A Blessing & a Curse

by ReShonda Tate Billingsley

  Wanda shot them both chastising looks. “Put that out before Mama come out here and kill us all,” she said, referring to her mother, Ruby.

  They both took one last quick pull and mashed the joint out.

  Rachel simply shook her head as she stepped over them to head inside. But Wanda stopped her. “So, unc said we got some new fam we’re going to meet. Where she at?” Wanda asked.

  “She’s in the hotel resting.” Rachel hadn’t considered it before, but seeing her cousins scattered all over the front porch reminded her of something: “Look, I need to lay some ground rules.”

  “You know I don’t do too well with rules,” Big Junior said, chuckling.

  Rachel ignored him and continued talking. “This visit means a lot to my dad and I just want to make sure y’all get it together. This is hard on Jasmine as it is, so can we keep the jokes and wisecracks to a minimum?”

  “Why should we change who we are?” Wanda asked, leaning in so Big Junior could high-five her. “She needs to love us or leave us.”

  “That’s just it. She’ll definitely leave,” Rachel replied, matter-of-factly. Jasmine was only here by the grace of God. One wrong move and she’d be heading back to the Big Apple. “This is really difficult and giving her a hard time will only exacerbate the problem.”

  “Exact what?” Big Junior said.

  “You know she siddity. She know all them big words,” Wanda replied to him before turning to Rachel. “Yo, cuz, I get what you trying to do, but this is us. You run from us, you move to the big city, trying to forget your country roots, but we all got the same blood running through our veins. At the end of the day, we’re all family. And that includes your new sister.”

  Wanda was right, but there was no way Rachel would be able to convince Jasmine of that.

  “Baby girl!” Simon said, swinging the screen door open. “I didn’t know you were back.” He stepped out on the front porch and looked around. “Where’s Jasmine?”

  “She’s at her hotel. Dad, we have to give her a minute. She brought her whole family with her and I told you, you’re going to have to take this slow.”

  Aunt Minnie appeared in the doorway right after her brother. “Well, she got three hours,” Minnie announced. “The fish fry starts at five and all family needs to be here.”

  “Well, I don’t know if that’s going to happen, Aunt Minnie,” Rachel replied. “They’ve been traveling and they’re tired. So I doubt if they’ll come down to the fish fry tonight.”

  “So, the way Simon been in here going on and on about this girl, and she don’t even want to see him?” Minnie’s nose was turned up as she crossed her arms in disgust.

  Rachel debated trying to explain Jasmine’s point of view to her aunt, but she knew that would be useless. She focused her attention on her father.

  “Daddy, we talked about this,” Rachel said.

  “I know,” Simon finally said. “David and Jonathan will be here in an hour or so, and I want her to get to know us all. I just want to meet her and my grandkids.”

  “You will.”

  “She got kids?” Minnie said.

  “I told you that,” Simon replied. “But you don’t listen.”

  “Hmph. You don’t listen. I told you to stay away from that Doris girl all them years ago. If you had listened, you wouldn’t be here ’bout to meet some secret daughter.” Aunt Minnie turned back to Rachel. “Well, since she won’t come, go get her kids. Teeny ’bout to take the kids fishing down at Calhoun Creek.”

  The thought of Jasmine allowing Jacquie or Zaya to fish brought a smile to Rachel’s face. She’d pay good money to see that.

  “You think she’d like that?” Simon said.

  “Uh, yeah, I know she wouldn’t. Y’all call me bougie. She’s on a whole ’nother level,” Rachel replied.

  “Lord, one siddity child in the family is enough.” Minnie stepped her hefty frame closer to Rachel. “So, y’all ’bout to give her my daddy’s building for her charity, and she can’t see fit to come see my brother?”

  “Minnie, Ruby owns the building. She bought you out twenty years ago. So it’s hers to do with as she sees fit,” Simon reminded her.

  “It was my daddy’s building. That’s the bottom line. And Ruby don’t see fit to give it to some ungrateful, uppity illegitimate child. She’s only doing that because all she ever wants to do is make her big brother Simon happy.” Minnie growled her words. That was obviously a source of contention between them. Rachel hated that Jasmine was giving her cantankerous aunt any ammunition.

  “Anyway, Minnie. This doesn’t even concern you.” He turned back to Rachel. “I understand.”

  “No, you don’t. You been talking about that child since you set foot on this red dirt,” Minnie snapped, pointing to the front yard. “Now I get she got some issues, but shoot, we all do. So she needs to put on her big-girl panties and come face her family.” Aunt Minnie turned to her sister, who had followed her siblings outside. “Ruby, where are the keys to that building?”

  Ruby looked over at Simon, then back at Minnie. “Right here, in my pocket,” she said, patting the pocket on her housecoat.

  “Hand ’em here,” Minnie demanded.

  Before anyone could protest, Ruby had the keys in her outstretched palm. Minnie took them and dropped them in her double-E bra. She glared at Rachel. “Now, you tell my niece that we got her some TV and newspaper coverage and everybody is looking forward to her opening her little charity. But if she wants those doors to open tomorrow, she’s gonna have to come get the keys from me, after she talks to my brother.” Aunt Minnie clapped her hands to let everyone know she was done talking. She turned to Wanda. “Wanda, go run out to the deep freezer and get me another pack of those ham hocks, then come on back in here and help me finish cleaning these mustard greens.”

  Oh, God, Rachel thought. Ham hocks, mustard greens, crazy cousins, an overanxious father, and now Aunt Minnie was holding the keys hostage. No, Jasmine wasn’t ready. Shoot, Rachel wasn’t even sure if she was ready.

  Chapter

  21

  Jasmine

  The tattered washcloth covered Jasmine’s forehead as she lay with her eyes closed. But she wouldn’t be able to rest for too long. Soon she’d have to get up and wrap the washcloth around fresh ice cubes. Even the ice in this hotel was cheap; it kept melting faster than any ice she’d ever used before.

  This ice pack on her forehead wasn’t doing a thing, though. She still felt like she was going to faint, even though she was lying on this twin bed, which was covered with a hideous floral bedspread.

  When was the last time she’d seen a bed with a bedspread? She was used to beds with silk duvets that were as soft as any cloud in the heavens. And sheets that were at least eight hundred thread count. She’d peeked at the sheets on this bed and she doubted that they had any thread count at all.

  “Ohhh,” she moaned. Really, there was no way that she could stay here. But what was she going to do? Her children already saw this as an adventure, running from Mae Frances’s room to their own, which was connected to hers and Hosea’s. And then there was the fact that Jacqueline’s Hope would open tomorrow. She had to stay—at least for one night.

  The hotel door opened then closed, but Jasmine didn’t move. And though no one spoke, she knew those were her husband’s heavy steps that she heard, then his calming presence that she felt standing over her.

  The only thing was that this time not even Hosea could quiet her spirit. That little devil who from time to time stood on her shoulder was there again. Only this time he wasn’t encouraging her to do something she shouldn’t do. This time that little devil was laughing, cracking up, really. That devil was hootin’ and hollerin’ and tauntin’ her.

  You’re in a Super 8. You’re in a Super 8.

  Jasmine had no idea why, but she heard that mantra in her head for so long that she began to sing along.

  “I’m in a Super 8. I’m in a Super 8.”

  “Jasmine,” Hosea sai
d as he sat down on the edge of the twin bed. “Darlin’, are you okay?”

  Just that quickly, she’d forgotten that Hosea was there. It was official. Rachel had driven her to the brink of insanity. She needed to call her and congratulate her. Tell her she’d won.

  As she tried to lift her head, the washcloth fell off, plopping down into her lap, and right away a water spot began to spread across the front of her white linen dress.

  With tears in her eyes, she said, “Hosea, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again. We can’t stay here.”

  Hosea lifted the washcloth and tossed it onto the nightstand. “Come on, darlin’. Just like you haven’t always been saved, you haven’t always had money.”

  “But I’ve had money for a long, long time now. And even when I didn’t”—she paused and her eyes did a slow scan around the room—“I had enough money not to stay in a place like this.”

  “Well, this is all we got.” He stood and removed his watch from his wrist. “And the kids are lovin’ it.”

  “Where are they?” Jasmine asked as she flopped back against the pillows. “Ouch!”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “This isn’t a mattress, it’s a cement block.”

  Hosea chuckled. “Yeah, it is a little stiff and hard, isn’t it?”

  “And we won’t even be able to sleep in the same bed,” Jasmine whined.

  “Who said?” he asked before he turned around and climbed into the bed with her. “See, we’ll just snuggle like this . . . all . . . night . . . long.”

  This was the first moment of peace that she’d felt since she’d landed in Arkansas. And if she could stay in Hosea’s arms, maybe she’d be able to handle this hotel.

  “Where are the kids?” she whispered.

  “With their Nama. She took them down to the pool.”

  “So, then, we can stay here like this? For at least a little while?”

  “For at least a long while,” he said, pulling her even closer.

  The moment she closed her eyes, there was a banging on the door.

  “Ugh!” Jasmine groaned. “Who is it?”

  “Rachel!”

  “What do you want?” Jasmine shouted.

  “Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”

  “About what?”

  “Jasmine!” Hosea glanced at her as he rolled out of the bed. “You can’t have a conversation while she’s standing in the hall.”

  Jasmine wanted to ask Hosea why not. She never planned to let Rachel into any part of her life ever again. After the opening, she was going to (politely) ask Rachel to stay away from Jacqueline’s Hope and her and her family forever.

  She knew Rachel would have no problem with that. Her sister . . . she stopped that thought again. Why in the world did she keep thinking of Rachel as her sister when they would never, ever have that kind of relationship?

  When Hosea opened the door, Rachel rushed into the room, then she paused and glanced around the exact same way Jasmine had done about an hour before. And there it was again. That smirk.

  “I hope you’re enjoying your accommodations.”

  Jasmine sprang up from the bed. “You know what?”

  “Ladies,” Hosea said, jumping between them. Turning to Rachel, he said, “You needed to talk to Jasmine?”

  And then it was like Rachel just remembered her reason for returning to the hotel, and the smirk she wore vanished. Now her forehead was etched with deep lines.

  “We have a little bit of a problem,” Rachel said as she lowered herself into a chair. It wobbled as if the four legs might not be even.

  Jasmine said nothing; she just stood and crossed her arms.

  “What’s up?” Hosea asked.

  “Well,” Rachel began, “and please don’t think this is a trick or anything. My father—our father—and I had nothing to do with this.”

  Now Jasmine’s frown matched Rachel’s. “What did you do?”

  “I didn’t do anything. It’s my . . . our aunt Minnie.” She took a deep breath and blew it out. “She wants you to come ton—”

  “No!”

  “You have to, Jasmine.”

  “The only things I have to do are stay black, pay taxes, die, and get the hell out of Smackover as soon as the center is open.”

  “And you need to add one more thing to the list. You have to come to Aunt Minnie’s house for the family fish fry tonight.”

  “No.”

  “Or else they’re not going to give you the keys to Jacqueline’s Hope!” Rachel cried.

  Jasmine had her lips poised to say no once again, but then she stopped and glared at Rachel. “Your family never intended to give me that building, did they?” Before Rachel could answer, Jasmine turned to Hosea. “Get the kids; we’re flying home now.”

  “Wait, Jasmine.” Rachel jumped up. “I thought Jacqueline’s Hope was important to you.”

  “You know it is!” Jasmine shouted. “And you’re using that against me.”

  “I’m not. It’s my family who’s doing that. I mean, our family. I mean . . .” Rachel sank down onto the bed. “I told Daddy your rules, I really did,” she whispered. “But he wants to meet you, they all want to meet you,” she said, sounding like she was about to cry.

  There were tears in Jasmine’s eyes, too, when she said, “But I don’t want to meet them. I don’t want to have anything to do with any of them.”

  “Why not? They’re your family.”

  “No.” Jasmine shook her head. “They’re not. And I don’t want them to be. Don’t any of you understand that?”

  Hosea rested his arm on his wife’s shoulder. “Rachel, can you give us a moment, please?”

  She glanced at Jasmine and nodded before she scurried toward the door. But before she stepped into the hallway, she said, “Please,” and then she closed the door behind her.

  Slowly Jasmine lowered herself to the edge of the bed and Hosea knelt down in front of her. Using the tips of his fingers, he lifted her chin. He said nothing for a moment; all he did was use his thumb to wipe Jasmine’s tears away.

  “I don’t want to go, Hosea,” she said so softly he could hardly hear her. “Not even for Jacqueline’s Hope. I can’t do it.”

  “You can do it.”

  “I know, I know,” Jasmine said, waving his words away. “I can do it with Jesus.”

  He gave her a soft smile. “Yeah, Him, too. But you can do it with me, and the kids and Mae Frances. We’ll all be there with you.”

  Jasmine thought for a moment, really considered it. But then she shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “My heart won’t let me” was what she said. But in her mind all she saw were images of her father, her real father. And she would never betray Charles Cox.

  “You’ll still have the same heart. Only it’ll be bigger because it will be filled with more love from more people.”

  More thought. More images. And again she said, “I can’t.”

  Sitting next to her, he continued, “You know what I think?” He didn’t wait for her to respond. “I think somewhere deep inside, you do want to meet them.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “You do want to get to know them.”

  Her head kept shaking.

  “Or else you wouldn’t have come here. Because you had to know that Simon was going to find a way to see you.”

  “I thought he would stay away. I thought he would keep his word. He’s a pastor, isn’t he?”

  Hosea nodded. “But before he was a pastor, he was a man. And a father.”

  It didn’t take her any time to say, “He never wanted to be my father, so why should I want to be his daughter?”

  “Well, maybe you need to tell him that. Maybe you need to tell him how you feel.”

  She sat still, not moving her body, not moving her thoughts. Then she shook her head, and Hosea sighed.

  “I’m going to check on the kids.”

  Jasmine knew that was just his way of leav
ing her alone. As if her own thoughts could convince her to do what he could not. But no matter how long he stayed away, no matter how long she’d be alone, she wasn’t going to change her mind.

  She’d get another center for Jacqueline’s Hope. She was sure of that. She didn’t need this one in Smackover. Jasmine stood and walked to the window. Usually, no matter where she was in the world, there was always a view. At home, she had Central Park. On vacation, snowcapped mountains or the endless wonder of the ocean. But this view right here was nothing but a parking lot filled with pickup trucks and motor homes.

  And then there was the huge black SUV parked right in front with a woman leaning against it, staring at the hotel.

  Jasmine took in Rachel for a little longer, and then she turned away.

  A second later the door opened and Jacqueline and Zaya came bouncing in.

  “Mama,” Jacqueline said, “we’re going to Auntie Rachel’s house. I’m gonna see Nia! Yay!”

  She glared at Hosea. “We’re going home,” she told her daughter, even though her eyes were on her husband.

  “No, we’re not,” Hosea said. “We’re going over to . . .” He paused. “We’re going to see . . . to meet Rachel’s family.”

  Tears sprang to Jasmine’s eyes as her children cheered.

  “Come on,” Hosea said, leading the children to the adjoining room. “Let’s change your clothes.” Looking over his shoulder, he added, “And you’ll be ready when we get back, too, right?”

  She pressed her hands to her face and held back her sobs. She lay down on the bed and when Hosea came back into the room, she couldn’t hold back anymore. She cried when he told her that he, the children, and Mae Frances were going with Rachel.

  When he stood at the door to leave, she asked him, “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because of you. I know that this is what you want, but you can’t do it right now, so I’m going to stand in for you. And I’m going to save Jacqueline’s Hope at the same time.” He paused. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded and then watched him walk out the door. And Jasmine had never felt so left behind.

  Chapter

  22

  Rachel