From Here to You

by McGuire, Jamie

  “Fuck ’em if they can’t understand you’re a good son,” Trex said, matter-of-fact.

  Sugar thought about his words and nodded once. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be ashamed. I’m ashamed that I’m ashamed.”

  Trex patted Sugar’s enormous shoulder. “That sounds exhausting. You need to let all that go, man. Be you unapologetically. Love your mom, be a good son, let the others hear her be comforted by her prayers. It might do them some good.”

  Sugar nodded. “Thanks, Trex.”

  Trex nodded once, watched Sugar walk away with a smile on his face, and then turned to me. “Speaking of being exhausted, I’m sorry I kept you up talking for so long.”

  “I knew better,” I said. “I’m a big girl. I know when to say good night.”

  “I must have been decent company, then.”

  I tried not to smile. I tried really, really hard, but it happened, and it gave everything I was trying not to feel away. That only made me disappointed in myself, how I could run away from one man and not take enough fear and anger with me to keep me from falling right back into something else. Maybe. Whatever this was.

  “I mean, I guess,” I said, looking down.

  Trex’s confident smile wavered. “Everything okay?”

  I felt my cheeks flush and my hands shake. This seemed like a confrontation, even though it wasn’t. The parts of me ingrained to please and make others happy were warring with my need to raise my baby independent of a man—independent in general. “Yes…I’m just…you’re really nice.”

  “Uh-oh.”

  I breathed out a laugh. “No, it’s not that.”

  He winced. “Is this the it’s not you it’s me speech? Because we haven’t even been on a proper date yet—even though last night was pretty great.”

  That damn smile stretched across my face again. “It was. It was great.”

  He watched me for a moment, no doubt trying to use his superhuman people-reading skills to decide what I meant instead of what I was saying. “Darby…I don’t know what you’re running from, but it’s not me.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not running anymore.”

  “Like I said…you’re a terrible liar.”

  “Maybe I just don’t like you.”

  He took a moment to answer. For the first time, he seemed unsure. “Why not?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, flustered. It hurt me to see his reaction, and that made me panic. “You don’t believe in God, for one.”

  “You don’t like me because I don’t believe in god? Jesus hung out with the scum of the earth in the Bible. Jewish tax collectors. Do you know how much the Jews hated men like Zacchaeus for collecting taxes from their own people for the Romans? He was a traitor, and he was also one of twelve of Jesus’s BFFs.”

  “And you’re manipulative,” I snapped.

  Trex didn’t get mean or defensive like I expected; instead his smile only grew softer, his shoulders more relaxed. He was much better at this than I was, and he knew I was full of shit. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t very nice.”

  “Don’t be sorry!” I closed my eyes tight, feeling like it was a losing battle.

  “Why? Because it’ll be easier to hate me if I’m an asshole? I’m not perfect, but I’m not an asshole. And I like you, even though you’re mean as hell and lie a lot.”

  “I don’t lie a lot,” I said, exasperated. “I just don’t know you well enough to tell you the truth.”

  His expression grew serious. “Fair enough. But you can talk to me. Whatever you have to say would stay between us. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

  “Then stay away from me,” I said, grabbing a small notebook and a pen. I quickly headed for the safety of Stavros at the bar. “Hey,” I said, out of breath even though I’d only walked across the room.

  Stavros turned his back to the men at the bar, working on drying the same glass. “Is Trex bothering you?”

  “What? No. No, he’s nice.”

  “Oh,” Stavros said.

  “Can you tell me the steps for closing out?” I asked, pen at the ready.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve done it. I have notes in my office somewhere.”

  I sighed. “Can you just…pretend to give me the notes?”

  He leaned in. “All right, what’s going on?” He kept his voice low, too quiet for the hotshots sitting at the bar to hear.

  “Nothing. Nothing is going on. Trex is just very…”

  “Cute?”

  I closed my eyes. “Yes, anyone with eyes would agree he’s attractive. But…”

  “Just tell him you’ve just gotten out of a relationship and aren’t looking for anything.”

  I peeked up at my boss, grateful to have someone to talk to. “I can’t. He’ll know I’m not telling the whole truth.”

  “Are you looking for a relationship?”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Of course not, but…”

  “But you’re clearly not ready yet, so he’ll either have to wait until you are, or move on.”

  I cringed. “I can’t say that to him.”

  Stavros winked at me, then turned toward his customers. “Sure you can.”

  I pretended to write things down, glancing over my shoulder at Trex. He was staring right at me. He smiled and waved.

  I sighed. “Okay. This is happening. I’m doing this,” I said, mostly to myself. I walked back to the front desk, keeping my posture erect and shoulders back, trying my best to stir up a little beauty queen confidence as I strode up to Trex. I smiled, pleasant and confident. “You’re right. I lied, and I apologize. You’re nice. And funny. And interesting…”

  “And handsome. Don’t forget devastatingly handsome.”

  “And arrogant.”

  “I’m arrogant? I haven’t even asked you on a date yet, and you’re breaking up with me.”

  “No. We’re definitely not breaking up.” He smiled again. He was beautiful and sweet and…No. No, Darby. Knock it off. “You know what I mean. We weren’t together to break up. I do like you, but I have to be honest. I’m not ready for a relationship of any kind, and I won’t be for a long time. And, by the time I am, I can promise you won’t be interested.”

  “Is that so?” he said, picking up on the last part.

  I cringed. The goal was to not invite more questions, and I’d just ripped off my skin and exposed everything.

  He ignored my comment for the moment. “What about just a friendship?”

  “You just want to be friends?” Ugh. That smile again. Stop smiling, Trex.

  “Of course not. I think you’re amazing, even when you look like you’re about to puke.”

  I sighed. His small grin was adorable, and it was chipping away at my resolve. And the fact that had I not been pregnant, I would have jumped all over this—and him—was just flat-out embarrassing. “I don’t feel that’s possible.”

  “Because you like me.”

  “I barely know you.”

  “But enough to like me.”

  My shoulders fell, and the confidence melted away under his assured smile. “How about you just give me some space?”

  “I can try. We both live in the same building. And you work here.”

  I cringed. “You’re right. That’s not going to work.”

  “How about I pretend I don’t like you for a little while? Will that help?”

  “Yes,” I said, excited. I pointed at him. “Yes, that will work. Thank you.”

  He leaned over and kissed my cheek, his lips soft and warm on my skin. “You got it, beautiful.”

  I closed my eyes and leaned into him slightly just before he walked away. I stood holding my hand to the still-warm patch of skin his lips had just touched. The cannons inside my stomach raged on like I hadn’t just lost another battle.

  Stavros eyed me, his eyes targeting Zeke when he stood to head toward me. Stavros’s expression matched my inner monologue.

  My head and my heart were at war, fighting over what I should do and wh
at I wanted. It didn’t matter, though. Even if I gave in to my feelings, one of two things would happen: Trex would change, because in my experience, that’s what men did when they got what they wanted, or I would fall for him and in four to six months, my growing belly would send him running, leaving both of us—or maybe just me—heartbroken.

  Chapter Eleven

  Trex

  Nine days. It had been nine fucking days since I’d spoken to Darby except for the occasional polite greeting, and it was making me hate everything.

  Even though I’d agreed to pretend Darby didn’t exist, I still lived for the twenty seconds it took for me to walk from the entrance of the hotel to the elevators. She always stole a glance, and it made my whole day.

  Some days, the drive to the hotel took forever, but this time I felt like I’d just left the Complex when I pulled into an empty parking space near the front. A group of hotshots were walking out, dressed in button-downs and jeans—their best clothes to go scouting the local clubs. I wondered if any would happen upon Naomi while they were out. The thought made me chuckle. These guys thought they were badasses until the moment Naomi showed them otherwise.

  “What are you smiling about?” Darby asked, standing behind one of the sofas in the waiting area.

  I stopped in my tracks. The sliding doors tried to close and then retreated. Darby giggled and pulled me farther into the lobby. She was wearing makeup, a pair of shorts, and a flowy tank top, her hair falling over her shoulders in soft waves.

  “Trex?” she asked. I realized then that I hadn’t answered her.

  “Sorry, you just caught me a little off guard,” I said, feeling my bad mood melt away. “Headed out?” After her training ended, she started the 11:00 p.m.–7:00 a.m. shift, Sunday night through Thursday night. She hadn’t gone out once since having that schedule.

  “I am. I promised Zeke we’d go to a movie when he got back, and…he’s back.”

  “Oh yeah,” I said, unable to hide the frown on my face.

  She shook her head, suddenly embarrassed. “It’s just…it’s just a movie. Besides, he’s not my type. Firefighters, cops, soldiers…all off the list.”

  “Yeah,” I said, nodding. “Well…have fun.”

  I left Darby to stand alone in the lobby. Another group of hotshots walked in, carrying brown sacks with big red logos that read Colorado Springs Meat & Seafood Co. As they passed, the faint stench of fish filled the air, and moments later, the sound of dry heaving.

  Darby was leaned over the closest trash bin, expelling her latest meal. I rushed to her side, holding back her hair while she lurched again.

  “Jesus, Darby. Are you okay?”

  She heaved again.

  I looked around, noting the shocked stares from everyone in the lobby, including Stavros. He jogged over, handed me a clean bar towel, and then turned away, covering his nose. “Is she…is she all right?”

  “She was fine a few seconds ago,” I said.

  Darby stood, and I handed her the towel. She wiped her face, her breath labored. “I am so sorry, Stavros.”

  He nodded. “Maybe you should…”

  “I’m feeling better,” she said.

  “Darby,” Stavros began, looking around. “You should lie down for a bit. I’ll send down some crackers and Sprite to your room.”

  “I’m really fine. It was just the fish those guys brought in. It smelled rotten or something.”

  I arched an eyebrow. I barely noticed the fish. Darby must have had a nose like a bloodhound if it affected her so violently. “C’mon,” I said. “I’ll walk you back to your room.”

  “You can freshen up before the movie,” Stavros said.

  I looked to Darby before she protested again. “He’s politely trying to tell you to get the hell out of his lobby before you throw up again.”

  “Oh,” Darby said, embarrassed. She seemed to just notice everyone was staring. “I’m so sorry. I’ll go.”

  She kept the towel in her hands, covering her nose and mouth with it as we passed the hotshots with the brown sacks of seafood. Once we got to Room 100, she held her card key to the lock and it beeped just before she pressed down on the handle and pushed her way inside.

  I ambled around the small entry hall that was adjacent to the bathroom. Darby went straight in, closing the door behind her. The water faucet and the sound of her brushing her teeth were the only noises.

  The faucet shut off, and seconds later, she opened the door, looking just as beautiful as she did when I stepped into the lobby.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she said with a sigh. “Yeah, I’m fine. The fish just hit me wrong.”

  “I barely smelled it.”

  She pointed to her nose. “Must be my superpower, then.”

  “Darby,” I said, taking a step toward her, brushing her hair out of her face with my fingers. I was terrified to ask my next question. “Are you sick? You can tell me.”

  She shook her head. “I’ve been nauseous. It will pass.”

  A sigh of relief billowed from my lips. Something was going on, and maybe she was sick, but in that moment, the fear was replaced by curiosity. Darby was hiding more than just her past. Something was off.

  “Is there something else you want to tell me?” I asked.

  She thought about it for a solid ten seconds before shaking her head no.

  There was a knock on the door, and Darby pulled it open. Tilde stood there with a smile, a tray of crackers, and a can of Sprite.

  “Thank you so much, Tilde. Really.”

  “Stavros said you upchucked all over the lobby.”

  “In the trash can,” she said, setting down the tray on the dresser. “Please tell him sorry for me.”

  “You already said sorry,” I reminded her.

  “Tell him again,” she said, smiling at Tilde.

  Tilde nodded her head. “You should rest.”

  “Thank you, I will,” Darby said, closing the door behind Tilde.

  Darby looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand. “I’m meeting Zeke in the lobby in fifteen minutes.”

  “You’re not still going, are you? You just puked in the lobby trash can.”

  “I told you…”

  “You’re fine. I know. Must be more than just a movie if you’re not willing to cancel when you’re sick.”

  “I’m not sick.”

  “Do you have some sort of mutant gag reflex, then?”

  “I just can’t stand the smell of fish, what’s the big deal?”

  “I’m worried about you, Darby. I know you’re not telling me something. And that’s fine, it’s your business, but I’m worried about you.”

  She smiled. “And I appreciate it. But, I promise you, I’m okay. I don’t even need to rest, but I’m going to lie down for a few minutes because I told Tilde I would.”

  “Can I stay with you until it’s time for you to leave?” I asked.

  She couldn’t hide the touched look on her face. “I mean…yeah.”

  I gestured for her to lead the way, and then I pulled up a chair next to the bed. She lay on her back, folding her hands over her middle. She stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds, then closed her eyes. Her chest rose and fell as she took a deep, relaxing breath. I would’ve given anything to crawl beside her and hold her, but I stayed in my chair.

  “We’re even, you know,” she said, her voice soft and calm.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You have secrets, too.”

  I froze, not sure how to respond.

  “It’s okay. It’s your business. We’re all entitled to have secrets as long as they don’t hurt anyone else.”

  I stayed quiet. She turned on her side, slid her hands between her face and the pillow, and smiled at me.

  “God, you’re beautiful,” I said. I couldn’t help it.

  Darby didn’t seem to mind. “Thank you.”

  “I’m sure you’ve been told that thousands of times before.”

  “Not
by you.”

  I laughed once and looked down. “I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be pretending I don’t like you.”

  “You’re doing a horrible job. You think I don’t see you staring at me every morning when you leave for work? You think I don’t see you stealing glances in the evening?”

  “I don’t think it’s possible not to look at you. Even the women do it.”

  “Ask my mom. She has it down pat.”

  “Does she really hold you responsible for their deaths?”

  “I can’t blame her. I do, too.”

  “You know that’s bullshit, right?”

  “I mean, obviously, I didn’t kill them. But…”

  “No buts. It wasn’t your fault, it was an accident, and I’m sorry, but your mom’s sort of an asshole for making you think otherwise.”

  She blew out a laugh, giggling so much she covered her mouth. “Do you always say exactly what you think?”

  “When I can.”

  She looked at the clock. “Well…I should get going.” She sat up, and I stood, reaching to help her off the bed.

  “What movie are you going to watch?” I asked, trying not to let the jealousy seep out enough that she could see.

  Darby thought about it. “You know, I have no idea. I assume Zeke has something picked out.”

  She made her way toward the door, and I opened it for her, waiting for her to walk through before I closed it behind us.

  “Darby,” Zeke said, surprised to see me.

  “Hi,” she said with a smile.

  “Trex.” Zeke gave me a once-over, then turned his attention to Darby. “I heard you were sick.”

  “No,” she said. I liked the way she didn’t give out all the information. She had mastered the art of omission, making me think back on our conversations, to check if I’d missed anything.

  “Oh. Well…” He gestured to me.

  I slid by him.

  “Bye, Trex,” she said.

  “Have fun at the movies, kids,” I said with a wave.