a fat bastard like him should go and join the local slimmers club as it would probably do him some good too.

  Instead I just smile and begin making my way swiftly to the changing room.

  Luckily the smile was enough as he waddles off in his speedos towards the shallow end of the pool meaning I can get out of here pronto.

  I then notice the lifeguard on duty is checking me out. She doesn’t look any older than twenty with wavy caramel hair and a button shaped nose, usually I’d be responding back with some flirty vibes but this time I don’t even bother catching her eye and carrying on to the changing room.

  God what is it with people today, the day I need to get somewhere I have every obstacle in my way before I get to do it.

  I quickly shower, dry and change back into my clothes. This is it. No turning back and no more distractions, it’s time to go back to the hospital and visit Ruby.

  CHAPTER 23

  Visiting Sydney Hospital was definitely not on my bucket list when visiting Australia. Yet here I am sitting in a hospital bed with stitches in my left arm, trying to work out what an earth happened last night. I try to piece together what happened but I can’t as every time I try to picture the scenario I get Maureen in the bed opposite me shouting out random crossword clues in the hope that someone on the ward will be able to help her out. Despite the silence she continues to read the clues aloud.

  ‘6 letters, begins with I, a reptile creature…ooh I think I know this one…now it’s not lizard’

  Clearly one of the patients has had enough of Maureen’s outbursts and shouts back at her;

  ‘It’s Iguana now put a sock in it you dumb old bat before I ask the nurse to give you another bed bath.’

  I put a hand over my mouth to prevent myself from laughing out loud. I see Maureen’s face get red with embarrassment and she then tosses her crossword book across the floor.

  A few moments after Maureen’s rage at the crossword book, I see out of the corner of my eye two pairs of legs walking towards me and as they get closer I realise that it is Martha and Chloe.

  Simultaneously I feel a sense of relief but also a sense of guilt that I have ended up in this position and my sister has to see me in hospital like this.

  Martha looked as my mother would say ‘white as a sheet’. I know she is hurting as much as I am. I remember when Martha broke her leg on a school trip to Snowdonia rock climbing. I had this feeling of cramp in my left leg right up until the day she had her cast off. We may be different but there is always a connection between us.

  Martha’s eyes are panic stricken and as she gets to my bed she begins to talk hurriedly.

  ‘The hospital didn’t phone until this morning otherwise I would have come sooner. I just presumed you got lucky on one of your GirlmeetsBoy dates. I am so so sorry Ruby. I let you down, if I wasn’t so involved with my own life I would be able to spend more time with you and you wouldn’t be in this position and you wouldn’t end up…with a…. with a…scar.’

  ‘At least people will be able to tell us apart’ I jest light-heartedly.

  Yet rather than the usual Martha response of a laugh or follow up joke she just burst into tears and I end up doing the same.

  An authoritative Spanish voice prevents us from becoming even more of a jibbering wreck.

  ‘Will the pair of you stop crying, you’ll make me cry and I’ve only just put eyeliner on an hour ago.’

  We both then change from tears of sadness to tears of laughter at Chloe and then we realise she was actually being serious with the eyeliner comment which makes us laugh even more. She ignores our laughing at her and continues talking;

  ‘The nurse told us you should be out in a few hours so when you return to the flat I want to treat you to a special Spanish food feast. You girls will be swapping those tears of pain for tears of joy as I make the best Paella in Barcelona! It will be Caspita!’

  I have no idea what ‘Caspita’ means but my stomach grumbles at the thought of food and I realise its been a while since I’ve had something to eat as I skipped the hospital breakfast as soggy toast with marmalade made me feel queasy.

  Martha then makes herself comfortable on my bed, even when we were younger she always liked to nestle into my space but this time I don’t object to her pushing me up against the side of the bed as it makes me feel secure and comfortable. Chloe however decides to stand like a majestic horse, proud and strong but despite appearances we sat and talked for two solid hours as if nothing had really happened and we were back in our flat rather than a hospital ward.

  Martha and Chloe also helped Maureen with her crossword which was a relief to both me and the rest of the members of the ward. In fact Chloe is quite a whizz at these things despite being Spanish, as she used them as a way to learn different words in the English language.

  With only ten minutes to go before visiting time was over it was time for Martha and Chloe to go, they insisted they wanted to stay and wait until I was discharged but to be honest I just wanted a few minutes of breathing space to myself to think about last night and to process what has happened.

  I promised Martha I would ring her when I was out and that I would get a taxi back. It’s funny we both promised ourselves we wouldn’t end up like our mother yet here Martha is, acting just like her.

  Just as Martha and Chloe leave through the exit door I hear a familiar voice come through the entrance door at the other end.

  It’s Ryan. It’s fucking Ryan.

  As he looks to the left of the wall I manage to slide back down under my sheets and close my eyes to make it look as if I have been asleep for a few hours.

  My heart is going so fast I begin to wonder whether it will burst out of my chest. If it wasn’t for Ryan I would probably be lying in a morgue rather than a hospital bed, I cannot thank him enough. Yet at the same time I wish it wasn’t him who saved me as I had just got to a stage where I thought I was over pining for him but after last night and the way he held me tightly and spoke so tenderly. I felt
as if he was the One again. His was the last face I remembered before I ended up here but I didn’t expect to see his face again.

  I wonder what he is doing here? Maybe he just feels the need to check up on me as a friend or something. Or maybe he isn’t visiting me at all, maybe he is actually here to see Maureen, she might be his aunt twice removed or something and is just paying her a friendly visit.

  The suspense is killing me, yet I don’t dare open my eyes. I breathe in more deeply to control my breathing and begin to count to ten. If I don’t hear anything after ten I will slowly open my eyes as if nothing has happened.

  One…two…Jesus Christ!!

  I feel a touch of someone’s hand on my hand and my eyes fling wide open. I see that it is Ryan and that he is trying to hold my hand, confirming that he isn’t some estranged nephew of Maureen he really has come to see me.

  I try to sit up and put on a seductive voice to say hello and all that comes out is a voice that sounds like a ninety year old woman who smokes ten packs of cigarettes a day. I blame all the talking to Chloe and Martha and lack of water. As soon as the thought of water comes to my head I see that Ryan is already putting a glass to my lips and placing his hand on my back to help support me.

  I really wasn’t expecting this. It’s almost as if someone has packed the Ryan who lusts after every lady in a box and brought out the caring and considerate Ryan instead. I am beginning to wonder whether he got concussion when he got into that fight with Michael.

  I am quite taken aback by it all. I also secretly hope this really is my chance for a shot at something more with Ryan. And then I remember my scar, why would anyone be interested in someone with a hulking great red mark down their arm, especially Ryan with his access to any bevy of beauties.

  I see him looking at the scar. I immediately want to cry but instead I blurt out about how ugly the scar is to him.

  The response he gave in return shocked me, in fact it shocked me so much I began to tear up. He didn’t view it as something ugly but rather something beautiful instead. If I could marry this man now I would, even if it meant Maureen was our only witness. For a few moments we look intently into each other’s eyes and I feel that there really is a connection between us that I had never felt with someone before.

  He then reaches for something in his back pocket. By the looks of things it’s an arts magazine, wouldn’t have thought it was his cup of tea but he is looking at the pages studiously as he flicks through it.

  How bloody rude! We have this connection and his response is to ignore it and start reading a magazine. Well so much for Ryan changing into a new and improved gentleman. Just at the moment where I was going to tell him to leave and that he should head to the library if he wants to go and read, he then places the magazine on my lap. The picture I see in front of me nearly makes me press the buzzer for the nurse in case I have a cardiac arrest.

  It’s my drawing.

  One of my drawings is in a magazine. It’s published with my name on it. How did it end up here? Then it dawned on me. When I thought I had left the drawing at the hotel by accident, I clearly didn’t, Ryan must have taken it. I feel like I should be seriously angry with him for taking a picture that was personal to me but I don’t. He has helped me get one step closer to my dream of being an illustrator. I am silent from the shock, which seems to unnerve Ryan slightly as he begins to change the topic of conversation.

  ‘I’ve bought you some flowers too. I stopped off at the train station on the way and got Tess to wrap them up especially.’

  Okay now this guy has really pulled out all the stops. I just can’t believe this is all happening at once. Last night I thought my world had ended and now I feel like I am top of the world.

  I compose myself from my flabbergasted state and thank Ryan from the bottom of my heart for getting my drawing into a magazine, although I did give him a bit of stick for not asking my permission first.

  I notice his shoulders begin to relax once I confirm that I am over the moon about the drawing and not angry about it at all. He then proceeds to tell me how he got it published and that there is a chance the magazine will want more of my pictures. I start to take long deep breaths as this can’t be real. Maybe I’m still unconscious and this is all a dream.

  After the talk about the magazine the conversation comes to an end all I think about is wanting to kiss him. This may take my head out of the clouds and crashing down to reality but I don’t feel I can pass this opportunity up to have one more final shot with Ryan. I move closer to him and his beautiful lips and he seems to be moving closer too, our lips are almost at touching point and then…

  Whoosh…

  I hear the sound of the curtains round one side of my bed get pushed and a bellowing voice fills the ward. Looks like I won’t be getting any kisses from Ryan, instead it looks like I will get whippings from the nurse for getting up to no good. I feel so embarrassed and just want to hide under the bed sheets again.

  Ryan also looks equally embarrassed as he is bearing the brunt of a firm chastisement from the nurse for our bedside activities. This woman clearly does not take any messing about, in fact she looks exactly like Mrs Trunchbull from the book Matilda.

  She then ignores Ryan and tends to me in order that she carry out her checks and hopefully I can be discharged and leave this place. Despite being told to leave Ryan is still standing at the end of the bed.

  The nurse notices this too and shouts at him again but he seems frozen to the spot.

  It looks like Ryan may have finally met his match with this feisty woman as she certainly has put him in his place. I wonder whether I should just watch this play out a little bit longer for my own amusement but I think better of it and tell Ryan to meet me in the cafe. I also gently suggest to him that I would like some doughnuts as I have a real hankering for them.

  Although I really do hope he gets them for me as I am positively starving right now. Maybe I can lick the sugar off his lips as an added bonus too…. oooh those are some naughty thoughts. Thank goodness I didn’t say them out loud as this nurse is seriously not in the mood for any funny business. Her face and attitude remain firm and she is vigorously ticking off the items on her clipboard ready for me to be discharged. She’s poked my arm about fifteen times already to check that the stitches will hold. Although fifteen times it has been confirmed I am not in a dream, Ryan really did come to see me and hopefully in five minutes, once Mrs Trunchbull has finished poking and prodding my arm and every other body part, I will get to see him again.

  CHAPTER 24

  My leg is going up and down faster than a merry go round. I put my hand on my leg to stop myself but I can’t. I think the last time I was this nervous was at my interview for my first accountant job at Charter and Charter. I somehow, despite the nerves managed to ace the interview and secure my dream job, so I am hoping, by the luck of the gods I can secure my dream girl.

  God I am so on edge, I’ve already been to the toilet five times, nervous shits are not what I want right now. The fact I have ordered us chocolate doughnuts as well as jam doughnuts doesn't help the situation either.

  I suddenly see Ruby walking across the café towards me. I wave at her and also push my sphincter tighter in the hope that I can prevent soiling my pants in front of this beautiful woman.

  I don’t know whether to get up and give her a kiss on the cheek as a greeting or smile and show her her seat, but as I am riddled with nerves I end up doing neither and instead sit there like an invalid. I probably fit in with the rest of this crowd in the hospital cafe, but it probably doesn’t make the best impressions with Ruby.

  Although she appears unconcerned about my lack of greetings as she sits down in the chair opposite me and goes straight in with a challenge of getting me to eat one of the sugary jam doughnuts on the table in front of us without licking my lips.

  I am taken aback by her approach but in a way I am relieved. Besides if I have a face full of doughnut it means that I won’t need to start the conver
sation. Ruby will have to take the lead and it will take the pressure of me and my bowels for a moment.

  I take a big bite of the doughnut and as I do so, Ruby then decides to stick her tongue in and out of her mouth like some demented chameleon.

  Her lizard act almost makes me choke on my doughnut as it makes me laugh out loud, I know she is deliberately trying to get me to lose and I do my best to keep my composure but I just can’t and it involuntary makes my tongue say hello to the world.

  ‘You lose!’ she shouts as her shoulders shake up and down with laughter.

  I try to feign denial, but it is pretty clear I failed and do you know what I don’t care and by the looks of things Ruby doesn’t either.

  This is what I love about Ruby, she isn't afraid to make a fool of herself and she is just so genuine. There is no false persona or the need to always be the best, she is just…just her.

  I decide to tell her my true feelings towards her. Although her response is to brush the compliments under the carpet.

  ‘That’s all very well and good, but you still lost the doughnut challenge.’

  I grab her hand to show that I want to have a serious conversation with her. I also need something to hold on to in order to calm my nerves.

  I have never been so honest with a girl before.

  ‘you are beautiful inside and out…I promise I will protect you…’

  I await Ruby’s reaction and hope that at least she sees me as a friend. Although to be this honest with her has been a relief.

  Ruby sits there dumbfounded without saying a word.

  I can’t stand the tension between us any longer so I decided to crack a joke about not wanting another date at this café. She laughs softly and says that she does not want a return trip here either. She then looks up at the clock on the wall and tells me she has to leave.

  It’s like she has punched me in the stomach. God I am such an idiot. If I just kept my mouth shut about telling her how beautiful she was until after a few more meet ups, she probably wouldn’t be trying to run away as fast as she is now.