Sunken Eyes (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 2)

by L. Stoddard Hancock

  "Let me sleep on it," said Luka, taking another drag. "I'm sure we can come up with something. But, either way, wear the outfit."

  Deryn smiled and rolled her eyes. "Men are so easy."

  Noticing Deryn was still looking a little down, Luka lifted his arm and rubbed her back again.

  "Aww, are we hugging?" asked Bronson, suddenly coming up beside them. "Mind if I join?" He squished between them, threw his arms around both their shoulders and squeezed them together.

  "I'm really not much of a toucher," said Luka, struggling to get out of the three-way hug.

  "Yes, I've noticed," said Bronson, squeezing him tighter.

  "Let go."

  "This is what we call hugging therapy, Luka. It's good for you."

  "Let g -"

  "Just accept it."

  Luka huffed as Bronson continued to hug him, Deryn laughing on his other side.

  "So are we ready?"

  "Yes," said Deryn, standing up as soon as his grip on her loosened. Luka put out his cigarette.

  As she began to walk, Bronson hurried to catch up to her, throwing his arm around her shoulders. "What's wrong, kitten? You're not upset over that other girl, are you?"

  "Somehow I think I'll get over it," said Deryn.

  "So you're not breaking up with me?"

  With a smile, she wrapped her arm around Bronson's waist and rested her head against him. "No, Bronson. You can still be my outside boyfriend."

  "Yay!"

  "What happened with that girl, anyway?" asked Luka, appearing beside them.

  Bronson shrugged. "Dunno. I just said whatever to get rid of her. I actually think we might have a date tomorrow. She's probably going to be waiting a while."

  "Bronson, you're awful!" shouted Deryn, giving him a playful shove.

  He laughed. "What? Gotta keep the mental bitch happy in the moment."

  Arm still around Deryn, Bronson threw his other one around Luka and pulled him close.

  "What are you doing?" asked Luka, trying to pull away again.

  "Your father never hugged you as a child, did he?"

  "Of course he didn't."

  "Hmm ... figures."

  Stopping his struggle against the firm grip, Luka decided to just give in and let this happen. Really, it wasn't all bad. It was actually kind of nice to have people in his life who were trustworthy. And Bronson and Deryn were just that. They weren't out to get anyone, except for those who had wronged them or the people they loved. They were just ... nice. And that was something new and unusual for Luka. He was starting to understand why Xander was so drawn to them. It was because people like Bronson and Deryn made him feel almost normal in their crazy world.

  Chapter Twelve

  "What do you think?" asked Deryn, stepping out of the bathroom and letting Xander, who was sitting on the bed, look her over. Currently, the song Blackbird was playing on the record player Deryn had unwrapped about an hour earlier. She had it on repeat, but the song made her so happy that Xander couldn't even get angry about it. Annoyed, definitely, but not angry.

  "You look fine, Deryn."

  "Really?" she asked. "You don't think it looks like I'm trying too hard with the red?" She looked down and tugged at the ends of the sweater she was wearing.

  Xander chuckled. "Since when is being festive considered trying too hard?"

  "Okay." Deryn finally let go of the sweater. "And you're sure my hair looks alright up like this?" She fidgeted with the twist she'd made.

  "Yes." Xander stood and walked over to her. "All of you looks alright." He reached her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close and giving her a tender kiss. "You look beautiful."

  Deryn tensed in his arms. He opened his eyes to see her staring at him, her expression almost fearful.

  "What?" he asked.

  Deryn gulped. "Nothing. It's just ... well, you've never said that to me before."

  "Said what?" he asked. "That you're beautiful?"

  She tensed again.

  Xander smirked. "Do you not like it when I say that?"

  "N-no," she muttered. "It's fine."

  "Then why are you looking at me like I just told you I murdered a puppy?"

  "I-I'm not."

  "Yes you are."

  "No I'm not," she said a bit more confidently. "I just ..." She sighed. "No one's ever said that to me before."

  Xander raised his eyebrows. "No?"

  She shook her head.

  He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Well, you are."

  She blushed.

  "Stop being so fucking bashful and just take the compliment."

  Deryn smiled softly. "That mouth of yours."

  She pulled away, but Xander grabbed her wrist and yanked her back, crashing his lips into hers and kissing her with an incredible vigor that sent delightful sensations to the south end of her body.

  "What was that you were saying about my mouth?" he asked between parts of their lips.

  "Nothing," she said while smiling against him, running her fingers through his soft hair.

  Before either of them had time to consider the time crunch they were in, Deryn's pants were off and Xander's were undone. He slammed her against the wall, lifted one of her legs and thrust into her.

  Xander put his free hand behind Deryn's head so that the hairstyle she'd worked so hard on wouldn't get ruined during their spontaneous moment of passion. Their lips did not part once during their quick fuck, and when Deryn came Xander couldn't help but do the same.

  While catching their breath, Xander stroked Deryn's cheek, keeping his eyes open as he kissed her tenderly. "I think this is when you look the most beautiful," he said with a smirk. "After screaming my name."

  Deryn blushed and gave him a playful shove.

  Xander chuckled and kissed her again, relishing in the sweet taste of her tongue as it pressed against his. Not once did he close his eyes, wanting to see the serene look on her face as she got caught up in these moments of theirs. It was no wonder the words that next fell from his mouth flowed so naturally.

  "I love you."

  Deryn's lips froze. She slowly opened her eyes, eyelashes fluttering as she gazed back at him, looking both horrified and delighted at the same time. The mixture of emotions was a bit much for her and she ended up bursting into tears.

  "Oh, shit. Deryn, no, I'm sorry," said Xander, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I don't know where that came from. Don't be upset."

  "I-I'm not," she said while shaking her head profusely. "Are you taking it back? Please don't take it back."

  Xander smiled and kissed her cheek. "Relax. I'm not taking it back. I meant what I said."

  Deryn nodded, tears still falling from her wide eyes as she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his. "Xander, I ... I'm not ..."

  "Ready," he finished. "I know. I wasn't expecting you to say it back."

  Deryn sobbed, her hands running up his chest and clinging to his sweater. She hadn't told him about Neo and Odette, or how she'd been offered a way out. But the closer she got to him, the more she dreaded leaving. She loved him. She knew she did. But saying it made it too real and, as soon as those words escaped her lips, she knew that leaving him behind would no longer be an option.

  After cleaning themselves off, Xander and Deryn walked out to the front of their apartment hand-in-hand.

  "You know, you two really need to remember to put up a soundproof shield," said Luka, who was reading a mechanical book Deryn had gotten him on the couch. "You have a roommate now, remember?" He looked up at them and winked.

  Deryn blushed, but Xander put his arm around her waist and said, "Heat of the moment, Luka. If it bothers you that much then put one up yourself."

  "Doesn't bother me at all," said Luka, looking back down at his book. "I've heard you having sex before. Even been in the same room once or twice. I just thought it might bother her." Without looking up, he nodded towards Deryn.

  She blushed brighter and walked over to the kitchen co
unter with her head held low to pick up her bag. "Are you ready, Luka?"

  "Yeah, whatever," he said. "Still don't know why you're dragging me to this."

  "Miki and Kemp invited you," she said.

  "Only because they wanted to invite Bronson so he would cook, and Quigley's his best friend, Xander was already invited. It would've been rude to skip me."

  "I don't know whether that's true or not but, either way, we're not leaving you alone on Christmas."

  "Why not?" he asked. "I've spent the majority of my Christmases alone. I'm used to it."

  Deryn frowned. "Well, then I would say it's about time you started a new tradition. Now, stand up. We're already running late."

  "Running late has nothing to do with me. I was out here waiting at the precise time you instructed. Not my fault the two of you can't control yourselves." He put down his book and stood. "Alright, let's get this over with."

  They all put on their coats and shoes, and Deryn put some drops in her eyes to make them blue. She wasn't wearing her wig that day since they weren't going through any gates. It was also snowing so a hood would be completely normal. She found it funny that it snowed in Utopia every now and then. It never snowed outside, not near here, but her father had seen it once on one of his trips exploring the north. He'd promised to take her one day. She secretly hoped he would be able to keep that promise.

  Once her eye color was changed, the three of them headed out the door. Bronson and Quigley were already waiting outside of their apartment with bags of food.

  "'Bout time," said Quigley. "I thought we were leaving at eleven on the dot."

  Deryn blushed again, keeping her eyes on the floor.

  "Uh oh, Quigs. I know that blush," said Bronson, grinning widely. "She and Ruby must've had a quickie." He looked at Luka. "Did they forget to put up a shield again?"

  "What do you think?" said Luka, already taking out a cigarette and lighting it. He only got in one drag before Bronson was taking it from him.

  "I'm out," said Bronson, who obviously had no intention of giving it back.

  "Fucking moocher," mumbled Luka, taking out another.

  The five of them headed outside, where a hover-car Luka had ordered was already waiting for them. Deryn sat near the window with her back to the driver. She gazed out of it, clutching tightly onto Xander's hand. She hadn't been in a car since the slave trade - even though the van wasn't a hover vehicle - and felt a bit strange about it. While she may not have been chained in the back anymore the ride felt just the same, minus the clammy but strong hand holding onto hers.

  "You alright?" asked Xander, rubbing her knee.

  Deryn smiled and nodded. She didn't want him to know that she was actually really nervous to see everyone. While she hadn't been particularly close with Del, Kemp or Anan, she still knew them. This was almost like a practice for when she saw her family and Dakota again. They would ask her questions, of course, and she needed to find the best ways to answer them, and without making everyone feel horribly uncomfortable around her.

  That was her greatest fear. That they wouldn't act normal once they knew everything she'd gone through, babying her, walking on egg shells.

  The car stopped a block from the Shopping District and the five of them got out. Xander went to the driver's window and scanned his wristband to pay the man while Bronson took hold of Deryn's hand, swinging their arms to and fro to try and ease her nerves.

  "Come on, cupcake. Show me a smile," he said as he put an arm around her.

  Deryn gave her best attempt, but it still wasn't very good.

  When Xander rejoined them they all walked a block together, then separated so they wouldn't look suspicious walking into a back alley as one big group.

  Xander took Deryn along with him, refusing to let her out of his sight. The streets were pretty deserted, considering it was a holiday, but the two of them still stayed in the shadows, keeping their faces hidden under hoods as they walked hand-in-hand, Xander positioning himself protectively in front of her at all times.

  When Xander and Deryn arrived at the abandoned store, they sneaked around the back and he asked her to do the knock signaling their arrival. To make sure she remembered it.

  Deryn took a deep breath before lifting her fist and doing the complicated knock Xander had taught her. As soon as she was finished, she stepped back and grabbed hold of his arm, hiding behind him as the door creaked open.

  "You're late," said Del, smiling widely as she stood aside so the two of them could enter.

  Deryn moved her hand down to his and squeezed tightly as they stepped forward. Once the door closed behind them, she took off her hood and faced Del.

  "Hello, Del," she said, attempting to smile. The butterflies that seemed to have permanently made a home in her stomach had never felt so large before.

  Del had tears in her eyes as she pulled her into a hug. Deryn's body was shaking as she slowly raised her arms and hugged Del back. She really wasn't used to all the hugging, much like Luka. The only people who had touched her like this in years were Xander and Bronson, and she was still adjusting to that.

  "Thank the heavens you're alright," said Del into her ear. "Your dad and brother will be so happy when they're finally able to see you again."

  "You've seen them?"

  "Not in a few months, but yes. The Resistance took me in after I fled my husband. Your brother's the one who fought for me when the majority wanted me out. I owe him my life."

  "And my dad? You've seen him, too? He's alive?" asked Deryn, hoping to finally get the answer she'd been seeking for months.

  A strange look flashed in Del's eyes. It was almost like sorrow, but something else. Something not quite right. But, still, she looked at Deryn and sincerely said, "Yes, he's alive."

  Deryn knew there was more to the story, but she wasn't ready to find out what that was yet. Not until she saw her father again, and witnessed whatever that strange look meant for herself.

  "You made sure to prep the others before we arrived, didn't you?" asked Xander.

  "Yes, of course" said Del. "They all know not to speak of anyone who crosses their paths today. The safety of the two of you is the most important thing to us."

  "The two of us?" repeated Xander, cocking an eyebrow.

  Del pulled away from Deryn but kept a hold on her, raising her hand to tuck a curl that had fallen loose from Deryn's twist behind her ear. "Well, it's the most important thing to me, and I'm sure everyone else wants to get Deryn back to her family as much as you do." She looked at Xander and smiled. "Are you ready to go upstairs, dear?" she asked while taking Deryn's hands.

  Deryn looked over her shoulder at Xander and bit her lip.

  "Need a moment?" he asked.

  "Can we wait for Bronson and the others?"

  Xander smiled and shrugged.

  "We can do whatever you want," said Del, releasing her hands. "Would you like it if I went upstairs and brought Ronan, our littlest member, down first? He's definitely easier to handle than the big ones."

  Deryn smiled and nodded. "Yes, that would be lovely."

  "I'll be right back then."

  As soon as she was gone, Xander wrapped his arms around Deryn's waist and pulled her close. "A bit nervous, are we?"

  Deryn plopped her forehead against his chest and said, "You have no idea." She sighed and breathed him in. "By the way, I've never asked before. Who does Ronan belong to?"

  Xander tensed. "What?"

  "You said there's a small child here but you never said if he belonged to someone? Is he an orphan?"

  "No."

  "Then who -"

  A knock on the door interrupted her. It was very similar to the knock created for Xander to get in, but wrong.

  "That's not fucking it!" called Luka's voice from the other side. "It's like this."

  More knocking.

  Wrong again.

  "Yeah, that's definitely not it," said Bronson's voice. "Except for the end. Maybe my knock's beginning and your knock's
end?"

  He tried that. Even more wrong than before.

  "No, no, no. You're both idiots," said Quigley's voice. "It's like this."

  Halfway through his incorrect knock, Xander shouted, "For fuck's sake!" He let go of Deryn, went over to the door and threw it open. "You're all fucking idiots," he said while pulling them inside.

  "Xander, we heard a lot of incoherent knocking," said Del, walking down the stairs with Ronan in her arms. "Is everything alright?"

  "Yes, fine," he answered. "I'm just forced to rely on a bunch of fu -" He looked at Ronan and gulped back his foul language. "Not the sharpest knives in the drawer," he finished.

  Deryn's eyes lit up when she saw the small child. He looked at her with interest before brightly saying, "Hi! Deryn?"

  Deryn smiled. "Yes. Ronan?"

  He nodded. "Uhuh. Unky Tally talks about you a lot. He says the two of you went on all sorts of aventures!"

  With a chuckle, Deryn said, "I suppose we did." Childhood adventures, at least. One time they traveled the whole three miles to the lake without an adult. "But I haven't seen him in a very long time."

  "But soon, right?" asked Ronan, squirming so Del would put him down.

  "Yes, soon," said Deryn, her eyes following his descent to the floor.

  Ronan took her hand and started pulling her towards the stairs. "Did you know Unky Tally and Aunt Neetie are going to get married? When the war is over."

  "Talon and Neetles?" said Deryn, perplexed. They'd barely known each other before. Only through her, whenever Talon was able to sneak into Eagle Center to see her during her training days. All of her female friends would crowd around them to flirt with the older boy. She had never understood the appeal, but Nita had sworn he was dreamy.

  Deryn looked back at Xander nervously as she and Ronan ascended the stairs. He laughed before briefly introducing Del to Bronson and Quigley. Then he followed her.

  Ronan was still chatting animatedly as he walked into the main room on the second floor, dragging Deryn along with him.

  Everyone looked up as they entered, Deryn stopping dead in her tracks as she stared around the room nervously. Xander came up behind her and put a hand on the small of her back, keeping her steady.