For All The Wrong Reasons

by Brownell, Rachael

  Not that I make a big mess or let my place get dirty. I’m a neat freak and pick up after myself daily. But there are things I only do once a week, like scrub my toilet, because I detest doing it. With the mood I was in, I would have scrubbed someone else’s toilets if they asked me to.

  I blame Quinn. The good night’s sleep I got in his bed and the amazing date he took me on.

  Not that I’d ever tell him that.

  In fact, I think I played it pretty cool when we parted ways. I gave him a hug, said thanks, and got in my car. I didn’t look back as I walked away even though I wanted to see if he was watching me. I didn’t kiss him, afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop.

  Nope.

  Totally cool.

  And the fact that neither Tess nor Kara were around when we parted made it easier. Because had they been home when we got back for lunch so I could pick up my car, I’d have kissed him. Made our goodbye much more intimate. And after feeling like he swept me off my feet, I wasn’t ready to get that close to him.

  My resolve was breaking.

  Not only did I not want to go through with the rest of our plan or break up with him on Halloween, making a huge scene in public so everyone would be talking about us, but I also didn’t want to spend two weeks away from him after that. I wanted to be with him, near him, every chance I could.

  So the way I saw it, I had a little over a week to make the most of the fake relationship we were in. And that’s what I planned to do, starting Monday morning.

  I skipped my first class so we could meet for coffee.

  On Tuesday, we had lunch together as planned with Tess and Kara, then both took the afternoon off and went to the movies together.

  Wednesday night I invited him over, and I cooked dinner for him. He showed up with flowers and wine, and my heart melted a little more.

  Thursday turned out to be a bad day for both of us. I had to take care of some financial aid paperwork and fix my schedule for my final semester of college. Quinn avoided telling me what he had going on, but I saw him leaving campus when I was walking into the administration building.

  I haven’t heard from him since.

  That was almost twenty-four hours ago. We’re supposed to meet Jade and Nathan for lunch in an hour, and he’s not here to pick me up yet. The restaurant is a forty-five-minute drive away. If he’s not here in five minutes, I’m calling him.

  Jade moved our lunch up a week so she could go out of town next weekend for a concert. I’m excited to see her and Nathan but also happy I get to spend some quality time with Quinn. Time alone. Where no one is watching us. Where we can be ourselves.

  Halloween is in four days.

  This will all be over soon, and I’m not ready to let him go yet.

  After that night, I don’t know when the next time I see him will be. It could be weeks or even months. We agreed to two weeks of no contact, my stupid idea, but depending on how things go with him and Kara, it could be longer. And the longer it is, the more I might break.

  Because he’ll be with her. And he’ll think I’m with Gavin.

  Two loud honks come from outside, releasing me from the downward emotional spiral that was starting. What happens in four days has nothing to do with the next few hours. We’re going to go to lunch with our friends, come back, and get ready to go to the frat house as planned and then come back here and relax.

  Not that I want to go to the frat house tonight. In fact, I plan on making an excuse to leave thirty minutes after we arrive, complaining that I don’t feel well. Quinn won’t know any different, and the people around us will only see him as a doting boyfriend. And I will have found a way to avoid interacting with Gavin one more time.

  He tried to talk to me in class the other day, and I shut him down. He’s a persistent bastard, though, and waited for me after class. Thankfully I was able to slip out behind a small crowd. I don’t care what he has to say. Whatever it is won’t ever change anything.

  Quinn is waiting for me outside his truck with the door open. Without a word, he extends his hand to me and helps me in. Dressed in a plain black t-shirt and jeans, I can’t help but stare at him and admire the amazing man he is. His exterior is attractive, sure, but I was finally able to admit to myself yesterday as I daydreamed about a life with him during my afternoon class that the reason I’ve fallen in love with him is for what’s on the inside.

  His kind heart. His caring nature. His incredible personality and sense of humor.

  There’s no denying how I feel about him. How much I care for him. I know our relationship is fake, but it feels real, more than any other relationship I’ve ever been in.

  “How’s your day so far?” Quinn asks as he climbs in the cab and buckles his seat belt.

  And just like that, I relax into the seat, and we talk comfortably the entire drive to lunch. He has me laughing at his stupid jokes before we hit the highway and in tears, unable to catch my breath, within minutes.

  Maybe it’s because we were friends first, or the fact that there’s no pressure to be someone I’m not, but being with Quinn, being around him and enjoying myself is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done in my life. And one of the most enjoyable. It almost makes me wish we weren’t headed to meet our friends.

  I’d rather be alone with Quinn. Whether it be driving around in his truck, cracking jokes, sitting across from him eating a meal, or even just on his couch, watching a movie, half asleep in his arms. My favorite place to be.

  “Where’d you go?” Quinn asks as he pulls into the parking lot of the Applebee’s we’re meeting Jade and Nathan at. “You spaced out on me. One minute you were giving me a courtesy laugh, and the next you were in your own head with a happy but lost look on your face. Was it something I said?”

  “Of course not. I was just thinking about something.”

  “Care to share?” he inquires, unbuckling his belt and turning in the seat to face me.

  “Nope,” I reply, pushing my door open and then jumping out of his truck before he can convince me otherwise.

  Jade’s waving at us frantically over her head when she spots us talking to the hostess. The last time we had lunch with them, I was a hot mess. I was still reeling over my breakup, and my relationship with Quinn hadn’t changed. I’ve talked to Jade a few times since we started playing this dangerous game.

  Her only reaction . . . laughter.

  Hysterical laughter.

  She wouldn’t tell me why, refusing to explain herself. I was planning on getting answers today, but since all of this is coming to an end in a few days, I really don’t think it matters anymore.

  “I’m so happy to see you guys!” she squeals in my ear as she squeezes me tight. Quinn’s standing behind her, covering his mouth to hide the smile on his face.

  His turn is coming, and he knows it.

  As quickly as Jade wrapped me in her arms, she releases me, spins and captures Quinn. For such a tiny person, she is incredibly strong.

  “It’s good to see you too, Jade,” Quinn says, pretending to be unable to breathe. “Where’s Nathan?”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  QUINN

  Nathan promised he’d be on time today. He swore he wouldn’t leave me alone with the two of them.

  That bastard.

  He lives ten minutes from the restaurant and still was the last person to show up. He claimed he overslept, but judging by the glance he shot me after he apologized to the girls, I know he did it on purpose.

  Our monthly lunch is filled with laughter as we reminisce about our infamous summer. I made more memories that summer than I have any other summer of my life. I also had more fun than any one person should be allowed in such a short period of time, especially with as much as I worked.

  From bonfires to game nights.

  Truth or dare.

  Camping on the beach.

  My favorite memory is the night we convinced the girls to go skinny dipping in the lake. We lived toward the center of the island. We had to walk t
hrough town to get to the water, and even then, we had to trespass to be able to swim in a safe area.

  So that’s what we did.

  We waited until midnight and made our way to the house we’d been watching for a few days. We’d heard the owners liked to visit on the weekends but spent the weekdays on the mainland. According to the bartender at the tavern, the one person on the island who seemed to know everything about everyone, they’d left that morning.

  There was a light on upstairs that worried me, but I figured it was left on by mistake. Hell, it was late at night. Most of the island was asleep, and if they were home, they would have been asleep too.

  So we snuck around the back, stripped in the shadows of a small shed on the edge of the property and jumped in. Well, Nathan and I ran down the dock and jumped in. Jade and Kara waded in slowly and swam out to where we were waiting. It was pitch black that night, the clouds covering the light from the moon and stars. I’d tried to sneak a peek at the girls as they walked in the water, but I was too far away and it was too dark.

  “So, how’s the dating game going?” Jade finally asks as she pushes her plate to the edge of the table. Leaning back in her chair, she looks between me and Gabby, waiting for one of us to answer.

  What am I supposed to say?

  It’s great and I don’t want it to end.

  I fell in love with her somewhere along the way and I don’t know how to tell her.

  Instead of confessing everything to Jade with Gabby sitting next to me, I shrug my shoulders and lie. “Fine.”

  “Oh, yeah. Just . . . fine?”

  Why is she pushing this, and why is she staring at Gabby with a knowing look on her face? Jade and Nathan were the only two people we agreed to tell. One, because we’re a tight group and we tell each other everything, knowing it stays in our little circle. And two, they have no connections to anyone on campus.

  “What are you getting at, Jade?” I ask, attempting to direct her attention back to me when I notice Gabby begin to fidget.

  “Nothing. I just figured you two would have crossed the line by now. Spending all that time together. Pretending to be a couple. Kissing and holding hands can’t be all you’re doing.”

  “Let it go, Jade,” Nathan warns. Of the three of us, he’s the only one who was ever able to keep her in line.

  “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you’re not curious. They’re together all the time and making out like teenagers.”

  “Like teenagers?” I hear Gabby ask. Leaning across the table, she grabs on to the front of Nathan’s shirt and pulls him to her, pressing her lips against his. Shock registers on his face as she pushes him away seconds later. “I can kiss my friends and not feel like I need to jump in bed with them.”

  But she’s been in my bed. Wrapped in my arms. Her body tangled with mine.

  And we do kiss.

  A lot. Even when no one is watching.

  “Okay, okay,” Jade replies, raising her hands in surrender. “You guys are just friends. I get it. Is the plan at least working?”

  Gabby looks at me for confirmation, and I nod my head. She fills them in on exactly how well the plan is working. From Gavin hitting on her last weekend to Kara’s somewhat threatening conversation with her the night she stayed over. Jade laughs while Nathan eyes me curiously.

  He’s always been intuitive. Of the four of us, he’s the one who notices random things. For instance, there was a big scandal at the hotel the summer we were there, and Nathan somehow knew what was going on before anyone else realized it. He said it was the way they acted around each other, how they never seemed to make eye contact and tried to oversell their detest for each other.

  So when it came out that the manager was sleeping with one of the underage front desk receptionists, the place erupted in gossip. And Nathan . . . he laughed the entire time. He had told me weeks earlier that they were having an affair, but I didn’t believe him.

  In the end, the manager was fired, and she quit after a few weeks of people whispering behind her back.

  Nathan never would admit how he knew something was going on with them. Has always claimed it was his intuition, but there was always this devious smile behind his words. The same smile he’s wearing right now as the girls excuse themselves to the bathroom.

  “What?” I ask, letting go of all my frustrations.

  “Nothing. I just want to make sure you know neither of us are falling for your act. Or Gabby’s for that matter. There’s something going on between the two of you, whether you want to admit it or not. Whether you see it or not. The friends we had last month are not the same people we’re having lunch with today.”

  “I think you might be looking for something that’s not there,” I lie, my voice lacking the conviction it needs to convince him, or myself.

  “Fine. Tell me you’re not in love with her and I’ll believe you.”

  “I’m not,” I fire back quickly.

  “You’re not what?”

  “Nathan,” I warn.

  “Say the words and I’ll leave you alone, but I don’t think you can. I think you love her. I think you always have but the timing was never right. This may have all started with a different goal in mind, but I think you’re having second thoughts about breaking up. I think you’re dreading the moment because you know it’s going to hurt both of you, and that’s not what you want.”

  I let his words sink in as I attempt to come up with a way to defend against everything he said. “I haven’t always been in love with her.”

  Way to go, Quinn. That’ll show him.

  “Maybe not but that doesn’t mean you’re not now. And I don’t hear you denying it. So don’t. Tell her. Fix this before you can’t. Before you two hurt each other beyond repair.”

  I want to argue with him, to continue to deny the truth in his words, but I’m at a loss as I watch Jade and Gabby walk back to the table. Gabby’s face is flushed, she’s covering her mouth, and her eyes are twinkling with laughter. I can only imagine what Jade said to her that made her laugh that hard. I’d put my money on it that it was a dirty joke.

  “As much as I’d love to sit here all day teasing you two, I have stuff to do and you two have a frat party to go to tonight.” Jade’s words make me cringe.

  As we say goodbye to our friends, I can’t help but wonder what the girls talked about in the bathroom. Gabby barely made eye contact with Jade the remainder of lunch yet their hug lasted twice as long as normal as Jade whispered in her ear. Nathan’s smug smile, especially when he pulls me in and pats me on the back, is irritating to no end.

  Our friends are acting as if they know something we don’t. But I do know. And as I help Gabby into my truck, I contemplate telling her the truth about everything. She deserves to know how I feel about her.

  We get each other. There’s a fire burning between us that won’t be able to be extinguished. A fire deep inside me that I’ve never felt before.

  There’s also a feeling in the pit of my stomach that holds me back.

  Doubt.

  What if she only wants to be friends?

  The plan was for her to be back in Gavin’s arms in less than a week. What if that’s what she still wants?

  The only way to find out would be to bare my soul to her. And in doing that, I risk losing more than I care to admit.

  So I keep my mouth shut. I drive back to campus in silence, then drop Gabby off at her house with the promise to return in a few hours to pick her up. It’s not until I pull into my driveway that I realize how much my heart hurts not being near her.

  My heart belongs to her. It’s amazing to me how much can change in the span of a few weeks. She may have been tied to Gavin for three years, but time doesn’t matter in situations like these. We have a connection I can’t deny. I’m drawn to her in a way I can’t explain, and I don’t want to. No amount of explanation will convince me that the way I feel for her is wrong, that we don’t belong together, even though time says I should feel differently.

 
After tossing my jacket on the couch, I take the stairs two at a time, ready to lock myself in my room and pour my heart out to her over the phone. Like the chicken shit I am. Because telling her in person would have been too much for me to handle.

  Especially if I’ve read our situation wrong and she doesn’t feel the same way about me.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  GABRIELLE

  The ride back to my place has put me on edge. Quinn was acting strange the entire drive, in his own little world, his eye focused on the road.

  Something had to have happened at lunch while Jade and I were in the bathroom. I wouldn’t be surprised. Nathan doesn’t normally have a lot to say, but when he does, his words tend to have an impact. Sadly, Jade always has something to say, and it’s when she gets you alone that she loses her filter completely.

  Like when I was trying to pee.

  Using a public restroom is awkward enough. Try going to the bathroom, worried the sound is going to echo off the tiled walls, while your best friend is rambling on in the stall next to yours about how she thinks you’re madly in love with your other best friend.

  I try to tune her out to no avail.

  “How many drinks did you have before we got here?” I ask when she pauses to catch her breath between accusations of us getting it on and secretly planning to run off together and get married.

  “Only a few sips. Why?”

  She sounds genuinely confused, which makes me smile as I turn on the faucet to wash my hands for the second time.

  “Your imagination is running away with itself,” I say over the sound of the water as she flushes the toilet, then appears behind me.

  “No, I think you’re in denial.”

  “We’re doing a great job of acting convincing, that’s all. You’re reading too much into all of this. Neither of us are falling in love with each other. We’re not sleeping together. Hell, we’ve only kissed a handful of times, and that was mainly when people were watching. It’s all part of the plan, Jade. You know this, so I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of every little thing.”