The Ravine

by Robert Pascuzzi

  Much to Carolyn’s horror, wacky Mr. Ercolano, the language arts teacher, who wore his hair a bit shaggy to complement his mutton-chop sideburns, declared that everyone in the class was to immediately select a partner, because today was the day they were going to learn how to “really talk about themselves with another human being.” Ercolano had spent a summer on a commune during college and this was one of the things they did with the aid of hallucinogens. He’d come up with this brilliant idea last night while he and his girlfriend stared at the night sky from their beach chairs sharing a joint. This was going to be heavy.

  Of course, the kids instantly gravitated toward their friends, elated at the opportunity to spend the next forty minutes joking and gossiping rather than listening to that windbag Ercolano drone on about dangling participles, the dangers of homonyms, and other nonsense they would never put to use. The room instantly came alive with activity.

  Carolyn didn’t really know anyone, and would never have just walked up to a veritable stranger, so she slowly rose and stood next to her desk, mortified as the rest of the class paired up. She felt a jolt of fear in her stomach that would doubtless explode into that horrible red blotch that erupted on her throat whenever she was embarrassed. She was certain that within seconds she would be derided as the most uncool person ever to exist in the history of the universe. Then she heard a sweet sound.

  “You look like you could use a partner. I’m Rachel. What’s your name?”

  And so were spoken the first of many millions of words they would share with each other during their lifetimes. Neither of them could remember what they talked about on that day, but talk they did, nonstop, until the bell rang. Then they exchanged numbers at the classroom door. Each knew they had found someone special. Carolyn never forgot Rachel’s simple act of kindness. She knew Rachel was one of the “cool” kids who easily could have matched up with someone else, but, as Carolyn was to learn, Rachel always followed her heart and her natural instinct was to reach out to help someone in need.

  For her part, Rachel discovered that Carolyn was someone she could trust with her deepest secrets, which was amazing, because she spent so much of her time hiding the truth. At fourteen, Rachel’s life was already filled with darkness that she spent much of her time hiding from the world. But for some reason, when she looked into Carolyn’s eyes that first day, she began to learn how to trust a friend.

  A few months after they met, Rachel did something with Carolyn that she almost never did with anyone; she brought her home.

  Home for Rachel was always a roller coaster ride. There were times when things were peaceful and almost cheerful for days at a time. Rachel was close to her two younger brothers, Sam and Petey, and very tight with her older sister, Terry. Her mother was sweet and loving, but completely incapable of controlling the chaos her alcoholic husband brought into the household.

  Ted McKenna learned how to drink at an early age, and for the first part of his life booze was his friend. It helped him loosen up and chat up the girls, and it gave him the courage he needed when the Polish guys who shared a border with the Irish on the east side of Cleveland would make some slur about how it was too bad all these Micks had moved into town and were stinking up the place.

  He loved to tell the story of how this behemoth of a Polack came at him one day in O’Healy’s, and he had the presence of mind to smash the bottom of his beer bottle on the bar and stick it in his fat, round face.

  “That big moose was like a giant compared to me,” he would brag, “but he backed down because he seen the look in my eye that I was serious. I musta looked like a crazy guy to him. He ran outta there and never set foot in O’Healy’s again.”

  Because Ted was actually a skinny little runt, he usually didn’t fare too well in barroom brawls; when things would erupt, he’d normally hang back. Those stories, though, didn’t often make it home.

  Under his roof, however, things were different. Here, Ted was all-powerful, and he could demand strict obedience from his kids and his wife. He saw himself as a benevolent sort of parent, who would give a kid a second chance with the warning “don’t make me take my belt off.” But all too often the kids would push things too far, and Ted would have to take action to keep the little brats in line.

  They just didn’t appreciate how hard he worked, or how lucky they were to be living in a place like Newberry, rather than in Cleveland, particularly with how it was those days. Nor did they realize the skill it took to maneuver a forklift truck along the factory floor, moving hubcaps from one warehouse to the other, making sure they were lifted to the right location, without dropping them or otherwise screwing up. And they certainly didn’t understand what it felt like if you happened to have had a little too much to drink the day before, but had to haul your butt out of bed, toss your cookies and then show up for work, putting up with an idiot of a boss all day. These kids just had it too easy, and, if he didn’t keep them in line, they would wind up going bad.

  He’d often remind them that he hadn’t planned on signing up for this deal.

  “Where the hell would you all be,” he would ask, “if I hadn’t done the right thing by your mother when she got pregnant when she was nothin’ but a kid? Where would you be without me? Nowhere! Who would put food on the table? No one!”

  This was the usual sort of dinnertime conversation around the McKenna table. Of course, no one dared mention that Dad had had a hand in getting their mom pregnant, and that, in actuality, Ted had planned to leave town the night before the wedding, but got too drunk and found himself pretty much propped up at the altar by his brother.

  It was during moments like these that Rachel felt the shame radiate from her mother, and she would wonder why she didn’t just pick up and go far, far away. But shame that deep has a way of rubbing off on children, until everyone silently agrees that it’s best just to pretend everything is fine and, most of all, to protect the family secrets from the outside world. This was a lesson Rachel never forgot.

  Rachel’s mom would try to placate Ted, bringing him a beer and encouraging him to relax and let the kids be kids. Sometimes, much to her relief, that would work, and he would be the “old” Ted—the guy she fell in love with, who could tell a joke with the best of them, dance up a storm, and fix just about any gas engine ever invented.

  One of the lies Rachel’s mom told the kids, in order to justify why she ever had anything to do with their dad in the first place, was that she’d never seen him drunk until after they were engaged. And by then it was too late. She said it so many times, she started to believe it.

  And so Rachel learned that her job was to take care of everyone else. She was the one who comforted her mom when things were really bad, she was the one who made her younger brothers tiptoe around Dad, and, along with her mom, she was the one who worried about Terry when she didn’t come home at night. And then she would head off to school, put on a happy face, and make believe she was like all the other kids, with loving parents and a happy home.

  So it was a big step to bring Carolyn home one day after school to show her the new blouse she had bought downtown at Higbee’s and was saving for the upcoming April dance.

  The girls were sitting in Rachel’s room, thumbing through a magazine, giggling as they debated which hairdo to wear to the dance, when all of a sudden they heard a loud crash come from the kitchen.

  “Don’t worry about that; it’s nothing,” said Rachel.

  “What, are you kidding? It sounds like somebody fell down out there,” Carolyn said, and she was out the bedroom door before Rachel could stop her.

  Rachel’s dad was lying on the floor, trying to pull himself up, and cursing the cops in Newberry for not having the damn sense to just leave a guy alone when he was driving home from work. Just then there was a commotion at the front door and two uniformed police officers came in, lifted Ted up, cuffed him, and dragged him into the squad car, kicking and screaming.

  Carolyn did her best to pretend she hadn’t seen what ha
d happened, but when her eyes met Rachel’s, they both began to cry and Rachel ran into her room, followed by her friend. Carolyn insisted that Rachel come home with her, have dinner with the family, and stay the night. She would not take no for an answer.

  That night they sat up talking in Carolyn’s room until three in the morning, and that was the first time Rachel told the truth about her life to another person. Perhaps that wacky Mr. Ercolano wasn’t so wacky after all.

  Of course, it wasn’t too long before Carolyn’s mother figured out what was going on with Rachel, and without so much as saying a word, she pretty much adopted her. So, when the two girls became women, it was natural to say they loved each other like sisters.

  One day later that year, Carolyn’s doorbell rang and Rachel was standing on her doorstep, a great, big smile on her face. She was bubbling over with excitement.

  “You’ll never guess what happened!” she said to Carolyn.

  “What, what? Tell me!”

  “My dad moved out! He met some woman at the bar, got her pregnant, and they’re moving to her brother’s place in Minnesota. He told us the news last night, and he’s already gone!”

  “What? What did your mom say?”

  Rachel laughed when she thought about how cool her mom had been when she heard the news. “My mom looked at him and said something like, ‘Well, I didn’t know you still had it in you.’ And then she said, ‘Which suitcase do you want? Take your pick.’ I haven’t seen my mom look so happy in years!”

  Carolyn thought about how strange this was. She loved her dad with all her heart, and couldn’t imagine feeling anything but tremendous pain if her mom and dad split up, but she was happy for Rachel because at last it looked as if she would have something that resembled a normal home life.

  The next several months were peaceful in the McKenna household. Terry had graduated from high school and was working full time and contributing most of her paycheck, and Rachel’s mom worked at the A&P where Route 6 crossed 44. Rachel got a part-time job after school at the same A&P, to help make ends meet. The truth was that Ted tended to drink away a good portion of what he earned, so even though they had a little less money in the house, they were managing. The one good thing her father had done was pay off the house when he inherited some money a few years back, before he stumbled off to Minnesota. Everyone was enjoying no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop. But then it did.

  Rachel noticed that her mom had seemed distracted for a few weeks, and then she took a day off from work, which wasn’t like her. That night, she just sat at the kitchen table by herself and stared off into space.

  “What’s the matter, Mom?”

  “Oh, nothing. Nothing I need to bother you kids with,” she said, but Rachel persisted.

  Finally her mom told her she had been to the doctor because she was feeling tired all the time, and she had something called lymphoma. All the kids gathered around the kitchen table, and she told them the doctors had assured her she would get well, but was going to have to go for some treatments.

  The next day, Rachel went to the school library, took down the K–L volume of the World Book Encyclopedia, and looked up the word she would come to despise. She slammed the book shut when she learned it was a form of cancer that was most often fatal.

  So her mother began chemotherapy, but she seemed to get sicker and sicker as time went on instead of getting better. Finally she had to quit her job. Terry and Rachel sat down with their mom and told her they had come to the decision that Rachel would work at the supermarket full time.

  “How are you going to do that and still go to school?” her mom asked.

  “That’s just it, Mom. I’m going to have to quit high school until you get better.”

  It took a few weeks of debate, but as time went on, Rachel’s mom just didn’t have the strength to fight about it, and in her heart, she knew Rachel was right. And someone had to take care of Sam and Petey.

  To Carolyn, the fact that Rachel would have to drop out of school, on top of her mother’s illness, was just about the worst news she could hear. She was worried about what would happen to Rachel in the future without so much as a high school diploma. Carolyn planned to attend college, and Rachel was working at a supermarket, helping to support her family. She felt guilty for having it so much better. And really, she couldn’t imagine going to school and not seeing her best friend every day.

  But there was nothing Carolyn could do about it, and that was what happened.

  When Rachel’s mom died, Terry and Rachel moved into a two-family house on Mayfield Road, above an auto parts store. Her dad came back for the funeral and claimed ownership of the house, which he eventually sold before moving the two boys to Minnesota. Rachel found a job as a receptionist at a dentist’s office, and it was there that she met a woman who worked for Jenkins Realty. This woman convinced her to become the office manager, took her under her wing, and made sure she got her license.

  Rachel was a natural at real estate. She truly enjoyed helping people find just the right home, allowing them to envision how their house would look with new wallpaper, curtains, and the right places for their furniture. Despite her lack of a diploma, she was a whiz at math, and could estimate the monthly mortgage costs better than most mortgage brokers could. At this time, with interest rates up around 20 percent, it was tough to sell houses, but Rachel was always one of the top performers in her office.

  So Carolyn enrolled in college, at John Carroll University, but lived at home and commuted to school. She saw Rachel at least once a week, and they made a point of talking on the phone every single day. They helped each other through all of the travails of life as only sisters could. Mrs. Hamilton insisted Rachel get her GRE, and Carolyn drilled her the night before the test, which Rachel passed with flying colors.

  By this time, Rachel could afford her own place, which was fortunate because Terry had moved in with Tommy Staziak, a hard-drinking Polish guy who—guess what?—drove a forklift truck for a living. It wasn’t long before she was pregnant with Tommy’s baby. The sins of the mother were visited upon the daughter. Rachel tried her best to like Tommy, but he just reminded her too much of her father. By the time baby Cheryl was born, Tommy was starting to dabble in hard drugs and would disappear for days at a time.

  In order to support herself and the baby, Terry had to work several jobs, so Rachel fell into the same old pattern of taking care of others, only this time it was a little baby girl. By the time Cheryl was walking, she was spending as much time with Rachel as with her mother, and that meant she was spending a good deal of time with “Aunt Carolyn.”

  By Wednesday of most weeks, Carolyn would call and ask, “Rach, what do you want to do this weekend?”

  “I don’t know, sweetie, what do you want to do?” was the usual reply.

  Often they would double date, or just go to the movies together. Neither of them had found anyone special, but both were confident that eventually the right guy would come along.

  Then one Saturday morning, upon entering a diner to have breakfast, they noticed a familiar face on the top of a stack of newspapers. There, right on the front page of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, handsome as could be, was Danny Turner. He’d finally made the big time.

  CHAPTER 4

  The Price of Fame

  Fame is a bee.

  It has a song—

  It has a sting—

  Ah, too, it has a wing.

  —Emily Dickinson

  ABOUT A MONTH after Barney died, and the saws were stolen from Tager’s, Tony decided it would be a good idea to nip a twenty-dollar bill from the cash register while the manager, Phil, had his back turned. Unfortunately, something told Phil to turn around right at that instant, and he grabbed Tony’s hand before he could stash the bill in his pocket.

  “What do you think you’re doing, bozo?”

  “I wasn’t really gonna take it. I just wanted to see if I could trick you,” was the best Tony could muster on such short notice.r />
  Tony couldn’t believe Phil would be such a rat as to tell Tager about a minor infraction such as this, but it was the very next thing he did. He’d had it in for the brothers since the events of the previous month, and was keeping a close eye on both of them. It took Tager about three seconds to tell Tony to get the hell out of his store, and to take his scheming little brother with him. So off they stormed, huffing with indignation that anyone would have the nerve to fire the two greatest sports legends in the history of Cuyahoga County.

  When they told their father that they had decided to quit without another job lined up, it made Steve curious, so he went over to Tager’s and discovered the real reason they were no longer employed. By this point, he knew this was the sort of thing his boys were capable of, and he was getting used to apologizing for them, so that’s what he did, and then he headed back home.

  He couldn’t believe how radically things had changed in just a few short years. He’d given them everything he had, and it wasn’t that long ago that they were pretty much the toast of the town, but now that was starting to feel like a dim memory. He thought all of their problems could be traced back to that group of guys they were hanging with at Barton’s Pub, but they wouldn’t listen to him about that crowd. They were good boys at heart, but he was going to give them a piece of his mind.

  Of course, when he got home and confronted them, a big argument ensued, and in the end Tony and Danny marched out the door, threatening never to return, which was fine with Steve. But Debby was terrified something awful would happen to her sons “out there on their own.” Steve assured her they would be back once they ran out of money and were hungry, and of course he was right. Besides, they were now at the age when they should be out on their own, but neither he nor Debby had the heart to toss them out into the street.