Wild Within

by Mima

  But now she had another powerful choice. Her feelings twisted with disbelief. If the choice had been taken from her, it would have been easier. Freedom. A life inside a City, with a place, a purpose of her own shaping.

  With Rylan she would have someone she had known well, but who was becoming someone new. She would have a connection that others couldn't touch, but it was hers without taking him as mate. Even if she went to the moon, she would still be his, and he hers.

  Five years ago, even three, she never would have considered leaving him. She would have thought being by Rylan’s side was the only possible way to exist. WAS it?! He had asked her to stop considering it, and she hadn't, angry at his presumption.

  How shocked he must be that she thought it was presumption. She had never given any indication she would not jump into his finally open arms with joy. Her calm, controlled, purposeful meditation was getting all twisted up now, her mind and heart confused, amazed, dazed.

  She opened her eyes. The solid grey rock walls and smooth, slightly dusty floor greeted her. No chucks or bugs crawling, no eyes prying, no fingers picking at weaknesses. Food and bathing water were waiting, as were friends who welcomed and accepted her without first having stood at her back, bloodied, facing down rage and terror. Her life was different. Rylan was different now. She was becoming different. It was enough for this meditation to recognize that, and to accept that she was considering leaving.

  When she went to bathe, the others were there, talking softly about what they thought the Autumnal would be like. Freezha had stayed at River Mountain last fall. Clearly they were all avoiding the looming decision. Joining them, she thought that Freezha looked as if she had been crying, and was plainly fading in and out of the conversation. After they finished, KarRa discovered she had missed evenmeal. She fixed herself a plate of food from the one left on the table in the lounge, and trailed into Freezha’s room.

  Freezha’s room was surprisingly barren when it wasn’t strewn with clothes. The only difference between hers and KarRa's was the large iron bound trunks at the foot of the pallet, and a thick black fur on the bed. The women sat, KarRa forcing herself to eat.

  Freezha burst out immediately, “I have news! I'm choosing a Lizzeed!”

  KarRa leaned in and hugged her warmly, “That's wonderful Freezha. I wish you much happiness.” She added weakly, “You made a decision quickly.”

  Freezha nodded happily as she settled again, “I know. It was easy. I told my spiritmage when he walked me back, and guess what he said—the Lizzeed was the first match he found for me! It was meant!”

  KarRa tentatively offered, “Freezha, I hope you looked at the men as individuals. It seems dangerous to choose based on your daydreams, which were based on rumors.”

  Freezha was still nodding. “I listened carefully to all my men. But I chose one before I heard any of them speak. You see, I knew one of them!” She paused dramatically, leaned forward and whispered with glee, “One of them was Vyur!”

  KarRa paused with her mouth full of food. “Oh. My. Winds. Vyur!? The combat warrior? Are you out of your moon-blinded MIND?!”

  “YES!” shouted Freezha back, with a huge smile. Her hands flew to her mouth as if to hold in her joy. “Pitifully weak, tiny, fluff headed, sex-obsessed me is going to mate with strong, dangerous Vyur. Isn't it completely odd?!”

  KarRa could only nod.

  Freezha heaved a big sigh, clasping her hands between her knees. “It’s as romantic as you finally getting to fuck your soulmate!”

  Another pause. “Excuse me?” KarRa swallowed with an audible gulp. “What makes you say that?”

  Freezha goggled, “Wasn't he your soulmate after all?”

  Her skin was twitchy. Sullenly rolling a berry on her plate she muttered, “He is. But I don’t have to mate with him.”

  “WHAT?!” Freezha cried.

  “Well,” KarRa shrugged, “everything is messed up between us according to Merk, my spiritmage. So he didn't think the Council should just match us, but they disagreed. I still have a choice. I'm considering leaving. I don't know if I can, or should, make a family with Rylan. I could start a new life, my own life, if I wanted to, knowing Rylan was where he’s meant to be.”

  Freezha still stared at her shock, her eyes deepening to lavender.

  She added defensively, “I really don’t know if I’m meant to be here.”

  Freezha pounded her tiny fists on the bed. “How dare you! You have true soul love laid at your feet and you turn your nose up at it?!”

  “My true soul love can be a real bastard and he'll be my love no matter what choice I make.” KarRa bit out the words at Freezha.

  Pink spots appeared high on her white face. “KarRa, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I don't know what your life with Rylan was like, and I do know that it was hard. But I'm telling you, soulmates are magic.” Her voice was soft, but passionate. “It is the rarest, truest, most infallible magic there is. I think you'd make a mistake choosing another path. Rylan would still be there for you, but you wouldn't experience the truest form of the bond. It would be like a child who never grew up, forever frozen in immaturity.”

  KarRa looked at her searchingly. “I hear your words Freezha.” Changing the uncomfortable subject she asked, “So what did Vyur do when you told him?”

  “Oh, I wouldn't make it that easy on him.” She waved her hand dismissively. “He's going to have to sweat this. I chose one other to see tomorrow, this super big, super sexy Watercoaster.” She growled as she shivered dramatically. “I can tell he's just the sweetest, gentlest guy. I'll tell him right off so I don't mislead him. I wish I could have told him tonight. Vyur's kind of in a category of his own. Maybe I'll get a test fuck…” Freezha burst out laughing at KarRa's shocked look.

  “Some women think they should know what they're getting before the matebond ceremony, where we get to find out in front of witnesses. And the Beasts are already crazy to get to us. Seduction is usually a big part of the waiting week. You can't see the guards, but our balcony and the hallway are guarded tonight. The men have been known to … be overeager.” Freezha shivered. KarRa didn’t know if it was from fear of excitement, but she’d bet it was the latter. “Can you imagine the danger of them losing control of their Beasts! Well, Lizzeed control their Beasts better than any Clan. So maybe I’ll do it.”

  KarRa yawned, which triggered one in Freezha. Freezha laughed, “Let’s do another girl’s night out before the matebond!”

  KarRa groaned and pretended to lift her empty plate to beat Freezha with it. Laughing, they said their goodbyes with a hug.

  The next morning KarRa was awakened by a hissing at her curtain. “KarRa! Wake up!” The monotony of it told her Freezha had been hissing for a while.

  “Enter!” KarRa called hoarsely. She couldn't believe she had slept the night through so soundly!

  “Are you dressed?”

  “Well enough.” Her sleeping shirt was nothing like the lacy gauze Freezha wore.

  Freezha ducked in pulling a massive, reluctant Lizzeed. His thickly scaled bald head shone in the low light. KarRa sat bolt upright on her bed, her feet scrambling underneath her in a position that she could spring from if necessary, her back to the wall.

  “KarRa, this is Vyur! Vyur, this is my friend KarRa. She gave me pointers on how to flip you.” When Freezha spoke, Vyur watched her carefully, as if every sound from her lips was of the utmost importance. He turned when she finished and bowed briefly to KarRa.

  “I am looking forward to our meeting on the training mats soon.” His voice was flat when he looked at her, as was his gaze. Despite his absolute control, KarRa was more aware of the Beastspirit in this man than any other she had met. It was a shadow in his eyes. KarRa kept herself tensed, not relaxing for an instant. She was in the presence of one of the most dangerous men she’d ever met.

  She cleared her throat. “This is an early introduction Freezha.”

  “I know! But not that early. It's time you're up anyhow. I met
with my Watercoaster already and told him I couldn't consider him, then called Vyur in early and told him just a while ago.” She glanced at him shyly. “I decided after I meditated last night that I couldn't make him worry. It wasn't kind. This is too important to play games.”

  KarRa was amazed that Freezha was so modestly dressed. She had on a cream tunic much like KarRa's, whose neck only dipped slightly at the throat, and a long brown skirt that was admittedly frilly and flowing, but the hem fell clear to the floor. Her hair was pulled into a simple roll at the back of her neck. Freezha looked like she was thirteen.

  “Why are you dressed like that?” KarRa couldn't help the curious question leaving her mouth.

  Vyur's gaze seemed to grow even colder, his immense shoulders squaring.

  “Ummmm. Yes, well, actually, Vyur suggested I change after I first saw him, and then when I did, he suggested it again. It's so funny you should ask about that. Because you know, well, it got me thinking and I thought, “Maybe I'll ask KarRa for her magic blessing after all.”“ Freezha, not so subtly, opened her eyes wide and innocent and blinked rapidly at KarRa, using the motion to hide a wink from the side of her face away from Vyur.

  KarRa understood instantly. Freezha was unhappy with Vyur's clothing preference. He had dictated something already that conflicted with a very large part of Freezha's nature, and now she was nervous.

  “Ah.” KarRa nodded. “I see.” She looked at Vyur, whose hard gaze was now suspiciously on his promised-mate. “I am going to rise and approach you,” she warned Vyur. “I will not touch you, but I will be close.”

  “You are a spiritmage to offer blessings?” he asked, again with a hint of suspicion.

  “Not really—ummm, well yeah, I guess I am! Freezha knows of my magic and likes it.”

  Vyur stared hard at her but finally nodded.

  KarRa rose smoothly and slowly, a controlled movement that would sooth Vyur. Stepping off the bed she glided up to Freezha in balanced steps.

  Closing her eyes and raising her hand to hover over the middle of Freezha's chest, she drew up her mists. Catching the essence of Freezha, which she saw as lavender blue that matched her eyes, she moved her hand over to Vyur, and up to his center. She concentrated on the deep purple she saw, then opened her eyes and stepped back. Freezha was holding her breath with her tiny fingers curled together at her stomach in childish superstition.

  KarRa smiled fondly at her. “You are blessed Freezha.”

  Breath whooshing out in a rush, she seemed to deflate, looking perplexed. Vyur watched her with, KarRa thought, a faint wisp of worry. “There are many things in life magic does not fix, Freezha. Even a spiritmage would say so.”

  The girl nodded unhappily, then determinedly drew herself up and gave KarRa a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered in her ear.

  Spinning to Vyur, she said, “I have lots of questions for you! Let's go to the river and walk.”

  KarRa thought he might have given the faintest sigh of relief. She jumped, bracing herself when he bent toward her.

  But he was merely giving a formal head bow. “My thanks for your blessing. Good-bye.”

  KarRa pulled on her clothes and went to use the washing room. After she was put together, she picked up a teapot from the side of the lounge and had just set it down on the table in her room when Rylan stalked into the room without asking. He continued to stalk right up to her until he'd backed her into the wall.

  “What are—?!”

  He cut her off by lowering his head and running his nose all over face. Pulling back he growled, “Who’s been here? I can smell him.”

  “Yeah, I had a little test fuck…”

  Rylan's lips slammed down on hers, eating at her mouth.

  Stunned, she stood frozen beneath the hard licks and demanding wash of frustration for about two seconds before she tentatively began to move her mouth under his.

  He growled again and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight to him with a hand at the small of her back, the other at the back of her head. His mouth was slanting back and forth, his teeth nipping, his tongue stroking. The pressure changed from hard and desperate to coaxing, to frenzied, to savoring. A wisp of fire flickered between her legs, grew into a flame that licked her belly, and explored into an inferno.

  They had kissed many times, sometimes quick hard smacks of pursed lips, sometimes soft nuzzling touches. Never with passion. Never like this.

  KarRa wondered at his taste, how it went perfectly with his smell, both of which settled deep into her body. The raspy feel of his tongue, the perfect way he sealed their mouths, broke apart to tease and lead her tongue, and then shifted for another sensation. He was Rylan, but as she had never known before.

  Soon his hardness pressed between them, and his hips began to surge against her. Shocked, she jerked away from the aggressive heat. He followed, grinding against her mound. His lips picked up the same rhythm. The beat of him against her belly filled her with an urgency that made her heart wild.

  She hesitated at the intense feeling, and he fused his mouth to hers and drank deep while he ground himself into her in a rolling slide.

  He was saying, Yes I'm hard, and no it's not like before, where we'd both ignore it like it meant nothing.

  It went on and on, the deep pressure against her stomach, and her tongue so tangled with his she didn't know whose was whose. His taste was sliding down her throat, and she wanted more. She wanted to eat him, every inch of his skin. Her hands fisted in the sides of his vest. Any minute now her skin was going to combust.

  In the middle of the incredible building sensation he broke away, literally staggering away to brace himself with his back to her at the table. They were both heaving for breath.

  After several breaths she was still without anything to say, but he turned and her breath caught at his lowered and forward thrust head, his eyes the green of carrot tops with mageheat, his hands in fists.

  “KarRa, I love you. It will be so good between us. It will be my final homecoming. Know this—no matter what you choose, we will fuck sometime soon. I won't be able to help it, and you will just have to deal with it. You. Are. Mine. No matter where you think to go.”

  KarRa opened her mouth, to say what her stunned brain didn't know. What would have fallen out she never knew, because he lunged for the door and left.

  About twenty heartbeats later, KarRa unlocked her knees and sagged against the wall, slowly sliding down it to sit stunned on the floor. That was Rylan? She had just kissed Rylan? He had promised to fuck her? After several more moments she finally had a thought beyond her surprise. What was she going to do?

  The day passed with agonizing slowness. She did set after set of knifedances, read, bathed again, ate when she wasn’t hungry, and watched the plaza from the balcony. When she wasn’t brushing her fingertips across her still tingling lips, she was imagining living in a proper shak inside safe City walls, perhaps part of a Guild where she was trained. With high Guild mages to teach her, perhaps she could discover the key to her magic. She remembered the intimacy she felt with Merk. Could she take lovers? Her thought churned her stomach, and brought not the memory of Merk’s heat, but Rylan’s as he pressed her into the wall, his erection like a warclub against her belly.

  After the evenmeal she saw Freezha hesitate at the opening of the lounge. {Follow me} she motioned, and went on to her room. Freezha had piles of clothes on every surface, from the morning’s difficulties no doubt.

  “KarRa of the soulmate! How did it go?!”

  Like a child, KarRa blurted out the thing that had kept her brain frozen the whole day. “Rylan kissed me today!”

  “Best ever incredible? Or just happy toes incredible?”

  “I think, best ever.”

  Freezha sighed sadly. She said mournfully, “I didn't get any happy toes at all. Not even a tummy wiggler. Just some shivers. Vyur’s so proper. He says it isn’t official until star-rise. And I’m mad at him for keeping secrets! He knew! He knew he was a potent
ial mate of mine from the first moment he met me, and told that big behemoth Wat, and they both didn’t tell me! He thought I wouldn’t pick him! Have you ever heard of anything so silly? As if any man could compare to him.”

  Shaking her head she said, “Well, KarRa, if you got the best ever from your soulmate, it just seems like an easy decision to me. Your old life will fade. Let go of the hurts you shared in it. He'll change; you'll change here too.”

  “But Freezha, I can see a future…”

  “KarRa. He. Is. Your. Soulmate!” Freezha turned to face her more fully on the bed, her face deeply concerned. “You are still considering this. KarRa, I just don't understand.”

  KarRa looked away from her searching eyes. She didn't know why this reaction made her want to dig in her heels, but she knew it wasn't fair. “I know you don't. I'm going to go meditate.”

  As she stiffly stood to go, Freezha asked softly, “Did you try to prove Rylan with your magic?”

  KarRa shook her head. “How can I prove a man when he is so saturated with myself I can't tell our soulair apart?”

  “The soul doesn't lie.”

  KarRa didn't respond to Freezha’s quiet, searing words, and left.

  KarRa decided to work out, again. Then she decided to brew some tea. Then she rearranged the table and chairs in her room. She heard a woman walk past crying in the corridor and finally forced herself to sit folded on her bed. Her mind spun. Rylan could be hers. Did he deserve her after making her live alone? Rylan could be hers. A City life, even inside the Royal City itself, could be hers.

  And then she came to a realization, eyes flashing open to stare at the pretty pattern hanging heavy over her door. The City was safe. The City was hiding. The City was protection from a Rylan who wanted what she had fought hard to push deep inside herself and close ruthlessly off. She wouldn't have to face her best friend who had become a passionate stranger.

  Rylan had turned away from her over and over. She was afraid. She was afraid he would do it again.