As we finish up, he gives me a big hug, for longer than strictly necessary. I try to wiggle free without offending him. As I extricate myself from his clinch, Adam looks me in the eye. "Just be careful, Holly. Things aren't always what they seem."
On my way back to my desk I can't get that closing remark out of my head.
***
It feels like aeons since I've seen Nick but in reality it's only been a few days. Friday dawns at last, and I dress carefully, stashing a few things in an overnight bag, knowing Nick is back at the office today. Hopefully I won’t be going home to my place tonight.
I've barely set my bag down, taken my coat off and logged on when an internal message from Nick appears on my screen, asking me to come to his office. We keep our e-mails and internal communicator messages above board and business-like. In a place like Cathwell's you never know who's watching. Our texts are another story, and I blush at the thought.
Suddenly shy, I'm trembling in anticipation as I open the door of Nick's office. The last time I saw him was on Monday morning in the taxi.
"Close the door please, Holly."
He is on his feet and walks slowly towards me, looking me straight in the eye. It's crazy but I feel so coy I can hardly meet his gaze. He looks stern but there's a twinkle in his eye. My legs turn to jelly and I stop to steady myself. As he reaches me I take a step back against the door. My heart is racing with a combination of excitement and danger. He presses his body against mine, pinning my arms behind me. He bends his head down and before I can help myself I'm kissing his neck, inhaling his smell. He presses hard against my body and I can feel his huge hardness, his perfect cock now prodding into my stomach.
"Let me kiss him, I've missed him so much." The words are out without me even thinking what I'm saying. He releases my hands and pushes my head downwards. I nuzzle at his groin then reach for his zip. A sharp knock on the door nearly gives me a seizure. I spring to my feet so quickly I almost fall over. The door opens and in walks Bill.
"Sorry to spoil the party," says Bill, his disdainful look aimed firmly at me. My cheeks are on fire. Get me out of here.
Nick, on the other hand, is totally cool. "Yes, come in Bill. Holly was just leaving."
Thank you Nick, for reading my mind.
It appears that Bill has other ideas. Still looking at me, Bill continues, "No, Miss Martin, stay. This concerns you." Then he addresses both of us. "There's a glitch on the Henderson proposal. Nick, we're bringing it forward. It's all set up. I need you in New York pronto. If you go now you can be there this afternoon Eastern time."
"When do we leave?" I ask Bill, with all the composure I can muster. Holy crap! New York with Nick. Woo hoo, my bag's all packed! Thank your lucky stars Bill wasn't two minutes later.
I wonder why Bill is looking at me strangely. "You're not going," is his curt reply.
I don't know what the hell is going on here, but I'm not letting this slide. No-one walks over me that easily. "Why not? This is my gig, Bill. I've done all the work on the pitch and I'm the one with the background knowledge of the client. Nick needs me there, right Nick?"
I look at Nick, waiting for his confirmation. Nick turns to Bill, but he doesn't say anything. There's silence in the room, even though there's a rush of noise in my head. I fight hard to keep a lid on it. I can’t speak, I can't even think straight. Is Nick not going to stick up for me, after everything he said the other day? Come to think of it, he doesn’t seem surprised by this turn of events at all.
Bill continues, slightly softer now, trying to placate me. Maybe he can see I'm about to explode. "Holly, listen. No-one's denying your contribution. But I want Nick on this, solo. Take a few days off. You look like you need it. Please close the door after you."
I'm standing there, dumbfounded, wondering whether to argue or plead, when both men turn their backs on me, signalling the conversation is over. Alexa gives me a smug smile as I thunder back to my desk, ready for war with anyone in my path. I can hear the echo of Adam's famous last words, ringing in my ears.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I leave work in a daze, oblivious to Lou's worried questions about what's happened to get me in such a state. I probably look like a deranged mad woman. I haven't a clue what just happened or why. It's hard to decide which is worse - getting fired from the Henderson team (am I fired?) or Nick not defending me. I walk hastily away from the office, destination unknown, phone in hand. Surely he will call or text?
Finding myself on the Millenium Bridge, where I stood with Nick only a few days ago, I stare at the blank screen on my phone. I don't know how long I've been standing there, but I'm shivering, then I'm aware of someone beside me.
"Are you alright miss? You're not going to jump or anything, are you?" asks the elderly man, looking concerned. He reminds me of my dad, and tears prick my eyes.
"Oh no, of course not," I reply. "I just had some bad news, that's all."
"He's not worth it, dear." The gentleman touches my arm, and shuffles off.
I'm not going to jump, but I do need a plan. Where do I go from here? I don't mean for the rest of my life, just to get through today would be a start. Tara is away and I dread going home to the empty flat so I check my phone for what's on at the movies. It's a short walk to a warm cinema and A Night To Remember. Armed with popcorn, Pic N' Mix, and a large Diet Coke, I switch off my phone and sit in the dark, crying silently for the duration of the film.
Emerging from the cinema, the Autumn sunshine is too bright for my eyes, raw from all the crying. My heart is heavy in my chest and my legs still weary. The wet drizzle matches my mood, and I find shelter in the nearest bar. Switching my phone back on, it's clear that the word must be out in work. There are six missed calls from Adam. Nothing from Nick. He's probably on a plane now to New York and as far as I'm concerned, the further away, the better. I send a quick text.
Me: Soho after work? You, me and a bottle of tequila xx
Adam: Fuck work. C u in 10 xx
True to his word, Adam appears right on cue. I watch him as he walks into the bar, looking around till he spots me. His worried face brightens up as he sees me, waving to him from the corner. As he approaches, I notice two girls at a table nearby checking him out. I usually forget how cute he is, he's just my Adam. And bending down to kiss my cheek, wipe my tears, today more than ever, I'm grateful for his support.
Many drinks later and it all doesn't seem so bad. I find myself laughing, wondering how I could have been so upset earlier. Adam really can be hilarious when he's on a roll. He's so sweet and so loyal to me. And did I ever mention he has a really cute ass? I giggle as I tell him about the girls across the bar, who have left long ago.
When my giggles turn to slurring, the events of the day finally catch up with me and combined with the alcohol I suddenly feel like I've hit a brick wall. Sensible as ever, I decide it's time to check myself out.
"Adam, I think I need to go home now." I smile meekly, then hiccup. "Oops, pardon me!"
Used to my drinking foibles, Adam just rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I think you do. I'll get a cab - no Tube for you tonight, my dear." He pats my hand.
He's right as usual. Attempting to stand up, I wobble and it's clear I'm worse for wear. There's a rush of fresh air as we walk out onto the street and I take Adam's arm to steady myself. We arrive at my flat as if by magic, and I have no recollection of the journey. Did I black out? I remember that all I've eaten today is some popcorn and sweets.
I'm glad when Adam says he'll see me in. "Where's your keys, Holly?" Adam manages to fish my keys from my bag and open the door. The flat is in darkness. I’m grateful for Adam's help once more, knowing there's no way I could manage the lock in my current state. Inside, Adam puts the kettle on but I'm already opening that bottle of Champagne I was saving for a special occasion.
"Holly, are you sure that's a good idea?" says Adam, his voice gentle. "I think you've had enough.”
"Ah, I'm fine Adam." I slur. "Fuck it, life's too short!" I
manage to pop the cork and pour two glasses. The two of us slump on the sofa. I'm not sure what comes over me, but I can't stop thinking just how darned cute Adam is. His hair, his eyes, mmm ... and the way he looks at me. The last thing I remember is leaning towards him, and our lips lock at last.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The morning after the night before. I don't know what time it is, but the darkness outside the window tells me it's still early. Something's not right. I can't remember why exactly, but I have that sinking feeling that I've done something stupid, although I'm not sure what.
My heart starts to race with dread. I try to open my eyes, and realise that moving my head isn't a great idea. The blinding headache sears through my temples, making me wince. I must remain still. Trying to swallow now, my mouth is stuck closed. Water. Please. I will surely die without moisture on my raw, dry throat. My mouth tastes rancid. A choky cough. Ouch.
I can't remember coming to bed last night. It's cold, no pyjamas. Wait, NO PYJAMAS? Holy crap. I'm naked as the day I was born.
There are noises coming from the kitchen, and the aroma of freshly brewed coffee is wafting through the open bedroom door. Usually it's a smell I adore, but right now it's making me retch. It can’t be Tara, she’s away for the weekend. Still, I allow myself to hope.
"Tara?" my voice croaks.
The voice that answers me from down the hall confirms my worst fears. "Morning, gorgeous. Stay there, I'm coming right back." A familiar, friendly voice, that should not still be here.
I'm trembling, my brain trying to process the missing information. Did something happen last night with me and Adam? No, surely not. Relief floods me. He would never take advantage of me like that. Anyway, I was in no fit state for any shenanigans. Impossible. Phew.
My head's still whirring, the brief moment of relief short-lived. Then why is he still here? Filled with an imploding sense of doom, I close my eyes. I will wake up in a minute, it's just a dream. Right?
Wrong.
"Hey babe, are you ready for coffee?"
Adam appears in the doorway, bare chested in just his jeans. His hair's wet from the shower. My brain is starting to come back to life, connecting the dots. Even in my delicate state, there's no denying his fit silhouette. What have I done? The stirring between my legs is a warning sign, and as the flashback from last night flickers through my mind, it only serves to confirm what my gut already knew seconds after waking.
I can't remember the details. But we did it.
Inside I'm screaming, as Adam approaches and sets the coffee on the bedside table. I try to sit up, while he sits on the side of the bed and does that thing with my hair, pushing it tenderly off my face.
"Poor Holly, suffering today, eh babe?" His face moves closer to mine, looking at me with such affection. I can't catch his eye. Go away go away go away go away. He kisses me softly on the lips, and it's all I can do to stop myself recoiling.
"I've got football in a bit, but I'll be back later ok? If you're feeling better we can do something. Or I can always jump back in beside you." OMFG!
Oh Adam, so sweet and I'm such a cow. I've ruined everything between us. There's no way I want this to go any further, but I've no idea how to tell him what a huge mistake I've made.
Chin quivering, I try to find the right words, if only to buy some time until I can think this through. Damn drink, damn Nick Van Hoogen, and most of all, damn me. It's not Adam's fault, stuck in the cross-fire.
"Hey, Ad, this is all a bit much for me. I think I had too much to drink last night, you know? Can we leave it and I'll call you later? Tara will be home tonight, I'll be fine."
Adam is crushed, the look in his eyes reflecting the pain of my rejection. There's a pause, while he looks at me, and this time I meet his gaze, hoping that we can still be okay after what's happened.
He suddenly brightens up, kissing me again. "Don't worry, Holly. I know you think this is a mistake but it's meant to be. I love you, Holly. I won't let you down like Nick. What we have is so special, you know? Last night was pure magic. Just think it over. Give us a chance, please." Taking my hand, his eyes are pleading with me, awaiting my response.
I can't bear it. It's too early, I feel like shit, I'm so confused and I can't think straight. My body is waking up, and muscles I didn't even know I had are aching. Whatever the hell I doing last night, it must have involved some acrobatics. Adam's still staring at me, waiting, and I close my eyes and inhale deeply, desperately trying to think my way out of this.
Clearly my judgment with Nick has been up the left. Maybe I was wrong all along to have pushed Adam away. Lots of people are good friends before they hook up. Have I been so stupid all along, ignoring the advances of the one person who could maybe make me happy? Is Adam really the man for me? I don't know what I want right now but I do know I can't bear to lose Adam as a friend. Dear, sweet, faithful Adam.
Opening my eyes, I know what I have to do. "I'm a mess Adam. Sorry. I need some time out. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, you mean so much to me." My eyes well up. "I'm not saying we don't have a future, but now's not the right time. I don't know where I stand with Nick or what's going to happen at work. My whole career at Cathwell's is up the spout. The last thing I meant to do was drag you into all this. Please, can you give me some space, just a little while to sort myself out?"
There, I said it and it's the truth. Adam places a finger on my lips. "Shhh," is his only response, as he leans down to kiss me again. "It's going to be fine, Holly, you'll see. Trust me. I'll call you later."
Grabbing his shirt and shoes, seconds later he is gone, leaving me with just the pleasant tingle from his kiss remaining on my lips.
***
Sitting around the flat for the rest of the day trying to figure out my next move isn't working, nor is it helping my mood. Stripping my bed and stuffing everything in the washing machine is a start towards erasing last night's sins. Tara’s not back yet, but today I could do with her company as a distraction. The silence in the flat is deafening, the only sound the thoughts swirling in my head. Even the Foo Fighters blaring on the stereo can't block out my inner commentary of the disaster that's my life right now.
I change quickly, pulling on my running shoes while there's still enough afternoon light. Out on the Heath, my puffs of warm breath create a misty trail in the cold air as I pound for what seems like hours, until darkness really does start to fall and finally the fog that’s been blocking my brain for the last 24 hours begins to lift. I stop, bending over to catch my breath, and start to see sense.
It's not as if I've been sacked. Bill told me to take a few days off, big deal. He's right, I do need it. As for the Henderson pitch, I hope Nick chokes on it. I'm not getting dragged down by some guy, ever again. No matter how much I like him. Liked him.
The last couple of weeks have been crazy. Work, Nick, Adam ... I might as well enjoy the unexpected break. What hurts most is the way Nick behaved. He well and truly took me for a ride. Adam was right, after all.
Last night with Adam was an unexpected turn of events. Dear Adam, texting constantly today to check on me and to declare his undying love. He really is a darling. So sweet. I ought to give him a chance.
So why can't I stop thinking about Nick?
There's only one thing for it. I run back to the flat as fast as I can, and am inside just long enough to change into jeans and a warm jumper. The overnight bag I had packed for Nick's is still in the hall, where Adam must have left it last night when we got home. Money, keys, bag, phone. Check. Pulling on my coat, I slam the door and run down the steps. It's not running away. It's just going home.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
At King's Cross station, my heart is light as I walk down the platform and step on the train. Finding a window seat, I look out at the bright lights of the city at night. The multi-coloured cityscape soon turns to black, and the motion of the train lulls me towards sleep. Before I close my eyes, I send a text and turn my phone to silent.
When
I step off the train in Leeds a couple of hours later, it's like I'm in a time and place much further away than the distance travelled. The flashing of my iphone screen is the only reminder of the world I've just left behind. It's an international number, and it can only be one person. The one person I've been waiting to hear from for nearly two days. My heart beats faster, and I waiver, tempted to answer. It takes all my willpower not to. For a few more seconds I stare at the phone sadly, in self-paralysis, until the flashing stops. Too bloody late, mate. No second chances.
I switch the phone off and with a grim smile I scan the platform for a familiar face. "Over here, Holly!" I hear my mum's excited voice before I see her, and follow the hand waving frantically in the air over by the exit gate.
When I get there, her comforting arms swallow me in a hug, and she looks concerned as she brushes a finger under my eye and across my cheek.
"Why are you crying, dear?"
"Because I'm so glad to be home." And I am.
***
As always, my parent’s house is cosy and comforting, the one constant in my life. Stuck in a time-warp, the décor hasn't changed since I was a child. It's late when we get there, and mum fills a hot water bottle for each of us. "Go on up to bed," Mum instructs, “we'll talk properly in the morning. It's way past my usual bedtime, love."
Dad is his usual self, a man of few words. I know he is worried by my sudden unannounced appearance in the land that time forgot, but he's delighted to see me nonetheless. "You look tired, dear. Will I bring you up a cup of tea? No? Alright then. In the morning I'll show you the greenhouse."
Regressing to childhood and tucked up in my old bed, a wave of tiredness overcomes me. For the first time in days my heart is calm, my mind at peace. I feel safe and loved, and know that everything will be all right.
Romance: Duplicity (Duplicity New Adult Romance Book 1) Page 6