The Eros Expansion

by Prax Venter

  “It's your course to sail, lad. If it's Blackheart you're after, you'll need to get to Silvermist Isle where he and his men are holed up. And fer that, you'll need a ship and a captain crazy enough to brave the voyage.”

  The skeletal pirate looked around at the group standing in front of him and nodded.

  “Tell ya what. Get yourselves to Candlewick, down the path, and find an old sea dog named Helgin. Last I saw, he was lost in his cups at the Slog and Grog. Tell 'em ol' Butch sent ya.”

  “Butch sent ya! Rodger! Rodger!” the toy bird echoed in an annoyingly loud parrot voice.

  The skeleton named Butch turned his skull to face the bird again.

  “Fine. Tell ‘em Butch and Rodger sent ya.”

  “Much obliged,” Mark said, and started to move toward the gravel path that led away from the cliffside campsite.

  His Enthralled followed behind as Mark crunched his boots along the uneven ground, and he heard Butch start up his jovial harmonica playing again.

  “I think he was supposed to have skin,” Vale said when they traveled a bit into the dense jungle.

  “I thought the bird was cute,” Roo said, skipping along the path. She moved up next to Mark and checked his hip with hers. “And what was that about pirate butts?”

  “Booty- it means treasure,” Mark said, his face catching her infectious smile. “And that bird was weird. It looks like a child's toy. I don't think that was supposed to look that way either.”

  He felt a tingling of warm contentment coming from Ahnix and looked over to see her eyes closed as her fur drank in the hot sun. She sensed his attention, turned her head and opened her eyes lazily, the milky inner lids opening a moment behind.

  He had seen her exotic face a hundred times before, but every now and then, the light would hit her in such a way that his whole mind would just stall, stunned by how beautiful she was. This was one of those times.

  The walk down to sea level was a quiet and peaceful one. Mark followed Ahnix's lead and just breathed in their serene surroundings. Between the oppressive buildings of Noir City and claustrophobic space station, it felt good to be out basking in sunshine again.

  After about a twenty-minute walk on a downward sloping path, they rounded a corner and came to a bustling town near the sea. And every person he saw was a skeleton.

  Again, that would be strange enough as it was, but what really blew his mind were the animals. He saw a pair of smooth plastic horses drinking out of a water trough, a brown plastic dog moving towards them down the dusty dirt street, and a flock of white plastic birds circled around in the air without one flap from their wings. The most unsettling part about them was the stiff way they moved around. The horses would just tip over until their heads were in the water. The dog just slid along the ground, its legs unmoving. It was like the system forgot to animate them.

  Mark wasn't afraid of dogs, but the rigid, plastic animal drawing near really made him feel uneasy.

  Before the toy dog closed the distance, Roo appeared in front of Mark and squatted down.

  “Come here, boy!” she called out, and the dog instantly veered into her open velvet arms. Mark could hear the dog make small whining and panting noises, but its smooth, painted-on face didn't move.

  “What a good dog,” Roo said, patting its hollow plastic side. “What's your name, little guy?”

  “This place is strange,” Vale said, sharing Mark's uneasiness with the way things were in here.

  Roo stood up. “Oh, he's okay. Just made of different stuff, that's all.”

  Mark realized she had a point. The plastic toy dog spotted a bright orange cat laying in the sun near the edge of town and slid after it. When the plastic toy cat noticed the dog, it too started to slide away at high speed, still laying down.

  Mark shook his head and just decided to go with it.

  “You're right, Roo. Everything seems to be nice enough so far. It's what's on the inside that counts, right? Let's find this Helgin guy and get some robo-brain treasure.”

  The town was deceptively big, but Mark was glad it wasn't deserted like the last place, even if they were all skeletons. Even better, he could read all of the shop signs as they strolled through the streets.

  They passed Pete's Pork Pies, Harrison's Haberdashery, and a brothel called Coconuts.

  One skeletal woman, her blue bodice hanging off her rib bones, came up to Mark as they walked by and offered her services.

  “Thank you, but I'll have to pass,” he said, trying to disengage from the pleasant-smelling skeleton.

  “It's still early. I'll be around, sweet meat,” she said, her jawbone opening and closing as she turned away.

  “Excuse me, can you tell us where the Slog and Grog is?” Vale asked before the bone lady walked two steps.

  “You lot look like you belong in a finer establishment than that dirty cave. Follow me into Coconuts for a nice spiced rum. First one's on me, honey.”

  “You're so pretty,” Roo said with a wide smile on her face. “But we have business to handle first. Perhaps after we can come and handle you?”

  The skeletal sex worker gave Roo a little curtsy then pointed a bone finger down the street.

  “Just find where the sand meets that big rock- you'll see what I mean.”

  Mark looked and saw that she was pointing to the far end of town where a towering jungle-covered mountain jutted into the sky.

  “Thanks a lot,” Mark said, flashing her a smile.

  “Mmm, thank me later.”

  Mark and his girls reached the ocean and walked along the beach towards their destination. There were a few rickety piers that stretched out into the water, but they only had smaller rowboats tied off on them. Farther out, Mark saw a handful of massive wooden ships looming on the horizon at varying distances. He guessed they were too big to get this close or they'd run aground.

  Movement from the corner of his eye drew his attention downward, and he saw a bright red, plastic crab with large, cartoonish eyes, sliding across the sand, its limbs motionless. Watching its frozen legs gouge small ruts in wet sand, Mark had the sensation again that it was being moved around by an unseen hand.

  Before long, they came to the edge of town, and if they hadn't been told it was a cave, they might never have seen the place. A rotting piece of driftwood hung over a wooden door wedged into the rockface that read 'Slog and Grog'.

  “Looks interesting,” Vale said.

  “It looks dark,” Ahnix said, her tail flicking as she looked at the sealed cave. Mark could tell she preferred to be outside.

  “Want to wait here?” Mark offered.

  The cat-girl tilted her face up into the sun and took in a deep breath of fresh air.

  “No,” she said, looking back at Mark. “Let's get to work.”

  Ahnix padded forward on her small feet, and Mark moved up alongside her. Together, they entered the torch-lit darkness beyond the shoddy, wooden door.

  Just as the bony lass at the brothel had said, it was truly a cave. The smell of body odor and urine immediately assaulted Mark’s nose as he looked around. At the back of the rough hole was a wooden bar with a few massive barrels lined up and a skeleton bartender leaning on the counter.

  The bartender was quietly conversing with another pirate skeleton sitting at the bar, and they both looked up as Mark and Ahnix entered. The place was crammed, and there were only a few other patrons slumped around the wooden tables, their skeletal hands wrapped around metal mugs.

  Mark and Ahnix moved in to make room for Vale and Roo, but the giant, heavily armored snake woman could barely fit without knocking into furniture.

  “On second thought,” Ahnix said, her nostrils flaring with disgust. “I think I'll stay outside with Vale.” She sent him an image of her keeping her ears and eyes open for danger and that she would instantly be at his side if something went wrong.

  He nodded and watched as the cat-girl and the giant naga returned to the beautiful beach outside the gloomy tavern.

&nbs
p; Roo stepped up next to Mark and looped her soft arm around his.

  “Looks like it's just you and me.”

  Looking into her sparkling black eyes, he couldn't help but grin.

  “Let's go see a man about a boat,” Mark said as he led her up to the bar.

  The bone man behind the counter straightened as they approached.

  “What'll it be, folks?”

  “Hey there,” Mark began. “Information actually. Looking for a man named Helgin. Butch said he could be found here.”

  “Butch and Rodger.” Roo amended.

  The skeleton bartender nodded his skull toward something behind Mark.

  “Captain's passed out over there. What you after, friend?”

  “Seeking passage to Silvermist Isle.”

  The other skeletal man sitting at the bar abruptly stood and tossed a coin onto the bar before turning to leave.

  After he was gone, the bartender spoke again. “Careful what you say around Candlewick, or you're libel to get a dagger in your back. Best of luck to you though.” With that, he moved to the back of the bar where he stood over what looked like a copper still.

  Mark and Roo exchanged glances and then approached the man indicated by the bartender as Helgin. His head was resting on his arms, and even though he had no nose, a soft nasal snoring sound could be heard coming from the comatose man's skull.

  “Helgin?” Mark said, trying to get his attention. When that didn't work, Mark pushed against the man's bony shoulder.

  In a blur of motion, the skeletal captain grabbed Mark's hand and drew a dagger from his belt. Suddenly, Ahnix was standing by Mark, her claws poised in front of Helgin's empty eye sockets.

  A heartbeat later the door flew open and Vale came crashing in, her massive shotgun held out at arm’s length.

  “Drop your weapon,” the cat-girl growled.

  Captain Helgin let his dagger clatter to the floor then put his skeleton hands up into the air. Mark noticed that there was a crushed captain's hat on the table that Helgin had been using as a pillow.

  “Oh, just end it already. Better than being stuck in this shithole.”

  “Hey!” the bartender said from behind the counter.

  “Look, we aren't here to kill you,” Mark said. “We are looking for passage to... somewhere. Butch sent me to find you.”

  “To somewhere, you say? Sounds a lot like nowhere. And nowhere is exactly where I'm headed. So, either kill me or bugger off.”

  “You are a Captain, aren't you?” Vale said, lowering her weapon.

  “Ain't no Captain with no crew,” Helgin said, his jaw chattering. “One thing led to another, and now me mates be scattered to the wind.”

  “Could we be your crew?” Roo asked, trying to be helpful.

  He turned his skull towards the velvet-girl and inspected her from head to high-heeled toe.

  “Pretty thing like you know how to rig a mizzen mast?”

  “I guess not...” she responded, deflating a little.

  “There's a quest here,” Ahnix said, losing patience and crossing her arms. “Just tell us what it is. How do we get you to sail us to Silvermist Isle?”

  “Silvermist Isle? You got business with that bastard Blackheart?”

  The beans had already been spilled, so Mark dumped out the whole can.

  “Yeah, we're going to kill him and take his treasure. We'll split it with you, fifty-fifty. All you have to do is get us there.”

  Captain Helgin rapped his fingerbones on the wooden table as he looked around at Mark and his girls, appraising them.

  “That was quite the display earlier, and you might be able to go toe to toe with Blackheart- but I still need me crew.” He brought up a hand and stroked an invisible beard. “Tell ya what. I'll sit here and continue to drink my fill while you lot try and assemble my scattered crew. Like herding fucking cats.”

  “Deal,” Mark said. “But you have to give us some clues- you know, like who, where, how many...”

  “Fine. It all started when Porter found that damned treasure map. Instead of plundering the high seas, he's out by the dunes to the west, dig'n hole after bloody hole. Waste of time. The rest of me men grew tired of waiting and deserted me.

  “Last saw Dan at the pet store, crying after his lost parrot. First mate Nate is at that Coconuts whorehouse, good luck with that mess. Caltrop is out fishing at Shadebottom Shelf to the north.

  “Lastly, there's Kirk. And he's that asshole over there.” Captain Helgin pointed a bony finger at the bartender. “Get all five of me men to agree to come back and crew the Skipping Coin, and I'll ferry ya to Blackheart's doorstep.”

  - 12 -

  “Keep calling me asshole and insulting my bar, Captain, and we'll see how libel I am to leave!”

  Mark sighed. Five men and the first one was right here. He always felt better when they had a clear quest to follow. It meant they were making progress.

  “Okay. I'm Mark, and this is Ahnix, Roo, and Vale. Now that we're all acquainted- Kirk, what is holding you back? You heard the Captain. We need to convince you to rejoin the crew.”

  The skeletal bartender crossed his arms and considered the question.

  “Anything I want?”

  “I'm not a magic genie,” Mark said. “Just tell us, and we'll see what we can do.”

  “Ingredients. For my legendary brew.”

  Helgin leaned back in his chair and addressed the rocky ceiling. “Here we go.”

  “One taste, captain and you'll see. Kirk's Gold will be the talk of the town- no, the South Seas!”

  “Fine.” Mark said, “What do you need?”

  “A sheaf of Blue Tipped Sugar Weed from the jungle and Blood Vine from any dark cave. Bring 'em here, and I can start fermenting while we set sail.”

  Mark looked over to Vale to make sure she got the info- she gave him a quick nod. He could always rely on his giant naga to remember the fine details of their quests.

  “We've got some work to do,” he said. “See you soon, Captain.”

  The skeleton gave him a weak mock salute and went back to snoozing on his hat. Mark and his girls exited the bar, and he turned to them to plan their next move.

  “There is a lot on our plate. What should we do first?”

  Vale pointed back into town. “We should speak with the crew members in Candlewick first and see what quests they give us. Then go from there.”

  “Looks like we are headed back to Coconuts,” Roo said with a wide smile.

  Mark's eyebrows came down as he tried to imagine sex with a skeleton. It didn't really work.

  “Stop fantasizing and let's get this over with,” Ahnix said, walking towards town and looking over her shoulder at him with a playful smile curling on her mouth.

  Mark and the rest followed after her as he said, “Less fantasy, more nightmare.”

  A brisk walk through town and they found themselves back in front of Coconuts. The building was wood and plaster with a crooked sign hanging from the door that spelled the name of the place with actual coconuts drawn for the 'O's. It was smaller yet much busier than Mistress Ralie's Buried Treasures.

  “Well if it isn't my old chums,” said the same skeletal girl waiting out front. “Back for another peek at ol' Sabrina?”

  “No, um. Actually, we're here looking for Nate.”

  “That's a depressing answer,” she said, her skull staring lifelessly at him. “What do you want with our dimwitted bouncer?”

  “Business,” Mark said, keeping his cards close to his chest.

  Sabrina then straightened and bellowed over her shoulder. “Nate! You got patrons!”

  Two skeleton pirates in big black hats entered Coconuts through the swinging front door before a shorter-looking skeleton in shorts and an open button-down shirt came stepping out.

  “The hell you mean I got-” the skeletal man broke off when he saw the four of them standing there.

  “These strangers came looking for you. Got something to fess up to?” Sabrina said
, as Nate stood close by her side.

  “We just want to talk,” Mark said. “It's about Captain Helgin. We're here to get his crew back together, and he sent me here to find you. Nate, right?”

  “Naw, I can't do that. I need to earn Sabrina's heart before I can shove off to sea on some goose chasin'.”

  The skeletal woman in the blue bodice put her arm over Nate's rib-cage from behind.

  “He's a beauty, ain't he?” she asked Mark. “Dumb as a potato, but cute as a button.” She turned her skull back to Nate. “You do need to get a better job, honey. I have an acquired lifestyle.”

  “Aw, Sabrina. We just need each other.”

  Mark cleared his throat. “Actually, we’re off to collect some major booty. Plenty enough to live as you like for the rest of your days.”

  “Okay, when do we sail?” Nate asked. Mark almost let his mouth fall open. Was it really going to be this easy?

  But of course, it wasn't. Sabrina started chattering her jaw a second later.

  “Not so fast, first mate Nate. If you shuffle off, I'll sure miss your steady income honey, as inadequate as it is.” She turned her empty sockets at Mark. “What's this treasure and who's currently sat on it?”

  “I, um. I'd rather not say. Just trust us. We get things done.”

  “It's true,” Roo said with a grin. “We just need him to sail us there. We'll do all the murdering.”

  Everyone turned to look at Roo. After a moment, Sabrina spoke again.

  “As sweet as that sounds, it sounds like a pie in the sky gamble. I don't-”

  “Blackheart,” Mark said, growing impatient with this overprotective skeletal strumpet. “We are going to kill Blackheart and everything on Silvermist Isle that gets in our way.”

  Mark felt Ahnix's desire for him ramp up slightly at his confident bravado.

  “Well, well,” Sabrina said leaning back a little. “It's quite a claim. How can we be sure you're up to the task?”

  Nate spoke up quickly. “Maybe if they smash Big Toe’s big nose in the Viper's Nest? That'll go some way to show their mettle.”

  Sabrina turned her skull back to her regular lover and co-worker.

  “Nate, my beautiful boy. Sometimes the sun peeks between them dim brains of yours. One-on-one with the baddest brawler in Candlewick. Win a match against Big Toe, and you'll have my blessing to send my precious Nate on your risky adventure. Just be at the Viper's Nest after sundown and before midnight, tonight.”