Darby was quiet for a few seconds. She breathed out a laugh, and then she couldn’t stop laughing. She covered her mouth, her face morphed from giggles to fear, and she started to cry. “That’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.”
“No one else knows? Not even…”
She shook her head, her hands trembling.
“Darby,” I said, holding her again. “It’s okay.” I kissed her hair. “It’s going to be okay.”
She nodded against my chest, grabbing my shirt in her fists. In that moment, nothing else existed; it was just us and the baby growing inside of her. The urge to keep her safe doubled.
Chapter Twelve
Darby
My eyes peeled open, and the first thing to come into view was Trex asleep on the chair next to my bed. His arm was outstretched over the top of the chair, his hand holding mine. I sucked in a deep breath and stretched, letting my hand slip from his, but his fingers squeezed around mine.
I looked at him, expecting his eyes to be open, but they weren’t. His other hand was pressed against his perfectly relaxed face. I settled against the mattress, letting the back of my head sink into the feather pillow as I stared up at the popcorn ceiling. We didn’t talk much on the way home from McCormack’s because Trex had to pull over twice, even though I was just dry heaving. He carried me to my room and fetched me crackers and made sure I ate them before asking me if he could sit in the chair while I slept.
I turned, reading the clock. I’d only been asleep for four hours, but I felt rested. When I looked back, Trex was awake.
“Hey,” he said, rubbing his face and eyes. He squeezed my hand. “What time is it?”
“A few minutes after five.”
He smiled. “This was probably like a long nap for you.”
“Yeah,” I said, sitting up. “Don’t want to mess up my schedule too much. I should probably be back in bed by ten.”
“You’ll probably be tired again by then, considering.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Know a lot about pregnancy, do you?”
“Just the basics, even though I totally missed this.”
I frowned. “I need this job, Trex. Stavros is a good man, but he’s also a business owner. I need more time to prove to him I’m a good employee, and it will be worth waiting for me to come back to work after…” I looked down at my stomach.
“I won’t say anything,” he said immediately. “You’re safe with me, Darby. I promise.” He interlaced his fingers with mine.
I pulled my hand from his and picked at my nails, staring at the jagged edges of my thumbnail. “I like you, but relationships are complicated enough.”
He nodded. “You’re right, and I don’t do complicated.”
I swallowed, thankful for the hurt I was feeling. Later, it would have been much worse.
“And I wondered while I watched you sleep, why you being pregnant with someone else’s baby changes nothing for me. None of this makes sense, but I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“I just think it’s best if I do this alone. It’s not smart to run from one relationship into another. And we don’t know each other. Not really.”
“So, get to know me. And let me get to know you. This wasn’t an accident, us both ending up here.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Finding religion, Trexler?”
He shook his head. “No. I found you.”
I felt my cheeks blush, and I pointed to them. “See? I don’t want to be a blushing, giddy, infatuated little girl.”
“You’re none of those things, Darby. It could be the easiest thing in the world. Let’s just…let’s just see.”
“I have to have a plan. I can’t just wing it anymore.”
“Who says we’re winging it? I’m very purposefully sitting in this god-awful chair to be as close as you’re comfortable with.” He grinned, making my heart flutter. I wondered in that moment if not following my heart was allowing Shawn to control me in a different way. What do I really want?
I stood. “I’ll be right back,” I said, making my way to the bathroom. The door closed quietly behind me, and I pressed my palms against it, touching my forehead to the hollow wood. I’d known a lot of men in my life—some good, most bad. But Trex was at that dive bar with the widow of his best friend, and later watched over a sleeping pregnant woman, holding her hand, and not because he was hoping to get laid. I’d seen men look at me with that familiar hunger in their eyes. He was attracted to me, but he wasn’t trying to conquer me.
I reached for my toothbrush and turned on the faucet. As I scrubbed my teeth, I reminded myself that I may have put up with Shawn, but that didn’t make me stupid. I could still make good decisions, and Trex…he was good, I knew it.
I spit in the sink, rinsed my mouth, and stepped out. “You’re still here,” I said.
He sat up. “Did you want me to leave?”
I sat on the bed, pushed myself back to the headboard, then held out my hand. He looked down, unsure. “You said you wanted to be as close as I was comfortable with. Come closer.”
He stood slowly, looking down at me while he kicked off his boots, and then crawled onto the bed to lie next to me. He looked into my eyes for a few moments before stretching his neck to kiss my cheek. His forehead touched my temple. “I’m so glad you’re going to be okay,” he whispered, then sighed with relief.
“You really thought I was dying?”
He gently pulled me next to him and buried his face in my neck.
It had been a long time since I’d been comfortable being held that way. It occurred to me it was strange to just lie there, so I rested my hand on his back. Without thinking, I ran my nails up and down, from just above the top of his jeans to the space between his scapulae. A memory resurfaced, a night when I tried my best to keep my body relaxed, hoping Shawn would just pass out and sleep off the tequila and rage, and that he’d do it before something set him off. I stopped and lay my palm flat on the small of Trex’s back. It was something Shawn had insisted I do until he fell asleep every night he was home, and I wanted as far away from anything he wanted as I could get.
“Habit?” Trex asked.
“It’s going to take me a while.”
“Take as long as you need. I’ll be right here.”
I breathed out a laugh. “Comfy?”
“Like never before. Not sure I’ll be able to move the rest of the weekend.”
I touched my chin to his hair. I’d let Shawn treat me horribly for so long, I wasn’t sure why I was so against letting Trex treat me the way I deserved. I closed my eyes, and let it be easy, silencing the screams inside of me, those fears that were sure something bad was on the horizon. That was the funny thing about fear; you couldn’t be sure if it was a warning from the subconscious about the future or the past.
“You know,” I said in the darkness. “Some men run when they find out women are pregnant with their baby.”
He lifted his head. “Do I look like the runnin’ kind to you?”
I smiled and shook my head.
His eyes fell to my lips, and warmth began in my chest and traveled all the way to my toes.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked.
I stared at his lips. They looked soft, even though they were surrounded by three-day-old scruff. I remembered the way they felt against my cheek, the way their warmth lingered until he was halfway across the room. “Yes.”
His hand slid behind my head, cupping it gently as he pulled me closer. It had been so long since anyone but Shawn had touched me. Alone in a dark room, wrapped in the arms of Scott Trexler, I felt anything but afraid.
I closed my eyes, and then his mouth was on mine. He tried just a small kiss at first, waiting for more permission, so I touched his cheeks with my hands and brought him closer, opening my mouth and hoping he’d feel confident enough to…
Trex’s tongue slipped inside, tasting me. I had no expectations other than the previous kiss on the cheek, but Trex was blowing anything I could have hoped for out
of the water. His mouth moved faster, less gentle, and he positioned himself so that he was leaning over me instead of lying next to me. From hair to toes, my skin began to tingle. I gripped his shirt in my fists and pulled him closer.
He pulled away, then touched his forehead to mine. “Just…wait a sec,” he said, trying to catch his breath. He returned to my side, bearing most of his weight on his elbow.
I looked up at the ceiling, already knowing what he was going to say next. I was pregnant. That wasn’t exactly a turn-on.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asked.
Not what I expected.
“Huh?” I asked, unable to hide my surprise.
He chuckled, and kissed the bare skin just behind my ear. His lips lingered there for a moment, then he sat up to look me in the eyes. “I want to take you to dinner. I tried this pasta place when I was pretending not to like you. They have gelato. I was thinking the whole time I was there that you might like it.”
“You did?” I asked, trying not to melt over the fact that he’d been planning our first date.
“So…dinner? Tonight? With me?”
“Dinner,” I said, nodding once. Of course. That’s what nice guys did. “Is later okay?”
“Eight?” he asked.
I nodded, and he sat up, pushing himself off the bed. He pointed to the door. “I’m fairly certain I’ll do an NFL illegal-level celebration in the hall. So don’t watch me leave.”
“You’re leaving?”
“I’ll be back. I’m just going to grab you some breakfast.”
“Oh,” I said with a grin.
“Don’t want to wait until you get sick, right?”
“Right. Let me get you some…”
“Nope. On me.”
“I…” I began.
“What?”
“I don’t want to owe anyone anything.”
He frowned. “You don’t owe me shit, Darby.”
I pulled my mouth to the side, trying not to smile. “Hmmm.”
“I’ll be back. Do you like OJ?”
I nodded.
“Can I take this?” he asked, holding up my key card. When I nodded, he grinned. “Please don’t move. Breakfast in bed is happening in less than twenty minutes.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” he said, picking his wallet and phone off the floor. He patted his pocket to make sure his keys were in his pocket, then he leaned down, his hands sinking into the mattress as he gave me a quick peck on the lips. He hummed in satisfaction, then rushed out the door.
I sank down against the pillows, covering my mouth. How did this happen? I leave an awful situation, pregnant, and wind up in the arms of the sweetest man I’ve ever met? A feeling of dread washed over me. Too good to be true usually meant it was. And even if it wasn’t, having something wonderful was that much harder when it was gone.
I covered my eyes with one hand. Stop it, Darby. Just because it’s always happened that way doesn’t mean that’s the way it will always be. I tried to enjoy the quiet moment in bed, waiting for a very handsome, very thoughtful man to bring me breakfast in bed. Fear wriggled its way in, even as I identified it and pushed it away. Even as I gave myself some grace and let myself be afraid—because who wouldn’t be after a year with Shawn Littlefield? Then I cried. I mourned who I was before Shawn and then remembered I didn’t really like her, either. I was glad I had a pregnancy to blame my scattered emotions on. I was an absolute flippin’ mess.
The lock clicked and Trex walked in, holding up two white sacks. His wide smile quickly vanished when he saw my face. He set the sacks on the end of the bed and sat next to me, brushing stray strands of hair from my face.
“What happened?”
I shook my head. “Hormones. I hope.”
“Tell me.”
“This,” I said, gesturing to the space between us, “feels like a good thing.”
“You’re afraid it’s not.”
I liked that I didn’t have to explain everything to Trex. He just needed a tiny clue and could figure it out for himself. “And I hate that I feel that way. I feel horrible, but I can’t stop these thoughts from entering my head.”
“It’s normal that you’d be worried. So incredibly normal. Every new relationship in most cases is basically one person’s hope that a total stranger won’t let them down.”
He made so much sense. I loved the way he looked at the world.
“And believe me, I know all about being unable to stop your brain from working overtime. PTSD is PTSD, Darby. Doesn’t matter where it came from.”
I sniffed and looked at him, surprised. It had never occurred to me that’s what it was.
“Have you thought about talking to someone?” he asked.
“Even if I did, I can’t afford it.”
“There’s a YWCA here. I can take you there this week, see what services they provide.”
“How…how do you know all of this? Is that what you do? Are you like a psychologist to the hotshots or something?”
He handed me a tissue from the box on the nightstand. “No. I’ve just been around death a lot in my line of work.”
I dabbed my eyes and nose. “Like your best friend?”
He nodded, but the two lines between his brows deepened. “Darby…”
“Yeah?”
He cleared his throat and shook his head, seeming to change direction. “Time is the only thing that will help you trust that I’m not like him. And all I’ve got is time.”
“You mean until the fire is out.”
“No,” he said, sliding his fingers between mine. “I’m looking for a house here. I’m staying.”
“You are?”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “I am. Let’s eat.”
He pulled out a Styrofoam box and handed it to me, then opened a bag of plasticware. I popped the lid and it sprung open, revealing a stack of golden-brown pancakes.
“Buttermilk,” he said, handing me the fork and knife. “There’s an omelet and sausage in the other boxes.” He peeled open the lid of a small syrup container, then paused over the top of my pancakes. “A little or a lot?”
“A lot.”
“Attagirl,” he said, drenching the pancakes with the thick, brown syrup.
I cut into a piece, took a bite, and hummed, smiling and chewing at the same time while Trex carved out a piece of the enormous omelet in the Styrofoam box on his lap.
“Is it a Denver omelet?” I asked. “I smell bell pepper and ham…and…onion?”
He nodded, still chewing. He carved out another piece and offered it to me. I opened my mouth and he shoveled it in, laughing when I hummed even louder.
“Oh my gosh,” I said, my mouth full.
“I know, right?” he said around his food. He pulled a foam cup with a lid and straw from a holder and handed it to me. “OJ.”
I took a sip, and I watched him eat for a moment. He looked so happy, having a breakfast picnic in my bed. I tried to push all the thoughts about not deserving him or fears that I would get attached and then he would leave from my mind.
“You’re thinking,” he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Bad thoughts or good?” When I didn’t answer, he nodded. “I’m scared, too. This feels really, really good. What if you decide you don’t want me around, or that you just don’t like me? What if someone better comes along? What if I fall a million feet deep for you and then it’s just over?”
“Has that ever happened to you before?”
“My job has made it hard to get too attached. But the traveling is over. I’m planting roots. And damn it if I’m not lucky after all. You happen to be here, too.”
“Okay. So, we just go into this scared?”
“Terrified.”
I sighed. “Okay, then.”
He held up his orange juice to mine. “To staring fear in the face.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
We sipped our juice from our straws, smiling at each other. It was the best breakfast of
my life…so far.
Chapter Thirteen
Trex
Flowers were so cliché, but I brought them anyway. Dinner and a movie were also nothing special, but that was the plan. I’d been out of practice for so long, everything seemed wrong and stupid, but when Darby opened the door and saw the roses in my hand, she covered her smile with both hands and gasped.
Darby wasn’t difficult to impress. She didn’t need diamonds or travel to luxurious places. She just wanted kindness and consideration, and those I could do, but she deserved more. Her curves filled nearly every inch of the simple navy-blue summer dress she wore, white pinstripes running from the high neckline to the hem just above her knees. I had to stop myself from gasping, too. The different shades of blond stood out more in the braid that cascaded down her left shoulder. No earrings, no necklace, just her golden-brown eyes and pink lipstick.
“Wow,” I said. It was all I could say.
She looked down. “Picked it up earlier. It was on sale at TJ Maxx for seven bucks.”
I’d never seen someone like her in real life before, and even as she pulled me in for a hug, it was hard to believe being that close to her was real.
“They’re beautiful,” Darby said, hugging the flowers gently to her chest as she breathed them in.
She spun on her heels and made her way to the bathroom sink. I stepped into her room and peeked in to where she stood. She was filling the basin with water, the bouquet lying on its side, still in the plastic. “Vase. Next time I’ll get a vase.”
“I can get one from storage later,” she said, smiling at the pink petals. She ran her finger down one before taking my hand and pulling me into the hall. She was light, smiling like she had not a care in the world. I hoped I was the reason.
“Excited?” I asked.
“Aren’t you?” she asked.
“Nervous excited,” I admitted.
She twirled around, hooking her wrists behind my neck. “You don’t get nervous.”
“You’re right. Most people are nervous around me.”
“Not me.”
“Just another reason to like you.”
From Here to You Page 14