Forgotten Specters

by C. R. Jane

  "Do you like me at all, love?" I asked, immediately feeling stupid for sounding so insecure and vulnerable.

  She looked up at me. "I like you a lot…I just have no experience with this sort of thing," she said hesitantly. "But I need to tell you something," she continued.

  I tensed up, expecting the worst.

  "I am starting to have feelings for Beckham as well…and Damon," she said, looking ashamed.

  I hated the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. I wanted her to love just me, but I couldn't say that to her.

  "I just want a chance to win your heart, Eva," I said softly. "The feelings I'm starting to have for you are once in a lifetime, give up everything you have, do anything you want me to do kind of feelings. I'm in this to win it."

  She sat up and looked into my eyes. I held my breath, waiting anxiously for what she was going to say or do. She held my eyes as she leaned in, pressing her lips softly against mine. I took that as a good sign and immediately strengthened the kiss, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her tight against me. I licked at her lips until she opened her mouth so that I could taste her. I groaned. She tasted so sweet.

  Eva tentatively brushed her hands through my hair, pulling it out of the bun I had thrown it up in. My hands slid down her sides, careful to stay in safe places. I didn't want to scare her even though I wanted her so bad it was hard to think.

  I lost track of time as I kissed her. I savored each brush of her lips against mine, knowing I would have to survive without it for what would feel like an eternity. Finally, she pulled away, smiling shyly at me. I leaned in for one more kiss.

  "Are you hungry?" I asked her, realizing it had been hours since she had probably eaten anything.

  "Yes I am," she said, looking surprised at the thought.

  I laughed at her look, and then pressed an intercom next to the couch to ask for an attendant to bring us dinner. Within minutes, one of the staff came in with two trays. Eva politely thanked the man as he set down the trays. He blushed profusely, and almost dropped everything.

  "It's not a problem, miss," he said with a slight stutter.

  He hurried away after seeing the warning look on my face. I sighed.

  "I don't think I'm ever going to get used to everyone's reaction to you," I said exasperatedly. "I try to take it as a compliment rather than being jealous, but fuck…you are too pretty for your own good."

  She blushed charmingly in the way she always did when someone complimented her.

  "I don't know why they look at me," she said.

  I stared at her stunned.

  "You're kidding right? You must know how gorgeous you are. I've never seen someone like you."

  She was quiet for a moment.

  "I've always known that there was something about me that caught people's eye, I'm not completely oblivious," she said. "But its never been a good thing. The people that I was with before this…they told me that the devil was inside of me. That I was responsible for all of the bad things that men…and sometimes women…wanted to do to me. I haven't ever been able to think good things about myself."

  A rush of hate so great that I could have choked on it flowed through me. It had been obvious to me since I met her that she had a past. The more I found out, the more I wanted to rip apart everyone who had ever hurt her. Eva should have been worshipped her entire life, and instead she had obviously been abused and mistreated in the worst kind of way.

  I tipped her chin up so that she would look at me.

  "You are a gift Eva. The whole world should be grateful to receive even a glimpse of you, and should be bowing at your feet. I feel like I have been blessed a million times over to have even gotten to spot you in the crowd at the concert. Even if I had never seen you again, it would have remained the most significant moment of my life up to that point."

  I kissed her again softly and tasted the tears that were now streaming down her face. She didn't say anything in response to my statement, instead picking up her fork and beginning to pick at her food. After eating, she curled up next to me, and we watched a movie that I had put on one of the screens. I soaked in the moment, wishing it would last forever.

  Chapter 10

  (Damon)

  A cold fury had spread throughout my body. I had turned on the tv to watch the Grammy's, knowing that Mason was performing. Funny enough, all anyone could talk about was the mysterious, gorgeous blonde on Mason's arm that was not Courtney Rayne, his girlfriend.

  Something inside me had known at that moment that it was Eva, but I hadn't wanted to believe fate could be so cruel. I sat on the edge of the couch, drink in hand, and waited for them to show his date on the screen. I didn't have to wait long. There she was. Looking so fucking stunning in a black dress that I couldn't breathe. He had his arm around her, leaning into her ear, and making her laugh. I didn't know how this was possible. Mason had been in town for two days, and Eva had just spent the night with me.

  How was it possible for her to be close enough for him to take her to the fucking Grammy's as his date? Suddenly, I remembered her stilted words the night before. How she had mentioned a kiss. Mason had kissed Eva. It felt hard to breathe, the room was stifling and seemed to be spinning. Mason had been my fucking brother for centuries upon centuries. I had thought I would give him anything, that I would do anything for him. But obviously I had a limit. She was mine. I wasn't going to share her. He could have anything else, but this was the only thing in my life I actually wanted. She was my redemption.

  My hands were shaking. I walked swiftly to the bar area, grabbing whatever was out, and pouring myself a large glass. Mason was about to perform. I watched in horror as he kissed her summarily on the lips before getting up to go backstage, like he had been fucking doing it his entire life. Like she had always been his. I threw my glass at the tv at that moment, shattering the screen. I overturned the coffee table next, desperate to get out the rage that was all-encompassing. I felt betrayed. I knew I hadn't even kissed Eva yet, but I thought she knew we were heading towards something. And then she picked Mason? Was this my punishment for the shit that Selena had pulled? It wasn't going to happen. Eva was mine. Mason could go to hell.

  Chapter 11

  (Mason)

  I was already feeling anxious after dropping off Eva at her dorm room. I had wanted to walk her in, but she didn't want me to get mobbed by the coeds that were out celebrating their last night of freedom before classes started. I had kissed her until she started laughing and pulled away. Watching her walk away felt like a piece of my body was leaving with her. Her blonde hair reflected the light coming from the campus lights, making the gold in it flash brightly. And her ass as it swayed as she walked…she was perfect. I didn't know how I was going to make it through the rest of the tour. I usually lived for touring, but now it was the last thing I wanted to do. I looked out the window moodily as the city passed by silently.

  The car pulled up in front of my building. I slipped out without waiting for the driver to open the door and hustled inside, pulling my hat down low. It wasn't uncommon for photographers to camp outside of our building trying to get a picture of Damon or I, and I didn't feel like dealing with them tonight. Luckily I didn't see anyone, and I was able to get through the lobby to our private elevator without any issues. I wiped a hand down my face. Fuck, I was exhausted. I hadn't slept at all the night before since I was so wired from the show and being around Eva. Sleeping down the hall from her when I could have had her in my arms had been pure torture. And now I wouldn't know what that felt like for months. Hopefully, I would just have to get to the Paris show I recited to myself, trying to ease my anxiety.

  The elevator smoothly slid to a stop and opened to the penthouse. I walked in, eager to get to my bed, but stopped suddenly. The penthouse was destroyed. Our beautiful tv was laying in pieces on the ground in the living room, with a huge hole i
n the wall behind it. Glass was everywhere, and the sofa had been overturned. What the hell had happened?

  I entered further into the room warily, listening for an intruder. All I could hear was the clinking of ice cubes on the outdoor balcony however. Fucking Damon. I bet this had a little something to do with seeing Eva on the TV with me at the show last night. He had told me he was going to watch. Of course at that point I didn't realize that anyone other than Courtney was going to be on my arm, and Damon was more apt to feel sorry for me about that situation than anything else.

  I took a deep breath and cracked my neck, prepared for the shit show that was about to begin. I wondered if maybe I could just sneak back out and camp out on Lane's couch…

  "Welcome home…," came a sarcastic voice from outside.

  I walked out to where I could see Damon leaning over the balcony, several bottles from our liquor stash scattered on the ground around him.

  "Have fun in California?" he continued, in the same annoyingly crass tone.

  "As a matter of fact I did," I answered. "The best time actually."

  He snorted but said nothing in return.

  "Look, Damon…let's talk this over. I didn't know that you even knew her until I had already started falling for her," I said, deciding just to get this over with.

  Damon said nothing. He turned back towards the skyline, staring intensely out, as if the city could provide answers to the situation.

  "I haven't been truly happy in so long that I've begun to think that happiness was actually a myth that I had imagined. They ruin you, you know. That's the worst part about falling is that you once tasted paradise. And because you tasted paradise, it's impossible to be able to settle for anything else because you know what you are missing out on. But when I'm with her…that feeling that I've had for thousands of years, that feeling that I'm immeasurably lost, that I'm doomed…it disappears. I feel…complete. I didn't think that was possible for me."

  He was silent for a moment as I absorbed his words. I didn't know what to say. I felt as intensely about Eva as Damon did, just in a different way. I had never held the same emptiness as he did, but I felt like Eva had been specially made for me. Besides how lovely she was inside and out, I didn't have to actively feed around her. I could just be normal, just a guy in love that didn't have to think about where my next fuck was going to come from, and if I would go too far and hurt whoever I fed from. It was a freeing feeling.

  Damon might have thought that Eva was his redemption…but she was my redemption as well. As much as Damon and Beckham were the only people I had ever met that I considered family, I knew that Eva was on her way to becoming immeasurably more important to me.

  "You know it ultimately isn't up to us," I said finally.

  Damon glanced over to me.

  "Eva gets to pick. She told me…" I took a breath, not wanting to admit it out loud. "She told me that she was falling for all of us."

  "What do you mean all of us?" Damon asked, puzzled.

  "She and Beckham connected on the trip," I admitted glumly. "Beckham is head over heels for her already as well. I saw him looking at the script of "Lucky Break," that movie that's being shot in New York that he had told us he wasn't going to take. Looks like he's going to take it now after all because of her."

  "What the ever loving fuck," exclaimed Damon. "It's literally been two days."

  He turned on me.

  "Did you use your sex power on her?" he asked in an accusing tone.

  I looked at him incredulously.

  "You're shitting me right? I wouldn't do that to her."

  Damon groaned.

  "I know. It's just painful to know that I made less of an impression on her in a few weeks than you and Beckham did in less than 48 hours."

  "I don't think it's like that," I said slowly. "As much as I don't want to admit it, I think it's eating her up inside that she cares about Beckham and I at all since she feels so strongly about you. But Damon, I told her I'm all in. I'm going to fight for her no matter what you say or how you feel."

  Damon had turned his back on me again.

  "Fair enough," he said. "But this isn't something I'm going to lose."

  His giant charcoal wings flew out suddenly, tearing his shirt, and almost smacking me in the face. He was about to leap off the balcony when I decided to drop the even bigger news that had come out of the weekend.

  "Eva knows what we are."

  I watched amused as he tripped a little from shock. He looked at me angrily.

  "Great job idiot. Is she terrified now and wants nothing to do with us?"

  "She actually handled it really well," I answered. "She doesn't know what we are though. Beckham was kind enough to leave that part out."

  He grinned all of a sudden, looking much more positive than he had looked before.

  "I can't wait until she finds out you're an incubus," he said, practically giddy.

  He leapt off the balcony without another word. I watched him with a sick feeling in my stomach as he sailed off into the night.

  Chapter 12

  (Eva)

  It was everything that I could do to hide what I was feeling from Mason by the end of the trip. I kept my back stiff and my walk steady as I got out of the car and walked back to my dorm. I could feel Mason's eyes on me, and the last thing I wanted was for him to follow me in because he thought something was wrong with me. He had been so wonderful to me, but somewhere between the airport and arriving at my dorm room, everything that had happened in the past forty-eight hours had finally sunk in. And it had been more than my poor mind could take.

  I had gone from never interacting with anyone and spending my time locked in an attic for four years, to being around thousands of people. My skin was crawling, and not in the tingling way that it did whenever one of the guys touched me. My heart was racing, and I was having trouble breathing. Once I got inside the main door and out of Mason's view, I practically ran to my dorm room, throwing the door closed behind me and collapsing in a heap on my floor, trying to stave off the panic attack that was bearing down on me.

  While the crowds and contact had been overwhelming in themselves, finding out that I wasn't human, and that the men I was falling for weren't human, had tipped me over the edge. I had consciously avoided talking about that issue with Mason. I had thought that I was handling it alright after my conversation with Beckham. He had been so patient with all of my questions, but the more I thought about it, the more fractured I could feel my mind become.

  I had always known there were monsters in the world, the Andersons and many others in the foster system had taught me that, but finding out that I was most likely an actual monster was overwhelming. I counted out my breaths, focusing on breathing in and breathing out slowly even though my body was trying its best to hyperventilate. Tears slid down my face. I was being stupid. Hadn't I loved snuggling with Mason? Hadn't I felt safe wrapped in Beckham's arms on the beach? Why was this just hitting me now? I needed to pull myself together. Classes started the next day, and I was not going to show up to class having a fit, or worse yet, miss my classes all together because I was freaking out.

  I laid on the floor for who knows how long before I decided to try crawling towards my bed, my limbs shaking, and my breathing still coming out in gasps. I tried to pull myself up to my bed, but I was breathing so fast at this point that I couldn't pull myself all the way up. I felt a sudden rush of air behind me and then strong, familiar arms lifted me onto my bed. Damon was here.

  "Please don't touch me," I called out, sobbing.

  "What's wrong? What can I do?" he asked, panic threaded through his voice.

  I didn't answer him. I just shook my head. I was now hiccupping from how hard I was crying and my body had started shaking as well.

  Damon had immediately let go of me when I asked him to, but the shaking must have been too much for him to
watch without trying to do something. He carefully laid down next to me, folding me into his arms. I had thought that I didn't want to be touched, but his familiar warmth had the immediate effect of grounding me and stopping my shaking.

  His hand slid through my hair softly, and he began to talk in a gentle tone about random things. I couldn't concentrate on his actual words, but the smooth cadence of his voice calmed me. His voice sank into me, relaxing my body, and soon I found myself falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  I woke up the next morning, the mellow light of dawn streaming in from my window. Damon's arm was wrapped around my waist, his face nestled in my neck. I turned as slowly as I could so I could look at him. He looked so calm asleep. Damon was normally so intense, always moving and full of energy. I hadn't gotten to see him asleep the night I had been at his place, so I felt like I was getting a rare treat.

  "I can feel you staring at me," he said all of a sudden with an amused voice.

  I blushed, even though he hadn't opened his eyes yet, and flopped on my back.

  "Hey, come back. I was snuggling," he said, in an adorable voice, finally opening his eyes and looking at me.

  I got lost in the emeralds of his eyes for a moment, getting reacquainted with their beauty. It seemed like I hadn't seen him in forever. A rush of regret flowed through me at the way I had left him the other night. Even with that, he had been so sweet last night, gifting me with sleep that I for sure wouldn't have gotten if he hadn't been around. Except…how had he gotten in my room?

  "So, I think you are the sweetest boy ever for taking care of me last night…I'll just preface my question with that first," I said hesitantly. "But how exactly did you get in my room?"