Time had stood still in the Smith family.
That was...wrong.
Yes, Buck was gone. She missed him. That would never change. But they couldn’t keep everything the same as it had been eleven years ago.
Josiah had shown her that change could be good. He’d had the courage to leave Marietta as a teenager, fresh out of high school, and look what he’d accomplished. His return to Marietta had been good for him, too. And despite what happened yesterday, good for her, by letting her see that she fit in when she thought she didn’t.
Things shouldn’t—couldn’t—stay the same.
Ellie knew what she had to do.
With pulse-pounding certainty she knew it was time to leave Marietta. She couldn’t accomplish what she wanted here. She needed to go to Billings where she could put the past behind her and turn Buck’s Place into what she’d dreamed about. She hoped her parents understood.
Staring at the letter, an unfamiliar sense of peace spread through her about Buck’s Place and about her brother. Maybe in Billings, she would find peace, too.
About Josiah and about her place in the world.
Chapter Sixteen
Christmas arrived at the Bar V5 with squeals from Brooklyn and barks from Dusty. Surprisingly, Josiah didn’t mind the noise in the great room. Being surrounded by torn wrapping paper, shredded ribbon, and laughter beat sitting in his room alone.
Last night the silence had driven him crazy. Josiah missed the sound of Ellie’s bell. He missed her. He’d considered going to the bunkhouse to take back all he’d said and apologize, but Ellie hadn’t been there. She wasn’t there now.
So he’d kept telling himself he’d done the right thing. That she would come to realize he’d done this for her and not hate him. But regrets had kept him awake last night and stolen his appetite this morning.
“I wonder what this is.” Brooklyn wore pink unicorn footie pajamas and a pink Santa hat. She tore off wrapping paper from her gift. She screamed, a mix of surprise, laughter, and joy. “A pink saddle.”
She hugged each wrangler, and bounced her way to Josiah. She smelled like peppermint from eating the candy canes.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she said. “This is exactly what I wanted.”
Her thin arms wrapped around his neck. Her enthusiastic hug made him feel like he’d done something amazing, not simply handed off cash to Dustin after watching football.
Was this how being a dad felt like? Josiah shook the thought from his head.
“A pony last year. A saddle this year.” Meg wore a headband with antlers. She shook her head. “I’m afraid to see what you guys get Brooklyn next year.”
“Wait until she turns sixteen,” Dustin teased.
Zack nodded once. “When she’s that age, we’ll be waiting with rifles to scare off any boys that come around.”
Eli grimaced. “If I’m here when she’s sixteen, it’ll be because I’m buried six feet under in the meadow.”
Everyone laughed, including Josiah. He’d never imagined his life five or ten years from now. He thought about Whit Tech’s future, but not his own beyond hiring a team of financial planners.
He was Mr. Whit Tech.
Yet his company was surviving without him. He wasn’t as critical to their success as he’d believed. What did that mean for him? And for his future?
Zack held up a package tied with a silver ribbon. “This one’s for Josiah, but it doesn’t say who it’s from.”
Brooklyn sighed loudly. “Underwear or socks from Santa, I’m telling you.”
Meg shushed her daughter. Nate, Ty, and their staff laughed. The guests who had joined them did, too.
Josiah took the box and ripped the paper to Brooklyn’s delighted smile. He raised the lid and pulled back the white tissue paper. His heart froze, a mix of disbelief and remorse. Oh, Ellie...
“What is it?” Brooklyn asked.
“A book.” He cleared his throat. “How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss.”
Your inner Grinch is showing.
He ran his finger along the spine and opened the cover. A handwritten inscription was inside:
Josiah,
You were right when you said you’re not a Grinch. If your heart grew any larger, your chest would explode. Here’s to discovering the joy and finding the true meaning of Christmas.
-E
His chest tightened making breathing difficult. He should have known she would have bought him a present. That was who she was.
All about Christmas.
Unlike him.
She was wrong. He was worse than both the Grinch and Scrooge combined. Josiah had known how much the holiday meant to her, but he ignored her wish to have the best ever Christmas and broken things off so he’d feel better.
Crap. He’d been a first class jerk.
Josiah closed the book. Regrets assailed him.
He should have done things differently, been patient, not so selfish, waited until after Christmas to talk to her.
“Is the book from Santa?” Brooklyn asked.
“Yes.” Santa Ellie. Josiah rubbed his tired eyes. He hadn’t slept much last night, thinking about the hurt on Ellie’s face. “No socks and underwear because I talked to Santa at the Graff and up on Copper Mountain.”
Brooklyn gave him the thumbs up. “Good job.”
Too bad he’d done a bad job with everything else.
Nate and Rachel shared a kiss under the mistletoe. Ty stood behind Meg with his arms around her while they watched Brooklyn. So much love shared by the two couples. Josiah found that hard to watch.
The gift opening continued. Laughter, singing, eggnog, and presents. Siena gave a hat made out of ribbons to a guest from Ohio. Dustin showed off a new bandana. Eli played a handheld video game.
The Christmas cheer was contagious. Too bad Josiah was immune. He wanted to enjoy the holiday, but he missed Ellie. He wished she were here so he could be sharing the day with her.
If only...
Um, no. You should go.
What had he done?
Nate handed him two small white boxes tied together with a red satin ribbon. “These are for you.”
From Mr. Krinkles.
Josiah recognized the bottom box, same size as what the cookies he’d been given, but the top box was smaller, jewelry-sized. “Must have been a special delivery from the Bramble B&B.”
“No idea,” Nate said. “I just found the gift under the tree.”
Josiah untied the ribbon and opened the smaller box. He felt punched in the gut.
“What is it?” Nate asked.
Josiah pulled out a keychain with a bell attached. A jingle sounded.
I’ll send something to help with your recovery and leave you a special gift under the tree. Something you don’t know you want or need yet.
Mr. Krinkles’ words swirled through Josiah’s head, followed by Ellie’s.
You need a bell. A couple barn cats wear them on collars because they’re always getting lost, stuck, or locked in places they shouldn’t be. This helps us find them.
Josiah’s heart pounded, loud like the bass drum on the carol playing. He needed a bell so Ellie could find him, keep on finding him.
He’d been lost, was still lost, without her.
How could he have been so stupid to let her go?
She was what he needed.
Except he’d been...scared. Scared what might happen to Whit Tech. Scared to jump into something new. Scared he might mess up.
And he had. Badly.
Nate touched his shoulder. “You okay?”
Josiah stared at the keychain. How had Mr. Krinkles known? Somehow, the old guy in the Santa suit knew. “I’m not sure I want to go back.”
“Where?”
“To California.”
Nate drew his eyebrows together. “That doesn’t sound like you.”
“I don’t feel like me.” Josiah rang his bell. “Mr. Whit Tech is ready to make a change. But I screwed up with E
llie. I need to make that right.”
“We can help you out with that. She won’t be back until later so we have plenty of time.”
“Good, because I haven’t a clue what I’m doing. Or if I stand a chance.”
“Been there, done that, wearing the ring.” Smiling, Nate showed the gold band on his left ring finger.
“Whoa.” Josiah held up his hands while his stomach turned somersaults. “Slow down, cowboy. I’m not ready to move at the speed of light.”
“If you proposed that would make three Christmas day engagements in a row. Might be able to use that to publicize the ranch next winter.” Nate grinned. “Can’t make the horse barn wreaths carry all the weight.”
Nate sounded like he was kidding. Josiah hoped so. “One thing at a time. In case you forgot, Ellie wants nothing to do with me.”
“Know that one well, too.” Nate laughed. “Let’s enjoy the rest of the gift opening, then we’ll figure this out.”
Josiah twitched with impatience. Each second felt like an hour. “I’d rather do it now, so I could see her sooner.”
“Of course you would. Which is why you should wait.” Nate used his big brother tone. “Both Ty and I have been through this. Zack, too, but he’s off with Charlie today. You’re going to have to trust us.”
What choice did Josiah have?
Nodding, he stared at the nativity set beneath the tree. The figures surrounded baby Jesus in the manger, including a cow, camel, and sheep. If Christmas miracles existed, he was going to need one to get Ellie back in his life. And if Christmas magic was real...
He opened the other box from Mr. Krinkles and ate one of the cookies.
Christmas evening, Ellie got out of her car at the Bar V5. From the backseat, she grabbed her overnight bag and tote full of gifts she’d received. The cold air nipped at her cheeks.
The main house was lit up. Christmas was in full swing there. Normally, Ellie would head over to wish her friends a Merry Christmas and join in the party. Not tonight. She wasn’t ready to see Josiah. But in spite of everything, she hoped he was having a good Christmas.
Flurries fell from the sky. This wasn’t the holiday she’d wanted, far from her best ever, but a white Christmas was a nice way to end the day. She felt as if she were inside a life-sized snow globe. She tipped back her head and stuck out her tongue to catch a snowflake.
At least her parents had understood the opportunity she’d been given in Billings. They weren’t happy about her moving, but they’d hugged her, offered to pay for an apartment deposit, and said she could use the ranch for whatever she needed.
A first step.
A big step.
One that terrified her.
But if she didn’t go now, she feared she never would.
She went into the bunkhouse. The twinkling tree lights and burning logs in the fireplace greeted her. Were Siena and Britt back? It wasn’t that late.
Ellie set her bags on the floor and removed her coat.
A jammed-packed stocking lay on the coffee table. Her name was embroidered on the white cuff. Siena must have brought it to the bunkhouse.
“Hello?” Ellie called.
No answer.
She smiled at her friend’s thoughtfulness. She would miss this place and these people, but she would visit.
“Aren’t you going to see what’s inside your stocking?”
Ellie jumped. She placed her hand over her pounding heart, looked at the leather chair to see Josiah. He sat with his feet on the ottoman. Pewter slept on his lap.
The image of the two together made her smile. Until she remembered what Josiah had said to her in this room. She gritted her teeth.
“Didn’t mean to scare you. Thanks for the book.” He wore a red Santa suit and the “Joe” Santa hat. “I’d get up, but then I’d have to wake Pewter.”
Ellie didn’t know whether to laugh at his outfit or get angry for him assuming she’d forgotten what happened yesterday. She balled her fist. “Get out.”
He flashed a charming smile that would have made her knees go weak, if she let them, but her resolve was too strong.
Josiah leaned forward, as much as he could without disturbing the kitten. “Please don’t kick me out on Christmas.”
“You don’t like Christmas.”
“I do now.” He flicked the white fuzzy ball on the end of his hat off his face. “Like the Grinch and Scrooge, I had a change of heart today. Sudden and unexpected because of you.”
Ignoring the spurt of unwelcome hope, she eyed him warily. “Just like that?”
“Do you think I’d be sitting here dressed like this if I hadn’t?”
Her nerves jangled like the bell around her neck. She didn’t know what to believe, but she wasn’t about to let her guard down. “I have no idea. I don’t really care.”
“I don’t blame you. I’m sorry for yesterday. I miss you.”
Her heart leapt, betraying common sense and logic.
Nope. Ellie wasn’t going there. She squared her shoulders, stared down her nose. “You made your choice.”
“The wrong one. I treated you badly. Said awful words. I was an ass and wrong about so many things.”
Ellie shouldn’t care. He’d hurt her. She deserved to see him grovel. “What things?”
“I don’t want my business life and personal life to be the same. That drove me to break things off with you. But spending Christmas without you made me realize that defining myself with Whit Tech is stupid. There’s more to life than a company and work. More important things.” His gaze met hers, connected with an invisible cord. “Like you.”
Air rushed from her lungs. Nerve endings stood at attention like soldiers unsure whether to aim their weapons or surrender. She didn’t want to surrender, did she?
If she did, she risked having her heart broken again. But if she didn’t...
“I want you in my life. I need you.” His voice choked with emotion. “But, more importantly, I want to make sure you have what you need. The help, support, love. I see you, Ellie. Even when my eyes are closed, I see you.”
Goose bumps covered her arms. She couldn’t be cold, not with a fire burning. She was afraid to hope that what he said was true.
How could she trust him after he’d hurt her so badly?
Josiah placed the sleeping kitten onto the ottoman. “Sorry, Pewter, but I need to stand up.”
Ellie took a step back. “No, you don’t.”
He walked toward her, his steps full of purpose, until he was standing in front of her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “I’m submitting my resignation as CEO.”
Her mouth gaped. “This isn’t a change of heart. This is a one-eighty. What will you do?”
“There will be a transition period. I may end up consulting for a while or get a seat on the board, but I don’t plan on staying in the Bay Area any longer than I have to.”
“And after that?”
“I’ve been working on an app based on what you said about me playing ding dong ditch with death. I haven’t had this much fun in years. Clayton gave me some ideas on Wednesday. He and a few of the other boys will be my beta testers. Video games were my first love. Guess I’m still a gamer at heart, except my heart also found something else...you.” Josiah’s gaze softened. “We’ll be lifers in Marietta.”
Her vision blurred. She felt lightheaded. “I’m moving to Billings.”
Concern filled his gaze. He squeezed her shoulder. “Why?”
“An organization wants me to start a Buck’s Place there. It’s a great opportunity.”
“Congratulations.” He let go of her shoulder and kissed her hand. “But you don’t have to move. My offer stands. I’ll write you a check. Name the amount. You can do what you want with Buck’s Place in Marietta.”
“Going to Billings is what I want to do. For now, not forever.”
He cupped her face. “Even if Buck is up there, somewhere, saying ‘Don’t be stupid’?”
She pictured her brother do
ing that. Too bad. This was what she wanted. “Yes. But I will need a donation to get my parents’ ranch ready for this summer. Will you help me with that?”
Josiah’s features relaxed. “Of course, I will. Whatever you need.”
Ellie wasn’t in this alone. That brought relief and gratitude. Maybe she didn’t have to be so angry with him. This was Christmas. “Thank you.”
“So Billings, huh?” A satisfied grin spread across his face. “Sounds good to me. I don’t care where I am as long as it’s with you.”
Senses reeling, she took a quick breath, then another. “Josiah—”
“I love you, Ellie.”
Her heart slammed against her chest. Those were the last words she expected to hear from him. Ellie’s brain struggled to comprehend them. Her heart wanted them to kiss.
He hugged her, pulling her against him before she could say or do anything.
“I think I fell in love with you when you handed me that cookie in my room.” The words came out fast as if he didn’t want to waste another second. “You were too tall to be an elf, but you were dressed like one, minus the pointy shoes and ears. Even my Christmas-hating heart thought you were beautiful.”
His gaze was full of adoration and love, making breathing difficult and thinking near impossible and kissing very likely.
He continued. “I said I wanted to help you because you were Buck’s sister. I lied. But it was too soon to tell you the truth. And now...”
A mix of uncertainty and affection, disbelief and love lumped together in her throat. She swallowed. “Go on.”
“I don’t want to lose you. Us. Please give me a second chance. I’ll try not to mess up too badly.”
She was afraid, unsure if what he said was for real. “What happens if you get scared again?”
“Fair question, given my actions.” He loosened his hold but didn’t let go of her. “No one knows what the future holds. Things might not be perfect between us, but I won’t leave you. I thought I had my life figured out until you came along. I let fear drive me away. Only I learned being without you was the worst thing ever. I won’t let that happen again.”
A Christmas Homecoming (Bar V5 Ranch) Page 18