Sunken Eyes (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 2)

by L. Stoddard Hancock

  "Piss off!"

  Bronson glared at him. "Do you seriously not know what she's been through? Do you not care?"

  Anan went white and quickly cast his eyes to the floor.

  "Let me spell it out for you. She was raped. She was tortured. She had to slit a man's throat just to escape and not a day goes by that I don't see her eyes glaze over as she gets sucked back inside those memories. Yet somehow, in this twisted world, she's managed to find a bit of happiness. With Xander. And you will not take that away from her. Not on Christmas."

  "But ... it's Xander Ruby," said Anan, finally looking up at him. "I have a hard time believing that, after all this time, he suddenly feels remorse."

  "What do you mean 'after all of this time'?" asked Bronson. "He has always felt remorse."

  "I doubt -"

  "Quigley and I are Outsiders," admitted Bronson glancing sideways at Luka, who was watching him closely. He had neglected to mention that to him.

  "You are?" asked Anan.

  Bronson nodded. "We met Ruby just under three years ago. He recognized our forged information in a second and instead of turning us in he helped us. Got us some legit forgeries, gave us a apartment in his building. And he's continued to help us. For three years."

  "I don't understand," said Anan. "If you're Outsiders then why are you here? Why are you living in Utopia?"

  Bronson looked at Quigley, who frowned and said, "My sister. She didn't like it outside and moved back before the war started. But her Outsider roots were no secret, so we came to find her."

  "And did you?" asked Luka, who had never heard any of this before.

  Quigley quickly turned away.

  "We did," said Bronson. "She was hiding underground with some tunnelers, but ... well, we lost her about a year ago. Her group was discovered. Some escaped but most were killed or captured. We still don't know her fate."

  "And does Ruby know this?" asked Anan.

  "Of course he does," said Bronson. "He's tried to help us find her, but he doesn't know what she looks like and we don't have a photo. All of our belongings were burned years ago with our village. We've described her to him but, apparently, a million slaves fit her description."

  "She was pretty," Quigley said weakly from across the room. "If she was captured then she's probably going through the same shit as Deryn." He paused. "I almost hope she's dead."

  Bronson took a deep breath. "The point is that perhaps you should ease up on Ruby a bit. He's done a lot of bad. He still does a lot of bad, but he's also desperately seeking redemption. And he cares a great deal for Deryn."

  "He loves her," said Luka. When everyone stared at him, he shrugged. "Why do you all look so surprised? Guardians are capable of love, you know?"

  "Anan, perhaps you should go downstairs and apologize," said Del, stepping forward and putting a hand on his shoulder.

  "I don't want to," he said under his breath.

  "Come on, An," said Kemp. "It's a holiday and we all want to have a good time. This is the closest any of us have gotten to a real Christmas since the war began."

  A pause.

  "If you don't apologize then they'll probably leave and take the food with them," said Kemp, looking down at his stomach. "And I really want to taste that turkey. I don't know where turkeys run wild outside but they certainly aren't around here."

  "More than likely extinct, since I've yet to see one on my travels," said Ulric.

  Bronson smirked. "I suppose I should get back to the kitchen then."

  "I'll get Miki and have her put on her Christmas record. Ulric got her record player working last night." Kemp smiled as he ran towards the back room.

  "Go, Anan," said Del, giving him a small shove.

  He groaned and headed downstairs.

  On the ground floor, Xander was leaning against an old counter in the main room of the former store while Deryn sat between his legs, her back pressed against his chest.

  "You alright?" he asked, kissing her temple.

  Deryn smiled softly. "Yes. I was already aware that reactions like this are unavoidable when it comes to you and me."

  Xander burrowed his face into her hair, giving it a whiff. "You stood up for me."

  "Of course I did. You've been wonderful to me, Xander. Don't let someone like Anan make you doubt yourself."

  He smiled and kissed her temple again. "So we're involved, are we?"

  Deryn turned her head slightly so she could look at him. "What would you call it?"

  "I don't know," he said. "I suppose I never really thought to define it."

  "Well, maybe it's time we did."

  Xander put his head on her shoulder as he began to seriously think about this. Then it hit him. His head shot up as his stared straight in front of him, eyes widening. "Holy fuck. I'm in a relationship."

  Deryn raised her eyebrows. "Are you?"

  He nodded. "It seems that I am."

  She smiled and kissed his cheek. "I might be flattered if you didn't sound so unsure about it."

  "Not unsure," he said. "Just surprised." He smiled back at her and kissed her lips.

  "One might think you'd have figured that out before you told me you loved me," she said, kissing him again.

  Just as they began to melt into each other, someone cleared their throat. They both turned to see Anan standing there but looking a good ninety degrees in the other direction.

  "Something we can help you with?" asked Xander.

  Anan shrugged, still keeping his eyes focused elsewhere. "No. Just ... sorry," he said with a sigh.

  Xander raised his eyebrows. "And just which one of us are you apologizing to?"

  "Both," said Anan, finally glancing in their direction. "I don't think I'll ever like you, Ruby, but I get the whole 'gray' thing Voclain was talking about. And you've helped us. A lot."

  "I don't need the apology," said Xander, glancing towards Deryn.

  "I was getting to that." Anan took a deep breath. "Deryn, I ..." His eyes grew very wet, immediately spilling over. "I'm really glad you're here, alright? And I'm sorry we weren't able to get you out sooner. I've gone on several of the rescue missions Talon and Dax had for you. We tried. We really did and -"

  "Anan, I know," said Deryn, using Xander's knees to help push her to her feet. She walked over to him and put a comforting hand on the crying boy's shoulder. "You all did your best, but the point of the slave trade was so that none of us were ever in one place for too long, especially me. If there were rumors about the Resistance looking for me then they moved me early. They made it impossible."

  Anan nodded and used his sleeve to wipe away his tears. "I'm just really glad you're safe. And ..." He gulped. "And happy."

  Deryn smiled. "I am happy."

  Once that was settled, the three of them headed back upstairs. Now that everything was out in the open, Deryn stayed relatively close to Xander for the remainder of the day. Even though it had all been sorted out, he could still tell that she wasn't entirely comfortable.

  After dinner, Deryn gave them all the small presents she'd picked out for them. Xander had found out about her little trip to the Black Market the same day she had gone. She had never been very good at keeping secrets. He had given Luka a good punch after but, of course, Deryn knew exactly what to do to calm him down and used that to her advantage.

  They knew it was time to leave when Ronan couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. He dozed on the couch, eventually reaching his tired arms in the air. "Mommy, bed please."

  There was a slight pause as no one moved. Deryn looked at Miki first, realizing very quickly that with her tan skin and dark eyes, there was no way she could be this fair child's mother. At least, not biologically.

  And then, after a long moment, Del stood and picked him up. Without a word, she carried Ronan to the back room.

  The silence continued while she was gone, everyone sipping on their wine. It was funny how he hadn't called her mommy all night, until he was half-asleep.

  When Del came back,
she sat in the same seat and didn't say a word.

  "Who's the father?" asked Luka after the continued silence started to get to him.

  "I think that's obvious," said Deryn quietly. "Ronan looks about four and Del disappeared five years ago." Not to mention the familial green eyes, more muted among the Saevuses than the Leons but the color was just the same. She now wondered how she hadn't realized it earlier.

  "Well, maybe she disappeared because she had an affair. I don't know," said Luka. "But it's obvious you asked the kid to be quiet about it all night for my benefit. I'm sure Xander already knows and who cares if three Outsiders know."

  Xander rolled his eyes. "Don't jump to conclusions. She didn't want me telling anyone."

  "I didn't have an affair," said Del, picking up her wine with her good hand and finishing the glass. "Collin and I had been trying to have another child for years. He was determined to have a son, an heir. But it never happened. And then, one day, it did. I found out right after my husband declared war on the Outsiders and I ..." She paused and took a breath. "I didn't tell him. I knew I had to leave, before he ruined my new child the same way he's ruined Elvira, making her into someone who could kill my best friend." She looked at Xander and gulped. "Penelope had been like a second mother to Elvie, and she murdered her in cold blood."

  "So when you left, is that when he did that to you?" asked Luka, pointing at her metal hand.

  "Luka!" snapped Xander.

  "It's fine, Xander," said Del. "Luka is on our side now, there should be no secrets." She paused and looked down at her robotic right hand. "No, Collin didn't do this to me. Elvira did." A tear ran down her cheek. "When I left, he sent her after me. To kill me. But she couldn't do it. She still had a piece of the sweet little girl I once knew inside of her back then, so she let me go, only taking my hand with his family ring still on its finger to prove to Collin that I was really dead." Wiping her tears with her good hand, Del took a deep breath. "She doesn't even know she has a little brother, and I really hope she never finds out."

  "Then why are you here?" demanded Luka. "In Utopia. With Ronan."

  "Because no one is looking for a ghost," she answered. "At most, people just think I look a bit like the late Mrs. Saevus. Before we got locked in here, we had eyes on Elvira at all times. That was Ulric's job. She's the only one who might ever recognize me, and Ronan came because he wanted to. He doesn't like the Resistance's base and he wants my job someday. I know that seems ridiculous coming from a four-year-old, but he's adamant."

  "That's not ridiculous," said Deryn. "For as long as I can remember, I wanted to follow in my dad's footsteps and become an explorer. I hated being tied down to one place."

  "Then you and Ronan are kindred spirits," said Del. She sighed. "This was the first time I brought him with me. It was a foolish choice and every day I wish I could take it back."

  "You and Ronan will both be fine," Xander assured her. "Everyone's already agreed. The two of you will be the first ones out. Once I find a way."

  "No. The six of us go together or not at all," insisted Del.

  Deryn's mind suddenly drifted back to Neo and Odette, who she finally had a purpose for. She needed to find a way back to the Black Market. To tell them about the six people trapped here that needed a way out far more than she did. And, hopefully, she could work out some sort of deal on the prices, because there definitely wasn't enough money in Xander's sock drawer for all of them.

  Chapter Thirteen

  "Deryn, what's taking so long?" asked Xander as she moved around in the bathroom. "Considering you said you had to give me my present at nighttime and alone, I already have a pretty good idea of what it is."

  He grinned in anticipation.

  Then Deryn walked out wearing nothing but a green negligee. She leaned against the doorframe.

  "Fuck ..." he said, his eyes slowly trailing up her, taking it all in. And then he noticed what she had in her hand. "Is that a cupcake?"

  Deryn grinned. She dipped her finger in the chocolate frosting and licked it off.

  Xander laughed. "Deryn, stop acting like you're nice or something. It's creeping me out."

  "What? Me being nice is creeping you out?" said Deryn, walking over seductively. She crawled onto the bed, slowly moving towards him until she was close enough to rub some frosting on his neck and lick it off.

  Xander shuddered. "Fuck, you're good at this."

  "I learned from the best," she said, putting some frosting on her finger and holding it out to him.

  As he was sucking on her digit, he noticed that she had mistletoe pinned in her hair. Damn. That was hot. "Is this homemade?" he asked, taking the cupcake from her and examining it carefully.

  "It is," she said. "You can shove it in your mouth if you want. I have extras."

  Xander smirked. He peeled off the wrapper and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth. Deryn laughed and pressed her palms against his chipmunk cheeks.

  While he chewed, she went to the bathroom and came back with a plate full of cupcakes.

  By the end of the night, the entire bed was covered with cake and frosting, but Xander and Deryn were licked clean.

  The mistletoe had fallen out of her hair at one point, and Xander was currently holding it above their heads, forcing her to lean her exhausted head up from his chest and kiss him. Well, maybe not forcing. At this point it was safe to say that Deryn was more than willing.

  While keeping their kiss going strong, Deryn slowly reached up and tore the mistletoe out of Xander's hand.

  "Hey!" he shouted, pulling away from her lips. "What'd you do that for?"

  Deryn shrugged and put the mistletoe on the nightstand. Resting her chin on her hands, she smiled as she gazed at him.

  Xander stroked her cheek. While staring into her sea-green eyes, he suddenly remembered. "Oh! I have something for you."

  "Another gift?"

  "Sort of." He rolled off the bed, walked over to his rucksack and dug through it until he located what he was looking for. "I found it in Willow." He walked back to her and held out the ring.

  Deryn looked at it, blinking several times before taking it from him. The band was gold and shaped like a lion with a green stone in its center. "It's beautiful."

  "It's the same color as your eyes. And, you know, Leon, lion."

  Deryn smiled. "Really?" she said. "It's the exact same color?" She held it up so he could compare.

  "Pretty damn close," he said, leaning down and kissing her.

  Just then, his stomach grumbled. Xander looked down at it and frowned. He supposed they'd burned off all the calories from the cupcakes. "Hot chocolate?" he asked.

  Deryn smiled. "Sounds perfect."

  Xander gave her one more kiss before heading for the kitchen. He was a little surprised to see that the balcony door was open. Bronson and Luka were smoking and chatting out there. It was a bit odd, considering it was well after midnight and Bronson would be unable to go back to his own apartment. Then Bronson leaned in and kissed Luka, the two of them quickly melting into each other.

  Xander's eyes widened. Shit.

  He turned away and hurried back into his bedroom. When he got there, Deryn was staring at the ring and frowning. She looked up at him.

  "No hot chocolate?" she asked.

  Xander shook his head. "Definitely not." There was no way in hell he was going back out there.

  "That's fine," she said, holding out her arms so he could come into them.

  Xander did just that. Then he touched the ring in her hand and asked, "What's wrong?"

  "Nothing," she answered too quickly.

  "You're lying."

  Deryn sighed. "It's just ..." She took the ring and slipped it on. "This is the only finger it fits on." She held up her left hand to show that it was on her ring finger.

  Xander gulped. "Oh. It doesn't fit on the other hand?"

  She shook her head. "No. That's my dominant hand so it's a bit larger. The ring won't even go past my knuckle."

 
"But it fits perfectly here," he said, reaching out and fiddling with it. He was right. Perfect fit.

  She frowned again and took it off.

  "Deryn, I ... I don't want to marry anyone."

  "I know," she said. "I'm not asking you to -"

  "I know," he interrupted. "But it's just ... this fucking war. I don't think marriage is fair to people."

  Deryn turned and looked at him with hopeful eyes. "So you're not against it completely?"

  He shook his head. "Of course I believe in marriage. Not arranged marriage, but when it's out of love I'm not against it."

  She drew her eyes back to the ring.

  Xander pulled her body against his and turned her head so she was forced to look at him. "Deryn, if I ..." He gulped. "If I ever married anyone it would be you."

  Her breath hitched. "Really?"

  He smiled and kissed her. "Obviously. I told you I loved you earlier and I meant it. You're it. I know you are."

  She smiled back, her eyes brightening.

  Reaching behind her, Xander opened the drawer on his nightstand and pulled out a necklace. A locket, to be precise.

  "This was my mother's," he said, undoing the clasp. "She had two necklaces she wore regularly. This one and one with a flower pendant that my father has."

  He took the locket off the chain. Then he grabbed the ring from Deryn's hand and slipped it on before clasping it around her neck.

  "You're giving me your mother's chain?" she asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

  Xander smirked. "It's just a chain. The locket is my memory. This is yours now."

  She looked down at the ring dangling from her neck and twirled it between her fingers.

  "Consider that a promise," he said.

  "A promise?"

  He nodded. "That if this war ever ends, and we both make it out alive, then I'm putting that ring on your finger. And then everyone will know that you're mine."

  Deryn reached up and stroked her thumb across his cheek. She wished everyone could know now. That she was Xander's and he was hers.