For All The Wrong Reasons

by Brownell, Rachael

  How the hell did I get back here?

  Everything is a little blurry after my third drink. Not that I’m a lightweight, although you would think I was after how fast I became drunk last night. I hadn’t eaten all day, my stomach in knots while waiting for Gabby to arrive. That combined with the fact I haven’t touched a drop of liquor in months ensured a quick buzz.

  After the night Gabby broke up with me, I tried everything to get her to talk to me. I called. I texted. I even sat outside her apartment one night and watched her through her window. I needed to know she was okay. That her avoiding me was because we had agreed to stay away from each other for a few weeks to make our breakup plausible.

  But I couldn’t handle it.

  Instead of sitting outside her place like a stalker, I decided to drown my sorrow with booze. Tess had just published the article in the paper about us, and I was forced to relive the horrible events over again.

  I drank an entire fifth by myself, in my room, while I scrolled through pictures of us in my phone. I memorized the curves of Gabby’s face. Tried to remember the feel of her in my arms. It was too much to handle, and the booze was numbing my pain.

  I passed out with images of her running through my mind. I dreamed of her that night. It was a beautiful dream. We were together, on a beach. Happy. I woke up with a smile on my face the next morning but with Kara in my bed instead.

  I freaked out on her. I hadn’t invited her into my room, let alone my bed. She told a different story, claiming I had called out her name in the middle of the night, loud enough for her to hear from her room. She came in, and I supposedly pulled her into bed, wrapped my arms around her, and fell back asleep.

  I started locking my door after that.

  The only person I wanted in my bed, in my arms, was Gabby.

  God, she looked beautiful last night. Even angry, she’s the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. No one compares to her. If only that anger wasn’t directed toward me.

  “Are you just going to lay there or are you going to stop wasting time and get your shit together?” Jade’s words are harsh, and it feels like she’s screaming at the top of her lungs, but she has a point.

  “I’m getting up. Have any aspirin, by chance?” I reply as I push myself into a sitting position and squint in her direction.

  Jade grins at me, pulls a bottle of water from behind her back, and then hands it to me along with four aspirin. “You look like shit, and you smell like booze is seeping out of your pores.”

  Probably because it is.

  “So basically I need a shower?”

  “Basically.”

  “Where is she?” I ask, downing the water before handing her back the bottle.

  “She went for a walk.”

  “So she’s avoiding me.”

  “Are you surprised? She’s avoiding all of us except Nathan for some reason.”

  Nathan. I sent him to get information for me. I wonder if he succeeded.

  “Where is he?”

  “He went with her to make sure she didn’t try and catch the ferry without telling us.”

  Thank you, Nathan.

  After cleaning myself up, I meet Jade in the kitchen to wait for Nathan and Gabby to return. She pours me a cup of coffee and forces me to eat two pieces of toast even though I’m fairly certain I’ll throw them up. Thankfully everything stays down, and my headache begins to dissipate.

  “You have your work cut out for you. I really thought that if she saw you, she’d be more receptive. I didn’t think she was going to fight us on this. I know she loves you.”

  And I love her, but it might not be enough.

  “I asked Nathan to find out why she’s so angry with me, but I don’t know if he did.”

  “Oh, he found out. So did I. She has a right to be angry with you, Quinn. It’s what she doesn’t know that will set her straight, and you have to be the one to tell her.”

  So I did do something? I was confused.

  Jade refused to give me any clues as to what Gabby was angry about. All I could do was wait for her to come back to the house and pray she would give me a chance to explain myself. My original plan was off the table at this point. Professing my love for her wasn’t going to change her mind.

  Wrapping her in my arms and promising to love her the rest of my life isn’t the way back into her heart.

  From the sounds of it, I’d broken her.

  My stupid idea to date each other was supposed to fix her broken heart, not destroy it more. Even though it didn’t go as planned, even though she didn’t get back with Gavin and I had changed my mind about Kara, the goal was never to end up hurting each other.

  Yet that’s what we did.

  Hell, Tess’s article laid it all out in black and white for everyone to read. It was a ‘what not to do if you care about someone’ road map.

  Don’t date your best friend for the wrong reasons.

  Don’t try and trick people into loving you.

  Don’t risk an amazing friendship for love.

  Maybe I needed to reread that article as a reminder of how bad I fucked up. Maybe the answers are in there somewhere. Maybe Tess knew more than she was letting on. She always seemed to.

  Retreating to the backyard to wait, I pull out my phone and search for the link Tess sent me to the article. I scroll through the last six months of texts back and forth between the two of us. There are plenty considering we’ve barely spoken in person. There are even more between Kara and me.

  The only people I’ve really spoken to since Halloween are Jade and Nathan, and that’s not for lack of trying to avoid them. They’re relentless. Jade showed up at my place more than once. At first, I had no idea how she found out where I even lived. Until I saw Nathan on the steps right behind her, looking apologetic as hell. That bastard told her where I lived.

  She pushed her way inside, made a pot of coffee, and sat me down. I didn’t say a word for the first hour they were there. Neither did Nathan. Jade did all the talking. Well, yelling is more accurate.

  I was an idiot.

  A jerk.

  I’d screwed up my relationship with Gabby. I needed to fix it. I needed to apologize to her and make things right. I was messing up the dynamic in our group.

  She was angry.

  If there had been sides to pick, she would have stuck by Gabby through it all. The problem was, there were no sides. There was no fight. It had all been a hoax, and somewhere along the way, the line between friendship and feelings of more got blurred.

  For both of us according to Jade.

  Which made for a disastrous falling out.

  Gabby didn’t want to talk to me, and I didn’t know how to get past her defenses to get her to listen to what I had to say. Hence the plan to basically trap her on this island.

  It was my last resort.

  The only chance I have to apologize to her. To tell her how I feel. To explain what’s going on in my head and my heart.

  When I finally find the link, I click on it and start reading. Tess’s words slap me across the face as she recounts every detail of our plan. I still have no idea how she found out, but her article is factual.

  Right up until the end where she gives the friends turned lovers their happily ever after. Which is the only reason I still have an ounce of hope in my heart.

  “How to Lose Your Best Friend”

  Have you ever wondered what it would be like to date your best friend? The person who knows you better than anyone else? The one person in the world who truly understands and accepts you for who you are?

  Well, I don’t recommend it.

  Why?

  Let me tell you a little story about two friends who thought it would be a good idea to try. A story of deception and lies. What these friends didn’t realize is that the people they were really deceiving were themselves . . .

  Mya and Ben had known each other for years. They were as close as two friends could be. The one line they’d never crossed, never even conside
red crossing, was the imaginary line plenty of men and women put in their friendships. The one that separates them from becoming more than ‘just friends’ for the fear of ruining their relationship.

  Yet, these two, wanting relationships of their own from other people, decided it would be a good idea to use each other to get what they wanted. Their plan was simple, too simple, in my opinion.

  Date each other to make the people they really wanted jealous. They were going to trick the unsuspecting victims into wanting them. Why?

  Because we all want what we can’t have, right?

  The car sitting in your neighbor’s driveway.

  The shoes your roommate bought that cost more than you make in a month.

  And . . . the kind of relationship you see certain couples have.

  You envy their happiness. Want what they have for yourself. Dream about the perfect partner to share it with.

  And in some circumstances, notice someone in your life that you imagine having that kind of a relationship with.

  That was their plan.

  Portray the perfect relationship, flaunt it in front of the people they really desired to be with, and make them jealous. Make them want what they have. Make them want to be with them.

  It wasn’t a horrible idea if you really think about it. It was, however, poorly executed.

  Why?

  Because along the way, they started to have feelings for each other. After years of never exploring those feelings, ignoring them, or even not realizing them, those feelings were shining brightly for all to see. It made the relationship believable to everyone watching. What Mya and Ben didn’t realize is that they had stopped acting at some point and started to actually feel.

  It’s called a soulmate. I believe we each have one. They’re out there somewhere. One day the stars will align and you’ll connect with the person that was created just for you. They might be in another relationship right now or halfway across the country. You are meant to meet, and when it happens, you’ll know instantly.

  There will be this feeling of certainty that washes over you. You won’t hesitate. Your bodies will gravitate toward one another and that will be it. The End. Your future will be standing in front of you, and your only job at that moment will be to accept your fate.

  Mya and Ben didn’t accept theirs at first. They tried to hide from it. Tried to pretend they didn’t feel anything, didn’t love each other. We all saw it, though. We saw what they couldn’t.

  The beginning of a beautiful relationship. The beginning of the end for them.

  You see, it wasn’t a happily ever after at first. They went their separate ways. Didn’t speak to each other. Didn’t see each other, not that they didn’t want to. They both longed for things to go back to the way they were. Either before they started playing their dangerous game, or if luck would have it, back to the days they were dating.

  But luck isn’t worth betting on.

  What is? What brought the two of them back together? What fixed their broken hearts and allowed them to move forward together?

  Love.

  Love is a powerful emotion. It’s constantly being tested. It will hurt from time to time, challenge everything you believe in, and test your every emotion, but it’s worth it. They figured that out. They fought against all the odds and found their happily ever after in each other.

  It wasn’t easy. They sacrificed their friendship for the chance of something more. Something bigger and greater than they could have ever imagined. In the end, it was worth it. Love always is.

  Keep fighting!

  Fight for the love you deserve, for your soulmate. They’re out there somewhere, waiting for you to find each other. And when the day finally arrives, you have to be ready to give up anything and everything to be together. Even your best friend.

  XOXO,

  Tess

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  GABRIELLE

  We’ve been walking for hours. I want to go back to the house and rest, not having slept much last night, but Quinn is there, and I’m still avoiding him. Avoiding all of this.

  Nathan encourages me about once every five minutes to go talk to him. It was annoying after the second time. Now he has me considering going back just to shut him up. I think that was his plan all along. Wear me down. Piss me off enough that I’ll give in.

  It’s starting to work.

  “Okay, Gabs. Let’s talk this through one last time.”

  Ugh! Not this again.

  I wasn’t thrilled he was coming for a walk with me to begin with. It felt like he was babysitting me, which was probably his original intention. It’s not like it didn’t cross my mind to bring all my shit and jump on a ferry home. Or leave my stuff and make Jade bring it back to me later. All I need is my ticket back to the mainland. But now . . .

  All he wants to talk about is Quinn. He wants to talk about everything I’ve been avoiding talking about for six months since I signed that stupid fucking contract. How this all started. Where it went wrong.

  And he refuses to shut up!

  At this point, I’d rather have the conversation with Quinn. At least if that were the case, there could possibly be some resolution. And then I could leave this island behind me and move forward with my life.

  Shit!

  He has worn me down.

  Stopping to turning and face him so he can see how serious I am, I let out all my frustrations with him. “I don’t want to talk it through anymore. I want to move on, Nathan. I know you’re trying to help, but nothing is going to piece back together my friendship with Quinn. I can’t stress that enough.”

  “Good, because I’m not trying to piece back together your friendship. Neither is he. He wants to move on with his life as much as you do. That’s why I think you should hear him out.”

  “Fine,” I hear myself scream before I realize what I’m saying.

  I’ve just given in to what everyone around me wants. For me to talk to Quinn. Damn it.

  Latching onto my hand, Nathan practically pulls me back to the house. He’s not letting me change my mind. He doesn’t speak the entire five minutes it takes us to walk back to the small cottage I used to think of as home. A home I shared with Nathan, Jade, and Quinn for a summer.

  The best summer of my life.

  The time is now to put an end to all this. I’ll speak my peace and move on. Maybe this is what I need. Closure.

  My doubt creeps in, but I follow Nathan inside anyway. Jade is in the living room with her Kindle in her hand. She tosses us a smile and points out the open sliding glass doors to where I can see Quinn staring at his phone by the fire pit.

  “We’ll be in here,” Nathan says, nudging me toward the doors.

  Watching and attempting to listen, I’m sure. I don’t say it out loud because it’s more of a statement than a question. I’d do the same if the situation were reversed. I’d want to know what was going on.

  They’re invested in this.

  They helped bring me here. They’re on his side, in a way.

  “Hey,” I say, stepping up behind Quinn. His body tenses, his back straightening for a split second before he relaxes again and looks over his shoulder at me.

  “Hey.”

  Taking the seat across from him, putting the fire pit between us as a buffer, I shift nervously as I wait for him to say something. Anything. I can see his mind reeling as he stares across the ten feet of space separating us.

  “So,” we both say at the same time.

  “You go first,” he insists.

  “I don’t really know what to say.”

  “You could start by telling me why you’ve been avoiding me since Halloween.”

  Yeah, I guess I could start there.

  “Or you could start by apologizing to me for . . .” My voice trails off when I realize I don’t know what I need him to apologize for.

  For making me fall in love with him?

  For coming up with the stupid idea to date in the first place?

 
For ruining our friendship?

  “I’ll apologize to you until I’m blue in the face if you’d just tell me what I did wrong.”

  “I feel like you tricked me, Quinn.”

  “Tricked you? What did I do to trick you?”

  “We started this fake relationship, and it was supposed to be all an act, but you made me believe you wanted more when all you really wanted was Kara.”

  He nods but doesn’t deny anything.

  “There were so many times I was sure you weren’t acting. Then in the next second, you’d be saying things that made me think otherwise. My head was spinning, and my heart was running a marathon in multiple directions. Toward you some days and away from you others. And in the end, you got exactly who you wanted, and I was left feeling used. I couldn’t go back to being your friend, Quinn. Not then and not now. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re apologizing to me?” His confusion is palpable. “Do not ever apologize to me for loving me.”

  “I never said I loved you, Quinn. You’re reading too much into this.”

  The words leave my mouth, but even I don’t believe them.

  “You love me, Gabs. I can see it in your eyes. In the way your fidgeting right now. The fact that you haven’t been able to look away since we started talking. I also see the anger and hurt you’re trying to keep control of. The tears that are threatening to fall, but you refuse to let them. It makes me want to pull you into my arms and make everything better, but that’s not what you want.

  “You need me to apologize for something I didn’t do. Something I would never have done, not intentionally anyway, which was hurt you. It was not my intention to cause you any pain. What you felt, that wasn’t me acting. That was me trying to figure out my feelings for you. That was me loving you the way you loved me and those feelings scaring the shit out of me. Because if I loved you, and you felt the same, that meant I was losing my best friend. The one person in the world I could count on. And if things between us didn’t work out, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself for hurting you.”

  Tears are freely streaming down my face by the time he’s done speaking, and I don’t try to hide them. I don’t wipe them away. I don’t even acknowledge them. If I weren’t sniffling, you’d never know I was crying.