For All The Wrong Reasons

by Brownell, Rachael

  We’re trying to make other people want us because they believe they can’t have us.

  We’re deceiving people.

  My biggest concern, however, is that we’re deceiving ourselves. That we can remain friends after this ends. When we both finally get what we want.

  Because right now, it feels like this is a losing game. I don’t see any good coming from this, yet I can’t find it in my heart to back out. To let Quinn down.

  Because at the end of the day . . . it matters to me that he gets what he wants.

  Kara.

  He’s wanted to be with her for almost as long as I’ve known him. I’ve watched him pine after her, waiting patiently for her to see her ex-boyfriend for the asshole he really is. Catching her before she could fall on numerous occasions. Dropping everything whenever she called.

  That’s the kind of person Quinn is. He’s selfless. He’d do anything for anyone if they needed him.

  Friend or foe.

  And the fact he’s in love with her only amplifies his desire to help her.

  So I’m going to help him. Even if it means losing him.

  I’ve tried to clear my mind. To erase the visions of the other night. To calm my racing heart at the thought of seeing Quinn today. But he’s going to kiss me at some point, and all my hard work will have been for nothing.

  As much as I’ve tried, though, it’s all I’ve been able to think about since he walked out of my apartment the other night. This concerns me for many reasons. The biggest being getting hurt.

  My heart is already broken. I don’t even want to imagine how I might feel if I let myself fall in love with Quinn only to lose him at the end of all this.

  The thought scares the shit out of me.

  “You’re frowning,” I hear him say as he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me to his chest. “I promise it’s not going to be that bad.”

  We’ve been standing outside waiting for Tess and Kara for the last five minutes. Aside from a simple greeting, we haven’t spoken. Haven’t touched. Haven’t even looked in each other’s direction.

  Until now.

  And it surprises me until I spot Tess across the quad, her arm looped with Kara’s. They’re headed in our direction, eyes locked on the two of us.

  He must have seen them coming.

  “What happened when you got home the other night?” I ask, not wanting to think about what lies ahead of us. “Was Kara surprised to see you home that soon?”

  “You do realize I was at your place for over an hour, right?”

  Was he there that long? It felt like five minutes. All we did was kiss. Twice.

  “We should probably talk about that later,” he continues when I don’t reply.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” I state quickly, plastering on a fake smile as Tess and Kara approach.

  “Lying to yourself doesn’t make it true,” he whispers in my ear before placing a kiss to the side of my exposed neck. I try to hide the shiver that runs up my spine, but I’m no match for my body’s reaction to his lips. “See?”

  After a quick hello and a stare down from Kara, we all head inside to have lunch together. Tess controls the conversation most of the time, while Kara watches in silence, crunching on her chips. I’m getting a bad vibe from her. She’s not buying it, our relationship. She sees right through us.

  Or maybe she’s just in denial.

  I don’t want to find out, and as I look at my phone, planning my escape to class, I almost get excited that I won’t have to. Until she interrupts Tess. Until she boldly calls our bluff.

  “You two don’t act like you’re a couple. You act like friends. Like brother and sister.”

  Her words sting a little. I don’t know why. They shouldn’t.

  Because we aren’t a couple. We are friends. And I love Quinn like a brother.

  None of that is a bad thing.

  Oh wait . . . but we’re trying to change the perception of our relationship.

  So all of that is bad.

  “What?” Quinn asks, shock evident in the single word he speaks.

  “You don’t hold hands. You’re sitting further away from each other than Tess and I are. Nothing about the way you’re acting gives me any indication that you’re dating, so what’s really going on here?”

  “Just because we’re not crawling all over each other doesn’t mean we aren’t together.” I didn’t mean to come off as defensive. I wasn’t trying to get in a fight with her. Hell, I hadn’t even planned on saying anything. I was going to let Quinn handle it, but then I opened my mouth and words began spilling out.

  “No need to be a bitch about it,” Kara replies, her eyes trained on Quinn as she leans back in her chair, pulling her knees up and resting her foot on the edge of it.

  “And there’s no reason for you to call her a bitch,” I hear Quinn say over the scrape of his chair sliding across the floor. “We shouldn’t have to defend our relationship to anyone, least of all our friends. Either be happy for us or leave us alone.”

  My gaze is glued to Kara’s face, waiting to see her reaction when Quinn taps me on the shoulder. I turn and find his outstretched hand waiting for me. Placing my palm in his, I let him pull me from my chair, and then he wraps his arm around my shoulder. Standing united, we face both Tess and Kara.

  Tess is beaming with pride.

  Kara looks as if she wouldn’t feel bad about murdering me in my sleep.

  I’d say things are going as far from planned as possible . . .

  Chapter Eight

  QUINN

  Kara’s been in bitch mode ever since I came home from Gabby’s the other night. At first, I thought she was jealous. It brought a smile to my face knowing that the plan was working. She was taking notice.

  She wanted to be with me, and the thought of me being with Gabby was getting to her. It bothered her.

  Just like I wanted it to.

  She questioned me about my relationship with Gabby. Asked how it all started. How serious we were. She probed me for as much information as she could, and I was willing to provide her with just enough to satisfy her curiosity.

  I had her right where I wanted her already.

  Which meant we just needed to get Gavin to open his eyes and this would be over.

  We could stop pretending. We could save our friendship before we crossed the line of no turning back. Because we had come dangerously close that night.

  Kissing Gabby felt right. There was a spark between us that I wasn’t anticipating. The more I kissed her, the more I touched her, the more I wanted to. The more I wanted from her.

  And not as her friend. I wanted more.

  It was as if I had been walking through life lost, searching for meaning until our lips connected. After we kissed, everything became clear yet foggy at the same time. I knew what I wanted, and I had it. She was beneath me. She was my equal, my friend, my perfect match.

  I wasn’t thinking about Kara. Or the contract Gabby and I both signed. I wasn’t focused on pretending to want to kiss Gabby because that’s what I actually wanted. To kiss her. To consume her. To show her the love I had to give.

  And it scared the shit out of me.

  I’ve spent more time with Gabby than any other woman except for family. She knows more about me than most people. She understands me, accepts me the way I am.

  That’s why I kissed her the second time.

  Because I wanted to. Because I needed to.

  And yet I came home to Kara and to salvage my friendship with Gabby. The last thing I want to do is ruin it. To hurt her. To change what is between us no matter how much I wanted her at that moment.

  And when the fog cleared, both Kara and Gabby were there.

  I wanted both of them and didn’t deserve either of them. Gabby is a princess, and Kara, the queen of my heart.

  So I chose the lesser of two evils. Because if I chose Gabby, I would never live with myself if I hurt her. I stuck to the plan so Gabby could have what she wanted the m
ost—Gavin.

  It felt wrong, but I made my decision.

  After Kara’s interrogation, she went out and didn’t come home until I was crawling out of bed for class. I heard her climbing the stairs as I was about to open my bedroom door. The hall light was on, casting her shadow beneath my door. She stood in front of it for a few seconds before disappearing into her room, the click of her door closing echoing off the walls.

  Sitting on the edge of my bed, I contemplated my decision. Right or wrong, it didn’t matter. This was my idea to begin with. I couldn’t back out now. I needed to hold up my end of the bargain.

  I may not have wanted to be with Kara anymore, but that didn’t mean Gabby had changed her mind. I’d have to talk to her. To discuss the way I was feeling. I had planned to do just that until Kara decided to turn her bitchy attitude on Gabby at lunch.

  She could act that way to me if she wanted—I could take it—but I wasn’t about to let her act that way toward Gabby. She didn’t deserve her wrath. She didn’t do anything wrong, anything to provoke or warrant being treated that way.

  And I made sure she knew it.

  “You didn’t have to say any of that, you know,” Gabby says as I hold the door open for her.

  “She was being a bitch,” I mutter only loud enough for her to hear as she passes me.

  “I thought that was the point of all this,” she says as I fall in step with her. “To get under her skin so she’d pay attention to you.”

  “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let her take out any frustrations on you. You didn’t sign up for that.”

  “Don’t you think I expected it? I mean, I guarantee Gavin isn’t going to shower you with kindness at the frat party. Especially with all his brothers watching him. He’s going to be a grade-A dick, I’m sure.”

  She has a point. I’m not sure why I didn’t expect Kara to react this way. Maybe I didn’t really give any of this enough thought.

  “Well, I’ll prepare myself for that.”

  “The good news is it’s working. Kara is definitely jealous of me. She wants you because she thinks you’re off the market. Let’s hope Gavin reacts the same way.”

  If Gavin treats Gabby the same way Kara just treated us, he’s in for a rude awakening. I won’t stand for it. Jealous or not, he needs to treat her with respect. He’s already hurt her enough in my opinion.

  “So what’s our next move then?” I ask. “After the frat party, what do you think we need to do next to hold their attention?”

  “You’re assuming I’ll have Gavin’s attention after tomorrow night.”

  “I have no doubt he’s going to react similarly to Kara. He’d be an idiot not to.” He was an idiot to break up with her in the first place. I understand getting comfortable and a relationship losing its magic. You have to keep working at it. Keep it fresh. Shake things up a little from time to time.

  He gave up.

  He moved on to something, someone, he thought would be easier.

  He’s lucky she still loves him. I hope he realizes it quickly. For his sake.

  “I think we should play it cool. Hang out but not rub it in their faces. Act natural. If we try too hard, they’ll see right through us,” Gabby finally suggests.

  Letting the idea roll around in my mind for a minute, I finally reply, “So basically be visible without being annoying.”

  “Basically,” she says, her voice trailing off.

  “What? I can see there’s something on your mind.” If something is bothering her, it shows on her face. She’s never been good at hiding it. She sucks her bottom lip in between her teeth and stares off into space, avoiding eye contact.

  “I can’t help but notice you didn’t kiss me.”

  Not because I didn’t want to, I want to scream.

  “I was planning on it before Kara rattled me.”

  “Maybe we shouldn’t. At least not in public. I’ve never been a huge fan of PDA, and they both know that. Kissing in public would be out of the norm for me.”

  Being told I can’t kiss her, right here, right now, with prying eyes walking by, makes me want to more than anything else. But I understand her logic.

  “Okay, so only when we’re alone.”

  “No,” she protests quickly.

  It takes me a second to connect to her train of thought, but once I do, I mentally want to bang my head on the nearest tree.

  “That’s not what I meant. I was thinking more along the lines of when we’re hanging out at my place. You know, if Tess or Kara are around. Or maybe at the frat party, low key, off in the corner.”

  “Oh, I didn’t mean to make it sound like—”

  “I know what you meant,” I say, taking her hand in mine and giving it a squeeze.

  “All of this is making me crazy. I’m saying things I’d never say. Acting out of character. I don’t like it.”

  Her confession hurts. I’m doing the same thing, but I actually like how it’s making me feel. In control. And I haven’t felt in control of my feelings or my situation with Kara since meeting her. Kara has that effect on me. I feel like I’m not myself around her, like I’m an altered version of the person I really am because I’m constantly trying to be the person she wants me to be.

  Right now, I feel like I’m being who I truly am for the first time in a long time. And the real version of me is the one she’s attracted to it seems.

  “Don’t let her get to you. She’s being a bitch because you have something she wants. At least I hope that’s what’s happening.”

  “Oh, I’m sure that’s what’s going on. It’s not really how she’s acting that’s getting to me, though. It’s more about us. I’m . . .” Her voice trails off as her attention is pulled to something behind me.

  “Gabs? What is it?” I ask, not turning around. I have a feeling I already know what, or who, has her attention.

  “Gavin is headed this way. Alone.” Her voice shakes slightly, but she regains her composure quickly.

  “I wonder where blondie is today?”

  “Not attached to his hip,” she remarks, tearing her eyes away from him and staring into my eyes, a torn look on her face.

  I know what she wants. What I need to do.

  I also know she’s unsure about it. We just talked about public displays of affection and how she wants these things to happen in a more private setting.

  My brain tells me it’s for the right reason. To help her. To play the part. To further our cause.

  My heart isn’t aligned with my brain’s decision.

  Because I want to kiss Gabby. Not in the hopes that Gavin will see and become jealous. I want to kiss her because I want to claim her as mine. So he can see what he lost. To rub it in his face that she’s moved on and he missed his one chance at happily ever after with her.

  Leaning in, I apologize to Gabby for what I’m about to do before I capture her lips, and I swear my heart stops beating for a split second, the air sucked from my lungs.

  Kissing Gabby is like waking up first thing in the morning. At first you’re disoriented, and then once you realize what’s happening, you relax. It’s a fresh start. Everything is new again. Nothing bad has happened yet, and all is right with the world.

  You want the moment to last forever.

  “Gabby?” I hear Gavin ask.

  I expect her to pull away at the sound of his voice, to stop returning my kiss, but to my surprise, she doesn’t. Instead, she runs her fingers through my hair and pulls me closer.

  Chapter Nine

  GABRIELLE

  When I saw Gavin approaching, I freaked out. Things were moving fast. I wasn’t ready to face him again. Not after the reaction he had the other day. Not after the way Kara reacted at lunch.

  Quinn and I were hurting people.

  Angering them.

  All to get what we wanted.

  We were being selfish.

  People were going to find out the truth, and then what? We’d be outcast. No one would want us. No one would beli
eve a word we said. All we’d have would be each other, and that was if this whole ordeal didn’t ruin our friendship when it was over.

  When I searched Quinn’s eyes for an answer, for help, he misread my pleading and did the one thing I wasn’t ready for.

  At least he apologized first, right?

  Wrong.

  Once he started kissing me, it was my only escape.

  I wasn’t about to talk to Gavin after he witnessed Quinn and I making out as if nothing had happened. I couldn’t. So I did the only thing I could think of that would save me from having to acknowledge his presence.

  I kept kissing Quinn.

  I intensified it.

  I pulled him closer.

  To put it mildly . . . I fucked up.

  Because the more I kissed him, the longer I allowed it to go on, the more I wanted it never to end. And that was becoming a problem.

  Quinn pulls back first, resting his forehead against mine as he caresses my cheek. I keep my eyes closed as I relish the feel of his skin against mine, praying Gavin has walked away. Hoping he isn’t still standing next to us, watching the private moment we’re sharing.

  Because if I have to be honest with myself, this is one of the most personal, erotic moments of my life. And it’s happening for anyone to witness.

  But that’s the furthest thing from my mind until Quinn breaks the silence. “He’s gone.”

  His acknowledgment makes me both happy and sad. I don’t know whether to smile or frown at his statement. On the one hand, I wanted Gavin to see I had moved on. To come to the conclusion I was over him. To realize he hadn’t broken me after all.

  On the other . . . the fact Quinn only kissed me because he knew Gavin was watching tears me apart inside. Yes, it’s part of the plan. It’s the reason we started all of this to begin with. And yet a part of me wishes he was kissing me because that’s what he wanted to do.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, opening my eyes and pulling back to find Quinn watching me, a hint of curiosity in his gaze.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Fine,” I reply, looking around to see if we have any spectators.