“Thought. You cleared that misunderstanding up by stabbing Gisborne with your dagger to save his life.” John gave a sheepish shrug. “And we all might have thought you were Maud at one point or another.”
“But…” How was this possible? I’d lived with them for weeks. They’d never called me Maud. But they had questioned me. Are you trying to make us ignore the pain you’re bringing our way? John asked me that on my first night back with them. Tuck had questioned me that night, too. At the time, I thought they were worried about me leaving again. Instead, they thought I was a spy for Gisborne. Even Eliza had seen the ring on my finger in her chamber at Woodhurst Manor and decided I was Maud. “But when Rob first saw me, when he came to Kings Cave with the rabbits in his hand that first night, it was like it used to be between us. He didn’t think I was her then.”
John lifted a shoulder. “None of us did. Until you removed your gloves and we saw Gisborne’s ring.”
Yes, everything had changed once I sat down beside the fire that first night. There had been that weird vibe that I couldn’t put my finger on, which had slowly disappeared as they started to trust me again. Now I knew why.
Part of me wanted to be outraged; surely they knew me better. But another part knew how similar we looked. “I met Maud, when I was back in my time. That’s where she is.” I twisted her ring around my finger. “She wants Gisborne to have this back. Tabitha thought I should wear it. For safety, so Gisborne would think I was Maud.” Which was how I’d grabbed his attention out on the trail the other day. I softened my voice. “You should have asked me about it.”
John’s voice was just as quiet. “You didn’t exactly make it easy on us, Maryanne. You turned up out of nowhere wearing her ring, and the first thing you did was stop off in Eliza Thatcher’s chamber.”
“I had a gift for her! From her sister.” I sighed. I could see how it looked. “But you all believe me now? You all know I’m Maryanne, right?”
“I know it. Started to suspect when you stepped out onto the trail to stop that carriage on the way to Oxham. Learned the hard way not long after.” John was almost whispering. “Not trusting you was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Someone almost died because of it.”
I frowned. “Who?”
He shook his head, lips clamped shut and eyes on the ground. It wasn’t often John refused to talk. Which probably meant I shouldn’t push him. For now.
We sat in silence a moment before he spoke again. “Just know, I’m certain of who you are now. Which means I know you can talk Rob into anything. But Maryanne, if you want him to trust you, maybe you first need to trust him with whatever it is that wakes you up screaming in the night. I know it’s something to do with Rob.”
I shook my head. That was something I could never tell. And worse, I couldn’t even explain why.
John shrugged, that little movement telling me that what I wanted, what we all wanted, was in my hands. If only it were as easy as he thought it was.
Miller pushed the door open and strolled back into the hut—Tuck had fixed the door hinge. He sat down to warm his hands on the fire as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. When he saw the book on my lap, his eyes widened. “You saved it?”
“It’s a little damaged. I’m sorry I didn’t get to it sooner.”
Miller took it from me, his hands gentle. He hugged it to his chest. “No. I’m sorry for yelling at you. And I’m sorry your hand got burned saving my stuff.” He rested the book on his lap, flicking through the pages by the light of the fire.
John gave me a nudge, his eyes going pointedly to Miller. “Talk to Rob. If not for yourself, then for someone else who needs him.”
EIGHTEEN
“Are you waiting for that fish to jump into your lap?” Rob said from behind, stepping onto the huge rocks beside the river.
I had a fishing pole in the water, hoping to catch something for dinner while the boys went out to rob a carriage, and Rob had caught me dozing in the sunshine. Now he mentioned it, the line was jumping with a fish on the end.
In one fluid movement, he pulled the fish from the water and killed it on a rock.
“I was waiting for a big, strong man to come back and help me out.” Or daydreaming about one. I batted my eyelashes, hoping to hide that I’d been thinking about him. And about what John said two nights ago. I’d never actually asked Rob to come back. Not in so many words. And he’d never told me he thought I was Maud. A decent conversation was long past due.
Rob met my eyes with a grin. “I don’t think you’ve ever waited for a big, strong man to do anything for you in your entire life.”
“Not true. I let you lead me away from the fighting on the day we met.” I wrapped my arms around my knees, watching as he pulled out his knife and began gutting the fish.
He threw the fish gut into the river and met my eyes. “Careful, Maryanne. You’ve called me big and strong twice in five minutes. I might start to think you mean it.”
I shook my head, ignoring the way his eyes on me made my heart beat out of my chest. No change there. “If you ever do, just remember how you came to save me once and ended up almost getting both of us hanged.”
He put a hand to his chest. “Ow. Harsh.”
“It was a little, wasn’t it?” I smiled. “I’m sorry.”
“Unfortunately for me, it’s entirely true and any criticism of that day will be taken under consideration.”
I leaned back on my hands, watching him wash the fish in the river. He’d rolled up his sleeves and the muscles in his forearms danced with each movement. “Believe it or not, I have very little criticism about that day. No one’s ever ridden to my rescue before.”
He bit back a grin. “And no one’s ever come to mine. I guess that makes us even.”
“Glad to hear it. Since we are even, and now you know I’m not Maud, perhaps you should come back and live with us.” Good one. Just throw it out there with no warning or lead-up.
He washed his hands in the river and sat down crossed-legged on the rock beside me. “Have you got a minute? We really need to talk.”
I swallowed down my nerves. He sounded so serious. “Let me guess, you still think I’m Maud?” It was a joke, because John said Rob had worked out I wasn’t her.
But Rob didn’t smile. He licked his lips.
He hadn’t answered. Why hadn’t he answered? “Do you think I’m Maud bloody Fitzwalter?”
“No.”
But the pause had been too long. That there was a pause at all spoke volumes. “Jesus Christ. You do.” I stood up and turned away from him. John knew me for Maryanne, and he didn’t know me half as well as Rob did. How was it Rob couldn’t see me for who I was?
“I did. Don’t anymore. Let me explain.” He scrambled to his feet, took hold of my wrist and turned me back to face him.
I shook my head, feeling like I’d taken a punch to the gut. “Don’t bother.” I thought we had a connection. I thought he’d know me, no matter what. I thought we were past this.
His grip on my wrist tightened incrementally. “What would you think, knowing the girl you’d fallen for could never come back to you, but then she suddenly did? What would you think when that same girl went to Eliza Thatcher within hours of returning? What would you think if that girl was now suddenly wearing a ring she’d never worn before, a ring given to another girl on her engagement to my brother?”
A huge misunderstanding, all because of a ring. A ring that saved Rob’s life. Had I not been wearing it, Gisborne would never have believed I was Maud.
“I did think you were her.” His voice was quiet, eyes focused on the rock beneath our feet. “My head, hell, my eyes told me you couldn’t be Maryanne. Maryanne hated Eliza and she’d never worn that ring before. And Maryanne said if she went home, she could never come back.”
How was it possible for Rob to mistake me for Maud again?
Because based on all the reasons he’d just given, I wouldn’t
have trusted me either. No wonder the two of us had found conversation difficult. “Maud Fitzwalter is…living with my family, in my time. She gave me her ring to return to Gisborne. Tabitha suggested I wear it for safety.” She was right. It had kept me safe by getting Gisborne’s attention long enough to stab him. “I wish you’d just asked me, but I understand why you didn’t.”
“I wish I’d asked you, too. But as time went on, I didn’t need to. I knew it was you when I saw you waiting for Miller at Kings Cave, and when you were cleaning his face up after he escaped from Gisborne. And when I saw you march after that child because you thought he was in trouble. And when you stabbed Gisborne in the arm with your knife. I know who you are, Maryanne, because of what you do, not because of what you look like. The others know, too. I’m just sorry it took us so long to work it out.”
“As long as you know now, then I guess we’re all good.”
He swallowed deeply. “When you were sick, I made myself some promises that I’ve been ignoring since. The reason I came here today wasn’t to rob a carriage.” He jingled the pouch of gold on his belt. “Although that is a positive side-effect. It was because I needed to talk to you. Really talk.”
“Okay,” I said slowly. My heart thudded in my chest and his tone made the nerves jump in my stomach.
“I kept this secret from you because I thought you were working with Gisborne. The only reason we didn’t kill you to ensure our secret remained safe, was because I was holding out a small hope you really were Maryanne, impossibly returned from the future.”
“It’s something big, then.” I couldn’t even begin to guess. All I knew was I was likely lucky to be alive.
Rob nodded. “I also did this for his protection. I thought the best way forward was to keep everyone separate. I don’t think it’s working, but I have no clue what will.”
“Trust me. It’s not working.” Miller could attest to that. We all could.
He drew in a deep breath and let the words tumble out. “I have another brother. I’ve been living with him. His name is Alan. And he’s…different. Gisborne knows of him.”
There were so many things in those sentences that needed clarification. Another brother was not what I expected, but it made my next question easy. “Can I meet him?” To keep Rob safe from Gisborne’s arrow, I needed to keep him close—I couldn’t help him when I didn’t know where he was. That started with getting to know his brother. Plus, if he was important to Rob, he was important to me.
His eyebrows shot up and he gave a confused half-smile. “Meet him?”
“Well, if he’s coming to live with us, he should really meet me first. You know, to make sure he’s happy to have me around. I’m assuming he’s met the others before?” He knew John and Tuck, for sure. They’d looked after him while I was sick and Rob was sitting with me.
Rob shook his head. “I didn’t say he was coming to the forest to live. I just wanted to stop lying to you. Make you understand where I go, and why.”
I turned toward him. This was the best opportunity—maybe my only opportunity—to get Rob to come back and live with us without telling him of the danger he was in if he didn’t. I had to make him see it was in everyone’s best interest. “I do understand, Rob. He’s your brother. He’s important to you and you’re worried Gisborne will use that against you. Miller is your brother, too, even if not by blood. Doesn’t he also deserve to have you around?” Didn’t all of us?
Rob hesitated.
“Do you want to come back and live with us, Rob?”
“With every bone in my body. I’m just…unsure whether my own desire might be clouding my judgment. What if I bring him here and he can’t adjust? What if he’s not comfortable living like we do? What if I bring him here and something happens to him?”
Those were all good points, and I might have agreed with them all were I not so worried for Rob’s life. “What if you leave him wherever you currently have him hidden and something happens while you’re stopping carriages, or hunting, or running back and forth between us and him?” A fish jumped in the pool in front of us. I watched the water rings expand and disappear. There was another what if. What if whatever made Alan different—that was the word Rob used—made him unsuitable for living in the forest? I didn’t know how to voice that question though, not without saying the wrong thing. “Take me to meet him. Then we’ll decide together what to do next.”
Alan and Rob’s current home was the village of Bidworth, with a monk who’d been Alan’s caregiver since he was eight.
I recognized Alan the moment I saw him. He was playing some sort of throwing game with the kids in the village. With his back to me, he could have been Rob. Same height. Same blond hair. Exact same cloak, right down to the fur on the inside of the hood. “You two even dress the same.” I laughed.
“Got the cloaks made a couple of years back, once we’d found—or thought we’d found—a safe place for Alan to stay. Wanted to remind him how much he meant to me.” He waved to his brother. “Alan!”
Alan turned, a huge smile bursting across his face. From the front, the likeness wasn’t as pronounced. Alan had the flattened face and upward slanting eyes that would one day be known as Down Syndrome. He loped across to us, enveloping Rob in a bear hug. “Rob! You’re back!”
Rob squeezed Alan tight. “Sure am.” When he extracted himself from his brother’s grasp, he said, “Alan, this is my friend, Maryanne.”
Alan’s smile was wide. “Is she your girlfriend, Rob? She’s pretty.”
“Nice to meet you, Alan. I can tell you and Rob are brothers—you both try to flatter me.” I grinned and leaned toward Alan, speaking in a loud whisper. “You’re much better at it than him, though.”
“Hey!” Rob shook his head, laughing.
If it was possible, Alan’s smile grew even wider. He turned to Rob. “I like her. You should try harder to flatter her if you want her to fall in love with you.”
I couldn’t hold back the laugh that bubbled from my chest.
Rob’s cheeks turned red. “She’s much too clever to fall in love with someone like me, brother.”
If only that were true.
Alan’s eyes moved back to his game. “I was about to win. Can I go and play some more?”
Rob nodded and Alan ran back to his friends.
“Is he Gisborne’s brother, too?” I hoped it wasn’t an insensitive question. Rob hadn’t given me any specifics and his family wasn’t the easiest to understand.
“Half-brother. Same as me. He’s Mother’s son with her first husband. Father was her second husband.” And Gisborne’s father her third. “He lived with us until just after she died. Looking back, I can see now that Father…I mean, Jerimiah—he was never my father. Jerimiah saw Alan as another threat to Gisborne’s inheritance. As a child, I stupidly believed everything Jerimiah said.” Rob retied the leather that kept his hair from his face. “After Ma died, Jerimiah said he couldn’t look after Alan and that Alan would be happier in a monastery where the monks would give him all the attention he needed.” He blew out a deep breath. “I’ll never stop feeling bad about that.”
“It’s not your fault, Rob. You were a child, too.” Gisborne’s father had a lot to answer for. Pity he’d died before anyone had the chance to make him pay.
“I assumed his new life was best for him. I believed Jerimiah when he said so.” He gave a deep sigh. “It was Tuck who found him. In the monastery in Mansfield. He’d lived his whole life in this tiny room, all but forgotten. It was awful.”
It sounded hideous, though I didn’t expect anything done by Gisborne’s father to be pleasant. “So, you got him out of there?”
“There was one monk, Francis, who treated Alan better than the rest. Brought him extra food, toys, treats. He knew who I was, how I was living. He thought Alan would struggle to adjust to our living arrangement, so he offered to leave the monastery and look after Alan elsewhere for me. They lived at Oxham for the last year. B
efore that, they were in other villages, like Bligh, Overton and Hamilton. We moved them if we felt it wasn’t safe. Tuck and I took them game every week, and at Oxham, Alan was working in the fields.”
I watched him playing with the village kids, throwing rocks at a target, the closest one the winner. Which, judging by Alan’s excited shouts, was often him. There was no discrimination. The other kids didn’t seem to care he was much older than them. They did seem to love that he did everything he could to try to beat them all.
I didn’t know much about Down Syndrome. Nothing actually. There’d been a girl with it at my school, just a year older than me. Chloe was her name. I could still remember the entire school cheering her on as she swam the length of the pool at swimming sports and how she’d thrown her hands in the air in excitement when she was told she’d made it through to Zones. Last I’d seen her, she was working at a local café. Even biked to and from her job herself. If she could do all that, maybe Alan could come and live with us. Surely, we could teach him about the forest. “What about Francis? Would his caregiver want to come into the forest to live?”
Rob looked at me sideways. “Should we decide that living in the forest is in everyone’s best interest, then I would imagine he’ll come. He’s been part of Alan’s life for so many years. I can’t imagine him abandoning Alan now.”
Two more mouths to feed. Two more people to keep quiet when soldiers were nearby. Totally worth it to see Miller happy again. “Then bring them into the forest. He wants to be where you are, I could see it in his eyes when he hugged you. Miller wants to be where you are. I might even want to be where you are.” There was no might about that statement. “It’s the best option all around.”
Rob backed away heading toward the forest, our visit with Alan over. He pointed a finger at me. “There’s something in that sentence that requires further clarification. Later. But, as for what to do with Alan, I’ll think about it.”
Outplayed Page 16