Within Miles

by K. J. Carrigan

  “Need a ride, little lady?” I looked up to see Cole behind the wheel of my car, creeping along the street.

  “Go away Cole.” I said through clenched teeth.

  “I saw Miles go after you earlier and I take it that the reunion didn’t go well?” He stopped the car and put it into park. I kept walking.

  “I don’t want to talk about it right now Cole, so please leave me alone.” I said over my shoulder.

  “I’m not leaving you alone out here so that you can get raped and killed in that dress. Get in the car and I will take you home to your nice warm bed with me hopefully in it.” I turned around and faced him. His bottom lip was stuck out in a pout and he mouthed “Please?”

  My feet were hurting and my ranch was out in the middle of nowhere, so I had no choice.

  “Fine, I will get in the car but I don’t want to talk about Miles fucking Taylor. Period.”

  Cole nodded and opened his arms to me, which I gladly accepted.

  “How about the me in your bed part? I will just hold you, I promise.” Cole wrapped an arm around me and guided me to my car.

  “OK but just holding. I don’t think I will be up to anything else for a while.” Cole opened the passenger side door for me and I got in.

  “You got it” He said with a smile, closing my door behind me.

  All or Nothing

  As much as my mind hated Miles, I knew my heart couldn’t. Miles had opened my heart and my soul to feelings that I thought had died right along with my family. Before him, my life had been empty. I would get up, do my daily routine and go to sleep. I was on repeat for three years and now I hated what I had become.

  If Ares were to see the way I had been before my trip, he would have said, “Suck it up little sister. You only have one life to live, now live it.” Had I been living the life my family would have wanted for me? Nope. I was living in a fucking bubble. Now, I was living with heartache, again.

  Cole had stuck to his word and held me all night. I couldn’t keep the tears from breaking through but he was a trooper. He held me close, letting my tears stain his shirt. He had whispered sweet words to me until I fell asleep and now he was kicking my ass at PGA Tour Golf.

  “A hole in one, how the hell did you do that?” I laughed. It felt good to laugh. It had been two weeks since Miles and I had talked in the ally and Cole was trying to keep my spirits up. He really was a trooper.

  “I used a hack.” He laughed and made an 'oh no' face when he realized he had said the words out load.

  “You fucking cheat! I knew there was no way you could have made a damn hole in one shot two hundred and thirteen yards away!” I threw my controller at him in anger but the anger didn’t last long. Before I knew what was happening, Cole had pinned me to the sofa with my arms above my head.

  “No need for violence beautiful. Make love not war.” Cole and I hadn’t had sex since the night before my confrontation with Miles. I felt it was inappropriate to do so given that I still loved Miles and the fact that I didn’t want to give Cole the wrong idea. Sure, I wanted to have sex with him every minute of every day but I had to refrain, for both our sakes.

  Cole could sense my hesitation. I didn’t want any physical contact between the two of us and now was no exception.

  “Why won’t you sleep with me anymore?” He whispered against the skin of my neck. God, it felt good. My body was betraying me as we speak. My panties were already soaked through.

  “Because I don’t want to lead you on. I’m fucked up Cole, fucked up by someone who doesn’t even want me anymore.” I sadly said.

  “He wants you Thea. I can see it in his eyes when he thinks nobody is looking. He still loves you but isn’t man enough to admit it to himself.” I had told Cole about Miles’ and mine conversation last week. He never pushed for the information. He gave me time, which I appreciated so I had decided to tell him. Needless to say, Cole thought Miles was an idiot. I second that.

  “What am I going to do?” I whispered. Cole sat up on his elbow and looked down at me.

  “I don’t know Thea? What do you want to do? Do you want to know what I would do?” He cocked an eyebrow at me.

  “Sure. What would the very handsome Cole Green do?” I said with a slight smile.

  “I would wait it out. If you are meant to be together, it will happen and if not, well, you will have to move on.” He stared at me with thoughtful eyes. I was very lucky to have him in my life.

  “How did you get so wise?” I laughed. He had said something that my mother would have said to me. She was a big believer in fate.

  “I’m wise because I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been patiently waiting for this girl for a while now. Don’t worry, you don’t know her. Anyway, I’m just waiting until she decides what she wants to do and when she does, I’ll be right here for her.”

  I blushed. I knew the ‘girl’ he was talking about was me. I wasn’t that stupid when it came to signals from men. Cole had been hinting for months now that he wanted something ‘more’ with me but of course, I had to be a stubborn bitch and want the guy who doesn’t want me back.

  “Thanks Cole, for everything. You don’t know what it means to me to have you here, to talk to. Miles will be leaving the day after tomorrow and I guess fate will have to give me some kind of sign by then.”

  Cole smiled at me. “Yep and then you will find the happiness you deserve, either way.”

  The day Miles was scheduled to leave to go back to Las Vegas, I saw him through the kitchen window talking with Lancey. I had told Lancey about everything, about Miles, about Cole, everything. He never judged me. He just hugged me tight and told me that everything would fall into place.

  I tore my eyes from Miles to look across the land to see my new house coming together. The foundation was about to be poured next week, other than that, it was just a big hole in the ground.

  I smiled at the pile of dirt. My new house, my beautiful house that I designed. Faith had suggested a couple of ideas for me to consider such as a porch, maybe adding another bedroom. I agreed on the wrap around porch but said no to the extra bedroom. I wanted my house small and cute, nothing more.

  “Are you staring at Miles?” Anna said from the kitchen bar. I rolled my eyes.

  “No. I’m looking at my house.”

  “What house. All I see is a pile of dirt on the top of the hill.”

  “Exactly” I said, staring out the window again. “That,” I pointed out the window, “is my new beginning, even if I’m alone.”

  Anna stood up and wrapped her arms around me. “You’re not alone Thea. You have me.”

  I smiled at her. “I know I do. I just wish I knew what was going to happen, that’s all.”

  My eyes drifted to Miles again. This time his eyes were set on the house I was in. He couldn’t see me but I could tell he was sad. He shook hands with Lancey and joined Faith near his car. This was it, he was leaving and I was never going to see him again. I would live my life and he would live his, apart.

  I watched as his car backed up, turned around and began driving off my land and out of my life.

  A single tear fell from my eye, landing on Anna’s hand.

  “Don’t cry honey, I’ve got you.” I broke into sobs and collapsed into Anna’s arms. I could see the future we could have had flash before my eyes. A future we would never have.

  Anna stayed with me the rest of the day and night. She said that I shouldn’t be alone and I agreed with her. Cole had decided to give me space and I wasn’t so sure that’s what I wanted. Even though Anna’s company was wanted, I felt that I wanted Cole’s instead. His arms felt like home, like I truly wasn’t alone.

  The next morning I woke to the smell of coffee. I had fallen asleep on the couch last night after much needed crying.

  I rubbed my eyes and walked to the kitchen. “Morning Sunshine, how you feeling?” Anna asked while pouring me s cup.

  “Shitty” I answered truthfully.

  “I thought you might say
that. I’m putting a shot of jack in your coffee.” Anna gave me a wicked grin and opened up my liquor cabinet. I wasn’t going to argue with her.

  I sipped on my spiked coffee and thought about my trip to Las Vegas. I smiled at some memories and wanted to cry at others. The only conclusion I had, was that the trip was life changing.

  “You said that Miles and his dad’s company were bought for five million?” She huffed, “Chump change. You could buy that ten times over.”

  What? Did she just say that? I thought, chewing on my fingernail. She was right. I had seventy million of my parent’s money sitting in a bank. I never touched it. I never wanted to. I relied on my accountants and lawyers to pay my bills, including my crew’s wages.

  Oh my god! I got up from my chair and hugged Anna tight. “Thank you” I said in a rush.

  “For what? What did I say?” Anna asked as I ran upstairs to call my accountant.

  When I got off the phone with Bruce, I called an airline to buy a plane ticket and started packing a bag.

  “What are you doing?” Anna asked propping herself on the edge of my bed.

  “I’m flying to Las Vegas.” I said and spun around to run to the bathroom to grab my hairbrush.

  “You what? First, you don’t fly and second, why the hell would you go to…” She trailed off as her eyes widened. “You’re going after him aren’t you?”

  I nodded. “I’ve got a plan and I think it will work. Trust me.” I grabbed my bag and gave her a hug. “Wish me luck.”

  “You’re gonna need it.” She called to me as I rushed down the stairs.

  Yes, my plan was idiotic but I had to at least try. I had to know. It was all or nothing.

  Here Goes Nothing

  I rushed to my gate and waited for my flight to be called. When it finally was, I was a nervous wreck. I was getting on a fucking plane, which mind you was my biggest fear in the whole world, to try to win Miles back, knowing that my plan might not work. What was I going to do if it didn’t? I had no clue.

  I sat in my assigned seat and closed my eyes. I was crazy and this proved it.

  “Hello Sweetheart.” An elderly woman said as she sat next to me. She had to be about eighty. She had white hair almost blue and kind big brown eyes.

  “Hi” I said and looked out the small oval window at my right.

  “My name is Ida Jenkins. I just love Las Vegas. My granddaughter is getting married there tomorrow.” She nudged me with her shoulder and it caused me to look at her. “I’m hoping to sneak away after the wedding to hit the slots.” She gave me a wrinkled wink.

  “That sounds nice.” I said quietly.

  “Oh yes. She’s getting married by Elvis. I love Elvis. Enough about me, why are you going? Do you have family there dear?”

  I smiled at her and shook my head. I might as well tell her. I was never going to see her again anyway. I began telling her about everything and when I finished, the plane was already up in the air.

  I sighed. Well that was easy. Now for the hard part, Ida patted my hand. “All this trouble for a boy” She shook her head. “Can I tell you a secret?” She leaned in. She smelled of baby powder and dish soap, which I found an odd combination. She continued without my answer. “My late husband, William, though he was a great man and gave me four wonderful children,”

  She leaned in closer as if to tell me some government cover-up. “He was not the love of my life. I fell in love with a man named Henry Trill when I was sixteen. It was the beginning of the war and I was helping out my father, who was a doctor. Henry was a soldier. He had been shot in the leg and I was his nurse.”

  Sadness spread across her face. “You see, Henry was twenty three and my parents didn’t approve of our relationship. I wanted to marry Henry. I did so very much but they would have no such union. They were set on my marring William, who was my age. I had to break it off with Henry.” She looked away.

  “What happened to Henry?” I asked, truly interested in her story.

  Ida cleared her throat. “You see, Henry healed well, thanks to my mending and was sent back into war, he perished three weeks later. The ship he was on was attacked killing everyone on board.”

  I put my hand on my heart. “I’m so sorry Ida.”

  She patted my hand again, telling me that it was OK. “No worries dear, it was almost seventy years ago and I’ve gotten over his loss but I have some advice for you. You see, Henry would have died whether we were together or not. It was his fate. My fate was to marry William and have my babies. What I’m trying to say is that, you can love more than one person in your lifetime, even if it’s not your first. I wouldn’t have traded my life with William for anything in the world.”

  I thought about what she said and nodded. It made perfect sense. What Anna, Lancey and Cole had been telling me all along had just been going in one ear and out the other. Ida was telling me almost the exact same thing but her words sank in more than anyone else because she had lived it.

  “Thank you Ida. I think I know what I have to do now.”

  “Oh honey, you don’t have to do a thing. Just let nature run its course. You will know in here,” she pointed to my heart, “When it’s right.”

  Before I knew it, my plane was landing at McCarran Airport. I gave Ida a big hug and thanked her again; I picked up my carry on, rushed out the doors, and hailed a cab.

  I didn’t know where Miles would be but the first place I was going to look was the hotel where we met.

  I walked through the doors of the hotel and began scanning through the people. When I didn’t spot him, I walked up to the hotel bar and saw that Dante was working.

  “Excuse me Dante?” I said continuously looking around.

  “May I help you Miss?” Dante asked.

  “I don’t know if you remember me but I’m looking for Miles Taylor. Have you seen him?” I really hoped he remembered me because I’m sure a lot of girls ask for Miles.

  “Oh yes, whiskey girl. I remember you. I think I saw Miles go into the restaurant over there.” Dante pointed a finger to the other side of the casino.

  “Thanks Dante” I threw my bag over my shoulder and jogged over to the restaurant.

  There he was, sitting by himself, looking at a menu.

  I walked over to him and tapped his shoulder. I wanted to laugh at the reaction I got of him seeing me here.

  “Thea! What the hell are you doing here?” He all but shouted at me. I didn’t want to laugh anymore. I wanted to cry.

  I shoved the five million dollar check that I had my accountant Bruce had written out to Miles, into his chest.

  “Here, now you won’t have to sell your soul to the devil. You now own your father’s company. You can do what you want now.”

  Miles’ scowl matched my own. He wasn’t happy to see me and he was definitely not happy with the gift I had just given him.

  He handed the check back to me without looking at it. “I can’t take this Thea.” He looked away from me and back to his menu.

  It hit me like a ton of bricks. I stood there staring at him for god knows how long. This was what Ida was talking about. Fate had just blindsided me.

  “If there isn’t anything else you need, I’m expecting guests soon.” He was shooing me away and I didn’t care. He had changed and not in a good way. The Miles that sat before me was a different man and not the man I fell in love with. He was as cold as stone. I folded up the check and placed it in my back pocket.

  “Yes, do need something else. I need you to know that I am an idiot. I came here to win you back by buying your freedom but I just realized that I shouldn’t have to buy anything for someone’s love. If you wanted me bad enough all you had to do was show it and now I know that I have to do and thank you for showing me the error of my ways. Goodbye Miles.” I said with no regrets and walked away.

  I didn’t look back as I made my way through the casino. I wanted to go home to everyone that loved me, really loved me.

  “Hello Thea!” A lovely voice called.
I looked to see Charles and Abby walk towards me. “It’s good to see you honey. What brings you to Vegas? Are you joining Miles and us for lunch?”

  I smiled and shook my head. “No I’m sorry. I was just leaving. It’s nice to see you both but I must be going home now.”

  I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the check. I looked down at it and placed it in Charles’ hand, closing his fingers around it.

  “I want you to have this. I want buy your company but I want you to put it in Miles’ name. Don’t tell him where it came from and if he asks, tell him that it came from an anonymous donor.”

  Charles opened his hand as stared at the check. “We can’t take this Thea.” He said breathless.

  I smiled at the two of them. “Please. Take it for Miles.” And with that, I left Charles and Abby standing in the middle of the casino awe stricken.

  My Happy Ending

  The plane ride home wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was a three hour flight so it gave me plenty of time to come up with a game plan.

  First I needed to think. I had realized when I looked into Miles’ eyes today that it wasn’t love I saw in them, it was regret and in this point in my life, I had no room in it for regret. I wanted certainty and I was certain that I was not in love with Miles. I had been at one point but wasn’t any longer.

  Something had changed in me along the way. I don’t know if it was Ida, Lancey, Anna, Cole or some unknown thing. I had thought that I was stronger with Miles. That he had healed the hole in my heart but that was never true. The hole had been patched but never sealed completely.

  I had been searching for completion in my life and all along it had been right in front of me. It wasn’t me deciding my future. It had been decided for me. A part of me hoped that it was my mother guiding me through the hard times, this one included. She had always told me that my gut was always to be trusted. Was it my gut telling me all along that Miles wasn’t the one for me? I didn’t know for sure but I knew now that my heart was.